Why would a guy admit he has a crush on me when he has a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

admit he has a crush on me and has had a crush on me for a long time if he has a girlfriend? I just got out of a 5 year relationship and we've known each other for a long time.

[MROREGON]

I've been in this situation a few times myself, and this is what I figured out: there are a lot of things I like about a lot of women and a few things that I love about women and a even fewer number of things I just won't live without. Several times I've been with a gal that I liked a lot of things about, but because of similar interest one of her best friends possessed the things I loved and in some cases the things I won't live without. _ Now because I am a Gentleman I often times wouldn't even try to be friends with my gal's buddies because I hate cheating and won't do it myself. This happened a couple times with sisters, like an older one that's more mature and fun or a younger sister that is sexier and more loving. My rule of Chivalry was I wouldn't let myself even be friends until my gal broke up with me. In my case every time the sister or best friend came to me and a couple times two of them came to me at once.

___ A guy would let you know he has a crush, because he doesn't know what I know; that is take your time good things come to those who wait, if it's meant to be it will happen in it's own good timing ! But neither one of you want to do your friend wrong because you will hate that about each other in the future in your degraded relationship. Wait and it could be really sweet , if you both pass the test of character now !

[Asker]

Yes, that's what I thought too because I have liked him too, but now I'm single and he's in this relationship. I wasn't going to say anything because of that, but then one day we had spent all day talking on and he just came out with it. He told me he's glad nothing ever happened while I was with his friend (my ex). Of course I reminded him of his girlfriend and he tells me they're in an open relationship, so he's allowed to see other people, but that he only wanted to see me. Sounds fishy to me.

[Asker]

And what you say does make sense because he did back off and hasn't pursued it any further. I told him that since we've both felt like this for a long time, that most likely someday something would happen between us, but that right now wasn't the right time. Thank goodness we didn't do anything because turns out my ex isn't over the breakup which puts this guy in a worse situation, on top of the fact that he's got the gf. So we still talk, but that's it.

[MROREGON]

Sounds like you are making great decisions so far; I would say this, the worst thing I've ever done was push a situation, because you force them to make wrong decisions.

Yet the second worse decision I ever made was waiting too long, because she didn't think I cared anymore and now I've lost her forever, even as my best friend because she has a large family now and is 5 states away. So stay in touch with him and the first time you call and he is single GO SEE Him and talk things through !!!!!

[Asker]

Happy to say we have passed the character test so far. A couple of weeks ago, he brought up the idea of coming to see me. Now, at this point, I'm not sure if it's just about sex or more. When we had the first conversation, we talked about where this would lead if he started seeing me and his girlfriend (open relationship). It was very heartfelt and honest. I really didn't think it was anything more than a physical thing and at the time had just broken up with the ex. He had said things like that our

[Asker]

Friendship was important to him and that he didn't want to hurt me. This was after I kind of insinuated that it would just be a physical thing. Before that, he had said he just wanted to see me and that he wasn't sure where things would lead because there were some emotions there because of our friendship and our history (we hooked up 6 years before, lost touch, and when we reconnected 3 years ago the crush began). After that, he pulled away a bit and stopped talking to me about personal things so it was

[Asker]

More sexual, flirty conversations. Oh, I guess we didn't completely pass the test because we did end up having phone sex one night while we were both drunk. After that, he started getting closer to me again. Talking and texting me almost every day, but the conversations became a mixture of flirting and friendship. He would talk to me about his life and goals, work, school, etc. This went on every day for 2 weeks. Finally, he brought up the idea of coming to see me. At this pt I wasn't sure what

[Asker]

To think so we had that conversation again. He said he really wanted to see me, but I brought up his girlfriend because I wasn't even sure they were still open. They are and he says he has lots of feelings for her and isn't even sure what he would do if he did come see me. I asked him about all the talking and texting too, and he said he doesn't know why he does that with me so much and that he doesn't have any feelings for me other than friendship. I don't know if to believe this. He has pulled away again.

[MROREGON]

The Ultimate TEST !!! At this point you have to tell him the only way you are going to take him serious is if he is single ! Open relationships are nothing but a license to be a dog. You want more than that and you better demand it if you want to pass the TEST of CHARACTER !!!

