Was this “rude” of my bfs brother or am I overthinking this?

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend and I went for dinner to his parents place and his older brother happened to be there as well….. his older brother was being pushy about my boyfriend attending an event around the Christmas holidays and that he would cover his ticket….. he said it right in front of me and didn’t offer me a ticket or invite or even acknowledge me….. my boyfriend said he might not be able to go due to work then his brother started insulting him saying he’s the worst person and that he doesn’t care for his nieces or nephew…..

wasn’t this rude of him knowing that me and his younger brother are in a serious committed relationship? Secondly I have brought gifts for his brothers kids in the past so shouldn’t he have offered to get me a ticket or invite me?

should I have a talk with my bfs mom about this? (This isn’t the first time his brother was rude)

It was rude- brother should’ve acknowledged me

Other - pls explain

Updates

+1 y

Ps - in no way shape or form am I self -entitled…. I just don’t like it when I’m nice to people but then I get rude treatment….

[DaveJord]

So here is your boyfriend and yourself, with your boyfriend's brother. They offer him a ticket to an event, he says he's not sure, and then his brother goes into insulting him and calling him names.

Instead of showing some type of concern for your boyfriend, and his relationship with his brother and potential other family issues. You're more concerned on if you were insulted, or if it's okay for you to feel insulted?

Well if we want to make it all about you then I'll say yeah you could be insulted. But he really just wanted his brother to be at an event that apparently involved his nieces, so yeah he totally should have paid for you I guess I don't know?

Just sounds like everything about this whole incident you're being assaulted would be the least significant thing. Obviously there's a bigger issue at stake here so I would do as little as possible to make it about you.

[DaveJord]

Insulted not assaulted

[Anastacia1989]

The bigger issue is his brother being an ass towards him

[DaveJord]

Yes, absolutely the real problem, not just your feelings being hurt. So instead of getting upset with your feelings, be more supportive with you boyfriend by acknowledging that his brother treated him unfairly first.

[Anastacia1989]

His brother treated both him and me unfairly…. he’s a real ass at times to his younger brother

[OlderAndWiser]

It sounds like the brother is jealous of your relationship. If you talk to the mother, she is likely to feel defensive about her son, so I wouldn't expect to have anything good come from that discussion. Can your boyfriend talk to his brother about this? Or has he already tried that? Maybe you should stay at home the next time your boyfriend attends a family event, an follow up with an event that you schedule with his parents but not the other brother.

[Anastacia1989]

Why would his brother be jealous? Is it because his wife isn’t attractive?

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe brother is attracted to you.

[Anastacia1989]

He’s married with kids tho….. that’s nasty if he is lol

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend seems to be scared of his brother and his bro can be very aggressive and pushy and annoying

[Anastacia1989]

Should I speak to my bfs mom and let her know that he’s being disrespectful?
He used to message me a lot and ask about finances and when I’m gonna move in with his younger brother

[OlderAndWiser]

Most mothers will defend their children when outsiders criticize them.

[Anastacia1989]

There have been times when he’s been pushy and the mom told him to mind his own business

[OlderAndWiser]

Then perhaps she would be helpful. Approach her with the attitude that you are having a problem and hoping that she can help you with it. Ask her for suggestions.

[Singing_Hollow]

Depends how long you have been with your partner. If its a long time then the brother is just being a doosh and needs to grow up.
If its still newish then it could just be because he doent know you well or trying to get on your nerves. Dont let it bother you. You and your boyfriend have a good thing going, id just let them be annoying siblings to one another and you just stick with your guy.

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a very long time now and we go together to every single family gathering so ya his bro is being a doosh big time.
Secondly he always shouts at him and puts him down saying he’s an idiot with a disability and wants to know what I see in him

[Singing_Hollow]

Always build your guy up. If his brother want to know what you see in him you answer this " The fact that he is more of a man you'll ever be" It will bruise his ego but he will know his place. Dont engage with him, he seems like a real jerk.

[Anastacia1989]

Ya his bro is a real jerk

[Jkgordon]

Are you kidding me he doesn’t have to buy you a ticket and perhaps you should get the hint he doesn’t want you there

[AngryCarl2]

That's astonishingly rude but it might not be anything personal against you. He sounds like he's just an all around jerk.

[Anastacia1989]

Am I right to be offended? I’ve always been good to his kids and bought them gifts and also he knows my boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship

[boggboss]

Not if he only wanted his brother to attend I would say more so he was being a asshole to his brother but not to you no

[Anastacia1989]

I always attend family get togethers and his brother used to always ask me before if I wanted to come

[boggboss]

But he can't even get his brother to come so why would he be inviting u at that moment

[Anastacia1989]

Lately his brother is very rude

[boggboss]

OK...

[Anastacia1989]

He used to always invite before but I noticed especially on his kids bdays and he would ask me if I bought a gift for his kid to too it off….. his older bro had even said to me that I’m “ stunningly beautiful “ and that his younger bro is an idiot and that I’m too good for his brother even…..

