Am I wrong for getting jealous?

[Anonymous]

We were at the gym and I got jealous because he was talking and laughing with a woman. This woman never says anything to him when I am with him but when he’s by himself she talks to him. I told him I didn’t like the way it made me feel and he got mad at me and said I am insecure and that he takes me with him everyday and buys me things and that shows how much he loves me. I brought up and instance where he got jealous and he said I’m bringing up something old and got really mad at me and said he can’t live under those conditions.

Am I wrong for being upset and should I just get over it?

[Starlove4]

You’re not wrong. I tell my man it’s ok to talk to other women but keep the convo short because us women jump to conclusions FAST. That woman probably thinks your man wants to f her because he’s being so nice and friendly. Men lead women on all the time and don’t even realize it. A man wouldn’t know a woman was flirting with him if it hit him in the face. The lack discernment. The fact that she doesn’t speak to u but speaks to him is DISRESPECTFUL. Couples are a package deal. Never acknowledge one spouse without acknowledging the other. It’s blatant disrespect. When I’m with my man and I see male I’m familiar with , that male acknowledges my man as well. When I see a couple I speak to BOTH of them out of respect for both of them. I don’t mind my man talking to other women/cashiers/co worker etc. I don’t own him and he can talk to whoever he likes. but I always tell him to KEEP IT SHORT. There’s no reason a man should be having a long conversation with another woman without you. It’s just rude ! She could at least acknowledge you and the fact that she doesn’t acknowledge u tells me she has a hidden agenda. Because If this woman is just innocently being friendly then why isn’t she being friendly to u as well? What’s stopping her? If she’s so friendly then shouldn’t she be friendly to everyone and not just your man? And the fact that he got mad and disregard your feelings when u told him it makes u uncomfortable is really not ok. Men are sometimes less than smart and they don’t catch onto things like women do so he may be innocent in this. But for him to shut down your feelings is wrong of him. Your man is supposed to protect your feelings and shut down anything that makes u uncomfortable. He may just be being nice to this lady so trust your man BUT don’t trust that lady. Women are slick! I hear my man talking to females otp and they try and flirt with him not even knowing I’m right next to him and he has the phone on speaker LOL. I can hear everything. So don’t be too hard on your man but definitely keep your eye on that girl.

[Asker]

He told me that she was just telling him about her being tired and working two jobs and talking about her kids. And also About a year ago he told me about another woman that we see all the time at the and he said when I was upstairs she asked him if I was his girlfriend and he told her that I was his friend. I told him that it hurt my feelings and he said that he was messing with her and that she should know I’m his girlfriend because we’re always together.

[Starlove4]

He told her you’re his friend? 🚩🚩🚩 u need to stop letting him play with you. If this was my man I’d get serious with him to let him know I don’t play those kind of games. I don’t play when it comes to setting boundaries with other women and him letting it be known who I am to him. This isn’t funny ! He needs to establish your respect with these other women. It’s kind of pissing me off cause if my current boyfriend was doing this I’d have a serious conversation with him.

[JesseP1nk]

You are his friend? No no no no. That is too much. That is definitely 🚩 -> Basicly your boyfriend telling her he is single and there is nothing stopping him to hook up / relationship

[Vegasrunner]

@Starlove4 This is another example of women giving terrible advice. A real man doesn't allow any woman to dictate who he can and can't interact with.

[SaRang21]

As an Asian, in the Asian society, it’s completely normal to have some jealousy in a relationship. I don’t know why the western culture is against it so much and makes it seem like if one gets jealous in a relationship, then the person has problem, a control freak, a crazy person…etc. it’s not like we are going to do something bad to the partner, like abusing them, but it’s just a normal emotion to feel when you are afraid of losing someone you treasure so much. Being afraid of losing someone you care doesn’t mean you’re insecure or have low self esteem but it’s because we care for them, jealousy can protect a relationship. If a person never feels jealous, they don’t care whoever their partner talks to.

It’s completely normal to have some jealousy and possessiveness in a relationship. What becomes bad is when you try to do something bad to them.


I have no idea why 98% of people in western countries say that jealousy is a monster. 98% of people in Asian countries think it’s normal, and most couples have jealousy in their relationships, and they don’t really have problems in the long run and they are just pretty fine.

