Women who say they wasted time dating the wrong men, define 'wrong'?

[Bethany22]

I hear too many women say they wasted years dating the wrong men. How were they wrong? Were they emotionally unavailable, just not that into you, or he liked you but you were settling because you were afraid of not finding someone else?

[provokeesmokee]

Well, I dunno that I'd call all the time "wasted".

I used to be bad at this, and stayed in relationships for too long. Recently I've gotten much better at moving on quickly.

My past relationships weren't entirely a waste though. Even the ex who cheated on me and the ex who lied about his immigration status.

The cheater helped me get out of my abusive home. Of course he ended up being another source of trauma, but even that was better than my home life. Plus he did support me in going to therapy and getting anxiety diagnosed and treated. Breaking up with him and standing up against his side-bitch when she tried to be friends with me also gave me great lessons in standing up for myself.

My ex who lied about immigration was more of a waste. But I still enjoyed most of my relationship with him. He was able to satisfy me sexually and took me on some trips (his mother paid for, I learned later). He had many fewer merits but was still a better partner than my first ex. He also taught me how to identify people who won't ever follow through on their word and I got to practice letting another adult make their mistakes and suffer the consequences.

My last ex was my first girlfriend, and she was a wonderful but bittersweet experience. None was a waste, and she taught me several things: I'm more attracted to women, I learned I'm probably not a fit for someone on the spectrum, and that I really need someone physical. Also I learned to separate quickly once I recognize there's no room for a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

I personally have never seen it that way, I always learn something and came out stronger and better from every failed relationship. I did date a guy that I wished I would’ve walked away from tho… He was way older and I was manipulated by him, I felt cool at the time having an older guy interested in me but now that I look back at it, I wish I had just walked away.

Thankfully it didn’t last long but I still feel like it was a mistake. He would always get me drunk then have sex with me, he would tell me sweet things and then ghost me, he basically only wanted me when he was horny. I wish I didn’t go along with it, thinking about all the gas and hotel money I’ve spent to meet him lmao

[Bethany22]

Yeah men tend to prefer younger women so it shouldn't have really felt like such a novelty

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I was 19 and he was pushing 30, it was super weird now that I look back at it. Why would a 30 yo want anything to do with a 19 yo lol

[HiveBee]

Because she is hot. Let me teach you about men.

We don't truly care about age. The number is meaningless. We are not turned on by age.

We are turned on by beauty. And young girls are the most beautiful and sexy.

We don't evaluate you the same way you evaluate us.

What does he want with an q8 year old? To stroke his cock inside of a beautiful woman. Period.

He's not worried about her maturity. Her money. Her education. Nothing. Men are not like women. We don't care about those things.

If he was using you for sex, well, he was using you for sex! That's it. You were a hole for him to bust his nuts into.

Not every man is a manipulative person. But every man is enthralled by female beauty.

[Opinion Owner]

@HiveBee yeah. He’s always dated younger girls and they’re all really pretty, way above his league. He’s actually not that good looking but to a teenager’s eyes, he looked mature and like a real “man” compared to the other teen boys lol

I knew he was using me for sex but I wasn’t okay with him always getting me drunk whenever we meet. He spiked my drink twice and the reason I regret getting involved with him was bcs I knew he was shady but I kept meeting up with him bcs I thought he was cool 😅 Now that I look back at it, he was a bum. Pushing 30, kept getting fired from his jobs, still hanging out with teenagers and buying them drinks…

[Nirmroth]

Wish I could post graphics here but there have been studies that while women search partner their age and higher while they grow older a mans preffered age in a girl stays around 20-25 consistently no matter his age.

That an older man is interested in a younger women is nothing special but just someone who took the opportunity.

[Hoopz29]

@Nirmroth wow that’s really fucked up. He spiked your drink and he’s not in prison? What the fuck

[Hoopz29]

I didn’t mean to @ you ^ @Nirmroth

[Hoopz29]

He should be in jail. I bet he’s done this to dozens of other women too

[Hoopz29]

@Nirmroth you can think 20 years old are beautiful but by 40 you should have already found a woman near your age that you emotionally and physically connect with therefore you aren’t interested in that age group anymore (20’s) because you’ve grown up. That sounds like a sad man trying to hook up with young women not caring how creepy and loser he is.

