Can anyone help me understand Dom/Sub relationships?

[drummer]

[zeitgeist057]

Not everyone fits into the same box, but I can give you some insight into my experiences and perspective.

For me, being a Dom (inant) is a natural expression, and for my subs, it appears they likewise feel naturally submissive, which creates a symbiotic relationship. What I am giving, they want to receive, and what they give is what I want to receive.

There is a list of commonly used terminology regarding Doms here. I don't neatly fit into any single label from that article. I am a Rigger, dabbling in the art of shibari (Japanese bondage)

I am mostly a Gentle/Soft/Daddy/Mentor/Pleasure/White Knight Dom. I practice some Brat Taming, as one of my subs is a Brat, but mostly I tame her with pleasure and by being a mentor, rather than exacting heaps of punishment. I force her to delay orgasms (which isn't too terrible of a punishment, as she loves it), which was useful to me as a step in teaching her to orgasm on demand, or to the sound of my voice. She enjoys being collared and considering herself at my disposal to use as I see fit. From her end, there is some satisfaction in being used, she also enjoys some humiliation/degradation. I think it stems from personal insecurity, and I'm not a Sadist type, so I don't like to indulge in too much humiliation/degradation play, as one of my major goals is to build her self-esteem.

My other sub is actually a switch, but she doesn't top with me, only with other women. She mostly enjoys shibari, mentorship, breeding, and daddy play.

Another (former) sub enjoyed pet play. I tend to want to take care of my subs, so I meld my domination around what I perceive their needs are. To me, this is part of what attracts my subs because they see in me someone they can trust, who is going to take care of them. So it feels good to them to submit to me and place their trust in my care. It's as though they can relax and not stress out, because "sir/daddy/master" is going to make sure everything is okay. And that relaxation leads to an enhanced sexual release.

[sawno]

Ill explain the healthy version of the dynamic since I can see some other people in the opinions that have questions about it. In a proper dom/sub relationship its actually the Dom who is the giver. Of course the whole theme is that the submissive pleases their partner, but if you have a dominant in a taker mentality that can go very wrong for the submissive.

A good Dom in that giver role knows the partner well, they discussed prior what they both enjoy and want to avoid. Set up safewords, etc. Since the submissive is restricted in freedom (Either physical restraints or trough the agreement) its now the Dom's goal to maximize the fun and pleasure for the submissive. Don't just use them, make them do things that make them feel the experiences they want to experience. If they behave well reward them with things they enjoy (to do), if they behave poorly punish them with things they are ok with doing but dislike doing and then do so in a dynamic that works for you two. Some people prefer it very gentle, some people prefer it harsh, as long as that vibe matches both of you.

The submissive will likely feel that they are the giver as they are performing all these tasks for the dominant, but underneath its the Dom doing them a favor to by guiding them trough an amazing experience. In this two types of giving dynamic its great fun and can bring a couple closer together. Just don't be a selfish toxic dom, and submissives if you notice a dom take advantage of you like that with little regard to how your doing or feeling then cut him out, he's not the right dom for you.

[dynamicyandere]

Well said. 🥂 I believe you have the best answer so far.

[dynamicyandere]

@Sublopez Yes. A Master/Owner to be specific. Though, I also have my own unique approach to things.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It’s about control and submission, and there are different reasons why people pick that lifestyle. I’ve only dabbled in submission admittedly so I know that when someone chooses to submit in such a relationship it’s because they enjoy the freedom from choice. They don’t have to be responsible for their decisions, they get to leave that in the hands of someone else, some people kind a spiritual experience in submission in that way. I was not one of them, I couldn’t allow myself to fully release control to my dom so we ended it. I imagine for doms, having control is validating to them in the same way a parent might be validated in having and taking care of their kids, they like responsibility, they want to be the leader, they want to take care of someone else, not to mention thriving in the idea of power over a willing participant. It’s a very delicate balance that can be difficult to maintain but the people who commit fully to that lifestyle are probably some of the most emotionally and psychologically whole people you will ever meet.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Bitch, can you not read?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

What about ANY of that says I want to be a dom for some random loser desperate enough to pull this shit with your FULL FUCKING FACE in your PFP like I can’t reverse google-search you and get your full name? Get on fetlife, dumbass

[Cute_potato01]

Dom is like the person control

Sub is the person who submits to the dom

[Pete671]

indeed, on the surface, but the sub sets the limits so who is really in control?

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 subs r the doms bitch.. sub has no control well that's if ur really into sub n Dom. there must b a great deal of trust

[Pete671]

Subs have limits, usually, ideal for me is exactly what you say, hottest play I ever done both ways is where there is the safeword, but using it ceases all play immediately. And yes trust is essential,,

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 ur into Dom n sub ouuu

[Pete671]

Yes both, depends on the other person whether I go Dom or sub, tend to be sub with TS girls, Dom with sissies lol,,,

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 that's sort of hot. Mind if I watch?

