Men with ambition: do you prefer to date women with ambition?

[Anonymous]

The woman you choose to settle down with I mean, not just have fun with.

[BoopBoopBeep]

depends on how you define ambition... climb the corporate ladder and make a buncha money? nah that's kind of boring to me.

want to make the coolest ever cat tree/catio for rescue kittens or volunteer at the shelter every weekend? that's way more impressive to me

Run her first marathon by autumn? Impressive.

Run her first company by 40, good on ya, but I just don't care.

I don't define myself by my career. I don't define her by her career. I think it's sad when people do.

[Asker]

Would you not describe yourself as ambitious then?

[BoopBoopBeep]

I would call myself so. I've got a lot of awards from foreign and domestic governments on my wall, a great many professional accolades that were truly one of a kind, a nice large house that's nearly paid off, quite good investments and retirement assets set aside in several different types of vehicles. I'm not going to run out of money unless I actively try to, and I've been fortunate enough to make enough to give exceptionally large amounts to causes I believe in over the years.

Guess that's subjective then. What would you consider ambitious?

[Asker]

Correct me if I’m wrong but if that’s true I’m sensing a disconnect between what you say and what you’ve done. Maybe you did define yourself by your career to get to where you are, but now you’re there the outlook has changed. Would that be fair to say?

[BoopBoopBeep]

No, respectfully, I'll have to correct you. I never defined myself by my career, I'm just good enough at it to be recognized favorably by the government of multiple nations.

Just because I don't define myself by my career doesn't mean I don't have one, but when I'm off the clock that's over and I'm doing stuff that DOES matter, which is literally just about anything else, but those things cost money (a lot of them at least), and I can keep that coming in the door faster than it goes out by doing certain things. The only reason I even worked as much as I did was because I was doing stuff that was fun for me and it was honestly something that I'd have done for free.

I can count on one hand the number of people that even know what I used to do (I have a new job now). That's how much I wasn't defined by my job.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't know... maybe we just need to get to a common definition. When you are asking about ambition, particularly, do you want to date a woman with it, how there do you define ambition? Working 14 hour days and every weekend to get ahead at the firm/office/whatever she works at? No, hard pass. I take every opportunity to be not at work and be doing the things that matter. Some people never even take a vacation because they can't stomach being out of the loop at work or feel like they'll be passed up on something. I take every bit of sick time, annual leave, holiday leave, you name it, I'm maxing that out every year. Some years I run out and take leave without pay just because I don't feel like being there. I'm still ambitious because I make it a point that financially I can do that, I've taken care of my mom for the rest of her probable life span and I take care of little critters because that makes me happy, even if they aren't my critters. That's more in line with the examples I gave. You want to work on running a marathon? Heck yeah I'll help you train. You want to bust your butt at the office so maybe you can make partner in the next 3 years? Nah I'll pass. I've dated attorneys, doctors (both types), baristas and sales people, virtually everything in between. All the same to me.

[Leapfrog00]

I would still be OK with the girl if she weren't ambitious, but it would be nice if she was. If the girl is ambitious, she will respect my ambitions more and most likely support me. I have a list of goals I've been carrying with me for a long time and there are 104 items on the list. Even with my list being so long, I would support hers if she had one.

Item 49 on the list is to publish one of my novels, and if a girl supported my writing, I would feel so special, I'd be full of joy, lol.

It's time to have hobbies and dreams that you both support for each other. It's OK if nothing gets accomplished, but at least both of you should try. Every person goes at their own speed. I have finished items on my list before and maybe if the girl sees that, maybe it will inspire her to finish things.

[JackCarter]

I won't mind even if she was not ambitious but would love to encourage her to pursue and get what she deserves.

My wife's ambition was to become a pilot and did almost everything she could, but had to drop it due to financial issues... so I insisted her to get back at it after marriage even though she said it's ok for her to be a homemaker.

And guess what, she flies high now!

[MadhuriDixit]

I don't know why , but hearing this made me so happy!

[Asker]

Amazing

[WanderingLoveWizard]

As long as she's happy with herself, I don't care how ambitious she is.
Overly ambitious people can be just as difficult as those with no ambition. It all depends on how much they complain vs what kid of action they take.

