Do you feel committed relationships are just a waste of time after you had your heart shit on?

[Finchie40]

The older I get the more I feel like committed relationships are just a waste of time these days , you meet someone amazing , you have great chemistry and connection , you give your heart to them , stay loyal and faithful to them , treat them with love and respect , hoping they do the same to you in return , things are great between you both for awhile and then out of no where your relationship turns for the worst , the person you chose to be by your side , all of a sudden no longer values you or appreciates you , they start finding every flaw in you, no matter what you do it’s never good enough , they start comparing you to other people , they no longer care about your feelings they start treating you like a convenience and use you , , when you express your feelings of concern they act like you are in the wrong and they are always right , they start distancing themselves from you and no longer excited to see you anymore , they tell you they love you but they also say they need space from you , they start becoming very selfish and only thinking of themselves, they invest their time more into their friends then anything , you give them the space they request to realize you give e an inch so they take a mile , You ask them if they want to separate and go your own ways , but they say they don’t know what they want anymore , leaving you feeling like they are just stringing you along while they weigh their options, you ask them if their is someone else and of course they say no, they start saying they are just unhappy and treat you like a punching bag , You think love will save the day but it doesn’t , I been in a few long term relationships that turned out like this, to the point I pretty much see no reason to be in a relationship anymore , almost every girl I meet just wants what’s best for herself , there isn’t partnership and team effort anymore , it’s what can I get from you to benefit myself, What happened to traditional relationships? Selfishness

[devilish-cutie]

no, i value love and in a way noone can ruin that for me. I mean whats the point and greates thing in life than love? It is out of the question to give up that

But the thing is that relationships are hard and people are different and we all have our problems and thigns change and you need to grow together and not apart. What you wrote in a way sounds like infatuation that gets lost. Typically we are infatuated up to 3 years and than that pink sunglasses come of, that you can truly see if your relationship is real and both of you are commited to making it work and love eachother dispite not having pink sunglasses on anymore meaning seeing ysf very rationally.

[Finchie40]

I was pretty much venting when I wrote this question, I didn’t give up on love , I just feel it’s harder for most relationships to last the long haul , mainly because of selfish mindsets , of thinking grass is greener on the other side instead of fixing what you have right in front of you, The relationships I have experienced with girls’ all ended because of selfish mindsets , basically girls’ that expected me to do for them but they couldn’t do for me, i the could never admit to themselves they were wrong , it was always someone else’s fault , meaning my fault , which lead to double standards and resentments , I am not saying I am perfect in any way but I know I valued the relationship more than she valued it, So for me to even consider another
Relationship with a girl , sadly she will have some walls to climb with me to prove she isn’t a selfish cheating whore that understands boundaries that we both agree upon , so until I find a girl like that my ass is staying single.

[devilish-cutie]

I had my fair share of bad experiences with men, Im not saying this is the case with you but if a woman walks out of relationship it doesn't always mean she is selfish, a lot of time men stay in relationships because they are comfortable while woman is not happy with it so she tells many times to his partner what bothers her and what needs fixing and men dont do it and then get shocked when she lives. There is only so much a woman can take. I do agree tho that majority of people (regardless of gender) gives up too soon without trying to save the relationship. Relationships need work and if you find most perfect person it won't work if you dont work on your relationships as peple are different and they change.

[EmyyWolf]

ALL OF THEM, did this to you.

What the hell are you doing then lol 😂 Cause I was thinking one or two of them would be like this. But not every single one. 😆

you're doing something wrong. I don’t know if your cussing them out or throwing hands or raising your voice.

ALL OF THEM?

Maybe it’s the action. The D ain’t good. You don’t make them scream in bed. Erectile Dysfunction?

ALL OF THEM?

You’re doing something wrong at that point.

[Finchie40]

Not all , most , enough for me to notice the pattern of the selfish mindset, basically we set boundaries with each other but sadly they couldnt follow the boundaries we agreed upon , basically her way or no way , and that’s when I put my foot down , you can’t expect someone to do for you if you can’t do for
Them bottom line , When boundaries are set both partners need to follow the same boundaries or the relationship will not last , just a matter of time before the other walks away

[EmyyWolf]

MOST OF THEM?
Yeah you’re the problem.
What boundaries are being disrespected? You’re telling them to do some BS?
Something controlling?

[Finchie40]

Not at all , basically telling me who and who I can not be friends with , telling me I can’t go to certain places without them etc. but when it comes to them doing those things it’s ok for them , Double standards do not work with me

[EmyyWolf]

Yeah because a guy going out, or being friends with female. Is 10x more likely to cheat. Compared to a woman.
🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
Just stay single dude. The dating, and marriage and family is obviously not for you.

