Do you think it's okay for your boyfriend/girlfriend to talk to their best friends about your relationship problems?

[Anonymous]

[jennifer_bloom]

I don't discuss a lot of things with my friends cause they do not understand and they fixate on red flags that I see to be non issues and they also over accentuate problems that I consider to be side stepping temporary issues, and they also fail to see value in the things I consider important or worthy of evaluation.

Essentially, I don't discuss my dating issues with people, cause a lot of them don't stay in their lane. Like I had friends tell me I was a bad person for trying to lose weight my way instead of losing their weight their way. I had people tell me I was a bad person for trying to date guys my way instead of trying to date guys their way. I had people tell me I was a bad social asset for dealing with people my way and not dealing with people their way.

I find when you appear weak, people assume you don't know what you're doing and they try to control how you behave and act to solve the problem, which impinges on my faith and personal belief system to have somebody who does not concern themselves with those religious things, try to micromanage how I act and behave.

[CubsterShura]

TL;DR: it is good to share with a few people if you wisely choose who to share with. I choose friends who I know will keep it confidential and will hold me accountable when I'm wrong.

Absolutely. Most men who don't want women to talk to their good friends do so because they don't want their partners to be aware of the abuse that they are facing in their relationship.

If you're the person "worried" about your partner talking to their friends... You think your partner has friends who will inflate them and give them wrong advice, first off that's what friends do they care about each other, and secondly if you think your partner has friends who are a negative influence then I don't know why you are even dating them. You are the average of the people you hang out with, so how come a man who LOVES me enough to be dating me doesn't even LIKE my friends? That just feels very fishy and icky to me and is an obvious red flag. Sure, it comes with a bit of shame and embarrassment but if things work out fine in the end then it's okay!

Now for a person sharing things with their friends... It is important for you to discern who you can trust with sharing details of your relationship and take advice from. Naturally I don't share details with people who I know will possibly share those details with other people, and/or if I don't trust someone's advice even if they are a good friend I don't share with them. I only talk about my relationship problems with select few people who I know will hold me accountable when I am wrong. I'm in a relationship now and only talk about my problems with one friend who is a little older so she is more experienced than me and much wiser too. I too have given her support when she had problems.

[CubsterShura]

Oh and I also share things about my relationship with my therapist.

[Anonymous]

No not at all. That’s between us. Because for one chances are her bestie is going to side w her. Inflate my girl’s head. Women almost always never tell each other the truth cause they want to spare their friend’s feelings. Most people never tell the truth about what’s really going on. She may tell her bestie he doesn’t do the things he used to do. But she fails to mention she doesn’t do a lot of the things she used to do either. There’s no need to talk to her friends about it. It’s between us.

[ShadezMcgee]

Depends on issue that comes up in the relationship and whether or not my buddy is one who can give legitimate advice because he himself has a successful relationship. When it comes to sex, it is not something I would ask about. Maybe certain behaviors or something that can potentially jeopardize the relationship.

[SakuraBlossoms87]

You can break this question into three main groups

Yes - if the relationship is hurtful or abusive either physically, sexually or mentally. Some people need to talk to someone else to learn that being slapped, punched, demeaned, etc. is NOT acceptable in ANY relationship.

Yes - if there is unsavvory questionable behavior from the partner that might imply a gambling, drinking, drug abuse or cheating issue. Sometimes need another person's opinion not clouded by love or lust to realize the partner is a douchebag.

No - intimate details, minor verbal disagreements, etc. there is no need to involve someone else unless you're a toddler. It is disrespectful to your relationship. These situations are something you discuss and work out with your partner. If these situations continue and/or escalate into abusive or demeaning conduct then there may be need to speak with someone else as in #1.

[Shamalien]

Agreed.

[xKayTea]

Sure, although communicating with your partner is a must and something I value, sometimes your partner just wants to talk to their friend, have a small vent or some outside advice, thats healthy and okay.

However if that 'vent' is him/her just constantly insulting you, the relationship etc, then I wouldn't be happy, and just advise them to breakup as you shouldn't be disrespecting or insulting your partner.

