What do you do if you want a kid but your boyfriend doesn't but you love him so much?

[Anonymous]

I want a kid with my boyfriend sometime in the future but he doesn't want any kids and he doesn't want to have sex what am I supposed to do I have needs to but I don't cheat

[MrOracle]

This is why vetting every potential partner before you commit to them is critical. Most people choose their partners based solely on their feelings, which is the most unreliable way to choose a partner. Instead, you should be vetting them based on your (and their) morals, values, and life goals. Children fall under life goals.

Things such as similar hobbies, similar tastes in food, music, or movies are nice but don't really speak to real long-term compatibility. Does he want to be married? Does he want children? Does he plan to have a career that keeps him at home, or will he be traveling most of the time?

What is his religion? Does he have family obligations, such as taking care of elderly parents? Does he have a lot of debt? A criminal record?

These and other "big questions" are far more important than his favorite color or ice cream flavor, and I haven't even touched on the morals and values. And you need to know these answers, and you must be able to live with them, or work out a compromise you can both live with, before you commit. Of course, you also need to have your own answers to these questions for him.

No matter how attractive he is or how strong the tingles are, none of that will sustain your relationship if your morals, values, and life goals aren't aligned.

[DizzyDesii]

This is so true, I’m crying. 😩 51% sure i fcked up this go round. I came so far just to start going backwards because I let feelings overpower logic. I dont even wanna think about it

[MrOracle]

We all are susceptible to letting our feelings take control, and we've all done it, myself included This is why arranged marriages were the norm.

Part of growing up and being an adult is realizing that our feelings are shallow, selfish, and change rapidly, and are a horrible way to make important, long-term decisions. They don't care if they lead us to our destruction - and left unchecked, that's the most likely outcome.

Knowing that, you need to really lean heavily on your logic and reason, and expect your feelings to disagree. If you have a father or brother in your life that you can trust, you should also use them as part of your vetting process. Another man can often immediately see things that you just can't see in a man.

Despite what the media teaches us, real life is rarely like a romantic comedy, Real life takes work and sacrifice, even in the vetting process. The most exciting and attractive guys will rarely be the ones with the morals, values, and life goals that you are looking for.

[MittParekh15]

Well most of the people have kids at different age in their life

Ask your boyfriend, why does not want to have kids?

There may be reason like - He is not ready, he wants to be settled in career or he wants after marriage or after 30s etc.

Then find a middle way to the problem

[Asker]

I already have a kid but he isn't the father and he accepts my kid as his but I want at least one more kid and he said he doesn't want any at all like he never wants to have any and he said he doesn't want to have sex because he doesn't care for it

[MittParekh15]

Well it's strange, seems you only know the half story.

Most guys do crave for sex

On one hand he accepts your kids and treats it as family. While Where sex a biological need of another partner - He does not care about it

Can't be true as both are opposite statements.

Try to be gentle in dealing with him, give him time and space and respect

May be he starts liking you later in some years and you both enjoy the best ever sex.

[Asker]

I don't know I asked him if we could have sex sometimes and he was like you don't need sex it's not something you really need and I told him but I crave sometimes he told me to use sex toys are something and I don't like using those and I don't like watching porn so I don't know what to do and he jerks off everyday so he told me he doesn't need sex he doesn't want it

[MittParekh15]

Strange

However in any relationship other partners cannot deny the opposite person sexual desires. It should be discussed and then executed

May be doesn't know what sex feels like as he jerks off alone

Maybe you should go to a sexual doctor, and both putting their points together would be a great solution

Hope this works for you

[Anonymous]

I have the exact same problem.. with a few other disadvantages..

1. I’m older so my clock is ticking faster

2. my boyfriend is depressed and says he will not even be with me anymore and wants to die alone.

I love him and I don’t see myself having a family with someone else and even if I did, I’m out of time by the time I find someone and fall in love it will be too late to start a family for me..

