I'm 27 female, I've been abused in nearly every relationship I've ever had. My last one ended in 2019 after I'd been raped by my ex and since then I've been single. I had a situationship or friends with benefits type thing with this guy who helped me over come a lot and learn a lot about standing up for what I want from people and defending myself. He helped me get over so much fear and shame and encouraged me to get therapy, etc. And I fell for him a bit but he made it clear he's a bachelor for life and he doesn't want to waste his energy on relationships because they usually fail and he doesn't want to deal with it. This shattered me obviously but he's a good friend and I usually talk to him when I'm having a tough time and he's still the only man I'm happily physical with, through hugs etc more than anything sexual, we've become platonic I'm not trusting of men generally, never have been, but it's been worse since my ex. Through various events I've come to the conclusion that I'm asking for too much from men and I'm never going to find love if I don't drop my standards, but if I do drop them it feels counterintuitive and dangerous and so unfair. It's petty but why must I lower my expectations when the men in my life could just grow up a bit and step up to the plate? I want a partner who doesn't make me feel unsafe, who respects my boundaries and can hold them for me when I can't, I want a partner who loves me to my face and behind my back and does make nasty jokes or remarks about me being a hassle to his guy friends. I want someone who doesn't make me feel like my needs are too much and that I'm irritating by asking for things I need, eg respect. But every guy I talk to basically ends up being the same, they all think it's too much hard work and that's so painful to hear. What can I do? I don't want to be alone forever
What can I do when the choices are give up on love or lower my standards?
