Am I a ungrateful wife? ?

[mimia396]

My husband is young working doctor and a business owner of he's own practice. He started he's business's right before we got married this year as he said he wants multiple sources of income before he starts a family. We are months in in marriage and a year or him being in he's business and money is so tight for him. He pays all the bills, I work but he allows me to keep my money, to what I want... he's a good loyal guy and all... super attracted to him as well... however he doesn't have money for dates or anything extra... It's just the basic necessities. And I sometimes get so mad and call him broke and not enough of a man for me... I'm even actively looking to cheat on him because all he thinks about is bills! I know he says he is working hard for our future but I still have needs... Taking care of bills is not enough.. I need romance and dates! Am I a ungrateful wife? Do I need a reality check? Or am I right in feeling unsatisfied?

[Asimiv]

I think both of you need a reality check. He is already paying for all the bills, it doesn't matter if he was the one who suggested it, you cannot also expect him to pay for all the dates. That goes without saying even if you were both paying the bills. Men shouldn't be the only ones paying or initiating/organizing dates. Effort goes both ways.

He needs a reality check because there will be no future he is saving for if he keeps neglecting your marriage.

You both should sit down and have a matue one to one conversation about this. Also, dates don't need to be expensive. An amazing date can be just a long walk at a nice place, like a lake, a picnic (you/he would make the food at home anyway, you probably already have a blanket or sth, a couple of towels could work too), etc. If you don't spend enough quality time together, then your marriage will fall apart.

Ask him how you can make this easier for him, so he can still do what he loves and save for your future, and so both of you can keep putting in effort for your intimacy (both of you need it, and this doesn't mean just sex).

[Anonymous]

You need a reality check and I’m sorry if this comes off as harsh. Part of being married is making sacrifices. He’s sacrificing his time and money in order to provide you both a home and a future. That is a noble man and a rare find in this current dating market. You’d be foolish to give that up just to satisfy your own selfish desires. And yes, those desires are selfish.

You have money, why can’t you pay for dates? If all of his money is going towards putting a roof over your head I. e a mortgage, access to water, electricity, gas for the house, internet, probably a car, gas for that car, insurance, a phone, food, you know and all these basic necessities you’re complaining about…where is your money going? What are you doing for his benefit or better yet the benefit of your marriage?

Rule number one in relationships: it can’t be all about you anymore.

[mimia396]

True... He does tell me I make a lot of things about myself 🥲 I do sponsor SOME dates and pick up some things if I feel like...
I guess I need to be prepared for sacrifice in a marriage... I think my mentality is still stuck on courting and dating stage 🤦🏾‍♀️ transitioning to marriage life is not always so easy... more so mentally than anything else.
Thank you for your opinion and advice 👍🏾

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome, and everything is going to be okay. It’s still overwhelming and new, but you’ll get through this. You and your husband. Sending you lots of hugs prayers 😊

[exitseven]

I don;t know if ungrateful is the right word but you are something alright. It is hard to get a business off the ground. It ia a lot of work and most of the proceeds have to be reinvested in the business. I imagine it costs a lot to outfit a doctor's office. His malpractice insurance is a fortune too.
I am sure there are plenty of girls that would like to be married to a hard working doctor. You should be extra nice to this guy.

[mimia396]

Well thank you... It's good to get a different perspective and a reality check. This changed my mind a lot. I need to be more grateful for he's efforts.

[exitseven]

@mimia396 Don;t forget it.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Billlewis]

On one hand, you're probably a little bit ungrateful, but on the other hand, it's not hard to understand what you're probably going through. I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well if you want.

[mimia396]

Thank you... I do feel both feelings can exist at the same time. I just need to learn to be a bit more appreciative.

[Billlewis]

Between being more appreciative and the opposite extreme, there is a middle ground. Heed not the slings and arrows of the online 'morality police'.. lol, and be true to both your exceedingly fortunate husband as well as yourself. I've known so many married women who engaged in extramarital sex quite frequently, and in the rare cases in which their husbands found out, or at least suspected they were playing the field, they generally accepted the situation for what it was -- the best solution for their needs.

[Apple1996]

Yeah that's fucked up to expect so much from him. He already pays all the bills for you

[mimia396]

Fair enough 👍🏾

[IslaTheWitch]

What you feel is nothing new or unexpected. Yes, he has his business. Also, being a doctor is quite a hard occupation.

Another thing is his need for security. He meets it by earning money (as my husband does). This is something you can't change.

Being honest about your feelings is the first step to help you and your husband. First, if you have your money and you know how tight he is about money, just sponsor your dates.

Another thing. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you understand, that he is securing family and his business. Tell him you will sponsor dates, but you expect him to find time for it.

Talk to him and make compromises.

[mimia396]

Love this! This is super useful... I think I'll take this advice and do it in just that order.. soooo appreciated. I just can't see this clearly all the time

[Tim2nice]

He’s not tight about money. He just hasn’t got any because he’s just started a business. Why doesn’t she offer to use some of her own money to take him on vacation or short breaks for quality time together?

