Am I being difficult when I resent buying things for my wife or improving our home?

[fuddly]

I seem to pay for everything

I don't mind paying for the children's stuff

[LiamJHayden]

This can be difficult to answer. I've known wives who felt slighted because their husbands would not buy them a new Mercedes each year. I've also known husbands who would not give their wives enough to replace bras that were falling apart. So it depends upon what she is wanting.

Improving the home in what ways? Replacing an oven or refrigerator or worn out carpeting is one thing, and wanting gold-plated faucets is another. So again, it depends upon what and why.

[fuddly]

I don't object to replacing things
Maintaining things

It's more getting into debt/aspiring for new home/things i would have wanted for myself in the past

[slatyb]

Are you both working? If so, how much are you each earning? You should have a budget for joint expenses, and the rest should be divided between you and your wife for your personal use.

[fuddly]

Both working
I earn more than twice what she earns

[slatyb]

You need to
1) calculate a budget for your joint expenses. Besides housing, groceries, utilities, etc. you should include savings and joint entertainment and travel.
2) figure out how much each of you will contribute

Then what is left over is for your personal use, not subject to comment or criticism from the other.

One way, perhaps the best way to divide the money is to just subtract the joint budget from your total take-home and divide the rest in half.

Support your take-home is $8,000 and hers is $4000 and your joint expenses comes to $10,000/month.
Then subtract $10000 from $12000 and you each will have $1000 a month in your own account to spend as you please. All the money earned by either of you belongs to both of you. That's literally true in joint property states.

[fuddly]

What is "joint property states"?

[fuddly]

To clarify i don't mind paying for all the essentials
What i don't like paying for is presents for my wife, hair appointment, new kitchen

[slatyb]

Hair appointments? She should be paying for that out of her own money. Presumably she has her own money, or are you both living out of a single joint account? Do that if you want to be perpetually fighting about who gets what. New kitchen? That's a joint decision. It sounds like the communication in your marriage isn't good.

[provokeesmokee]

Yeah, I'd say that's pathetic, not just difficult.

Why'd you marry her or move in if you don't want to care for her? Sounds like you made a mistake getting married and having kids.

Don't you want a nice home to return to?

[fuddly]

I have a nice home

But you kinda have a point

But it's two kids later

[fuddly]

A nice home that i paid for
That i decorated
That i maintain
Any furniture, i buy

[provokeesmokee]

Sounds to me like you just don't like your wife then.

[fuddly]

Maybe but maybe that's not unusual?

[provokeesmokee]

No that's definitely unusual.

Get a divorce, man.

[In_Trance]

What is wrong with you?