Why are some people able to find a loving, supportive, committed partner and other's can't even as they turn the big 4.0. Is it really just "Luck"? ?

[Anonymous]

If it's one thing I have learned in this life (and I am turning 40 soon).. is that people MAKE their own luck out of the good choices they make instead of foolish ones? ? ? !

I can't help but feel sorry for myself sometimes, especially when I see women who are younger than me (like my Filipina neighbor who isn't that good looking, happily married to a good looking WHITE man and they just had a baby together and she even has baggage from her first partner!)... Or someone who isn't as attractive as me in one way, shape or form...

I don't fall for anyone that easily I think... I USED to not be like that and I would just let my hormones do the talking.. but then I grew up and grew older... it's annoying me at times. I don't have any major red flags that I could see, yet whenever I like someone, they turn out to not like me as much as I like them that they aren't willing to fight for our union! ... I didn't want to settle so yeah.. I really don't understand! Some women they get married right out of high school and it lasts for several decades... or.. a woman will meet someone in her 20's or early 30's and it works out... I really don't understand! I'm not ugly and I don't have THAT bad of a personality!

Even when it comes to friendship with other women it's hard.

[MrOracle]

While there is SOME amount of luck involved, it's definitely true that people make their own luck, and that people who do the hard work tend to be the ones who succeed - and people who don't do the hard work usually fail, even if they have some fortunate moments along the way. This is true of everyone.

As far as not having a man, your own statement reveals what I suspect is your biggest problem. I don't know you, and have nothing against you, and I could be wrong, but I am going to say this anyway, on the chance that it applies, and that it gives you a path to success.

You stated that you have decent looks and your personality isn't THAT bad. You make the common mistake that most women make and believe that your success with RELATIONSHIPS with men is mostly down to your looks. It isn't. If you were ONLY seeking casual sex - or chose men who were obviously only seeking casual sex - then, yes, your looks would be the biggest factor, but that's not the case with relationships.

For men seeking a woman for a serious, committed relationship (and that is definitely NOT all men), looks are the first hurdle, but the bar is set low and most non-overweight women can get past that bar without much trouble. Where most women are eliminated - or, rather, demoted permanently to "for recreational use only" status, is based on her personality - her morals, values, attitude, and life goals. Women have NO IDEA how often a guy has serious hopes for a girl, only to have her start talking and in 30 seconds, she's earned herself a demotion - sometimes to "casual sex only" and sometimes all the way down to "I have no interest in her of any kind."

Your personality is MORE important than your looks (assuming you aren't significantly overweight), and guys tend to be looking for a short list of specific things, and it rarely takes longer than 5 minutes for most women to disqualify themselves. The ones who don't move on to the next round, and some who don't are pursued for casual sex, but most women's personality is what keeps them from success.

Feminism has taught women that everything is about HER needs, HER desires, and HER happiness, and women are ACTIVELY discouraged from even learning about what men want. This is no surprise, because destroying male/female relationships has long been a feminist goal. And that Feminist message is everywhere, so you absorb it without even knowing it. Schools, work places, government, and all forms of media are full of the message.

But men are no longer having it, and most see even a hint of feminist ideology as a red flag. Likewise career-focused or image-focused women, and entitled, "treat me like a princess" attitudes.

If any of that applies to you - and again, I don't know whether it does - then those things need to change if you hope to attract a man for more than bedroom fun. A new outfit or pair of shoes are not the answer - having a personality that is attractive to men is the answer.

[Asker]

"You stated that you have decent looks and your personality isn't THAT bad. You make the common mistake that most women make and believe that your success with RELATIONSHIPS with men is mostly down to your looks. It isn't. If you were ONLY seeking casual sex - or chose men who were obviously only seeking casual sex - then, yes, your looks would be the biggest factor, but that's not the case with relationships."

1. First of all Mr. Oracle, looks are relative is it not?
2. I thought it was the opposite. Men will fuck ANYTHING regardless of how a woman looks so long is the man is horny enough or drunk enough.. otherwise, there wouldn't be severely overweight women floating about that are moms. .. or even ones that are "lucky enough" or "good enough" to get into relationships/marriages.

3. If I really like the man, of course I'm going to care about what he wants. I like him after all and I want to see him happy.