[provokeesmokee]

Yeah, I'll do it too.

My friends are my chosen family, and they have helped me through many tough times. They know me well, and have advised me well many times.

I won't always listen to them, but their views and perspective are valuable to me. They're my friends, afterall. If I didn't value their perspective, we wouldn't be friends.

[Rei13]

If it is your best friend then yes to an extent for either person in the relationship. Sometimes you need to talk to someone outside of the relationship for different reasons to figure things out. However there are certain things that you do not share out of respect to your partner. Now outside of that if your partner is abusing you, for example, then you’re not obligated to respect them in any shape or form and you should talk about that in order to get help.

[Jdodkfndosn]

If your partner is abusing you, why are they still your partner?

[Rei13]

@Jdodkfndosn I have never been in that situation, but a lot of people in abusive relationships stay and I’m not going to judge someone over something I don’t understand. But if talking to other people helps get you out and recognize it as abuse then do it

[Jdodkfndosn]

I agree with this,

But if talking to other people helps get you out and recognize it as abuse then do it

Unfortunately, the abused end up losing friends and other a available resources because they often don't leave. (My first comment was just a smart ass response)

[Anonymous]

Yes -to an extent; they shouldn’t share any intimate/personal details, they shouldn’t tell them anything to do with private conversations or secrets, and I also feel like they shouldn’t be communicating how they feel to their friends before they communicate to me because we should be able to work things out together or at least talk and be open and honest

[haiuyu]

He can share some, but not everything in detail. Whatever happened between us, only us will ever understand it.

I also understand the need to offload or rant feelings to your friends, so you won't keep it all inside you. But he should really mind the things that he will share to his friends. I do share to my girl friends, but I keep it vague. I don't share in detail.

[RingOfFire]

It's a good thing for anyone to have someone outside of the relationship who can give them an outside perspective on things about the relationship. As long as they keep the conversation within the bounds of respecting their partner's privacy and not violating the trust in the relationship it's healthy.

[sunflower00]

Yeah absolutely and I do it with my friends, and my friends do it with me. You need someone to talk to other than your partner sometimes especially when it’s about them if you’re looking for advice or even just to vent!

[Nominal]

Personally it's not okey. But, some people may not understand some important things, so u not realise how toxic the person could be, and How big the misery u get into is, so the friend may help u. But its better to Go to tge psyhologist, because they are well educated, know manners, etc, so its better to talk with well educated person whom u No need to make emotional connection. Let me know what u think about it.

[Nominal]

By the way, most psychologists Adheres to the principle of not trying to change you.

[Dinklex3]

Of course. That’s his right. I’d trust him to be respectful.

Sometimes you need an outsiders perspective & validation.

[ReginaGeorgina]

Absolutely NOT. As someone who is the best friend in these situations, please don't push your relationship issues on me. If you force to give advice and it ends up poorly, I loose a friend.

[BadApple69]

Not only do I think it’s alright I think it’s absolutely necessary. We all need someone to talk to, normally it’s your partner but when your problem IS your partner than you talk to a best friend.

[KrakenAttackin]

All the women feel free to broadcast their relationship issues. This is yet another reason men don't open up to women as you cannot keep your mouths shut.

[electromagnetic]

To a certain degree of course. Sometimes it’s nice to blow some steam with a friend.

[Minahh]

It's definitely okay if you trust that friend and it's not something like super intimate you don't want to share. Having multiple perspectives is so important especially if you're potentially dating a narcissist.

[jeffend888]

No, because we live in a society where you look at someone the wrong way and the friend will say 'DUMP HIM'. And then she will be getting sage (not so much) advice from someone who is not in the situation and it will lead to more problems.

[Kayla45]

Typically that kind of stuff should be private. Maybe I'd tell like my mom or close relatives but not my friends... 🤷‍♀️

[jammcm]

It is no one elses business. You should be having these conversations with your partner.

[ChooChooHaha]

Better best friends that can keep secrets than parents.

[Guyishere23]

Well I was married before and her best friends definitely wanted to fuck me so maybe not if you're into monogamy which I'm not anymore