Guys, What do you do when SHE is REALLY MAD at you?

Question

Here's the situation.

Your SO is really really mad at you. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do, she is just really really mad. She yells at you and then she stops talking to you. This sometimes goes on for days.

What do you do?

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

Listen.

Sometimes listening takes a little talking, too. But mostly just to get the person to talk more, or focus on something they said. I might talk while listening in the following ways:

Mirroring: repeating back something that was just said, to get more clarification on it.

Her: "I'm so mad, you're always doing things like this."

Me: " Things like this?"
Her:"Yeah, like the other day, you..."

Clarification: Asking what something means

Her: "You're such a roustabout."

Me: " What do you mean by 'roustabout'?"

Some other things I will do is nod, say short encouraging things like "uh-huh", or "okay", "right". Or repeat/summarize what I understand so far. "So you're saying I'm a roustabout because I'm all over the place, doing a lot of different things, like one day I'm building a treehouse with my nephew, then then next day I'm wakeboarding all day at the lake?"

Therapeutic Listening Techniques

It seems to work pretty well. I've several women in my life who have told me I'm their best friend, and that I know them better than anyone else in the world. They feel heard, understood, and seen. It's a pretty great feeling to be that for someone else.

Exterminatore · Accepted Answer

I suppose it would be necessary to assess if I’m at fault. If I’ve done something wrong to cause the anger, then the first thing I’d do is apologize. Can’t blame someone for being mad at me if I did something wrong.

If I don’t think I’m wrong I’d try to talk to her about it and come to a meeting of the minds and get her point of view to figure out who’s right and wrong and attempt to resolve the conflict.

If I know I’m not wrong, I’d probably dismiss it and try to revisit it when she’s calm.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If she stays mad that long, I hope she isn't my SO. My fiancée doesn't stay mad more than about 30 minutes.

CuriousJC · Answer

Normally when my girlfriend gets mad at me I would get mad at her and we would both be arguing but I've taken a different approach. Whenever she yells at me about something I would listen to her and she would eventually turn me on sexually. Three of my girlfriends left me because of that, they say it's not natural for a person to get turn on while they are Furious at their boyfriend. I'm not the type of person to be abusive or angry especially if I want to keep the relationship stable so I have to turn that negative energy into positive energy.

rigmarole · Answer

I say good I don't want to talk to you either and giver her the cold shoulder... Guarantee within 10 minutes she will be seeking attention... Typical woman drama. Shut it down and give her the cold shoulder for several hours to several days minimum until she stops being a psycho.

Anonymous · Answer

I will give her a bit of time to cool down. However, I will not let hours or days pass by. If she pulls a stunt like this once, she gets the benefit of the doubt one time, but when she does calm down, we will discuss how inappropriate some of her actions were and that I WILL NOT tolerate manipulation from her. After all, there is a difference between a real cooldown period and acting mad to get your way. Couples will piss each other off from time to time, but there are mature and immature ways of handling things. Of course, somewhere in here we will also discuss anything I may have done wrong, if anything.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I only had that happen to that degree once. Since I couldn't resolve the issue, nor could I even identify what the issue was, I walked away from the relationship after so much time. She must have been scapegoating on me because the things she was saying weren't things that I was doing. I just had to assume over time that she was taking out anger on me for something that someone else did in her past. This was when I was still in my 20's so it was a long time ago.

BCRanger10 · Answer

It depends on what's happening. A lot of the time, she's not necessarily mad at me, but at a situation in general. In the last couple of years though, I'll calmly say her name a few times, take her hands or put mine on her shoulders, and then she usually calms down.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I usually let her have some time to process things. If I am responsible, I quite often say, lets take a little time apart. I am not about to sit their an argue my point and make things worse.

If I am in wrong, then own it and apologize. People, who always think they are right and have to win an argument (just to prove they right), are dumbasses.

I learnt long ago, that compromise is always part of a relationship and both parties can be right.

Sjoerd85 · Answer

With me, leaving me alone for a few hours works best.

Doing that with my wife however when she is angry only escalates the situation. Using logic to talk about it is also of no use; when she is angry, she looses all ability to think reasonably. You just have to wait it out (while staying with her), and have her parents intervene if necessary (they are the only ones who can still talk to her at that moment). Luckily it doesn't happen too often...

Wonderingguyy · Answer

I don’t know about if she is REALLY mad, but if my girlfriend has been annoyed about something I did in the past, I have kind of done a combination of those things- first I give her space for a while, if she doesn’t come around I talk to her about it, and eventually say sorry because even if we don’t see eye to eye, her feelings are still hurt and that’s valid. Usually we are both apologising to each other though.

findacure4wokeness · Answer

If you are not at fault tell her that you can't take much more of her shit. If she leaves your life is less stressful and she changes her tune your life is less stressful.

It what she wants from you that isn't unreasonable and she is a good woman then give her what she needs. Happy wife happy life but their is no pleasing an unreasonable fem troll.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Realizing it does matter what she is mad at you and working on understanding her point of view. That said if she's not talking to you for days over say leaving a window open by accident, then get therapy. We need more context to answer your question really.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

I would tell her straight up that I am willing to talk and listen, but if she is going to act angry and unhinged, I am not talking to her until she is calmed down and car have a conversation like a grown ass adult.

Alexandrubaschet08 · Answer

By the way that cenario is put i will say, no mather how angry are you on me don't schream at me or is the end. Now i should know what kinde of action i had done to take corectly that decision.

serious · Answer

Giving hugs and kisses on cheeks is a good option but then so is walking away and giving her time to cool down. Hence it was tough to choose between the two

strateguy632 · Answer

if married move out for a month. then ask if she wants to try again together. if not married dump the angry one.

JesseP1nk · Answer

I don't tolerate yelling profanity or giving silent treatment. If she does that, then GTFO my life. I don't have time for manipulation. Its ok to be angry - lets discuss the problem calmly and talk it out.

zero444440000 · Answer

wow why do some people walk away instead of talking it out like they should do?

SolitarySolace · Answer

I haven't had a SO in almost 9 years now. But if I did and she were pissed off at me for whatever reason Id just avoid her till she calms the fuck down.

lorenzomichael · Answer

I'll go play golf, or jam on my guitar, I'll go about my business as usual and not pay any attention to her at all. I'll be an asshole. She'll get over it.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

I won't tolerate it. I would talk to her about it logically. Ask her what does she really want. But if she can't even reason, then ill ''take a break''

Subflics · Answer

If it's something stupid I'm going to walk away... she'll follow eventually. If I actually did something wrong I'll apologize and then walk away. If she forgives me she'll follow

exitseven · Answer

Buy an expensive gift and grovel for an hour or so.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Give her time to cool down

Andres77 · Answer

Leave for a bit. We’ll both need to coo down

Grovermint · Answer

Try to talk to her, otherwise, let her cool off then try it again and again until she's ready to actually behave like an adult.

peedy · Answer

Go golfing than on to the nude bar might as well give her an actual reason to be mad because you cannot defend yourself against an imagination

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

The first and logical option. Been through this more times than I could count than double the keys on the wireless board I'm typing upon.

Christoff92 · Answer

Just walk away. Even if she's someone's girlfriend.

Sparkie460 · Answer

We talk things through. I tell her there's no reason to be mad and she should make me a samich.

Juxtapose · Answer

If she's going to yell and act like a brat for several days then I'm going to seriously reconsider the relationship in it's entirety.

I demand better because I sure as hell know that no woman is going to tolerate that for me.

Guys, What do you do when SHE is REALLY MAD at you?

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