[zeitgeist057]

Great answer and you identified correctly that jealousy is based in fear. A big thing in western culture is we don’t want to have a lot of fear-based decision making or fear-based actions and reactions. We value independence, trust, integrity, and courage. So we want to be able to interact with both men and women without having our partner react (out of fear), get angry at us and tell us to avoid interactions. That is viewed as controlling behavior.

I hope that clears up some cultural differences?

[SaRang21]

I think the western culture associates jealousy with controlling behaviour. But from the other side, jealousy can mean your treasure someone so much that you’re scared of losing them even though you’re a confident person. And also, feeling jealous doesn’t necessarily mean the person will harm the other person

[Anonymous]

Yes to a point. Women get jealous really quick. Some men do too. But w women if their man is having a laugh w a girl they automatically assume he’s flirting w her. I work w a lot of women in the medical field, who I tend to laugh w a lot of them, but that doesn’t mean I want to fuck them. Sometimes it’s just nice to talk to a female w out her being mad at you, or giving you a lecture, or the 10th degree. Just a friendly conversation that doesn’t mean I want her sexually. I said yes to a point because if she’s only talking to him when you’re not around then she’s up to something in my opinion. Does she know he’s your man? If she does then she’s a sneaky little (insert adjective), she knows what she’s doing. I wouldn’t be so much upset w him, more so w her because chances are as a female you know what she’s trying to do. He may just be completely unaware of what’s going on, just a friendly little laugh. Completely oblivious to her true intent.

[eterna1drag0n]

He's emotionally cheating on you with the other girl. His only response to you after you voiced your concern should have been "I will never talk to her again". He shouldn't have done it in the first place. The moment he turned the blame around on you for his wrong is the moment he told you he doesn't care about you. Leave him and find a better man. You don't mater enough to him for him to care about your feelings. Stop wasting your time on somebody that doesn't respect or care about you.

[AviatorTom]

Jealousy is a natural reaction. What's important is what you do with that. Do you blame him for just talking to someone?

[Alli39]

Frankly, everyone gets jealous sometimes, but the extent of a person's reaction often is linked to insecurity. Consider why you felt jealous. Did him speaking to her threaten your relationship with him somehow? Because if so, I think that's less a concern of jealousy and more of trust. And if you don't trust him enough for him to spend time alone with other women, whether you like their behavior or not (I agree that it sounds like she was being rude), then is that rooted in his actions or your own mindset? It's a difficult line of questioning, but an important one. If it's his actions, then he may nto be properly respecting you and your relationship, if it's your mindset then it may become a reoccurring problem in your relationship. If you get jealous frequently, he may feel like you're being controlling or don't trust him (not saying you are/do!! just that that might be his emotional reaction).

I will say that bringing up a previous instance might not have been the most helpful move, simply because his jealousy is not yours. His jealousy is rooted in his own personal insecurities. But even more so, if that instance was one you'd already worked through as a couple he may feel like you're holding a grudge or refusing to forgive him if you bring it up later.

That said, having a drastic reaction to that conversation might be a red flag or be signaling his own insecurities about your relationship. If possible, try speaking to him about it.

[EmyyWolf]

Yes you’re wrong!! Talking and laughing isn’t anything. That sounds like you’re the type of woman that scares guys off.
Soon he’s gonna feel like he can’t take you anywhere because you become some spy/ stalker/ security guard. And he’s gonna feel like giving you A REASON to be jealous.

Nobody is trying to be date some spy/ stalker/ spy-cam. WTF? That’s such a turn-off. SUCH A TURN-OFF. That would be a turn off for me and I’m a woman. If I have a boyfriend that is like that. 🤮 instant turn-off and my eyes will wonder 👀

[EmyyWolf]

Watch, soon that relationship is gonna feel like he’s walking on eggshells because he’s worried about triggering you.
Just wait and see. He’s gonna become more secretive, he’s gonna hide more shT. He’s gonna keep things from you.
Now it’s like you became a prison warden.
He might even literally cheat because of that.
😒YIKES😒

[EmyyWolf]

@Asker
Aren’t you in your 30’s? Shouldn’t you know male physiology at this point?
Men are gonna look at other women. Men are gonna catch crushes on other women. They’re gonna fantasize about other women. That’s their biology. That’s their nature. Men want variety.

