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i saw a reddit post where a girl’s boyfriend was pissed at her for getting a piercing without “getting his permission”, which is really gross. in my opinion, a good partner wouldn’t get upset or try to control their partner’s body.
YES
My wife "surprised" me with an enormous tattoo on her calf. (*) She has great legs but this tattoo was so obnoxious, it ruined it for me. She could never wear a skirt again in a professional setting. I was very upset - so much so that having sex was problematic. In fact, I don't think we've had sex since and that was Thanksgiving Weekend 2008. At the same time, I understood WHY she got that tattoo; her middle son had died in June 2008 and she got the same tattoo as her youngest son as a way to remember the dead son/brother. So, I could forgive for that as a way to support her. STILL, I wish she would have asked me about the tattoo before getting it. Even though I wouldn't like it, I'd have said "OK" as a way to support her given what the tattoo meant to her. At least I wouldn't have had the shocking despair that I got after she showed me the tattoo.
(*) An important part of the story is that my wife and I were basically living apart at the time because of work. While we lived in upstate NY, I was staying in a long-term hotel in Rockford IL for work. So, she flew to Chicago where we stayed at the Palmer House for a couple of days. It was there that she "surprised" me with that tattoo.
I think it's important to communicate things with your partner. However, if your not married or planning on being life partners, then I see it less of a big deal to communicate it. For example, my wife will tell me what she's planning on doing, and ask what I think about it. The most recent thing is she wants a haircut and to dye her hair dark purple. Neither of those things are permanent, and I think both would look cute on her, so I'm all for it.
But if she where to say, get a full sleeve of tattoos without so much as her usual 'hey I'm doing X Y Z what are your thoughts on that?' I'd certainly feel like she doesn't care as much for my opinions or feedback since the point of being life partners or husband and wife is for two to be as close to one as possible. Likewise, if I was to do the same, a very similar end result would follow.
The short of it is, it isn't about control for me personally, it's about communication with one another. Without communicating with your life partner what your intentions are, regardless of who's doing what to themselves can create those small breakdowns in communications that on there own may not seem like a big deal, but could potentially pileup to be one in the future.
Both myself and my wife have had to learn this. And while we aren't perfect at it, we have come a long way in the short time we have been married, as neither of us wants to give up on the other.
At any rate, I hope this helps. Lastly, if your partner IS trying to be controlling, it won't end at what you can and can't do with your own body-- they will have a deep manipulative desire to control you in all that you do.
Well, I would like to know if my boyfriend/partner was going to get something done just so that I can be supportive, or just in the know. But its his body, and he can do with it whatever he wants. He doesn't need my permission to do something he wants to do. Would I be supportive all the time, maybe not (if he wanted to get a face tattoo with my name on it, or something of the sorts, I wouldn't be thrilled). But still... he doesn't need my permission.
tbh im prob not gonna do it if they don't like it lol like not unless i REALLY want it. it's not their permission but approval of it you know? im hoping he does it too bc you respectin each other's satisfactions or whatever.
if he demanded it tho or was gross about it then yeah im doing it anyway. gotta respect boundaries there
Opinion
38Opinion
Telling one's partner before getting a body modification should be required in a relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean getting one's partner's approval, though one should take their opinion into account.
That's because you're a smart girl and you understand that you are you and that nobody else can control you or think they can control you or even try to control you and you know the difference and you know that you would put a stop to it just like that girl should do the same thing
And she should tell her boyfriend look at I love you you mean the world to me but please don't tell me what I can do and what I can't do to my body you can give me suggestions you can give me your insight but don't tell me what I'm going to do or what I'm not going to do please
but the question was about TELLING the partner.
I like the way you phrased this.
Ask permission? F$#@ no. You're right: it's that own person's body. Not the partner's.
But, words matter. And you correctly used the words "should" and "tell".
I think if it's a long term committed relationship that the partner doing the mod should give a heads up, "hey, I'm getting piercing." Not for permission. Not giving up control or autonomy, but just as a courtesy.
