How do you take this situation?

[dophix]

My boyfriend has a long-time best friend. She is also his ex. Sometimes, it bothers me. What if he will compare me to her when it comes to sex? She's prettier than me.

[Ozanne]

If they are too cozy, then it's not fair to you. People who make their exes their best friends don't really realize how uncomfortable this is for the new person. There might not be anymore attraction, but the point of a *girl*friend is that you're the girl he spends time with. The fact he's got this supposed girl-best-friend who is also someone he dated doesn't make much sense. If he clearly enjoys time with her, why have someone new unless he's just wanting sex?

Personally, I have been in this situation, tolerated it for about eight months until I gave my then-boyfriend an ultimatum. He was only coming around me for sex, but since his ex was his best pal, he went to movies with her, went to her house, and did all the quality-time spending with her and her family. To me, there wasn't much point in me being around. So I made him decide. He was furious to have to make the decision, but like most selfish people, he had no idea that I was being left out in the cold with no actual companion. He'd go spend a whole evening with her, then come around to my apartment at 10 or 11pm for some sex. Not exactly fair for me, was it? Yet he had it all. His ex wasn't pleased either. In fact I know she wasn't. She apparently hated my guts, and I once found my photo wrinkled at his place. (She had been there, and when she saw it, she balled it up like a piece of garbage.)

Must be nice for someone to have their cake and eat it too. Anyway, in my situation, I said I simply can't go on with his arrangement. He was furious, but ended up writing this long-winded goodbye letter to her, full of poetic emotions as if she was the love of his life, all the while resenting me for making him choose. I can tell you our relationship lasted a few years, full of problems otherwise. But that first eight months was incredibly damaging.

Get this, about a year later, we were living together and he decided to go back to get his Grade 12 equivalent, and met a woman in his class who he took on as yet another "good friend". He did the same thing. Chatted with her on the phone like girlfriends, went out with her, did all the friend stuff, while I sat at home and waited for him to get back from being out with her. He insisted it was nothing more than friendship, but I hated it. I'm the *girl*friend. The girl he should have prioritized to be the one doing all the fun dating stuff with.

Anyway, my point is that if I could go back in time, I would have put my foot down with this, because the longer it went on, the worse it got. Then after a lot of time goes by, they get all shocked wondering why "all of a sudden" you have a problem with it. To me, it's not proper, and not fair to you. You should be the priority, not her. How is anyone supposed to move on when they're still tied up in friendships that mimic dating?

Anyway, good luck to you. I hope you have better sense to do something about this in good time more than I had.

[pianogirlmeow]

It’ll only get worse for you. Some people can handle that situation and others can't. Personally i can't, either he creates boundaries with her where he isn’t as close anymore or you learn to be okay with it. Maybe try hanging out with her and become her friend too. Or tell ur boyfriend it’s making you feel a little bit insecure.

[sheikalana]

I wouldn't be comfortable either and probably wouldn't have got in a relationship with him in the first place.

[boggboss]

That you sound too insecure to be with a guy thats friends with his ex

[Anonymous]

I would stay away from people who are still around their Ex