[Nirmroth]

@Hoopz29 Oh that study showed that they do go for nearly same age women this was more of which what age they found the women the most attractive.

For women this went on as they age until it stops around late 38.

[Flowergirl33]

@HiveBee "And young girls are the most beautiful and sexy." no, i am 49, no kids, and can compete with a 26 year old in looks :)

[HiveBee]

@Flowergirl33 it's more of an on average type of thing.

We look with our eyes and know instantly how beautiful she is. The age doesn't matter.

[Opinion Owner]

@Hoopz29 yeah I never reported it to anyone bcs he said that it’s normal to black out from a few sips of alcohol lol…

[Hoopz29]

Well I’m so sorry that happened to you. Those kind of men deserve the worst and I despise them. Hopefully you get regular std checks at the doctor because a man like that probably has some.

[coachTanthony]

Men who will put them on a rollercoaster of emotions, treat them poorly verbally and or physically, etc etc then they wise up and settle for a nice guy instead of finding someone with a bit of an edge who will still put them in their place but is a man of integrity and strength. Women screw themselves all by themselves lol.

[Xoxocutekitty]

None of these are gender specific, men can date the wrong women too. I just wrote this in perspective of the prompt question:

1. Some men are pathological liars who will straight up lie to your face. This is pretty rare, but they do exist. They claim to be single and are secretly married or some equivalent.

2. Some guys will cheat on you for purely selfish reasons and then that makes anything before that feel like a waste of time.

3. Some guys will date you for as long as convenient for their circumstances (school semester, until they get a new job and relocate, until they find a hobby that takes up all their time).

4. Lastly, a pretty common one, the perfect boyfriend she had is not willing to grow up with her. He's not in a place where he wants to actually "level up in life" and she does. She wants to think about moving in together or a bigger place, he only cares about playing Xbox. She wants to host dinner parties, he thinks pizza delivery is good enough. She wants a clean house and he is always tired of doing chores. Even though the relationship is good, one is willing to do the work to make a better lifestyle happen and one isn't. This causes resentment on both ends and the death of the relationship.

[Anemone978]

I don't know.. I am still wasting my time with the wrong guy, because I stayed too long trying to make something work that was never going to from the beginning..
He says he loves me but we just don't work well together, and it stems from me hating living here and him thinking he doesn't need to help out as a father with the kids..
He promised me the world when we were younger and then gave me nothing but problems and burdens.. and took away my chance at real happiness.. and if I leave he will do his best to make sure I am still miserable..

[OfMiceandMen]

Everyone says that after they find out the other person has done them wrong, yet they take the BS and abuse all the way up till then.

Most guys don't change, if they have a history of doing women wrong (same goes for women), what makes a girl/guy think they'll be any different with them...

[Nikki1989]

Men promise a lot, but very few deliver much of anything. The problem is, it takes time to discover that.

[kicod164377]

They were dating men that they find physically attractive, these men, being attractive, do not value women because they get them easily, therefore they pump them and dump them, after that the woman begins to look for the right man (beta provider ).

[FunkyMonkee]

I wasted at least 6 years of MY life staying loyal to one girl!! Mini-bitch was cheating on me at least during the last 2 or 3 of those 6 years!

[LiamJHayden]

A lot of guys will do just enough to string a lady along and make her think he might eventually put a ring on her, while the guy has zero intention of ever making a commitment. Maybe they mean that or similar.

[AmeerX]

Wrong in that women need to date a man who decides to marry the guy in 4-6 months and marry them indeed but most jerks just abuse the privilege and then dump a loyal girlfriend after 5-10 years even which is really a joke

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Most likely, they dated men who were not really into them or the chemistry of dating them were not there.

[Anonymous]

Wrong = makes less money than me, has no vehicle, still lives with his parents, his package is less than 8" in lengtgvir 1.5" in width, or is younger than me

[Anonymous]

No girls date the wrong guys. They date only because they were right for them at the time of dating. As the time change, people change , relationships break and they try to compensate for the lost time.

[aadrianaa777]

guys who dont treat them right like who cheat are toxic etc

[Dargil]

Didn't fit their standards

[Anonymous]

men who don't meet high standards