I have a close friend who is bisexual and a certified commitment phobe. I'm also a commitment phobe. He treats me like his little sister and acts very protective, always teases me and buys me food most of the time. You'd think everything is cool right? I'm totally happy when with him and vice versa
But in reality, I'm definitely afraid of how close we are. He's very open with me.
What makes me worried is how happy we are when together. It's as if the problems go away and he is very fond of me. We have banters on social media that are very funny and cute. We also have a video call where he took photos of me. He easily laughs when with me but is known to be broody/serious when with others. While eating, he'd take a video of me.
He once said, he needs me because unlike other friends, he keeps on laughing when with me.
On our birthdays, we became dramatic. He said I meant a lot to him. On his birthday, I greeted him a long greeting but he pretended not to see it or remember it lol.
For sure, we love each other but at the same time, i suddenly want space. It feels weird sometimes as I feel like I have a "boyfriend" because of how close we are.
He definitely fulfills my emotional needs and i think it's the same with him. I also don't want to have that kind of dynamic because it's weird.
Anyway to make it weirder, i went to his city for work related reasons and we keep hanging out. Only to learn that he is also planning to stay in my city the same week im returning home because he has his close buddies there as well although i didn't say when i'll return home. I just felt weird knowing about it because i keep traveling to his city this year and he keeps traveling to my city this year lol.
In the end, i just feel i'm emotionally attached to this person. My question is am i right to be afraid of this dynamic or am i just overthinking?
I have an experience of another close friend getting jealous when i got into a "relationship". So maybe that's the dilemma.
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Damn, that does sound like a tricky situation. On one hand, you guys clearly get along really well and care about each other. But being that close without any boundaries could definitely lead to confusing feelings or jealousy from others.
A couple thoughts - since you're both commitment-phobic, have you talked to him openly about keeping it strictly platonic? Make sure you're on the same page before anything develops unintentionally.
Also maybe spend a little less one-on-one time together for now. Still be friends, but back off from the 24/7 hanging out until you've had space to gain some perspective. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say.
And don't be afraid to tell him if you're starting to feel weird - better to address it upfront than let awkwardness build up. As long as you keep things honest and don't lead each other on romantically, your friendship could absolutely work.
Just make sure not to substitute him as your emotional crutch, or vice versa. Stay independent too so you don't become too codependent. Balance is key. Trust your gut - if it feels off, maybe re-evaluate. But seems like you've got a good friend there if you can manage the boundaries right.
Don’t be afraid to love someone
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