What can I do when the choices are give up on love or lower my standards?

[Anonymous]

I'm 27 female, I've been abused in nearly every relationship I've ever had. My last one ended in 2019 after I'd been raped by my ex and since then I've been single. I had a situationship or friends with benefits type thing with this guy who helped me over come a lot and learn a lot about standing up for what I want from people and defending myself. He helped me get over so much fear and shame and encouraged me to get therapy, etc. And I fell for him a bit but he made it clear he's a bachelor for life and he doesn't want to waste his energy on relationships because they usually fail and he doesn't want to deal with it. This shattered me obviously but he's a good friend and I usually talk to him when I'm having a tough time and he's still the only man I'm happily physical with, through hugs etc more than anything sexual, we've become platonic I'm not trusting of men generally, never have been, but it's been worse since my ex. Through various events I've come to the conclusion that I'm asking for too much from men and I'm never going to find love if I don't drop my standards, but if I do drop them it feels counterintuitive and dangerous and so unfair. It's petty but why must I lower my expectations when the men in my life could just grow up a bit and step up to the plate? I want a partner who doesn't make me feel unsafe, who respects my boundaries and can hold them for me when I can't, I want a partner who loves me to my face and behind my back and does make nasty jokes or remarks about me being a hassle to his guy friends. I want someone who doesn't make me feel like my needs are too much and that I'm irritating by asking for things I need, eg respect. But every guy I talk to basically ends up being the same, they all think it's too much hard work and that's so painful to hear. What can I do? I don't want to be alone forever

[nolookingbackx]

Oh boy, I went through a lot as well and honestly, I am tired with men and gave up on dating for a similar reason. BUT I have to admit that these bad experiences were a solid life lesson. Now I am able to recognize characters and true intentions much faster, I know better what I want, how to set boundaries more effectively. I can give you the same advise I could give myself. Turn your unpleasant experiences into something good and use your wisdom. Listen to your intuition and be vigilant. Do not ever ignore red flags. Don't rush things, take your time. When you feel something is not right - act. The sooner you end up something that is not good for you, the better. And, most of all, be strong, confident and never settle for less! There is something real about attracting particular people. I've always been shy, almost too nice, hiding my feelings and unable to say "no". People simply took advantage of that. You don't like something? Say it. Someone know that it hurts you, but keeps on doing this? Don't give this person another chance, they won't change. Etc. Etc.

[Anonymous]

There are many men that fulfill your criteria and just want a loving, respectful, loyal woman to build a life with. I hear a lot of women cannot see what's in front of them.
You have a very good friend which surely means there's something about you of value.
Perhaps you're looking in the wrong places, perhaps you're living in the wrong places, perhaps you need to explore new places.
In any case, sounds like you need to change the record and find something different next time around.

[OlderAndWiser]

Perhaps the problem is not your standards but the men who you attract and select for dating. We are not all cads and rogue scoundrels!

[Anonymous]

Nothing worth having ever comes easy. If you don't want to male that effort then you can expect to remain where you're at. Welcome to real life hun.

[Celticwolf78]

Well I tell you what change your profile and pm me and we can talk don't give up

[Emanon25]

Sorry for what happened with you.

[In_Trance]

You make a decision between the two choices