A man that loves you will be faithful to you even if they look at multiple women and fantasize about multiple other women.
‼️HOWEVER !! ‼️ if you push them, if you become a living nightmare for him. Then you’re giving him a reason to stray from a committed relationship. SPECIALLY AN ATTRACTIVE MAN. Or a DECENT LOOKING MAN.
A man of that caliber, being faithful to one woman is already troublesome for him. All I’m saying is don’t become a nightmare for him.
If you don’t have concrete proof that he’s cheating. Don’t judge & harass him. He can talk to people and have all the friends he wants

[Rei13]

Jealousy can be a healthy emotion (when regulated) and I don’t think you were wrong to feel that way. The only thing you can do is tell your partner when you’re uncomfortable so that you guys can talk it through. My boyfriend has gotten jealous when guys have talked to me. We talked about it when it happened and validated each others feelings. Your boyfriend was wrong to call you insecure and use the reasoning of him buying you stuff etc. He may or may not have thought anything of her talking to him but he shouldn’t disregard your feelings

[BasedBaeBecca]

It is okay to have feelings of jealousy in a relationship at times, particularly if one's partner seems to be having an overly friendly interaction with another person. However, expressing jealousy and insecurities in unhealthy ways can create conflict and damage the relationship. If you are consistently feeling insecure or anxious about your partner's interactions with other people, it may be helpful to talk to your partner in a calm, respectful way and try to discuss any underlying issues or concerns that are causing your feelings of jealousy. Communication and compromise are key to maintaining a healthy relationship.

[Sweety2087]

He should listen to you and not do something to make you feel uncomfortable just like he wouldn't like it. In all honesty he enjoys the attention of the woman and if she doesn't talk in front of you she's flirting or is one of those women that "wants to be one of the guys". Those are the ones you have to watch out for because they are the ones who like the attention of men on them. I remember one time I had a guy in my college class who wanted me to sit next to him. We hung out during class but right when I found out he had a girlfriend I made sure to talk to her too. My mom always taught to respect people's relationship and don't flirt with other people's men. He shouldn't put you in a position where you have to fight for your spot. He's being inconsiderate make sure you're not dating a Narcissist.

[Anonymous]

So you’re upset that she doesn’t talk to him in front of you? If so, you aren’t wrong to feel that way but I think you need to decide what that means for you and what you’re trying to ask, like would you prefer they not talk at all? Because you can’t dictate that. You can only control yourself and how you respond to those situations. As someone with a 6’7 basketball player, my man gets women hovering around, staring, etc all the time.
But I don’t get insecure about it because I know that if he were going to cheat then there’s nothing I can do to stop it, so why worry about that? I’d rather trust him and let the infidelity come to me — what’s done in the dark always comes to the light. I also have confidence in myself and my looks, like he picked me and not someone else so clearly I’m not lacking. I doubt you are either.

[Sasha0426]

I think what he said about buying her things seems not right. Your partner saying that seems manipulative. You try to tell them how you feel and they come with, “Oh, shut up. You have no right to get mad because I do A and B for you.” You get what I mean?

[Sasha0426]

She’s not saying he can’t socialize. But, his reaction seems fishy.

[Sasha0426]

It’s not like she made a scene or anything. She was honest about her feelings and she was an adult about it. But, his reaction says way more about him.

[Opinion Owner]

To every action there’s a reaction. I don’t know the man personally, but trying to see both sides of the story, who knows how often she voices such insecurities and to hear this sort of thing yet again probably triggered him to get mad. It’s not to invalidate her feelings, but look at what’s happening. He’s saying ‘I take you everywhere with me, I buy you things I show you I love you’, to me this is a sign of constantly reassuring her, like she’s always around, where is there room to cheat? He knows how her mind works and after so much of it, that gets exhausting, hence his ‘I can’t live under these conditions’. To me, that’s a person becoming fed up. So is she verbally telling him not to socialize with other women? No, but it’s insinuated and I’m sure this is not a one-time grievance.