[Pete671]

you would be more than welcome! by the way the best ever session I ever had was a cis female Domme, directing a TS Domme to do stuff to me, ie controlling the action while she watched lol,,,

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 dammm that's good content

[Pete671]

thanks, it gets the sub to push their own boundaries,

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 they're tiny dicks flopping around 😍

[Pete671]

oh perfectly said, my size is a frequent subject for comment, and I just love it!,

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 thank you. Ohhh what size is it? If u may

[Pete671]

My pleasure to tell you, 2.75inches soft, 4.75inches erect, 7cm/12.5cm.

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 not bad

[Pete671]

thanks!, great fun when a sub laughs at it though, I have to punish them for that hehe,,,

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 😌 u kinky little boy😏

[Pete671]

lol thanks, bit difficult doing SPH on a transgirl when they got a bigger one than me!

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 sph? Awww is sucks

[Pete671]

Small Penis Humiliation,,,

[Cute_potato01]

@Pete671 🤣🤣🤣I understand your reply now

[Pete671]

thanks!, I used to be embarrased by it's size but I learnt to enjoy the mockery when I was in a cuck relationship at Uni,,,

[Finchie40]

A Dom is pretty much in control , they are dominate to someone that is Submissive to them. Me personally likes to be more dominate to a girl that is submissive to me , but I also like switching it up as well at times, I prefer submissive girls ' that I've being told what to do in bed

[Anonymous]

At the most basic level when you strip away all the individual and personal parts, a Dom/sub relationship is one involving a willing and arranged exchange of power. It can be as simple as one partner taking charge, directing, leading, and/or guiding the interaction. But it can be as complex as very serious interactions where one person surrenders in a safe way that to most people not in the know looks very extreme and very rough and very intense.

What happens though is between the people involved. But is is always safe, sane, and consensual. I'm going to repeat this! SAFE! SANE! and CONSENSUAL!

It is NOT! the Dominate walking all over the submissive for the Dominate's pleasure. It is not abuse. It is not using the submissive. It is not putting the submissive in danger. People will look at it and see a way to usurp power over another and treat the person badly because they see the submissive as weak and easily manipulated. I was just watching something where the woman was talking about how she likes submissive men because she can basically due whatever she wants to them. This is false. This mindset is what leads to very bad situations. The Dom is not just taking. The submissive is not just taken from.

A big stereotype is this idea of Master and slave. I do not agree with using these words for Dom and sub because a slave has no free will or choice. This is the exact opposite of how a healthy Dom/sub interaction should be. The submissive has the power at any time to stop and say no. AT ANY TIME! This is what safe words are for. Doms claiming the sub doesn't need a safe word should be immediate red flags!

Also the idea that a Dom/sub interaction is hard, rough, painful, and involving BDSM is a misconception. Even with the ones where those aspects are involved there is should be caring, protecting, and respect.

There is also all the whole lifestyle talk. If you're sub you're always sub. However, this is like saying a light always has to be on. A person can have moments of submissiveness or feel Dominate one night and not another. There are people who live in this situation 24/7, but that doesn't mean it has to be this way. It can be an in this moment right now kind of thing. You come home from a horrible day at work and want to be held and taken care. Or maybe a coworker did something stupid and because you can't release that frustration at work you come home and want very fiery intimacy where you are very much in charge.

As pointed out there are a lot of different ways that range from one extreme to another. Hard to very gentle. Mean to very kind. And with that they are have different reasons. You will find that people who may have a very stressful job where they are bossed around will come home and be very Dominate. You can find people in jobs where they have to be in control and lead and direct (CEOs or high powered lawyers) may become very submissive in private. This is due to the fact that they are looking for balance. They are on one side in public but need the other side in private.

It boils down to the Dom fulfilling a need of the sub and vice versa.

And because it bears repeating! At ALL TIMES! the submissive CAN STOP things! It should ALWAYS be SAFE! SANE! AND CONSENSUAL!

[experience]

First off, Dom/Sub relationships fall under the broader umbrella of BDSM, which stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. In the context of a Dom/Sub relationship, it's really about a consensual power dynamic. One person, the Dominant (Dom), takes on a more controlling or guiding role, while the other person, the Submissive (Sub), consents to follow or be guided.

In many ways, a Dom/Sub relationship can be incredibly intimate. The level of trust required to let someone else take control, or to be the one in control, is immense. It often involves a lot of open, honest communication about what each person wants and doesn't want. And despite the power dynamic, it's a partnership, with both the Dom and the Sub looking out for each other's wellbeing.

For some, it's a 24/7 lifestyle; for others, it's something that only comes into play during specific times, like during sexual activities. Some people enjoy the physical aspects more, like bondage or sensory play, while others are more into the psychological dynamics of control and surrender.

One of the biggest misconceptions about Dom/Sub relationships is that the Sub is weak or has no power. In reality, Subs have a lot of power in these dynamics. They're the ones who set their boundaries and have the ability to stop activities they're not comfortable with, often with a safe word.