I really like tattoos and piercings myself. I always tell my husband if I’m planning on getting a piercing or anything else.
I don’t feel the need to “ask his permission” but I do value his opinion. I wouldn’t want to get anything that he would find ugly. He gives me his opinion but always assures me that at the end of the day, it’s my body and my decision and he can’t stop me.
At this point when I ask him about it, he refuses to even answer lol. Cause he knows that if he says he doesn’t like a certain idea that it will influence my decision. he wants me to choose for myself
but yes I agree. You shouldn’t have to ask your partners opinion before doing anything to your own body. It’s controlling as fuck.
They're not "controlling your body". You're changing the image that they will have of you, and they're expressing their lack of approval. It doesn't mean that they will stop you from doing what you already wanted to do, but it's part of communication to allow someone to tell you straight up that they don't like the changes that you have made. If your partner started smoking, you also have a right to tell that that you do NOT approve of that because it's a bad habit that will change their image in your eyes.
Personally speaking, I would advise anyone who doesn't approve of such changes to just leave their partner. Image is important to me, and I definitely don't want to give the wrong impression to people by getting a tattoo or a piercing to look like a criminal or a junkie. If I hold that standard for myself, best believe I also hold it for my partner.
I think that you are your own person and no one should say what you can or can’t do to your body that’s makes you happy wether that’s a tattoo or a piercing they should love you for you not what you look like the looks are just a plus but never stop yourself from happiness because of someone else everyone deserves their freedom to do anything they want
(Obviously unless it’s gonna harm someone else or yourself)
"Without getting his permission”? Bollox to any of that controlling nonsense.
Well, some body modifications are drastic. But a piercing can always be taken out. Maybe he's repulsed by it. Seems like it should have been a topic of conversation. But permission? No. He's not a permanent partner. And even then, it's her body.
Personally I would never get a body mod without telling my husband first, but not to ask permission just bc he hates surprises.
I on the other hand love surprises. I think it'd be hot if he came home one day with a mod he planned for months without telling me.
So basically no, it depends by partner—& nobody should need permission.
What he surprised you by going bald to look like Andrew Tate or decided to start rocking the Hitler mustache?
@DextroShade sorry what?
The way the guys said ask for permission is crazy but it's definitely somthing that should be discussed to some degree as we are attracted to certain thing and equally not if u get a change your partner is simply not attracted too it can easly cause issues in the relationship
Personally, I would, but I wouldn't be asking for permission. I would be informing them beforehand and, if I felt like it, perhaps asking for their feedback.
But never their permission.
My body, my choice.
I think it's fair to want to know if your partner is going to modify their body in some way. If it's a simple haircut or a piercing then it's probably not needed to have to discuss it. With modifications as serious as plastic surgery then I think it's fair to want your partner to bring something like that up but it will vary from person to person.
Yes. Because telling is not asking for permission. You're your own person you don't need somebody's permission. But it let's them know you care about thier input.
I'm the flipside of you. I don't like piercings beyond the ears or tattoos. I would be against it. I'm not going to say it'd be a deal breaker but it probably would be.
Either way I think it's a good thing that she says it. Because then I get voice my opposition. Then she gets it done (probably) as I said it's her body. And then we probably end the relationship afterwards because we found out we're not on the same page. Everybody wins!
Communication is almost always a good thing.
Yes it is important. I got w the girl because she was cute, had a good personality, didn’t have facial piercings or some crazy shit like that. So yes I’d be mad as well if she did that. It’s not about trying to control her body as you think it is. If she wanted that then she should have been upfront about that in the beginning so I could have found someone else.
It's your body, it's your choice. I have absolutely no say in what my partner chooses for her body, I can only support her in her choices. If she chooses to get a tattoo or piercing, good for her, if she doesn't, still good for her
I think she ought to have discussed with her partner. A partner's appearance does say something about us to the social world and it is not as if girls don't make demands on guys in that respect.
