My boyfriend doesn't want to live with me?

[Anonymous]

ive been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. we kind of talked about moving in together when he graduated but he said he wanted to live alone first.. then he moved in with some guys instead. now we're talking about moving in together next summer but I hear him occasionally say we should have one of our friends move in to save money. ( I always say no, and that I want it to be just him and i). and he also says "when we live together I'm going to be playing video games alot..." and " when we live together.. you can't be mad at that" and keeps making negative comments about it instead of postive ones. what does this mean?

[sedwar3]

It means that he knows that moving in together can cause problems. He is right to get some experience living with other guys first so that he can learn to take responsibility on his own and learn to navigate a housemate relationship. Hopefully he will build some skills that might save your relationship when you finally do move in together.

He probably wants to move in with you. I wouldn't worry about that. If he says "when we live together" it means that he intends to live with you. He is probably warning you about the way he lives on his own so that he has some boundaries in place when you finally do live together. He also wants to make sure that your expectations of what living together will be closely matches reality.

Overall, this is a good thing. He is serious about you. And he is mature enough to understand what a big step it is to move in with a woman.

[Asker]

thank you. I just feel like I mention it more than he does. when I talk about it, its happy things and when he talks about it.. its comments about what I shouldn't be upset about when we live together. I know he's scared but I don't know how I can help him get over his fears

[sedwar3]

He is probably feeling all of the good things too. But because you are saying them, he doesn't have to. If you seemed like you didn't want to move in with him, you would hear him telling you more of what you want to hear. That said, I don't recommend pulling away and acting like you don't want to live with him. Instead just show him that you like him the way he is and you aren't going to try and change him.

[beer3]

Moving in together is a big step, he might be scared, nervous that some of the things he does might p*ss you off. It's not a bad idea to get one of your guy's friend to help pay the bills, who is also responsible.

[Asker]

his job pays very well so I think money would be fine. I'm ready to take it to the next step (living together) and I don't think he thinking of it that way or something

[Anonymous]

He's scared.

[Asker]

of what?

[Opinion Owner]

Commitment? Growing up? Life? Responsibility?

You should talk to him about it.

[Asker]

but he's been committed to me for 5 years. and he's already growing up because he graduated and got a job