I'll take a girl who does absolutely nothing and she's happy with it, over a high strung girl who gets herself in a mess chasing pipe dreams

[WanderingLoveWizard]

The love of my life was a very ambitious person. She did quite well for herself, getting her book published, getting her face all over the internet and certain magazines and flying out to be interviewed by big radio stations.
But her over-ambition and the fact that she was never satisfied eventually led to her committing suicide

[WanderingLoveWizard]

But she would've been famous if she hung in there. Everyone knew it

[Asker]

So sorry to hear that, can’t imagine how tough that must’ve been. Ambitious people can suffer from low self esteem, hence the drive to push so far to seek validation and acceptance.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

You couldn't be more right

[Lliam]

Of course. I don't want to date a woman who doesn't want to do anything but spend someone else's money.
Lack of ambition is laziness.
I like women who have goals, interests, energy, and a will to succeed in life.

[Asker]

I don’t think they’re lazy necessarily. Most still work, but just don’t climb the ladder.

[Lliam]

So you're talking about ambitious as in competitive. Or being gung ho at a job that she hates. Okay. But if the job sucked, she should be trying to get one that she liked.

I was thinking of life in general. I thought you were talking about someone who was entitled and wanted to be taken care of.

Antonyms of ambition are things like: apathy, idleness, inactivity, indifference, lethargy.

When it came to dating, I would definitely date a girl who wasn't ambitious as long as she was cute and sexy and was an enthusiastic sexual pleasure unit. I wouldn't support her finacially, though.

[BlackJeep]

I want someone to take care of my house and the more successful I am, the less ambitious women I attract. The moment I say I don't have a mortgage and my living expenses are low, women seem to change from career driven into wanting to be stay home wives.

[Asker]

I’m confused about the point you’re trying to make…can you explain…

[Asker]

Are you saying the women you meet don’t want to be ambitious?

[BlackJeep]

I love ambitious women but it every woman I date turns into wanting to be a stay home wife as soon as they learn about my business.

[Asker]

Ah I see, that’s interesting. What business do you have if you don’t mind me asking. Maybe you give them the impression that’s what you want and they agree.

[BlackJeep]

U have a couple construction related business and I would prefer someone to look after my home

[inhua]

a woman's ambition doesn't matter to men nor does her height or money. only her love towards him does

[Asker]

As much as I think that’s lovely and ideal, I think it matters very much to some men

[inhua]

whether she succeeds or fails, men don't look down on a woman that way. it's not the same for men. men are either winners or they are losers according to society. participation trophies don't count

[Asker]

I disagree, I think men place that upon themselves more than newer generations of women. Women are happy with a partner who compliments them well.

[Asker]

I have married friends where the woman earns more than the man.

[inhua]

men don't actually do that to each other on purpose. it is a response to how women have viewed men historically and women don't want men who are "losers".

a woman who works as a waitress has just as much chance as a woman who works as a lawyer but a man who works at retail has no shot against a pro-athlete which is why there's an enormous discrepancy between the most attractive of men vs the most unattractive of men

Jenna Ortega would still attractive guys even if she worked at Starbucks but Jonah Hill would be looked at as a bum who can't attract women if he worked at Burger King

[DextroShade]

No, my woman has to be on my program and help me towards my goals. Strong, independent career women are recreational use only.

[Asker]

Interesting. Have you had or witnessed negative things with successful women?

[DextroShade]

Successful women tend to have masculine traits such as aggression and being disagreeable which are good for a successful career but bad for a partner. Also, too much of their time is spent on the career when her man should be her first priority.

[Asker]

Do you make your woman your first priority then?
Not all successful women are aggressive, but they will be more likely to hold people accountable I think.

[DextroShade]

I do actually and she is a homemaker. As I man I know I must hold myself accountable and most women struggle with accountability. If a woman can't or won't hold herself accountable then she cannot attempt to hold me accountable.

[Asker]

I know a lot of women who are accountable so that probably is more to do with who you choose or a skewed view of yourself. I’m accountable and wouldn’t ever choose someone that isn’t either because that’s something I value, it’s how we develop self improvement. There are plenty of women like that too, I see them and work with them and are friends with some of them so it’s not like they’re rare unicorns.

[ProbablyClueless]

You know... it's interesting, but even though I don't particularly care about having an ambitious partner, I've noticed that the women who feel comfortable dating me are all super ambitious.

I'm an uber high-achieving guy and it seems like the only women who are comfortable dating me are also high achievers.

[Asker]

Yeah, I think power imbalance makes people uncomfortable. So you’ve never dated a woman who’s not ambitious? Maybe you subconsciously choose women with the same values as yourself, which would make sense.