[Opinion Owner]

You have to consider the fact she is a very grown woman, been through god knows what with men, and probably has some trauma from those failed situations. We are all guilty of being jealous at one point or another, but some people struggle with jealousy, insecurity, self-consciousness, depression, etc etc, more than others. I wanna give him the benefit of the doubt rather than vilifying him based off this bit of info, and in my effort to do so, I look try looking at the bigger any time I comment so that I’m fair and unbiased. So from his POV, it is quite possible that he’s trying to navigate through the mess some other man made. He’s saying he does everything to show her love, and yet she still creates issues where there need not be any. Every now and then is one thing, but what if it’s often? What if she really struggles with trust issues and he’s trying his best?

[Malwi93]

lmao she needs to show receipts

[megzs16]

Normally I'd say you shouldn't get jealous over that sort of stuff if you trust someone. However it's sort of fishy that she only speaks to him when you aren't around. That honestly would make most people a bit suspicious of their significant other. Also the fact that he is so defensive, that's another red flag.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Is there even a reason you got mad about that?

The questions you need to sincerely ask yourself is, is he a cheater and are you a cheater?

The way you wrote that out makes you sound possessive. The reason I asked if you're a cheater, is because a lot of the time the person that thinks the most about cheating themselves starts to see everything as cheating outside of themselves.

[Sasha0426]

If he’s going to get mad and say, “I buy you things and take you with me everyday to the gym.” That’s a major red flag there. You’re allowed to voice your feelings. If he can’t respect that, then no use sticking around. It’s fine to socialize but seems like it’s only with this specific woman. Keep your guard up.

[RavVid]

I think you have reason to be jealous but single guys classically have trouble picking up female interest so he probably didn't either.

I have seen a classics - a girl greets a couple and flirts her ass off with the guy. After the girl moves on her way and the girl of the couple ripped into the guy and actually hit him. "But I was being nice because she is your friend" I heard him say.

I think cut him a break.

[annabananna]

It’s ok to feel jealous even if it is over nothing. It’s how you behave in your jealousy that can be wrong. I dont think their is anything wrong in expressing your feeling to him so that y’all can find a way to work through it. I will say I don’t like how he got so defensive if as long as you brought it up to him in a mature manner. You need to be able to express yourself.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I don't usually use this word, but that sounds like gaslighting.
I'd be about 80% more suspicious if I were you. Especially since he used the word "insecure". That's a red flag

[WanderingLoveWizard]

The only way I'd agree with the other opinions here is if this is something you did all the time

[nawtee_me]

Jealousy stems from a lack of trust and does show insecurity. Trying to justify by bringing up when he was jealous adds to the problem. You need to look at you and see why you don’t trust him. If there is s good reason for it then work throu the issue to resolve it. If there is not s good reason for it then recognize it and let it go.

[Anonymous]

you're not wrong for feeling that way. He didn't help by ignoring how you feel and basically gaslit you. doesn't sound like a guy i would ever stay with. There are other guys who would respect how you are feeling.. and do something about it. Actually, who would make it a priority. Its not being controlled, its called respect for your partner. Its making me sad he treats you that way, would you really want to spend your life being with an inconsiderate insensitive guy like that?

[Opinion Owner]

As messed up as this sounds. Its not the other girl’s fault. There is a reason why she feels so comfortable flirting with your boyfriend. He is the one committed to you, she is not. I mean, she’s a bitch but it is the guy who should know to avoid doing things that hurt you.

[JesseP1nk]

That woman knows what she is doing is F up. She is intrested in him and she knows you are his girlfriend. Think about it... - If she sees him as just a friend and just a person to talk to why hide it? Or only talk when you are not around.

[Starlove4]

My point exactly

[LostandFound__x]

If that were me I wouldn’t tell him I’m jealous. While he’s laughing with her I’d go up to him kiss him and call him babe to mark my territory :) she’ll get the message.

[boggboss]

I think its fine getting upset but I'm not sure what u are looking for here are u saying he is not allowed to talk to other women or laugh with them or what?

[Sasha0426]

If you’re going to tell your partner, “I buy things because that’s how much I love you. You shouldn’t get mad,” what does that say about you? She never said he couldn’t socialize. It’s this specific woman that seems off.

[boggboss]

Thats why I asked what is she looking for and trust me I already know his response is retarded but I can't speak to him just her

[EmmaMary]

For fucks sake GROW UP and start acting your age... If indeed this is your true actual age!

[Spongebobssocks]

You're not wrong at all. I just saw he called you his friends. Girl dump his pussy ass now😭 no real man does that.