Do you ever feel guilty for hurting someone?

Question

Occasionally, before I sleep at night, I look back at my past and feel guilty for the times I’ve hurt someone or I could have been more considerate than I was…  Do you feel it too?

CalmUntilAbused · Accepted Answer

Well... I did not have a lot of opportunities to hurt someone, I mean, like, directly hurt them. Most cases of me hurting other people is probably me pushing my own frustration onto them, and while I do feel guilty for that... I guess if I refrained from this, in some cases it would just explode sometime later with me having little to no control over it, and possibly actually hurt someone directly.

However, there is one case that has come to haunt me these days. In my primary school, there was a very special girl. One of Her special traits was that She wasn't mistreating me. Instead, She was somewhat crazy about me. It might have been due to the fact that She was a little different in behavior from the other kids, and while they were targeting Her either as much or even more than me, I had quite a few chances to verbally defend Her, and maybe even a single one to protect Her physically. I just felt that we were... okay, neither "brothers in arms" nor "sisters in arms" really fits that specific situation, but You probably get the idea. Two people in the same situation, facing overwhelming pressure from the rest of the class.

The point is... At one point, She went crazy, and She went all out. Or at least, that's how I've seen it at that time. You know, until then, I've never got a single Valentine card in my life. Not even just a single kind message, comparable to the "compulsory" chocolate in Japan. On that day, I've gotten like ten of them. They were all from that one Girl. They even combined into one longer message. I admit it, I panicked. It was a show of affection on an unprecedented, apparently abnormal scale. Not even my family would be this... er... cordial with me. Or this pushy. A few days later, She told me with not a single hint of uncertainty: "We're going to get married in the future." And She did it publicly. Mind You, I've just been a primary school pupil at the time, even though my classmates appeared to be as knowledgeable about this "birds and bees" stuff as some of the most hardened criminals in prisons (though I would only learn about them being comparable to career criminals in this regard some time later in my life).

Many years later, I will have learned the term yandere and realized the true scope and nature of what had happened with Her. She even attempted to playfully restrain me once, when I was just standing there, clueless and frozen i place, though She was so sweet that She would not resort to any actual violence while trying to restrain me. At that time, though, I went paranoid. It's not that I rejected her company. I continued to defend Her when needed, and I did not refrain from casually interacting with Her. However, I always strongly rejected any claims that She was my girlfriend, and at the end of primary school, we just quietly went our separate ways.

That probably did hurt Her, even more so due to the fact that I had my sights on a much calmer and more collected girl who was also kind to me (to the "normal" extent, as I used to put it). That other Girl would repeatedly lend me Her notes as I returned to school after an illness (and I used to catch virtually anything I coule possibly catch), and it became such a routine occuring that I didn't even have to ask Her directly, as long as I appeared at school and greeted Her in a friendly manner (which I always did, She was one of only two girls in my class that I could talk to in a friendly manner anyway), She'd bring up lending me Her notes on Her own. I guess I found it a little more endearing that yandere-class shows of affection, or maybe I was just too panicked in front of the Girl exhibiting these yandere traits.

Once I realized the full truth about what had happened all these years ago, I consider it my biggest "what-if" and I definitely regret potentially hurting Her to an extent I will never truly know. If my kind of cold attitude towards Her made Her into yet another hateful feminist, I think that would be an unforgivable sin on my part and I would deserve my life being cursed, after all.

love_conquers_lust · Accepted Answer

Yes, a number of times.

I put one of my neighbors in an unfair position when I narrowly avoided getting hit by him in his truck while I recklessly crossed a road at ~30mph on a 4-wheeler. A girl who I had known since high school was riding on the back with me. I then proceeded to tell him to calm down after he’d yelled at me for breaking a community covenant in not riding ATVs through the neighborhood.

Not only had I endangered my life and someone else’s, I had the egotism to thump my chest towards my neighbor who was in the right.

I reconciled with him a few years later. I apologized and acknowledged the wrongs I’d committed that day. He was surprisingly understanding and acknowledged my forthrightness. He commented, “You’re a leader.” I was very fortunate to have worked up the courage to swallow my pride and make things right when I did, because he passed away from cancer a few years later.