Seriously you want a man to ultimately love and cherish you, so don't give in to the game hold out for what is worth holding out for !!! And what ever you do don't ever have sex with him because he will never respect you

[Asker]

I did do that. That's why we didn't meet up again. I pretty much told him that he couldn't have both me and the gf. That's when he pulled away a bit and told me he just wanted me as a friend. I don't buy that. You don't text and talk to someone that much if there are no feelings. Lately, we've been talking again, doing our usual thing. No sex though, besides the phone sex back in December. I know that much and he knows I'm not easy. He said so himself, that I'm not a slut and he wouldn't think

[Asker]

Of me that way. As of now, we're back to just being friends, but again, we're picking up this communication that I don't know is right because I don't want to get him or myself in trouble. I know it's more than just a simple friendship, but I guess I just have to wait and see what happens? I get a bit more disappointed the more time that goes by because it means he's been with the girlfriend for longer. I have been doing my thing, but then he pops up again. We can't seem to stop communication

[Asker]

With each other for more than two weeks. One of us ends up giving in and it starts all over again. I know it will build up again, and it will boil down to me having to talk him out of coming to see me again because I don't want to share him. At some point that may have been ok, but not anymore. Not at this point. He won't tell me he loves her, but he lives with her and has a lot of feelings for her. I guess I am just going to be the friend for now....

[im-captnobvious]

means he is playing around. he MINGHT still like you, probebly not. this minght be related to you in your relationship, but probebly not.

could be you looked sad and he just wanted to cheer your up by saying that your not totally unattractive and that he even once fell for you.

if I were to tell a girll I once like them, then there is definitely some meaning to it and would want to deepen the trust level. but this guy is not me and could be.

as you presumably suspect he could secretly like you but be afriad to show it. he wants to date you but then thought you were going to get married and forced himself to move on. now that you are single again there is a grain of hope for him.

but, there is also a grain of dishonesty or some lack of trust, as his girlfriend then, was not who he really liked. worse, who knows if your who he really likes if he were to date you.

[Deeplove55]

Cause he just wanted to let you know. Maybe he hopes yall can hook up eventually if he tells you whether he has a girl or not. Don't let him cause he'll just want you on the side and you deserve better than that. Or he may be leaving his girl soon and trying to get things started with you by tellin you he likes you. IDK. Wait and see what happens.

[caringiscreepy]

some guys like to have a girl or 2 on the side along with their girlfriend. Just incase something goes wrong they have an easy rebound. I wouldn't take much notice of his words unless he dumps his girlfriend so he can be with you.

Another perfectly normal reason could be his girlfriend is a bit boring when it comes to flirting and he just wants a bit more affection, therefore he leaches out to other girls such as yourself.

[ArmsLength]

Yes. You can be attracted to multiple people at once. It's what you do with it that defines your character.

And people do sometimes, sadly, settle for someone other than the one they really want. Not all relationships end before someone finds someone better for them. The line between cheating and "finding someone else" lies mostly in how much you pursue the new relationship before ending the old one.

[Asker]

I agree, but why confess? Why not just keep it to himself?

[ArmsLength]

He might be feeling you out before trying to jump ship if he's interested in you. He doesn't want to dump the girl he's with if things aren't going to go anywhere. After all, he might also have less strong but still present feelings for her. Or he might have stronger feelings for her and is just getting something off his chest that's been nagging at him for ages. Sometimes it's less stressful to get that out in the open than bottle it up. Hard to say.

[ArmsLength]

Also guys are more likely to take down their emotional armor around someone who is themselves vulnerable. He might not have been able to say this until he say you in a down spot. Depending on the nature of his feelings his intentions this could be either a relief or something he's kicking himself over.

[Asker]

But it upsets me so much because I've liked him too for a long time. Now he stopped talking to me altogether. I'm so used to getting what I want and he was just that. So my poor ego is shattered after being dumped by my ex and being rejected by this guy. I didn't mention too that my ex is his best friend. Wtf? I just wish he wouldn't have told me. Now I can't stop thinking about him because I want what I can't have.

[bungie]

Hes telling you now because if your like I like you too lets hook up he can drop his current girl and if you shut him down he already has a girl.

[Schonette]

Its called causing trouble. STAY AWAY!

[MROREGON]

I agree it can be a big mess, where both friend and boyfriend do the wrong thing. But also it is a great CHARACTER TEST , where everyones true colours will shine through. And if it is meant to be time will find it out, if they aren't patient they will despise one another for hurting their friend and never have the chance to see if they are a better match!!! But hey, he might be a guy who is serious and this is his way of asking for help until things work themselves out !!!