Boyfriend doesn't want to move in together?

[UniqqDeei]

Hi! I've been struggling with this a lot. So I met my actual boyfriend on tinder, we are super-vibing together. Everything goes well, we never had fights, he is super loyal. But the problem is that he doesn't want to meet the parents (mine or his), and also he doesn't want to move in together. We've been together for 1 year, I don't want to move in right now, but we discussed about it and he never wants to do that. We see each other on weekends, I sleep at his place (he lives alone), and in the last month I started to come even on Friday at him and he said I m suffocating him. The thing is I always let him do whatever he wants (playing video games alone, watching TV, go out with friends) even if I m at his place, so i don t see any suffocation here. I started a conversation last week about moving together after 2--3 years and he said "I don't want to move in with anyone, it s not for me living together, i want to stay alone all life". I suggested moving only for a period, like 3-4 days and he disagreed. He wants to be with me, he loves me, but he doesn't feel good when I stay a lot with him. He had a relationship of 5 years before me, which ended because of the same thing. I love him a lot and I don't know what to do. Any idea would be so precious for me :(

Updates

+1 y

Later edit: he's "emotional unavailable", as I m reading from the internet and he confirmed me. Not sure why, because his familly is awesome and his ex was fine. Any idea on that maybe?

[OlderAndWiser]

Answering the question "why" may be temporarily satisfying to you but, ultimately, it does not help you to resolve the problem because he does not want to resolve the problem.

Getting into a relationship and thinking that you can, or should, fix your partner's "flaws" is a HUGE mistake. If they DO think they have a flaw, they don't need to fix it for them; then can do that themselves. If they DON'T think the matter is a flaw, then they have absolutely no motivation to fix it.

You choices, quite bluntly, are to accept him exactly as he is now - flaws and all - or to leave and start looking for someone else. You already have time and feelings invested and leaving is not an attractive option. . . but the other options are to live like this the rest of your life, or to invest (waste) even more time before you leave him.

Leaving someone you love is much more difficult than leaving someone you hate because they cheated, or because they are alcoholic, or whatever. I know. Been there and done that. I loved her but she didn't love me; she just liked having me as her boyfriend and, when it was convenient, she was a good girlfriend in return. I left because I knew I deserved more than that. That happened four years ago and I don't regret it.

[OlderAndWiser]

. If they DO think they have a flaw, they don't need YOU to fix it for them

[Mofunfour20]

you're struggling because its hard for you to respect his boundaries. We usually feel anxiety for situations we have no control over. Be your best self and be the sense of peace a man can't find anywhere else. He will beg you to move in, i know i would. Especially if you can cook, clean, and agree to disagree.

[UniqqDeei]

I m struggling a lot because he's literally all I ever wanted as vibe. I mean he gives me space, love, he s so gentleman and comunicates and helps if I need. And also I know I m the best he can have because I give 100% of myself whenever he needs even if I m mad or have my own problems, I m always there. And ye I know how to cook and stuff, but this is not so important from my point of view

[Mofunfour20]

Its important for me because those are abilities will make it easier for us to increase the value of our relationship. Im sure opinions will vary, but i wouldn't think twice about risking my life for the right woman

[SueShe]

Even though you seem to think that everything is fine with your relation, the truth is that it is not.

The fact that he claims that you are suffocating him being with him for 3 consecutive days indicates that he is not ready to move in together with you. He is a bachelor, a single person and does not want to give up his comfort, to share time with you over a longer period of time and sees you more of an annoyance that disrupts his daily routine.

It would be a mistake to move in together as clearly, he is not willing to make the necessary adjustments that are required.

I see it that he is comfortable with you for a few hours but he needs his privacy. How convenient is it for you to give in all the time so he can feel comfortable and not stressed. This is not going to work on the long run and you will be the one wanting to leave if his behavior does not change.

[Iron_Man]

Sue this so confuses me I ran into this question yesterday and I don't know if you like it or if you don't like it? The idea of it. You seem to like her?

Girls, would you sit on her face? ↗

[SueShe]

@Iron_Man This question is over one year old and at that time, I was attempting to check this person out to see whether she is real or having fake account.

[Iron_Man]

Ok because you said this it confused me.
Wow, that's hefty!

DId not see that one cumming! I just felt it. Intense, spasmodic, lengthy, dirty but feeling soooo good!

0|0

[SueShe]

To answer your update, what are the main differences between you and his ex? Why was he ok with her and seemingly not with you? Do you have different characters or is the one more introvert/extrovert?

Those are all questions you should try to answer and find what differentiates you from his ex.

"Emotionally unavailable" simply means that he is in a relation as per his terms and understanding. Best is to prepare a list of pros and cons of your relation with him and assign it unduplicated values. The one side that has the most value wins. If there are more pros to separate, then you have to do it because you will never achieve a consensus and you will always come last.

