Husband needs space?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been unhappy for a couple months, we both have high stress jobs and have taken our days out on each other. We also haven’t made much time to spend together just us as we have been so busy. Well the other day we had a blow out argument and it is to the point where he is debating divorce. (We don’t have kids or anything) he keeps saying he needs space and just a weekend alone with his friends and family to see if he even misses me anymore. I’m willing to give him this but I am scared due to the fact I don’t think he will have time to actually think or be alone to miss me since he made plans with them everyday and night. Just wanted advice or ideas on this to see if there is any hope. Thank you.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I don't know your specific arguments or situations. I do know it can be hard to intentionally give someone space because it feels like you're rejecting yourself AND having the person youove reject you in this way.

I would consider reframing things for yourself and perhaps take yourself on a weekend away and plan to also stay with your family. He sounds like he's not in a place to actually meet your needs right now and perhaps you can think about taking time for yourself to identify and prioritize what you actually need (reassurance, appreciation, companionship, a friend, stability, to relax etc).

Sometimes when you get away, you feel lifted and then ready to solve your problems. Sometimes when you get away you feel lifted and like you don't ever want to go back. Instead of worrying what he might think, it's also good to get in touch with the quality of life that you want and objectively is the effort the same? Have either of you made steps to alleviate the others stress? What helps your stress?

[LazerBean]

Just keep trying to work things out. In all honesty, I doubt the marriage is savable. But at least don't let it be you who gave up on it. And who knows, maybe something in him will open up and want to fix things as well. Just do your best to communicate to him that you want to fix things, and do your best to understand where he's coming from so that y'all can potentially solve whatever problems there are.

[Asker]

Thank you

[glennos89]

Just being away from you is what he needs. It doesn't mather that he planned all his time full with other people... in the end he will miss you if he still loves you a lot and if he doesn't miss you he might choose to divorce maybe.

But sometimes some time off without seeing eachother can respark the flame again so I advise you to focus on yourself and visit some friends or family without sending him anything.

I was in the same position as your dude in the past and I felt I didn't love my girl enough anymore to continue investing in the relationship. So I took some time off but after a week I all of sudden realised that I really missed her and that's what I needed to know.
I didn't think about it to much during that week but randomly put of nowhere I really started feeling that missed her and wanted to be with her asap again

[Asker]

This gives me some hope, thank you so much. I’m going to give him the space and not reach out to him unless he reaches out to me. It’s only for 3 days so I said I can leave sooner to visit friends and family and he said he didn’t want that? It just gets confusing.

[coachTanthony]

There is nothing to think about. He just needs variety in his life. Both of you do. This thing about seeing if he misses you is nonsense. You both need to get a life.

[Lara_Croft]

Jesus is Lord. Give to him your worries. Also, you're husband and wife. One flesh- how can he says he wants space from his flesh? You both may have been a little selfish in putting yourselves and careers first ahead of building your relationship. And it is well, God is Good. Talk and be more intentional. He's your husband he can't want space from his wife. Try doing something he likes and showing you care and ask the Holy Spirit to intervene

[Shellycc]

Marriage to my husband was sweet and fun, he will call and text me at all time even when he is at work, it turned sour the moment he started seeing another girl at his work place. He will come home late and still charge me to be quiet. We already had Alvin who is 3years old. Last vacation, he left me and our son at home, and went on vacation with the mistress. this was getting out of hand then i started searching for help online then and i sent a direct message to the Email: (24hrslovespell @ gmail. com) i requested a reuniting love spell from the spell caster and my husband came back home exactly the hour the spell caster told me and he was remorseful for the heartache he has made me go through. (24hrslovespell @ gmail. com) Also lovespellsolutiontemple. wordpress. com

[Anonymous]

It is fine, let him have some space. Give him some breathing room and things Will work out. Sometimes having Time to reflect on your relationship. Makes the heart grow stronger. Sometimes being together Makes you Not miss what you have in front of you. Being apart for a few days We'll make both miss each other. The you and him will have Awesome makeup sex.