When I broke up with my ex, I made one major mistake. I arrogantly assumed I was in the right on everything and did not give her a chance to explain herself. I was too much of a coward to hear it from her. I one sidedly decided to block off our communication and dismantled any trust we’d built. I decided to not hear her side of the story straight from her. I won’t make that mistake again.

I’ll never know what truly happened and I’ve no intention to seek out closure. I wouldn’t try to disrupt her life like that. I want her and any other girl I’ve been with to find happiness in their lives in whatever endeavors they wish to pursue.

The point of these stories is to highlight that people are more understanding than we may give each other credit for. If we’re honest and forthright, we may find forgiveness if that is what we seek. It’s also to illustrate that things may not be as bad as we perceive them to be. Sometimes we get in our own heads and perceive problems that aren’t there. These moments of self introspection are also opportunities I’ve used to gain wisdom, and ponder what I would have done differently. Not all is lost when we lead with the best intentions. Sometimes they lead to the best results when our hearts are in the right place. Anyone with a heart of their own will understand that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have only done something once that I eventually felt was wrong and I regretted treating someone that way. I was 18 and I ghosted a boy because I didn't have the nerve to tell him that I wasn't going back to college and i would be dropping out next semester. It seemed that college was a big thing for him. Initially I didn't feel guilty because I felt that my choice to leave college was a private choice that didn't involve him. But after about a year I regretted ghosting and hoped that I hadn't hurt his feelings. It made me choose to never be careless with people's feelings and always treat people how I would want to be treated and think carefully about how I make others feel. Ever since then Im proud to say I have made this moral a way of life.

7Phoenix7 · Accepted Answer

Sometimes that happens to me. And I'll feel bad and think about how I could have done better.

syncheart · Answer

Yes I feel it too. I never mean to hurt anyone. I don't like to get hurt either. by the way I love this song.

Common Children – Wishing Well

https://genius.com/Common-children-wishing-well-lyrics

Red Rover, come over, pick clovers
Let's spend a little time away
We're learning, we're turning, we're burning our hands
Playing in the fire today

But please don't listen
To the lies inside this place
When the monster rears its head out
Just turn and see your face

When the sky is torn, the feelings are reborn
Like the passing rain, this moment will fade away
And so I try to find my water all by myself
It's so dry
I won't stop to cry

Indecision is killing, you're wishing, you're dreaming
You're measly life away
Time is out, time is gone, time is in
Time has come and flown away

But please don't listen
To the lies inside this place
When the monster sticks its head out
Just turn and slap its face
When the sky is torn, the feelings are reborn
Like the passing rain, this moment will fade away
And so I try to find my water all by myself
It's so dry

I'm drinking from this wishing well
I'm fleeing from this frozen cell
And I think about the people I've hurt in my life
I think about the people I've hurt in my life
Forgive me for the people I've hurt in my life
Forgive me for the people I hurt

When the sky is torn, the feelings are reborn
Like the passing rain, this moment will fade away
And cannot find my water all by myself
So I wander
And I wander and wander and wander
All by myself

Anonymous · Answer

This is about hurting guys in your past isn’t QA?

I expect more and more “modern” women to secretly struggle with this as time goes on. More and more of them are being encouraged to indulge their in the moment “feelings” and not think about the long term ramifications of their behavior and decisions. It’s about the so called “your truth” as pos Oprah once put it. No there is no “your truth” or “my truth” there is only “the truth”. Unless you are a sociopath your conscious will haunt you about it later in life.

However to be fair I have every once in a blue felt some guilt for the isolated moments in my life when I was the dbag. They were rare but when I honestly evaluate myself I know I have been much less than a good guy in a regrettable moments in my life.

If any of those women ever contacted me about my dbag moments I would completely own up to being in the wrong and apologize.

Gent207-2 · Answer

I think the greatest regret I ever felt was when I was holding my first baby girl. I thought about all the other daughters I hurt and how their fathers must've felt.

I promised myself and her never again

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Yes, I do so… What happened is being diagnosed with Bipolar/Schizo-affective disorder, it's a tough mental illness, and I'm on medications, but the illness is never completely stable. During middle school, I was bullied almost every day.

