How do I tell my boyfriend I don't wanna 'do it' because of my trauma?

Question

I was raped when I was 8 years old. It's been 9 years since that happened and now I got a boyfriend, he's nice, sweet, understanding, and he listens to my problems. But recently he's been saying that he wants to "do it" With me. And he doesn't know about the trauma I still have.. so anytime I say no he asks why and sometimes storms out of the place we're at.

I just need help with how to tell him.

Have a good or night 🩷

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

He won't understand where your No comes from until you tell him. Don't wait for him to ask you again for sex. Tell him you'd like to talk to him about something that's been bothering you, you can do this in person or if it's really hard for you to have this conversation face to face you can do it over phone call. Explain to him what happened when you were 8 years old and tell him how this has been affecting you since then. I'm sure he will understand and will be willing to help you get over it. I don't know if you've been through some kind of therapy but maybe this is something you should consider maybe you can have a few sessions together with your boyfriend since this is affecting your relationship. I wish you all the best.

Rei13 · Accepted Answer

I’m so glad that you were able to tell him and it went well. Any man worth his salt will be okay waiting for when you’re ready regardless of how long it takes and if you ever feel pressured he just isn’t it. Communication and being able to support each other are incredibly important in a relationship. Besides you’re still young, there is no rush. Just keep going at your own pace

Hulk_kitty · Accepted Answer

Hey I am not going to give advice how to tell your boyfriend, but I will say, go and get help/therapy for your trauma, otherwise it will never get easy to have sex with the guy you love. Don't just think time will heal you and make it go away, you have deal with it properly.

But all the best with boyfriend and you guys have bright future together.

I am sorry to hear about your bad experience, I hope good things happen for you.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

Next time you are together, before the subject comes up in conversation, tell him, "There is something that I need to explain to you, and it will take a few minutes and we need to talk in private." And then you tell him that you need to explain your reluctance and it is not a result of any bad feelings towards him. Then you tell him what happened. Then you tell him what you are doing now to try to overcome your past.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

Lots of good advice in here, and I have only to add please seek out some professional counseling. It helps. It’s important. It’s shockingly easy to access most places. You don’t deserve what happened to you but you do need to process it properly so you can go on to have a happy and productive life.

Anonymous · Answer

Just be honest as you can. I don’t understand what you have been through and neither does he, but if he truly cares for you then he will respect your feelings and not want to cause you to go through that trauma. If he doesn’t want to respect you then, then you shouldn’t be with him. I make no apologies for being a pervert, but doing something that will cause a girl pain is never acceptable and to me kills any thrill that comes from it.

Agape93 · Answer

You just tell him and stand firm. If he respects it, cool. If not, you know the kind of man he is.

jahaims · Answer

Tell him however you are comfortable doing so. If it is hard to share you can be vague and say you ere a victim of SA at a young age.

caitycat21 · Answer

Honestly your boyfriend sounds like a shit bag, dump him. He shouldn’t be that upset because you don’t want to have sex

Celticwolf78 · Answer

If he is really in love with you and not because of the sex he'll understand but if he just wants to get into your pants after you tell him then leave him

Drumlin2001 · Answer

He sound s like a wrong un. He should respect your wishes without getting annoyed or needing you to explain.

clampfan101 · Answer

If he loves you, he’ll understand. Perhaps even be able to help you heal enough to be ready to try to “do it” with him one day. Besides, you’ve got a long life ahead of you. No need to rush.

Sasha0426 · Answer

He’s a keeper. It’s better to tell your partner things like that so they can know how to better understand your situation. I’m so glad he’s patient. Not many guys are.

Anonymous · Answer

Straight up tell him why and what happened. He should understand

DextroShade · Answer

You should not be in a relationship until you get this worked out, as it is not fair to your boyfriend.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Get therapy. It’s not gonna turn out good at all if you don’t

Anonymous · Answer

Even regardless of the trauma I'd suggest you don't do it yet. You're too young and clearly not ready. Don't let the guy or the popular culture make you do something you're not ready for.

slatyb · Answer

You tell him to go F himself. Dump this asshole.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Why are you under 18 with a boyfriend?

riverrat3 · Answer

Glad you got that straightened out

In_Trance · Answer

Ask him

balyai · Answer

Be honest

How do I tell my boyfriend I don't wanna 'do it' because of my trauma?

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