How many men can I sleep with before I've ruined myself for marriage?

[amoon2000]

I come from a traditional family and would like to get married one day. I currently live in a multicultural city and have been enjoying meeting different men. In particular there is one guy but he's not interested in a relationship and has told me so. Just wondering if I'm setting myself up to fail longterm.

[Miristheiss]

My advice to men.

If she isn't a virgin don't marry her. So, the moment you give wife privileges to some guy not your husband or not the guy you are planning to marry you are no longer wife material.

Guys can hook up with you. Guys can date you. Guys can even have long term committed relationships with you... but I'd advise them to never marry you. You gave the "wife" stuff to another man.

For a man to marry he is LEGALLY binding his home, job, finances, retirement accounts, possible future alimony payments to you, possibly losing his home to you by court order... etc. These guys you are effing for free and giving your body away to aren't pledging ANY of that.

Men, don't marry her and legally risk all of your assets, retirement accounts, your home, possible alimony payments to a woman who has already given it up for FREE to some smooth talker at the club or some horny high school boyfriend.

Marrying, taking on a wife should have VERY high standards.

So, the answer...1. The moment you give it up to another man, you have ruined marriage.

Have some standards men. Women look to you to provide, work, give your life if necessary, work 2 jobs if need be to provide a home and take care of a family. Divorce courts give the kids to the woman and make him pay child support, they make a man pay alimony. Men are expected to bear this responsibility. Are women not supposed to bear anything for a marriage? She offers you a lineage and having kids to carry on the name. If she lets other men into the spot your children come from and giving away the marriage worthy act for free then she's thrown away what makes her wife material. You are supposed to be "the man" and work and provide and you are dead beat if you don't have a good job and you are supposed to "take care" of her and provide. But she gets to just F around and make the husband be her 20th lover? 20 other dicks have been in there depositing their DNA where you want your lineage and children to come from?

It is pathetic how low men's standards are now and nothing is expected of women for marriage.

[SarahS98]

As a married woman who had every intention to wait till marriage but gave it away to my then fiance (we were only 2-3 months away from our wedding when it happened), honestly what you said make sense. He's giving away his freedom, sacrificing it all and putting our fertility years in the first place, ahead of his own unlimited time. Why would any woman give a boyfriend she doesn't even know if she's even going to get married to sex or even worse, get pregnant.
Now here is a tragedy to my story. I didn't fail him but he'll never be able to get me pregnant ever, at least not natural. He has both CAVD (born without vas deferens, which are tubes to carry the sperm) and moderate case of cystic fibrosis. Even with a surgery performed to transfer his sperm, since I'm a carrier of CF myself, there is a 50% chance of our child having health issues. His gene is defective and he's infertile. He ended up crying a lot in private when he first got told the news.
Even though it's not my fault what happened, I really feel like I've let him down so badly. He did so much. He sacrified it all for me and I won't be able to carry his baby, his legacy. I can get pregnant but it'll have to be by a sperm donor unfortunately. My husband agreed to that but still... it makes me sad, as if I'm in debt with him. I owe him a child he'll never have.

[loveslongnails]

You're not ruining yourself for marriage if you have pre-marital sex EXCEPT for a guy who will only marry a virgin. Studies have shown that virgin marriages last longer, but only by 5 percentage points, which is basically the standard margin of error, statistically speaking.

But here's the thing you need to understand about it, in my opinion. If your criteria is holding out for someone you love, it doesn't mean he loves you back even if he says he does. Men will lie easily to get sex. However, if you are able to approach having sex for physical and mental enjoyment WITHOUT the expectations of a commitment, that's a totally different mindset. You need to do what's right for you, in your heart, mind and soul. Make your own decisions about your own body, and mind.

I've had this discussion with other people, and I've stated that any man who'd throw away a woman because she's NOT a virgin, especially if she's only had sex previously with one other person, is not a man worth caring about.

[antelope51]

#1 was because I was bored and felt like it was "time." It was fun, it was educational, I enjoyed myself, he proposed, I dumped him after a year because I wasn't THAT into him. He'd been an interesting toy to play with and stretch my wings.

#2 was the love of my life and it burned hot and bright, baby! And then he truly and irreparably shattered my heart.

Since then, I just haven't been able to commit (emotionally) to any of them since, even though there are good guys, some great sex... none of it has been particularly memorable because my heart hasn't been into it and there's too much scar-tissue—you lose that flexibility to love with all that you are. I really think THAT'S what the whole "loss of innocence" thing is, not an intact hymen...