[wolfcat87]

Whoa, he's a 9 out of 10 on the perfect husband scale, and you're looking for reasons to be upset. It sounds like the bigger issue is that you two need to divorce so he can be with someone who loves him. Yes, you are ungrateful. But, t he bigger issue is that this marriage won't work, because you don't sound like you actually love or appreciate him and all he does. You're also about to hurt him. So, just leave while things are good rather than make things worse. Go find someone that matches who you are better.

[mimia396]

I guess your right he really is a 9/10. The men I was with before were not ready to step up and take care of bills and me... So I agree... In today's world we have to be grateful for what we get lol. I don't want to hurt him that not my intention that's why I'm asking just to get a different perspective so I can be a better partner by perhaps seeing things a bit differently. Thank you 👍🏾

[wolfcat87]

If you're going to stay with him, then a lot needs to change. First, apologize for the horrible things you said. Second, start complimenting him regularly for how amazing he's being. Point out specific things you're proud of. Third, start spoiling him often. He's already going above and beyond for you, what are you doing for him? You need to bring the romance and dates! He blessed you with money for you both to enjoy, so help him enjoy life when he's sacrificing so much for your sake already. Meet his efforts with your own efforts. That's marriage.

Men like that usually let the women handle all of the fun and excitement since they've done all the hard work. Mine was like that, and we've been together almost 17 years now. All of his work that you are not appreciating now will make your lives easier than everyone else's in 10 or so years. He has a wealthy mindset. It seems like a lot now, but it will save him another 20+ years of stress and hard work down the road. He won't be a Walmart greeter at 80. Don't be greedy and hoard your money that he lets you have, show you care with it just like he does. He's not broke at all, he's just choosing to spend his on making your life easy, now do the same back or invest the money in the stock market for both of you to show that you're also looking out for your futures because you care. Most men these days are selfish, they want their money to stay their money or everything 50/50.

Find what helps him unwind and be happy after all this and do it for him, then find what makes you happy and do that as well. My guy is happy with back scratches, a cold beer, good food, and good company after work. If you want to do something romantic, plan it around his availability and then invite him.

I get that it's easy to focus on the romance missing, but if we were in their shoes we would be too tires, stressed, and busy to bother too. Then, we would be telling them to deal with it. Providing is their romance.

[Dinklex3]

I think you need a reality check.

He pays all the bills and lets you keep your own earnings for yourself. You could take HIM on a date, but instead you say you’re actively looking to cheat on him and verbally abuse him. Pretty fucked up. He deserves better. 🤷‍♀️

[JacobJordan]

You make your own money and it hasn't crossed your mind you could I don't know use that for dates. You are not only an ungrateful wife you should divorce him because clearly you are only going to destroy his life and he doesn't deserve that

[mimia396]

I do sponsor some dates actually... and pick up slack here and there but sometimes you just want some romance and don't want to hear about all the future and hard work stuff. I definitely won't destroy he's life, I'm here asking if I may need a reality check so I can be a better partner to him. But thank you 👍🏾

[JacobJordan]

if you are as you claim "actively looking to cheat on him" you 100% will destroy his life. you have a man who literally provides for you so you could not work and the way you repay that is by actively looking to spread your legs for another man... not only that but you are making your own money and in your selfishness you haven't bothered to consider that you can do something romantic with your husband and pay for it yourself rather than wait for him to do something romantic to you. if you want to be a better partner than you have 2 options. 1 leave because you clearly do not appreciate the man you have. 2 show your damn appreciation by putting him before yourself for once. you have the money to do it. it will be romantic for both of you problem solved. do you not understand how your actions would in fact ruin his life? are you that entitled and self centered? let me ask you since you married this man has it never crossed your mind to help him with the bills since you make your own money?

[mimia396]

No I have never considered paying the bills, because he doesn't think it's my job to do so. He wants me to use my money for whatever I want to do. I do take him out on dates sometimes... And Im not perfect, maybe you are. But considering cheating is not the same as cheating. Before cheating, I came on here to try get some perspective... Some sort of 'help' or rather advise. This anonymous, I don't see what's wrong with sharing your thoughts even if they seem a bit selfish and dark. You never have selfish thoughts? The point is whether you act on them or not... I have never cheated and I hope I don't get to a point where I do. Simple as.

[JacobJordan]

again by your own admission you are not thinking about it you are "actively looking to cheat" that is not a dark thought and even if it was that shows you are not a loyal partner. no loyal partner would ever even have that thought cross their mind. secondly also by your own admission you call him broke and not enough of a man for you. so not only are you actively seeking and considering being unfaithful you degrade and disrespect the man you claim to love. why would any man on earth even consider doing anything romantic for you or take you on a date when you can't even show appreciation for what he is doing for you. you can't even give him something as simple as respect. as for if I have ever had selfish thoughts of course everyone has but never would I be so self centered and a pos human being as to actively look or consider cheating on my wife. I would not degrade or disrespect my wife. I would not call my wife a broke and now woman enough for me. it isn't about being perfect it is about being a decent human being. here is another thing my wife and I share the account so we can share our knowledge with people and she is appalled by you as am I. it is not just appalling but absolutely abhorrent and shameful behavior when you claim to love the man. part 1

