My partner doesn’t seem to take saving seriously. How can I change that?

[Anonymous]

My partner and I want to buy our own house as we are fed up of renting. The only thing is… he has a bit of debt (as far as I know £3k) and he doesn’t seem to be taking things seriously.

I asked him how much he thinks he can save in the time we have because we only have 12 months before our tenancy is up and I can’t shake the feeling that he is relying on me to have the deposit. I am older than him by 7 years and I’m more driven generally but he just sort of shrugs his shoulders and says we’ll have to see… he’ll try and save as much as possible.

How can I get him to be more motivated and not just rely on me? He has a good job albeit he works for himself so it’s not like he doesn’t have a chance to earn the money. He has lots of work coming in.

I just don’t want to get 12 months down the line and I’ve saved everything and he has nothing

[SeymourBill420]

Well, here's what you do. You dump him. And you pick up a relationship with me because, you don't have to encourage me to save. If you're not instilled with that by your parents you're never going to learn this. I had the same problem with my ex-wife. She had a dollar in her pocket she wanted to spend it. And then she found herself living credit card bill to credit card bill. But, the value of a dollar has to be instilled by his parents from a young age. His parents could have done a better job at that obviously. His parents must not have had a problem with money. That's the problem with people that have money they can't raise kids because they can't teach him to value of money.

[Asker]

His father is terrible with money which is what worries me… it’s hard when you love someone though.

[SeymourBill420]

Well, one thing I realized with my ex-wife, it's hard to love somebody when they're throwing away something so important like money and not valuing it. I'm not saying that my marriage ended because of that that was not the reason whatsoever. I actually let her dig herself into a hole to show her. Then she dug me slightly into a hole. But, the topic of somebody throwing away money is very easy to fall in love with somebody about. Because, that shows mental issues. And if somebody has mental issues and maybe they're not stable enough to be in a relationship or in life. Because, you can live life paycheck to paycheck throwing money away left and right but are you happy? No. Is everybody happy with money in the bank? Yes. So, it's responsibilities. And, if he has a problem with saving a penny, I would definitely run. It would definitely be a major red flag. And, I've been looking for a woman that can value a penny for all my life. So, that topic is very important to me.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that is a tough situation. As a dude, I can see maybe where your boy is coming from - sometimes it's easy to put off saving and rely on others. But that ain't gonna fly if y'all wanna buy a place!

He's gotta step up. Maybe have a real heart-to-heart, like sit him down and be straight. Tell him how important this is to you, and that you need to be a team. Get him to commit to an actual savings goal, like put a number on it and track it together.

You could also try making it kinda competitive - like see who can save the most each month. Gamify it to get him motivated. Or if he's got work coming in steady, maybe ask him to set aside a certain amount from each job right off the top before anything else.

Even just small stuff like cutting back on unnecessary spending could help. See if he'll commit to saving with you for a few months - once he sees the progress it might inspire him more long-term. Good luck, hope you guys can make it happen!

[Anonymous]

“I can’t shake the feeling that he is relying on me to have the deposit.”

Because he is relying on you to have the deposit.

“I am older than him by 7 years and I’m more driven generally but he just sort of shrugs his shoulders and says we’ll have to see…”

Because he is not on the same level as you maturity-wise. He lacks life experience.

“He has a good job albeit he works for himself so it’s not like he doesn’t have a chance to earn the money. He has lots of work coming in.”

So he has the potential to earn a lot, but doesn’t take action? Or he earns a lot and spends a lot? Either way, when it comes to your relationship and its future, he’s waiting for you to foot the bill.

The only hope you have of motivating this boy is by taking yourself out of the equation.

[LazerBean]

You cannot change that, only he can change it. Save your money and your time, dump the boy and find a man.

[slatyb]

He's not going to save unless he saves before he spends. If he's unwilling to do that, maybe you don't want to be a joint owner with him. Maybe you should by the house and he should pay you rent.

[butterly248]

Neither does mine tbh

[Anonymous]

He needs some maturity and guidance.