While I was extremely (sexually) satisfied with #2, I will never be particularly sexually satisfied now, even with the hottest sex (and I've had some since, but it's all kinda hazy/irrelevant because it was just scratching an itch), because none of it will measure up to the guy I gave everything to (except my cherry, that is).

So... I suppose what that all means is, I have no idea what's right for you. This is just my experience.

[amoon2000]

Hi, can you message me?

[sheikalana]

My advice is do not give yourself to any men unless you’re sure he wants to marry you.

[OlderAndWiser]

Many men might be forgiving about your sexual past, but the question will be not your number but your attitude. Do you view sex as an expression of love between two committed partners, or is it a pleasant form of recreational activity between two consenting partners. If your count is 83, most guys won't want to be #84, because they will assume that #85 won't be too far off into the future, either.

[Hulk_kitty]

Don't do anything because of what other people, say you should do. You will end up confused, lost and sad person, because you are trying to live to everyone expectations.

In terms of how many can you sleep with before ruining yourself before marriage? is kind of open question, and many men have different views on this subject, some men will say, sleeping with 5 men is too much, some will say 10 is too much.

I know many girls you had a lots of sex with different guys, and had many boyfriends, and still have ended up happily married and had a family.

This whole concept of having to be honest crap, about your past in terms of sexual partners, is utter rubbish. You don't have to be honest about shit with anyone, about your past, unless its really bad like commiting a serious crime, or you have a bad STD, like HIV etc.

DO what you feel like right when it comes to sex and relationshisp, as long as what you do, does not hurt other people or affect their lives in a negative way long term.

Just have some basic morals and values in your life, and stick to them.

[Hulk_kitty]

It's important to recognize that the concept of "ruining oneself for marriage" is subjective and varies across different cultural and personal beliefs. Ultimately, the number of people you choose to be intimate with before marriage is a personal decision influenced by your values, beliefs, and the cultural context you come from.

It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and make choices that align with your values and desires. If you're considering a long-term relationship or marriage, open communication and shared values are key factors. If the person you're interested in is not looking for a relationship and has communicated that clearly, it's important to respect their boundaries and consider your own emotional well-being.

Instead of focusing on a specific number, focus on building healthy relationships, practicing safe and consensual interactions, and being true to yourself.

[wiltingrosepetal]

Dude, thank you. Being a virgin girl in this social climate makes me feel so much damn pressure. Like I'm not allowed to make a mistake, have a relationship that doesn't work out, because after I'm through I've been 'ruined' and no man will see me otherwise. I want to have a life but apparently i can't if I want to get married some day. God, it's all so restrictive

[Hulk_kitty]

@wiltingrosepetal Do what you feel is best wilt. Stop listening to everyone, it will really make you miserable.
At the end of day, not everyone will like you, for you. Yes it restrictive, but you have change your approach to the situation, and play the game to suit you. What I mean by that, if you have slept 50 guys in the past, and you meet and a nice guy down the road, you don't need to tell your body count, you can just say I have had 2 boyfriends. He will never find out. My mum said, you get no thanks for been hero in society. Yes people like honesty, but I have found sometimes, people use your honesty against you.
The reason guys don't like girls with high body count, is cause they feel, that women will compare them in the bedroom and won't be happy or sexual satified with their boyfriend. There is always solution to a problem, just have to think about it.

[wiltingrosepetal]

Noted. Thank you for the advice 🙌

[jjj101010]

@wiltingrosepetal it’s terrible that people or society would make u feel that way, everyone can make mistakes, plus how many people get things right first time, not many. There isn’t a stigma like that here

[GreenLanternI0I]

After 4 your chances of settling down and having a long term marriage will be down by 50% and the more you sleep around the less chances you will have to keep a long term marriage. To give you a perfect example. First guy would have a handsome face and body, but his UPS package is average. Second guy would have average looks, but his UPS package would be able to sustain your marriage for a loooong time. Third guy has average looks and average package, but he has GREAT personality and serious fathering skills. Fourth guy has a little bit of everything, but he is loaded with cash and social influence (not talking about social media garbage type of influence). The point I'm trying to make here, after you experienced different cars that have different potentials and benefits etc... you won't be able to stop, you be looking for that Perfect man. A perfect man that 90% of women are looking for, until they turn 30+ and hit their biological wall. but after 30+ those women are no good for most men, except SIMPS and cancel culture, snow flake emotional 30, 40 and 50 years boys (NOT Men).