[Asker]

Thank you, I hope that is the case!

[Opinion Owner]

It will, I've been married for over 10 years.

[Asker]

You don’t think him being surrounded by friends and him drinking a ton with them would cause him to reflect differently? Because he planned his weekend to have barely any alone time to think.

[Opinion Owner]

You do have a point there.

[Opinion Owner]

But remember, don't give up on the hope.

[Asker]

Yeah it makes me nervous that he has no alone time. Because I know he will be drinking having a fun and no reflection will be done. It’s when someone is alone with their own thoughts to process is when real work gets done. I’m trying to stay positive.

[Opinion Owner]

Please do What are most of the arguments over anyway?

[TrueConfection]

I can only speak for myself, but I would LOVE a weekend away with a few friends. It would be refreshing in a good way and I'd be happy to see my husband when I got back, or at least a happier person.

[BoopBoopBeep]

It should be a week. More time to miss you.

However it turns out, it is for the best. You dont want to be with someone who doesn't miss you, after all.

[JHAYES317]

Being with friends/family is absolutely not the same dynamic as being in a relationship so it should be fine, like I hang out with friends almost every weekend, but I’m still lonely. So should be fine.

[Asker]

I just don’t think it’ll give him any time to reflect because he will be distracted.

[JHAYES317]

Maybe it’s not so much that he needs to reflect but just needs to blow off some steam.

[Asker]

Could be, never thought of that.

[Anonymous]

I would let him have the space. Just because be will be spending a lot of time with other people doesn't mean that person won't miss you

[Asker]

I am letting him I just feel with all the drinking he does with his friends that he won’t get a clear answer like he thinks he will.

[Anonymous]

The best advice I can give is to let him know you care about him and your marriage, be contrite, convince him to try to fix things, and then see a marriage counselor together. Best of luck.

[Asker]

Thank you, we have seen a counselor for a few months now and he hates it and thinks it has made things worse.

[DextroShade]

Would you give up your career to save your marriage?

[Asker]

He helped me build my career while dating and fully back it, I run a business. I don’t know if he would even want that as an option. His career is also time consuming but so are a lot of his hobbies.

[DextroShade]

🤦‍♂️this is why so many modern marriages fail: both of you are in your masculine frame when only one of you should be.

[Asker]

I wasn’t originally but he wanted me to be in a sense so I could have more freedom.

[DextroShade]

He fucked up...

[gorydetails]

You have to decide whether you want to fight for this relationship or not.

[Asker]

I do, and he knows that. it’s him deciding if he wants to fight anymore.

[gorydetails]

What is your plan to save your marriage?

[BigDadsHugeCokc]

I believe even if you continuously busy for every moment of the day she's gone if he loves you he will still find himself thinking of you shortly after he's away from you

[DB1973]

How close are you with any of his family members?

[BLP11520]

How long have you been married?

[Asker]

Married coming up on 2 years, together for 5 years total.

[BLP11520]

He is stressed out?

[Asker]

Yes extremely with work. Also sometimes I add to it because I keep asking for alone time together but he would rather choose to have his friends come over.

[BLP11520]

Seems odd, is sex life normal?

[Asker]

Very little like once a month… I don’t initiate because he has been angering me so much and vice versa.

[BLP11520]

That’s not good how old is he?

[Asker]

He is 30

[BLP11520]

At that age he should be wanting more sex, is he secretly seeing someone or texting?

[Asker]

I don’t believe so. But I guess it could be possibly for texting.

[BLP11520]

I am just guessing, I know i was tempted by a coworker years ago

[BLP11520]

That happens in the workplace

[Asker]

I’ve been to his work picnics recently and it is mainly men and any of the women are older women so I don’t think it would be that. If it was to be anything I would think an old flame.

[BLP11520]

I might be, she may have initiated it