I feel for you but if you truly want a family, even if you love him, I think you should look somewhere else because you still have time.. the last thing you want is ending up like me a few more years down the road with the same situation just aggravated because our bodies have a time limit to when to bear children..

of course I can take my own advice but like I said even if I tried I’m mostly out of time.. if it’s not with him it’s not with anyone :/ I wish I knew this a long long time ago

I hope you find someone that shares your family values and build a happy life with

[Anemone978]

Well considering you are both young it could be he isn't ready yet.. Since you don't even have a job and already have a kid. He might want to be more secure or wait it out before having more kids since you already broke up with your kids father. It could be he doesn't see you as the mother of his children in which case he is just wasting time with you.. For the time being you should talk it out and see his view on it and if he really never wants kids at all then you need to decide if that is what you want too or if you two should go your separate ways..

[virtue2332]

You have to communicate this to him and find out why he feels the way he does. Then you have to decide what's best for you in the long run. Having him or being a mother. I've loved people I'm not with today because we just had differences that were non negotiable to me.

[Joshydavid25]

That's why making sure you share core values with people is important.. I learned that the hard way, and unfortunately it seems so are you. Although, what type of boyfriend doesn't like sex at all? But, you guys will have to come to a common ground if you can.

[RingOfFire]

Won't work out. Sometimes you need to take a deep breath and break things up instead of suffering for years without the right partner. Rip the band-aid off. Hurts in the short run, heals in the long run.

Next time get to know someone better before letting yourself love them.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Clearly, that’s a dealbreaker. If he’s not willing to compromise, and into the world of parenthood, then it is your fault if you end up miserable at the end of the day because you choose to stay with someone who doesn’t have a similar value aligned with yours.

[Anonymous]

Only two choices. Either you adapt to the situation and live happily together with no kids. Or you leave and hope to find someone who does want kids and also wants them with you.

[blueonblack22]

Sad situation but it could be worse. A guy could want a kid, the woman doesn’t and if she got pregnant she could abort it and he would have no say in the matter.

[Tim2nice]

This is an odd relationship. Are you sure he’s not gay or something? If he doesn’t sex or children then he has a big problem. Or should I say you have a big problem. Get out of this strange relationship and find a man who at least wants sex.

[sheikalana]

Stop wasting your time with someone who doesn’t want the same as you. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices in life.

[RoseySarah]

Agreed if you don't agree on this then you won't agree on a lot of other things and he might hate you if you do get pregnant

[JacobJordan]

Leave... he doesn't want kids what are you going to do? Rape him and get yourself pregnant? Have someone else get you pregnant? Should be a straight forward outcome

[lightbulb27]

that's a deal break.

either there's some deep discussions as to why he doesn't want to and decides to love you and provide what you need.

or you need to find another boyfriend.

[exitseven]

maybe get your life a little more settled before you have a kid.

[Asker]

I mean I kinda already have one but I want just one more sometime in the future but yet my boyfriend doesn't want to have any with me and he doesn't want to have sex he said he doesn't crave it and that I don't need it I have needs

[exitseven]

how do you support your kid?

[Asker]

My baby daddy sends me money but he hasn't been sending much I'm about to put him on child support and I'm about to have a job so I can provide for my son

[soe11]

• You should look for boyfriend who is common with chemistr.
• Or you can convince with benefits of kids.

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

For most people wanting kids, or not is going to be a deal breaker. I'd suggest moving on rather than trapping him into the decision.

[couchweed92]

ew wtf is that? he’s probably got some weird shit going on with him if he doesn’t have sex. that’s scary… like what the fuck does he want then?

[Unit1]

Incompatibility

This is doomed.

[Carina0]

Think about what's more important for you and what do you expect in your future. Having kids or staying with him?

[jahaims]

That is why you discuss all of your morals, values and goals prior to entering a relationship

[jimmy2]

Well time changes every one he do it to keep his name going

[bededazzle]

you have to make a decision

[Joker_]

break up with him