[boggboss]

Sounds like he treats his brother shitty

[Anastacia1989]

Ya he always speaks negatively of his brother to me yet he encouraged us to date in the beginning which is another reason why I’m confused by his rudeness

[boggboss]

Sounds like someone I would avoid

[Anastacia1989]

Difficult to do that if he’s at family dinners or holidays or get togethers

[Anastacia1989]

Should I speak to his mom in private about this and express how offended I got and how rude he was?

[boggboss]

If u are looking to cause drama what's the mum going to be able to do

[Anastacia1989]

Just to be alert and aware of what the older brother is doing? And to get her opinion of why he acts like this?

[boggboss]

Be aware of his behaviour u are more likely yo cause drama in the family and have him actively dislike u by involving the mum

[boggboss]

And even then if u involved the mum and the brother found out I'm pretty sure he would be able to convince him mum u are lying or the mums more likely to believe her son over u

[Anastacia1989]

Ya his bro might cause further drama and might end up being against me in the future…. you’re probably right on this one…. so what should I do if his bro continues?

[Anastacia1989]

Ya he is aggressive and pushy and lies to get his way….

[boggboss]

Try yo stay away from him at parties or events and if he talks shit about your partner say u don't like him talking that way about the man u love

[Anastacia1989]

Ya I keep my distance and my boyfriend barely talks to his older brother because he can’t stand him due to the fact that he meddles in his business all the time and is very pushy

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend said he might not even go or it might not even happen

[boggboss]

So then why did u care to go so much

[Anastacia1989]

Another thing is that his older brother and his wife always put everyone at the table to sit separately from their spouses/ partners….. is this normal? Or is she going too far?

[boggboss]

It is normal in a way of getting people to talk to others they wouldn't normally speak to over only speaking to their spouses again if u have such issue with them why did u care about going

[Anastacia1989]

Well I got offended because I have always bought gifts for his brothers kids so shouldn’t he have offered or akknowledged me?

[boggboss]

He was talking to his brother at the time no u was not entitled to a offer

[Anastacia1989]

His brother was always asking me to come along before and encouraged us to date in the beginning and even went as far as asking me when I’m going to move in with his younger brother

[boggboss]

OK so what

[Anastacia1989]

He was rude about it tho…. and then guilt tripping my boyfriend

[Anastacia1989]

The way he went about it was rude and also if let’s say I’m not wanted to that event then why would he say it in front of me?

[boggboss]

Because he was talking to his brother he shouldn't have to pick and choose when to talk to him because u are their u are nit entitled to attend any and every even your boyfriend is invited too

[Anastacia1989]

His mom always invites me and says I’m always welcome and my mom also always welcomes me and so does his sister…. his brother is only like this to me…..

[boggboss]

OK then lol your acting like he should be forced to invite u to any and everything and thats aside the point if the brother not wanting to go so why would he invite u when his brother is already saying no

[Anastacia1989]

Ok that might be the case - my boyfriend not wanting to go…. and my boyfriend does like it when we go places together and he even got mad with his older brother

[Billlewis]

I think it was definitely rude.

[Anastacia1989]

What would you do about it?

[Billlewis]

I'd take your boyfriend aside and ask him to demand an apology from his brother.

[Anastacia1989]

Would it be wise to talk to my bfs mom in private about this?

[Billlewis]

No, I wouldn't go that far.

[Anastacia1989]

Am I sounding self entitled? Or am I right to be offended with my bfs bro?

[Billlewis]

No, not at all. You deserve to be treated better than that, and your boyfriend should do a better job of taking up for you.

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend is scared of how own older brother…. he’s very pushy and aggressive and always brings him down saying he’s a dummy with a disability

[Anastacia1989]

My boyfriend should’ve asked his bro right then and there if I could cam one as well?

[Billlewis]

Probably.

[Anastacia1989]

Or should I let this go unless it’s brought up again?

[Billlewis]

I think it depends on how you feel about it, but I love it that you're apparently not going to put up with being ignored:)

[Anastacia1989]

Nope not gonna be treated like garbage when I’ve been nothing but nice!

[Anastacia1989]

Also not gonna let anyone bully my boyfriend either!!!

[HelpfulWoman]

No. You're honestly coming across like a self entitled brat right now. You being a girlfriend doesn't mean you're going to get invited to every get together.

[Anastacia1989]

He was always asking me before and he knows we’re in a serious relationship…. so why the rudeness?

[Anastacia1989]

Secondly I have bought gifts in the past for his brothers kids….. wouldn’t you be offended?

[HelpfulWoman]

No. Because I don't walk around thinking that "buying my way" into events is a good thing. and I'm not an entitled brat.

[Anastacia1989]

I didn’t do it to buy my way into anything….. I didn’t it cause I genuinely care about my boyfriend and I do love his nieces and nephew like they’re my own kids….

[Anastacia1989]

Why do you think he’s suddenly being so rude?

[balyai]

Stay awake from that dickhead

[Reem12345reem]

he's not obliged to for that