[FunkyMonkee]

Only the ones that ended up with you getting your heart shit on. Problem is, you can never tell ahead of time if that's how one is gonna end up!
I had the best time of my life with my ex-fiance, at least for the first 4 or 5 years we were together, then things VVEEERRRYYY GRADUALLY started going bad from her end! By the end of that 10 years we were together, I discovered she'd been cheating on me at least the last 2 years we were "together"!! Had I know that's what was coming, I'd have stopped hanging out with her when she stopped fucking me after 4 years!

[Joshydavid25]

Nah, there are couples who stay together for years into their elderly days, and they still love each other.. Or couples that stay together til death really does do them part.. But I agree though.. People don't care about what they can do for the other person or how their actions might affect the them.

Especially in this day and age where we're basically being encouraged to be even more selfish than we already are. Where our "happiness" comes first. But I'm still young and haven't given up at all..

[IslaTheWitch]

@Finchie40 my dear,

1. Please write using paragraphs. Reading one text column is hardcore, especially since I'm not a native English speaker.

2. There is a rule which says that if you meet the same situation over and over, you have to change something in your behaviour and check if an output changed

3. hoping that love will solve anything is daydreaming. Love is an emotion you have to care about, the same as you care about your furry friend or your plants. And love is much more unforgiving.

But I fully understand you. I currently don't really believe in anything.

[Finchie40]

Sorry , I was just rambling on when I wrote this, I am mainly speaking from my personal feelings of what I experienced in relationships and what has occurred , I know I am not perfect, nobody is , but I do know I take relationships seriously , I don’t commit to someone to be single , and sadly it seems that’s usually what happens after I give my heart to someone , I tend to wear her shoes the same way I want her to wear mine , I tend to look at both sides of everything before making a decision , I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing , but I try not to just assume the worst case scenario but it seems like that’s always the conclusion. Selfishness is the biggest relationship killer and sadly a lot of people are selfish and only think about what is best for themselves , if things don’t go their way , you are all of a sudden a piece of shit and you no longer really matter to them , I am mentally and emotionally drained from having my heart shit on by selfish girls’ that only want what is best for them , whether they get bored , or they feel like they are missing out on something , it seems nothing is ever good enough , relationships are supposed to be team work but lately it seems they are just a waste of time because you will never be good enough especially if life throws obstacles at you , a partner is supposed to support you when things get tough not be against you , sadly most relationships today are
Just one sided

[IslaTheWitch]

Being selfish is part of taking care of myself. No one knows me better than I.

"I tend to wear her shoes the same way I want her to wear mine." Did you ask her if it's something she wants? If it meet her expectations?

"I tend to look at both sides of everything before making a decision." But do you talk with her and check if your assumptions are correct?

Make an honest check on how much you really know and how much you assume you know.

[love_conquers_lust]

Listen to @IslaTheWitch. Start your road to recovery with pilcrows and periods, for the love of grammar.

[Finchie40]

Yes , I am very open and honest , I try not to just assume things , even if I feel something is off , I will express my feelings of concern and communicate with her and tell her how I am feeling, whether she is honest with me or not , is up to her , it seems most girls’ I have been with have a hard time being honest , it’s like they have this selfish mindset that it’s her way or no way , especially when things don’t go her way , she is never at fault and never points fingers at herself first. It usually ends up one sided , basically it’s ok for her to do things but not ok for me , and that’s where I draw the line. Double standards do not sit well with me and sadly
That’s usually what ends up happening

[IslaTheWitch]

@Finchie40 communication doesn't mean that YOU voice you concerns or tell her how do you feel. It's important but you are missing the point.

What is important is learning another person. Asking her about her opinion. What she likes, what she wants, how does she want it. If you don't put an effort, don't expect another person to do it for you.

Selfish mindset is a defense mechanism which start to show up in situations when partner don't even care about our preferences or thoughts.

Stop assuming you know everything and the best and start to learn. Start ask questions and make decisions together.

[Finchie40]

Most Girls I was in a relationship with had selfish mindsets that thought grass was greener on the other side , basically her way or no way , that set boundaries with me that they couldn’t follow , they just expected me follow them but she didn’t have to , and that’s when I put my foot down and expressed my feelings of concern, You can’t expect someone to do for you if you can’t do for them bottom line , so most Girls I have experienced have this selfish mindset that they feel it’s her way or no way , Sorry it doesn’t work that way period

[IslaTheWitch]

@Finchie40 if you say so, enjoy your life, then.

