My boyfriend's got a scar across his face and is insecure about it but won't accept any of my consolation?

[Anonymous]

I do not mind his scar, in fact I have a thing for scars, but he won't listen to any of my tries to make him feel better and not "ugly" as he seems to think he is.

He ended up with it from an accident and since then he hasn't really been himself and by that I mean he has become less affectionate with me and even though I understand that it's not easy to accept it, it hurts me anyway.

The scar as I said is large, from his brow through nose and cheek so it does deform the skin a little but it hasn't changed anything for me. He's still handsome to me but he won't hear any of that.

How am I supposed to help him?

[LeoPride93]

Unfortunately it's just his own insecurity and there's not really anything you can do to fix. He needs to work on himself and deal with how to face those insecurities, because until he does, he's going to push you away.

All you can do is reassure him of your feelings and that you still find him attractive, but clearly you're already doing that, so this becomes a HIM issue.

[Asker]

I really hope he'll get over it. I honestly don't know how to help him more. I'm a good listener but a shite at helping.

[Whatitis15243]

That's so heartbreaking. I understand you want to make him feel better but you have to understand it's his face. It's different when it's you and your person. The only thing you can do is continue to be emotionally supportive and give him confidence. Try your best to show you love him and maintain your relationship

[Asker]

I know and I am sure I would be with my confidence as well, messed up but I'm worried he may start to push me away even more than he already does. I'll keep trying though as you suggest.

[sensible27]

Be clear not forceful or almost manuplative in you explaination, be calm and level headed. Maybe tell him if you minded it that much you wouldn't have gotten with himm?

[Asker]

We were already together (in a way) before the scar happened. Everytime when it comes to this topic he makes a mental flip and gets mean and broody. Once that happens I rather give him time alone. I'm just worried he may start pushing me away even more. I miss other things too (the intimacy and affection).

[sensible27]

Make it clear you could leave him any day you would want, show him that there are decent enough guy out there but you won't (maybe) and still you choose him? And maybe you will continue to do so because you love him and you will keep on choosing him. Maybe he is afraid things have changed, maybe he just wants to know if you will still choose him if your moral fabric and 'enlightenment' wasn't restricting you. Sorry for repeating the same point in variation but I just thought it was important enough and there wasn't that much loss/lost in doing so (well, except my time but if it helps a bit in saving this relationship maybe it's worth it) good luck.