[ProbablyClueless]

Only ambitious women. I've tried to go on dates with more relaxed women but they weren't interested.

If I'm doing something to only date ambitious women, it's definitely not anything I'm conscious of. I'd have to give that some thought.

[Asker]

Yeah, it’s always good food for thought. Even you’re just aware of girls insecurities that aren’t as ambitious. If you want one you could maybe consider ways to find out how she feels and put her at ease.

[ProbablyClueless]

That's very true, but I've found that the ambitious women often feel like they need to measure up with me, so I feel like it becomes a problem either way.

My whole thing is that I like to be sensitive to people's feelings, but at a certain point, there's only so much I can do. I am an unusually high achieving person. I've been very fortunate and blessed in that regard. I don't want the concept "competition" to be anywhere near my relationship.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s understandable.

[Asker]

It’s a shame it goes that way though. You’d think people would be more supportive because they understand the struggles more.

[ProbablyClueless]

You'd think... people get weird when they feel insecure though, so I've learned not to take stuff like that too personally. If you're someone who is really proud of your professional accomplishments, but then you meet someone (probably close to your age or maybe even younger) who straight up eclipses you, it's tough to not feel some type of way about that. Some people internalize that as wondering if they did something wrong.

I know that my dad's first reaction when I got into law school wasn't "congratulations," it was "wow, I wonder what I could have done if I applied myself." His first thought wasn't to be proud of his son, it was to wonder why he hadn't done it first. I've learned not to interpret comments like that from him as slaps in the face, but I think it does illustrate the point we're talking about quite accurately.

[Asker]

Yeah probably. I’m sure he is proud of you though. I think that’s a generational thing, especially between mothers and daughters too as previous mothers were expected to stay at home and nurture kids without the option to choose to have a career first, that can also be quite damaging when clashes occur with different expectations and values, even if it’s more passive.

[Bricealan]

Yes. Who does not like a person that has ambition in his/her life.

[Asker]

Can you expand on why that is for you…

[Bricealan]

I like to see someone that has more 'long term' goals for their life than being satisfied with the status quo. I did not have the intellectual ability to move up like I wanted in so very large companies I worked for and liked to see a woman that could and did move up and used her ability and intellect to do that.

[Asker]

Ahh okay, yeah I think that’s a typical thing that a lot of people aren’t aware of. Some people throw away good relationships to find someone who had something they lack.

[Anonymous]

That's a pretty fair statement. I prefer for a woman to have a similar outlook and drive to me.

Whether I'm ambitious is a matter of opinion. I busted my a** off in my 20's and 30's so I don't have to now. I don't work harder now, I work smarter. If you've worked hard early on and invested and been fortunate. Then it's just a matter of building on your already existing wealth. I'm not going to be interested in a woman that is still playing checkers if I'm playing chess.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yep. I want her to also have goals both with me and individually. If that’s what you mean by ambition?

[Asker]

So what are “goals” to you, do you have any specific examples for the sake of clarification…

[BarryLiverstone]

Goals accomplished:

Graduate college
Buy a house
Pay off a car

More goals :
Travel to all 50 states
Start a company
Get married and start a family
Run for public office

[BarryLiverstone]

Does that help clarify goals? Some goals can be larger than others and have milestones

[Asker]

Yes it does. So the typical path people are expected to follow in life then.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yep some examples. Obv make more short term goals as well. But those who fail to plan usually fail

[BarryLiverstone]

What are some of your goals?

[Asker]

I have my own business but I left a job that I got from graduating college to do it which was a big risk. I’ve gone back to renting and sharing a house currently but my long term goal is to earn again. Life doesn’t always go to plan for everyone which is why I find this question so intriguing. And many people stick with the societal expectations and live miserably.

[Asker]

*to own again

[BarryLiverstone]

Life doesn’t have to be miserable. I also am sharing my house as someone moved Into a spare bedroom to pay me rent

[Asker]

It doesn’t you’re right, but an awful lot of people are. So many people I speak to in my old profession are either leaving (which is a really hard decision after working so hard for it) or are unhappy because they wish to leave but can’t afford to.

[BarryLiverstone]

Def a struggle. What was your old profession? You are right after hard work it’s too bad the dreams are not reached

[Asker]

Let’s just say I work in the healthcare industry. It’s a systematic problem that’s perpetuating a crisis and has been getting worse year on year. People can weather storms but they need to see change on the horizon. Unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be coming after over a decade now so people are looking elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

yeah

[Asker]

Can you expand on why…