[JacobJordan]

part 2 if you do love him then you should already know that you are being ungrateful, entitled, horribly self centered, and an all around awful wife. presuming you actually care enough about your husband (doubtful) that you want assistance with your behavior (unlikely) first thing you should do is apologize to him for being so unbelievably ungrateful for everything he has done for you and be supportive and encouraging. tell him you know he has been working so hard and you are so very thankful for that. after that you need to use some of that money he so lovingly has told you to keep for yourself while he burns 80-90% of his income providing for both of you and you plan a vacation for the both of you. you get him some new clothes, you make him breakfast in bed (even if you have to wake up early to do it) you make him dinner and you treat that man like he is YOUR man because at the rate you going he won't be for much longer. you tell him that you want to pitch in so the two you can spend more time together as a couple. in addition to all of that you take a damn long look in the mirror and in yourself and figure out what is wrong your morals and values and you fix it.

[JacobJordan]

yes this is a very blunt and harsh post. we can't exactly apologize for it as we mean it because we are hoping that you will how much he is doing for you and your relationship. hopefully this is not just your wake up call but something you read and think about for the next couple days and at the end go "oh damn I really haven't been a great wife. I haven't been grateful, thankful, supportive or encouraging and I am going to change that"

correction the wife feels a little bad about what we said so small apologies from her

[mimia396]

Yeah you are right... 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I could cry right now... But I totally agree when it comes to the respect part. I will definitely be cooking him a meal tonight. Really I appreciate the honesty as mean and harsh as it may be. Let me ponder on this.. I know I've said things that just sound crazy to say to my husband uggggh I feel horrible for this.
I want to be a great wife, I'm only a few month is... And I think I have room to improve. Let me message him how much I appreciate him for starters as he's at work. Thank you I guess in a way... And your wife too..

[mimia396]

I'm sure she's lovely

[mimia396]

Few months in*

[JacobJordan]

You definitely have room to improve. Progress not perfection. That is the important part. If you contribute some of your money then he will have some more breathing room and you will likely see the romance you are wanting to see.

[Tim2nice]

You’re the very definition of gold digger. Why don’t you just divorce as he can find an understanding and supportive wife and you can find a trash guy with money?

[mimia396]

Woah... A little harsh... Well we just got married... A little early to divorce and call it quits. I am supportive as I helped him start the practice I'm just saying I also feel neglected at times. But fair enough, your opinion is heard

[IslaTheWitch]

She also has feelings, and he focusing on earning only, doesn't secure them. I can imagine it's nice to have a warm and soft woman just for him at home. But her emotions are also important in that relationship. You can't buy everything with money. For some things you have to work hard.

[Tim2nice]

@IslaTheWitch, read her comment again. She says she works but keeps all her money and he pays all the bills but has little left for extras and because of that she calls him broke and not enough of a man. She doesn’t say she’s not getting love and attention. It’s all about money

[IslaTheWitch]

@Tim2nice I have read. She wrote that she feels he is not enough "man" for her. And that she thinks about cheating. She needs an attention, not money

[Tim2nice]

@IslaTheWitch the bills have to be paid and he’s the only one contributing to that. Would she be keen to live on the streets with him?

[Tim2nice]

If you feel neglected spend some of your money and take him on vacation or nights away.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’re allowed to be upset that your husband isn’t doing anything to show that he loves you in a way you can understand. Cheating on him would make you the asshole tho

[mimia396]

I know cheating would just negate anything I feel and just make me feel worse 😭 and I don't even want to cheat.. just craving the attention... But thanks for understanding my love.

[mimia396]

My pov*

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I would talk to him, though. Let him know you don’t feel loved and you would pay for a date if he would just plan it for you, some kind of compromise he’d be okay with

[Anonymous]

What is he Dr. Pepper? How can he be a Dr. And not have any money.😆

To answer your question yeah you are kind of ungrateful. You married him because he was Dr. And was attractive. I think you need to decide what you REALLY WANT. You cannot have it all. I think you're probably with the wrong person. I feel bad for this guy because you're going to end it at some point. And he probably doesn't realize that.

[mimia396]

Well business take a lot of capital... and they keep taking especially because it's a young business. Yes I married him because he was attractive and a Dr. And hardworking. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. We don't believe in divorce, I'm just simply trying to get a different perspective. But thank you for your opinion 👍🏾

[Opinion Owner]

You said you were actively looking to cheat on him. That says EVERYTHING about you. All the rest can be forgiven. You don't cheat or even look to cheat on people you love.

[Anonymous]

You need to find someone else that can meet your needs.

[mimia396]

I have hope and faith he can 🥲🤞🏾

[ThebestIndian]

You are right to feel that you should be satisfied. Should definitely find someone who can meet your needs.

[mimia396]

Well I want my husband to satisfy my needs 🥲

[ThebestIndian]

Then, you should talk to him. Definitely.!

[Anonymous]

You are an ungrateful wife.

[mimia396]

Thanks for the honesty

[LazerBean]

Yes.

[mimia396]

Lol thanks.

[jahaims]

You're trash