Nope. You don't even need to tell me. It's your body
Purely out of respect , of course they should , you dont just go out on a wim and get tattoos , piecing , or other adjustments without discussion.
Tbh I could care less. My ex got her nipples pierced and I saw them the day after she got them done. I absolutely loved them. She did it for herself and surprised me. I've had a few too.
No. It’s my body. I don’t need his permission.
you fell inrto the "extremes trap" of the question, communication is not asking permission it is important and critical.
@strateguy632 I don’t even need to tell him what I’m getting because if he were to say no I’m not gonna listen
No it fine you can do what every you want to your body. I think it dum people get name of the partner tattoos on them and then brake up. Bit it up to you. I do not like tattoos at all.
Permission is not cool (in my opinion) but I think having a conversation with your partner about it would be considerate
I would let them know I'm gonna do it so that it's not a surprise, but if they try to stop me I'm not gonna listen either.
u let them know... yes
asking permission? no... they are your partners, not your owners...
I'd like a heads up. That way if she's doing something I'm going to hate I can help her pack her stuff.
I would be upset if my husband got one without consulting me. The word "partner" implies that you consult eachother in making decisions, so I think people who don't do that deserve even that title.
Why hide it? Not sure why you would feel the need to not talk about a new tattoo or piercing. Not about asking permission, just good communication
Imagine your partner came home and said he'd had a vasectomy or castration without discussing with you. It's his body he can do what he likes right?
Seems to me that it would be the right thing to do!
if they want to make themselves less attractive to their boyfriend, then go ahead
they shouldn't be upset when he dumps her
Yes, I do, because it does affect their partner. I'm sympathetic with the boyfriend. She doesn't need his permission to do anything, but she should have asked his opinion.
Why should I getting boyfriend permission for my own body 🤔 if I didn’t do on him body so why should I asked? No, it’s a psychological violence.
only if he tried to forbid but still must communicate about it.
Well after she did that he might not be attracted to her anymore, so yea it's his business. :)
A guy dumped his girlfriend for getting a tattoo of his face without his permission. It may have been because they'd only been dating a month, and the tattoo that she convinced him to let her get was a lot different
To talk about it and see where they're at with it, sure. But to have to ask permission? Fuck that.
Yes I think so, otherwise will break up.
My girlfriend do consuling with me.
Regarding outfits only her own decision.
I might say ‘hey I’m getting x done , what do you think. ‘
But it wouldn’t be there choice it’s my body and if they really objected they know where the door is
you don’t need to ask for their permission. but you should inform them in advance.
it's not my body, it's his. i'd probably already know about it tho because he would always talk about things he's interested in or wanting to get. it certainly wouldn't be a secret.
Maybe if engaged or married, but just dating? No. And even if engaged or married I would see it as a courtesy, not a requirement.
It's not permission per se. The boyfriend could also have given his opinion on whether those modifications would look great or not. I mean actually great or not.
If my SO walked in the door one day with a penis I feel like our relationship would need some work
I had a penis enlargement and did not initiatially say anything.
Having preferences and standards isn't controlling. I share my body with partner. I wouldn't change it without talking about it.
A piercing is one thing but if she wanted a book job it would be nice to have a heads up.
Nah not really at the end of the day it’s there body
If it was something extreme I might run it past them. Not for a regular piercing.
You can do whatever you want with your body but your partner doesn’t have to be attracted to it. I know id be majorly turned off if my partner got tattoos, he obviously doesn’t need my permission but i am simply not gon be attracted to him
I’m fairly certain that the “it’s your body” crowd is single.
No, nobody should be controlling anybody.
That dude sounds gross.
That being said, I can see some being a bit far where their opinion might be warranted, as long as it's not this way. I would be greatly disturbed if someone split their tongue for example, that's gunna cause a problem in a relationship for me. Probably worth stating.
I agree with you 100%
That's control freak bullshit
I totally agree with you
@gothbxtch Thank you for the Like
If they’re under 18, yes.
Only if it's something major.
It's a good policy, despite not 100% obligatory
Nope.
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