[DizzyDesii]

For some reason, I just haven't given up on love like I may give up on other things that I didn’t always succeed in. Like i sucked at skateboarding so I just collect the decks now. But even if things go wrong with one guy, I know there's still plenty of fish in the sea so I haven't quite given up

[Finchie40]

That’s the thing with relationships, it’s easy to walk away when things don’t go your way and we can only have Sucker written on our heads for so long until we throw in the towel , but usually when I throw in the towel they either have a change of heart and try to work things out or they just walk away as well

[DizzyDesii]

I didn't say I walk away. I’m saying if we didn't work, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I dont give up easily. But if nothings working/improving, i’m not tryna stick it out. I’m currently in something that hs had a few red flags but i haven't been triggered to the point of leaving. Oddly enough, I’m happy with him. I have a hard time noticing what others have

[nawtee_me]

@DizzyDesii You know you’re the best fish out there…. lol.

[SotiCoto]

In response to the title: Yes.

In response to the block of text... there is a key called "Enter" between "Backspace" and "Shift" over on the right side of the keyboard (assuming you use a keyboard and aren't just poking a phone like some degenerate). Use it when you take a breath.

[IslaTheWitch]

@SotiCoto thank you for the mention of 'enter'

[CallmeTheKnight]

You are entirely responsible for the people you allow in your life. That goes for the person you choose to lay with or commit to. If it’s a waste of time, then it’s only a simple reflection of your state of mind, your choices, and lack of accountability when it came to your poor choices

[SolitarySolace]

Absolutely. I realized this 8 years ago. Haven’t had a committed relationship sense. I now am far too comfortable living alone with my cat. I just don’t know what my purpose in life other than work and give back to a society that hates me just as much as I hate women

[Juxtapose]

Good people that are truly compatible for you are going to be rare so you're going to have to suffer a lot to find them. If you run into the same problem over and over, there's something about yourself you need to change. Likely your character evaluation.

[katiesmuff]

No I still have faith in them. Worked well for me and maybe some of the problem is with some people getting into a relationship a bit too soon. Give things time to flourish and see how it is going before declaring it a relationship.

[thatshydork]

I think that that’s normal to think initially after heartbreak, but eventually you’ll move on to someone new and wonder how you could ever think that committed relationships are a waist of time.

[NathanDavis]

never ever had my heart shit on... I made my every relationship work, and it worked great

but, I think that yes... if I kept getting stomped I would get tired of it too

[Miristheiss]

The only things worth while.

Hook up culture is a diseased waste land.

[LazerBean]

I don't feel that way for me, personally. But I do believe that most people are going to struggle to have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Could be the people she’s around, I’ve dated girls that get so paranoid and think that I’m using them for the most trivial reasons. I think it’s ultimately a trust issue maby she’s been hurt before or frequently dates the wrong guys it’s hard to say but it’s best to address these feelings when you first spot them before she digs her heels in and decides to go with what she repeatedly fears.

[Anonymous]

It is an experience, dear. Live and learn. You'd always be wondering what it would have been like with that person. Move on and Go Slow from now on. Never a waste. Good thing to find out now than on your honeymoon. haha

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope.

Not going to bother reading your paragraph by the way, I don't see any point in lowering my standards just because of past experiences from me or anyone else.

[Ms_Facesitter]

It's only a waste of time if it doesn't work out. My relationship is still new, but if it keeps going how it's going, I will be glad it happened.

[Brittanykeen88]

Sometimes. Especially at my age. I haven't had much success so far

[cowboy1213]

Can I ask you a question

[laurlaur101]

Me either

[Brittanykeen88]

Sure cowboy

[cowboy1213]

Could you be in a committed relationship with a man that had a dick you didn’t consider big?

[Brittanykeen88]

As long as it's not super small. Sex to me is important to me. As long as the sex in general is good. Plus, I'm into flings anyway I date with intention on being in a committed relationship

[cowboy1213]

I’m 6.5 inches long and 4.7 inches girth. Is that small to you?

[Brittanykeen88]

I have already answered this question to you lol. I said no it's not small

[Nikki1989]

People with defeatist attitudes like this should never be in a relationship. All you will do is drag the other person down to your level.

[grega239]

At my current age yes. I only have about 15 years left before i won't be able to do some of the thing i still want to do and im not gonna waste them for anyone

[JesseP1nk]

I understand what you mean. You give, give give and get nothing back. And when you ask something then your an asshole. That is why i suggest you to try dating traditional woman

[captain_voidwalker]

Well you not wrong I've always found this quote below to be relationships in a nutshell