[smne35]

It's simple some people like to be dominated and others like to be the dominator, it stems from ones environment, I knew this lady who was always in abusive relationships, if her guy didn't abuse her she felt he didn't love or care for her, what she was doing was repeating what she witnessed as normal growing up, seeing her mom being accused and took it to mean I love you, here this slap means your special to me, a punch in the gut means I love you and so on, it's sad but true now even it comes to sexual domination that's got so many twisted branches, got insurance you take a upstanding well respected man, who got to a dominatrix, is whipped insulted defecated on just reduced to nothing, this is how he deals with stress and what ever other twisted problems they have hoped this helps you any y to better understand the nature of this devient life style and why people do it expose themselves to it

[DecalFong]

You ask like a monkey seeing itself in a mirror for the first time, confused and curious. Dom/Sub relationships be like a fierce tiger with a delicate touch, a bear that dance ballet, or like a human being who has no understanding of grammar and sentence structure.

Dom/Sub, it's like mountain that beboth hard and soft, like ninja that beboth powerful and gentle. Dominant is like bamboo that doesn't bend, but like steel, that bend without breaking. Submissive is like flower that bloom in the face of harsh conditions, like cherry blossom that lose petals in a gentle breeze.

You see fuckwit, Dom/Sub, it's like sun and moon, yin and yang, tiger and dragon, all in one. Now, go and have a wild night, and remember to keep your garden watered and fertilized, like a master flower grasper who feed @tapeworm boom boom long time!

[Tapeworm]

You wouldn't be wrong if you said that @BοοbSlayer is constantly fascinated by the dynamics at play. He sees everything as an intricate dance, where dominant practices control and guide the submissive, much like a masterful chef who skillfully crafts a savory dish. The Dom takes on the role of the sous chef, expertly preparing ingredients, while the Sub plays the part of the eager apprentice, ready to learn and follow instructions.

In this symbiotic relationship, the melons, boobies, tits, milkers, fried eggs, chesticles, honkers, bazoombas, coconuts, fiery biscuits, cantaloupes, boom booms, and jugs of the sub are tenderly handled by the Dom, guiding them to reach their full potential like a seasoned sculptor shaping clay. The Sub, in turn, relishes in their Devoted role, always yearning to please their Dom.

The Dom's touch is as gentle as the sun's rays, warming the Sub's soul and fueling their passion for one another. As the Dom and Sub explore their connection, they reach new heights of desire, much like a mountain climber ascending a peak, rewarded with breathtaking views and unparalleled sensations.

In this captivating dance of power and passion, @BοοbSlayer's heart races, his pants tighten, and he is always ready to pounce on any opportunity to touch or fondle those succulent melons. The mere sight of them fills him with desire, like a thirsty man who longs for a refreshing glass of water on a hot day.

In conclusion, @BοοbSlayer's understanding of Dom/Sub relationships can be likened to a melange of culinary delights, where the delicate balance of flavors and textures is the key to a perfectly cooked dish. He is enamored by the beautiful objects of his obsession, and the dance between Dom and Sub is a symphony that he never tires of hearing.

[Anonymous]

Being the sub is a great way of demonstrating that you trust that person intensely. It can also be a reward that a wife or girlfriend bestows on her boyfriend/husband for providing safety, emotional stability, and financial security for her and family.


For a sub to know that her boyfriend/husband is capable of physically harming her, doing the wrong things to her in bed, but instead loves to pleasure her, she lets go of the control she has over her body, and in the bedroom she can let her guard down, stop being a strong mother figure for a while and happily get railed.

[TBrewer]

The sub gives up control and worry about most decision making. This allows them to feel safer and be more stress-free throughout their day.

The dom gets to have somebody to protect and direct and this gives them purpose. The Dom will get support in various situations that require another person as well as getting to act out their sexual desires but the sub still gets to object if things get out of hand. It's kind of hypocritical but the sub actually has all of the power in the bedroom because they say when things stop.

[Billlewis]

A dom/sub relationship, generally operates under the belief that one person is superior to the other one, and therefore deserves to receive greater attention.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Stupid relationship that requires someone being in control and the other person following all orders I guess. It’s that BDSM kink stuff that a lot Of weird people are into.

[ohmyguy]

I can't really but their a movie you might have heard of.."the secretary. .. you should check out

[aceleon]

which part don't you understand? isn't it kind of self-explanatory?

[Pete671]

any aspect in particular? I've done both ends of the spectrum often,,,

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

A dom is a selfish lover and a sub is the opposite

[RedInnocent68]

Sometimes you want to fuck. Sometimes you want to be fucked.

[warsevf]

It's an "act" kind of relationship, whatever flies your aeroplane

[ItsMykolaJenkins]

One loves to control

Other likes to be controlled and told to do things

[Jmmmfi4]

What's so hard to understand

[elizamichale1]

I am a sub myself... wht do u want to ask

[Andrewsmith14]

Pretty self explanatory

[Date_a_Snob]

My boyfriend is my dom

[collie22]

She telling you what to do

[SoJust]

No, I don't know at all

[Lynn2001]

A dom is in control and a sub submits to the dom

[Alex8736]

If you check out fet life you can get a better understanding of roles and kinks

[OddBeMe]

Shut up, sub. Lick my toilet!

[DreamLife7]

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