How do you solve a communication gap in your relationship?

Question

Has anyone successfully abled to solve the communication gaps in their relationship? What was your way to handle this situation and to deal with it?

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

First off, learn that talking and communicating are totally different things. It is possible to talk non-stop and never communicate. Communication problems can only be resolved if both are onboard and want to learn and actually make changes (rather than just expecting the other to change).

I'd like for you to start speaking Polish right now. What do you mean you can't speak Polish? Why do you need to be taught (after all, lots of Polish people speak Polish)? Until we acknowledge that education is an important part of learning and change, we'll just continue to do whatever is familiar, while expecting different results.

Find a therapist who is qualified to teach basic communication skills. The skills aren't difficult, but they are very different from what you observe all around you. Learn these skills with whomever you wish to be able to communicate. By both learning at the same time, you'll be able to help each other replace old dysfunctional patterns with new functional patterns. You'll learn that certain words will be very likely to put the other person on the defensive, so you'll want to replace these words (no matter how commonly they are used). You'll learn that how you say things is more important than what you are saying. You'll learn that communication is about showing the other you want to see things through that person's eyes (not just demand the other hear you). You'll learn that different perspectives aren't a threat to either, and it's not about being right or wrong. Seek clarification rather than base everything on assumptions. Realize you can communicate or you can argue, but it is impossible to do both simultaneously. If your choices aren't moving you toward your long-term objectives, come up with alternatives that will. Seek help... don't assume you already have all the knowledge you'll ever need.

Constatine · Accepted Answer

We never had that issue.. we communicate on a different plane than most of our friends.

My friends want to take my on a trip and wanted to ask my lady for permission. I said that was not nesessary.. that she already agreed. The question marks on their faces..

But she only looked at you.. me : yep

We say more to each other without speaking. Than with speaking. We can have a whole conversation on the couch without saying anything. It is done by touch, eye contact and even by listening to each other breath.

And no one can follow what is going

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

1) notice when you're no longer talking about the same thing.

2) point it out.

3.1 if they're reasonable, they'll realize they derailed and hopefully they'll collect themselves.

3.2 they're smart but have chosen the path of passion, you will see their eyes flicker with recognition and they will angrily say something that does not make a whole lot less sense, even to them. They'll huff off but you can probably laugh at them as they lose steam and they'll take it begrudgingly.

3.3 in the case they aren't smart nor reasonable, you have to validate them until they've calmed down assuming theyre stuck on defense. When they've calmed asked if they're still up to continue or if they want to take a break and grab food.

3.4 Sometimes people go from defensive to offensive and then say all sorts of mean stuff they don't mean (like making low ball shots at you or your mother). If you're a girl and he's being too mean, crying is a very effective at communicating that he's no longer being right, he's just being mean. Sadly for a man, if she's cussing you out, a similar reaction is simply to leave and shut the door.

Fights like the last one should be few and far between.

Bethany22 · Accepted Answer

Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It tells the different communication styles of men and women and how to talk to them successfully.

kylee2437 · Answer

Ultimately, you have to be with someone that actually wants to solve communication which involves communication, so if that person isn’t already an understanding person, good luck.

Avicenna · Answer

It can be difficult. Being calm, non-accusatory and giving your partner options for solutions are crucial, IMHO. 6

VKN724 · Answer

There is no cut-and-dry firm agreement you can come to when you both want different things. That's what long-term married people would call compromising and enduring the hardships of marriage. You're not always going to get exactly what you want, but sometimes that's better and more humbling than being single and realizing that you can have anything you want technically but lack someone who has proved they will endure hardships with you to enjoy it alongside with.

"The more you know what you want, the less you let things upset you." Decide what you want personally for your own life if you were forced to be in a relationship with this person til the day you die. Then, if you're a decent person who believes in fairness, ask them to do the same for their own life. Go over each other's points, then compromise.

molonski2 · Answer

To communicate correctly you need to listen , when either of you stop listening your communication will dry up , sound stupid but it needs to literally start with a formal meeting and an agenda , so you have things mapped out , from there if may be possible to engage , with both parties still wish to engage that it.

Start formally , and this gives you a point to begin.

cunnilinguist · Answer

Shut down completely and not say a word for a month, then she'll be happy to hear just about anything and be your best bosom buddy for just saying a few words.

However, if you're the woman, that won't work on him. What you need is give him a half-hour blowjob every day for a few weeks, then he'll start believing you care. It would also be a good idea to keep the habit afterwards lest you fall back. Quite simply, really.

_no_one_ · Answer

Avoid talking about critical stuff when they are not in the right headspace. When u feel both are willing to maturely handle that situation talk about it. Matter fact even plan if u want like this weekend we gotta talk about this issue, find middle ground or something. This trick has worked for me so far. You just gotta have some patience at first by being the bigger person and wait for the right time to talk about it.

HighlyQuestionable · Answer

In this case, I can only critique from my Het Male experiences, so,

Many of the women I have met lack the ability or will to simply say what they mean, really it's not that hard.

The whole point of language is to communicate, not to confuse.

Men shouldn't have to guess what you're trying to communicate.

strateguy632 · Answer

the suggestions in book men from mars helped me and were useful in some relationship.  another option is to specify "we are not understand each other " if can't adjust, then dump the same day.

sheenagwapa · Answer

i don't expecr a person to love me but if you're making me as someone who is a romantic prospecr i expect care some sense of romantic care and if yoy are fine if i ear carcinogenic food everyday then you are shit no communication gap there

jahaims · Answer

My wife and I have always had good communication. If both people have positive intentions and you both treat it as such then you can communicate effectively. You have to be able to be honest with yourself and your partner as well.

Jdodkfndosn · Answer

By doing what you can do to bridge the gap and hoping be meets you the remaining distance. It's going to be to you both to solve what y'all can in your own behavior

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Both can start by being a good " listener " and not just a talker.

shades777 · Answer

what is your definition of a gap? and in what context are you referring to, your question is not complete

jimmy2 · Answer

Sit down plainly both of you get on same page. You must forgiveness with yourself then with each other and especially if you will you both find forgiveness with God

Sparkie460 · Answer

There has never been a communication gap in our relationship so there's nothing to solve

Anonymous · Answer

I immediately broke up with her. It was not going to get resolved and I just found someone who was better at communicating.

BLP11520 · Answer

Go out to quiet restaurant and talk. Or park away from everyone

Anonymous · Answer

Depends what the gap is. If she's completely irrational there is no fixing it.

Anonymous · Answer

Some people go to a counselor and talk things out

Alex-Snow · Answer

Listen more and talk less

boobliker · Answer

have a bath toggether

m33ladEmjay · Answer

Nag the guy to death! until he leaves.

Wise4myage · Answer

Learn some mummification skills.

MissBoogus · Answer

Well, we just communicate?

nawtee_me · Answer

By talking about it…. lol

krin_m · Answer

You have to keep trying.

azgınteke · Answer

ı dont bother at all

LiamJHayden · Answer

Speak

In_Trance · Answer

Talk

How do you solve a communication gap in your relationship?

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