[HighValue]

Any casual sex or more than 5 lifetime relationship partners that you have sex with will ruin your pair bonding ability and make good quality men never want you for a serious exclusive long term relationship.

If you want to be valued and to have a faithful partner that respects and cares for you long term (40 + years) then don't have casual sex.

Also, I advise you to never be with a man that has participated in casual sex either because he won't be faithful and stay together long term.

Casual sex is common, and so is divorce. Also, 45% of women ages 18 to 45 are projected to be single and childless by 2030 because of the widespread immorality.

Whatever decision you make, and whatever advice you choose to follow, ultimately YOU are the one that will have to live with the consequences of those choices for the rest of your life.

[SotiCoto]

Different men have different standards on those sorts of things.
Sure, by being promiscuous you're locking yourself out of marriage with "traditional" guys... but then would you even want one of those in the first place?
If you get knocked up and have kids alone, that will lock out more men. If you get STDs, that will lock out more again. And if for whatever reason you end up "stretched out", that will lock out all the guys with small penises and large egos, which is probably for the best.
Ultimately it is less about the bodycount itself and more about carrying the consequences of it.

[BCA6010]

If your goal is marriage, then don't waste your time with men who "aren't looking for anything serious." That alone is going to serve you well, plus more than likely they aren't going to change their mind, and theyre never going to fully respect you in the way you want either.

[CalmUntilAbused]

It's quite probable that You are on the way to Your own personal emotional hell. It's an inexact science, but every subsequent act of mating results in less oxitocin being produced, and this hormone is responsible for forming deep bonds, so if You waste enough of it, You will become unable to form a stable bond with Your future husband.

[Berethor]

Not waiting until marriage is enough for that, and the more men the worse it gets.

[DJB72]

It depends on the guy, but the statistics say anything over 5 and chances of a successful marriage drop significantly. Clinical studies show the fewer sexual partners you have the less likely you are to get divorced, and if you have a child before you get married divorce rates are far higher.

Sorry.

https://www. focusonthefamily. com/marriage/premarital-sex-and-greater-risk-of-divorce/

[DarkWinterNights]

It depends on the type of guy you want to eventually settle down with. Every-time you get with another guy or you do things like OF, porn or sex work it further limits your options. Obviously the more traditional men will be turned off the most, but there will always be someone who doesn’t care, they’ll probably have their own vices you’ll have to accept though.

[DextroShade]

The number varies a bit based on the woman's temperament, kind of men she is sleeping with (thugs, players, and bad boys are worse than regular guys), and the circumstances (flings, one-night stands, and toxic relationships with players are worse). I would recommend you keep your body count in the low single digits and only sleep with guys who are interested in relationships.

[mobiusforniner]

The question should be, “how much do I value myself”?

If your idea of self worth is based on freely giving yourself to someone who doesn’t value you beyond a piece of wet meat, well, that speaks for itself.

[aceleon]

even 1 is enough.

think like this, you don't need to kill countless peoples to be a killer, just 1 life is enough.

example was dark and bad but i think you get the point, don't. do. it.

[shortster]

Depends on the type of guy you want to marry. For more traditional men; one is probably enough. Semi- traditional it is probably 3. Non-traditional it is probably 10. Liberal like 25-50. Wokists like 100.

[amoon2000]

Oh wow, some of those numbers are quite big

[shortster]

They are all approximations; as every guy is different

[HouseMoat]

I hope by "traditional" you don't mean you're "homophobic"

I'm not gay, but, "traditional" makes it sound like you think gays getting married and having sex, is wrong

[friendly111]

you are not "ruined" at all, if you understand what are you doing and you choose to have sex for pleasure there is nothing wrong with that, it's more of red flag a girl who's had 10 boyfriends than a girl with 20 1 night stands

[OddBeMe]

If the guy cares about that he might not be worth marrying.

[i_am_an_engineer]

You can sleep with men as many you want unless you are in a relationship…

[Nice222]

I don’t believe there is any particular number you reach and are considered “ ruined”.

[getwiththepg]

As soon as the tip is in its Game Over from there.

[LazerBean]

One.

[Astarlessnightsky]

How many you want.

[goaded]

2763.

[OddBeMe]

Such a slut.

[Jamie05rhs]

One.

[Staximus]

A few

[Asad1ONE1]

One.