Anonymous · Answer

I look back on my dating in my teens and i was a disaster, instead of being with girls i was always mistreating them and breaking up with them. I was so immature. I only cared about myself. I didn't care at the time. I hurt myself too in the process.

In particular the way i broke up with one girl, i just ignored her until she went away.

qtheoneandonly · Answer

I always try to be respectful, so I don't really have this problem. but I have apologized to people the day after or a week after that, I said something and realized that it might've been offensive to them. Most people are pretty understanding.

DJB72 · Answer

Generally not more than a couple of months after. And generally I have no clue  how  I am supposed to have hurt them.

AaronKrieger · Answer

Sure.

Hell, last night I had a dream about a girl I hurt in high school who I was good friends with for years. It wasn't intentional nor do I think about her much, but sometimes I dream about her giving me shit for it.

It is what it is.

ABH0710 · Answer

Yes, but you can’t dwell on the past. You cannot change history but you can learn from your mistakes. Me and my mum used to have some huge arguments and we said ugly things to each other. Now she is no longer with us, it haunts me but I know that I never meant any hurt.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

Sometimes. But then I think that I have good reason, and even if they don't deserve it, that's now the world goes.

Anonymous · Answer

Genuinely yes, if I believe I wronged someone I would. But in my opinion if someone did something to me I feel their bitchy, pompous, arrogant behaviour won’t ever have any remorse. And as 2023 wraps up, I consider those people the biggest hypocrites and stooges on the face of the earth.

Sour-rose · Answer

I'm sure I did in the past but... what's done is done. And now if someone gets hurt by me, it wasn't my intention (likely) but no more will i be a rug.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I always feel guilty if/when I hurt someone. I try to never hurt anyone but sometimes it does happen

motownplayer2000 · Answer

No, I don’t go back to the past and feel guilt. In the moment sure. But once I’m moved on I’m out.

Guido · Answer

Of course. We are human and have emotions so when we hurt someone we feel bad.

Anonymous · Answer

Of course I do. If I have a chance I ask for their forgiveness and I have done so with some people already. Even if that literally was 10 yeaes ago.

sawno · Answer

In the moment, but I always move on from it because I always operate with my best intentions.

Anonymous · Answer

Felt guilty for hurting my husband a long time ago.

Still-alive · Answer

Only if i felt i was truly wrong in doing so some people though truly deserve it. and i feel no shame about it at all hehe

elduderinosupreme · Answer

I'm at the point where it's on purpose to get them away from me. I don't feel guilty anymore. I really despise most people.

lightbulb27 · Answer

yep, I consider their feelings.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Is your female broken? Most women destroy men and don't care one bit.

EmpressAJ · Answer

Yes , I don’t like hurting people  But if you started with me then idgaf

Anonymous · Answer

No but then I have zero emotions and have only battered a rapist

msc545 · Answer

I do sometimes

Simslover92 · Answer

Yes I definitely do.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Yes.

JacobJordan · Answer

Generally... no

Tharithi · Answer

Like what did u do

soe11 · Answer

Without a doubt.

RingOfFire · Answer

Yep .

Iron_Man · Answer

I don’t hurt people

cherriibly · Answer

Nope cuz I did not hurt someone

DreamLife7 · Answer

Nope bc they most likely deserved it 🤣😭

Agape93 · Answer

Nope

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, all the time

SongBirrd · Answer

I do, every day.

eagle1951 · Answer

sometimes

HouseMoat · Answer

Depends, right?

Amur8711 · Answer

Absolutely 😢

Do you ever feel guilty for hurting someone?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Yes, I do so… What happened is being diagnosed with Bipolar/Schizo-affective disorder, it's a tough mental illness, and I'm on medications, but the illness is never completely stable. During middle school, I was bullied almost every day.

Do you ever feel guilty for hurting someone?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Yes, I do so… What happened is being diagnosed with Bipolar/Schizo-affective disorder, it's a tough mental illness, and I'm on medications, but the illness is never completely stable. During middle school, I was bullied almost every day.

We're glad to see you liked this post.