[Iron_Man]

I have no idea what you’re talking about Sue? We’re talking about a cute hot Indian girl and I’m a guy and of course I would be attracted to her she’s cute why wouldn’t I? And yes I wouldn’t mind dating an Indian girl especially if she looked like the girl in the picture. I’ve talk to them before. The question is were you sexually attracted to her? I was basically just curious to see because I never know about your sexuality and you told me you’re a sexual. My personal opinion is I think that you were attracted to her. I was basically just curious. Obviously it appears many girls were attracted to her in that question. And if you are attracted to her we’re still gonna talk all the time anyway i’m not gonna write you off.

[SueShe]

@Iron_Man My last answer was meant to be for the asker of this question.

[Iron_Man]

Yeah I finally figured that out

[Iron_Man]

Anyways Sue you don’t have to answer me if you’re uncomfortable. You could’ve had just a quick crush for the moment I do not believe that you’re interested in girls and you wouldn’t pursue something with this girl in the picture for real In real life. I hope you have a great day you’re one of my best friend on the site and will always talk as long as you want. I like seeing your comments in the questions.

[SueShe]

@Iron_Man I answer because I have nothing to hide.

This post is about 22 months old, shortly after I had started on G@G and not really aware how to handle this kind of questions. You could put it in the same category of trials and errors just like the first question I had asked, which I am not proud of.

[Iron_Man]

No worries Sue not a problem I was just curious.

[Iron_Man]

I think that the question Asker in that question is lying about the whole thing Besides she has me blocked anyway. but it’s funny she’s posting at this very moment and last night as well to different people

[Iron_Man]

In that very same question

[SueShe]

@Iron_Man how can you post on her question if you are blocked? You would not be able to answer on this question

[Iron_Man]

I can’t post on her question I can only like things and down vote. But I know she’s in there posting because I followed the question and it shows that she was in there from my notifications recently. I wanted to show my other female friend her question because I’m not a fan of the question asker. And my friend ended up blocking her After they got into an argument over being straight and she did a lot of copying pasting for me.

[UniqqDeei]

Lol I did not block him and I m not lying, I have plenty of things to do with my time than lying on internet with strangers. I really need soneone's advice from outside perspective. Anyways thank you for reply, I appreciate it a lot. The only different thing from his ex is that I m not fighting with him and I give him a lot of trust, I m not jelous at all. So maybe there is a way for me and him to work, I don't know

[Iron_Man]

I’m not talking about you at all I’m talking about a totally different question about another girl. Me and Sue talk in questions because she doesn’t like to talk in private message so we have to talk in Random questions

[SueShe]

@Iron_Man I believe I confused everyone as I thought that you (Iron_Man) were blocked by the asker of this question (UniqqDeei). My apologies for the confusion.

[Iron_Man]

Oh it’s OK I already told her

[Iron_Man]

No Sue LOL I was talking about the other question sit on her face one that question asker

[Iron_Man]

It’s getting very late right now for you. So pleasant dreams my friend

[SueShe]

@Iron_Man Thanks and same to you when that time comes.

[Iron_Man]

It’ll come much later Sue. Sleep well my friend

[hkglcy621]

ehhhhhhhh? i mean if he says he wans to "stay alone all life" trust him on that, there's no hidden meaning to that but whattt

[Drumlin2001]

Sound like you want different things from a relationship.
Do you ever want kids? Cause I doubt he does. He doesn't seem to want any responsibility in that way. You need to know what you want from life and have a very frank discussion. Seems you maybe wasting your time

[UniqqDeei]

No, I don't want kids or marriage. I want just to share things with someone and make a strong relationship based on love and trust. But moving together is a must for me

[Drumlin2001]

Doesn't sound like it's going to happen, especially if his previous relationship had same issue. He's unlikely to change us mind. Accept you'll live separately or move on

[boggboss]

So here is the thing if this is somthing he won't change on which it seems he won't if he already needed a relationship because off this before u have to decide if u can be happy in that dynamic or not

[boggboss]

If moving in is a must for u im sorry but this relationship ain't gonna work

[boggboss]

wouldn't say he is emotionally unavailable he just knows what he wants and thats his own space most likely not wanting a regular relationship

[Anonymous]

i'm going to assume your first boyfriend was in your teens, or beginning of your 20s

[OddBeMe]

Prob cuz he’s dating others

[UniqqDeei]

I'm 100% sure he is not dating others

[OddBeMe]

Ok. There’s not much reasoning for turning down 24/7 sex in your apartment.

[KrakenAttackin]

Either you move at his speed or dump him.

[Bazpurum]

Then?

[Iron_Man]

It is what it is