4. I don't really know how much I "bit into" the feminist ideology thing. It's just that I wasn't born rich and my family that I grew up in wasn't rich (unfortunately) so I've had to "earn my keep" so to speak the upwards way if you know what I mean. I wasn't born with a silver or golden spoon in my mouth so if I did end up married with children, my partner and I would have had to struggle from the bottom up basically, just like my parents did. They unfortunately couldn't give me a head start as far as inheriting anything during my fertile 20's so...

Maybe a lot of the parents or people married that I see have had to do it (life) paycheck to paycheck too.. maybe that is what I need to realize. They don't have it all easy. I see a lot of families that live in apartments with like three kids in like a one or two bedroom sometimes.

[Asker]

Also, if it isn't looks, then what's the point of trying to look pretty for him? ! Or looking my best or at least good with either make up, smiling, beautiful sparkling eyes, beautiful shiny teeth that are brushed, good hygene, sweet smell, good hair, etc. =)

[MrOracle]

"1. First of all Mr. Oracle, looks are relative is it not?"

Of course. But we all understand that there's a majority opinion. You can't count on finding the exceptions - they're rare. The "market" dictates each person's "value" on the market. Much like the car market - you aren't going to get "new" prices for a 10 year old car with 100,000 miles on it, and a Mercedes is almost certainly going to be worth more than a Chevy of the same year and condition. While rare exceptions might occasionally exist, it doesn't change that these are basic truths of the market.

"2. I thought it was the opposite. Men will fuck ANYTHING regardless of how a woman looks so long is the man is horny enough or drunk enough.. "

This is not MOST men. It's generally the "partier" crowd and the guys with low morals and values. Most guys in either group aren't "relationship men" in the first place. I was quite specific in that, if you are looking for a relationship, ONLY "relationship men" matter - what other men do or think is irrelevant if they aren't interested in what you want.

"3. If I really like the man, of course I'm going to care about what he wants. I like him after all and I want to see him happy."

What you aren't understanding is that you need to know what men want from a woman and in a woman FIRST, or you'll never be able to attract "relationship men" in the first place. That's like trying to find a job as a chef and assuming you can learn to cook after you get the job - it doesn't work that way. It's necessary to put in the work UP-FRONT.

[MrOracle]

"4. I don't really know how much I "bit into" the feminist ideology thing. It's just that I wasn't born rich and my family that I grew up in wasn't rich (unfortunately) so I've had to "earn my keep" so to speak the upwards way if you know what I mean."

I understand, but you need to understand that men don't care if you have money or not. Your money isn't something a man is going to value, because he's unlikely to benefit from it. When you sacrifice your youth and your fertility for a career, you squander your MOST valuable assets, because that's what men want more than anything else. No amount of money or education or degrees will ever come close to replacing that in a man's eyes. But Feminism taught you that the opposite was true, and that nothing you ever do would be as important as your career.

"Also, if it isn't looks, then what's the point of trying to look pretty for him?"

Did I say that looks are unimportant? No. Of course they're important - but it's not the ONLY thing that's important and it's LESS important than your personality, morals, values, and life-goals. When it comes to looks, if you are reasonably fit, natural-looking, and have a feminine look, that's all guys care about. Very few men care about the label on your clothes or shoes, or want you to look "nightclub ready" all the time. A $40 sundress and some sandals will make most men happier than anything else you could wear. Be clean, and be natural, and you're ahead of most women who wear far too much makeup and focus way too much on "fashion" and nails and trends.

[Asker]

"I understand, but you need to understand that men don't care if you have money or not. Your money isn't something a man is going to value, because he's unlikely to benefit from it."

My recent ex actually wanted me to get a better job. He understood that a family was expensive and I think he also understood that being part of a couple in a marriage, as well as parenting, was costly, so.. we were actually planning on moving out together in the near future before he broke things off abruptly, sadly..

Also, at least two of my aunts were also the "BREADWINNERS" in their family where their husband's made less than them.

Anyway, thanks.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. You are correct. Thinking that dating is simply a matter of "luck" is counterproductive, because it discourages you from examining your dating behavior and making changes to become a better dating partner.

2. Similarly, if I blamed women for every failed relationship I have had, I would simply become bitter and even less attractive.

3. Getting upset about your number of failed relationships is understandable, but it is better to think of dating as a series of relationships which can each teach you things about yourself and about the opposite sex, if you are willing to learn your lessons. I'm wiser than I was when I was younger, and I have become a better partner as a result.

4. You can allow bad experiences to make you become bitter and frustrated, but NOBODY wants to date a grump-butt!

5. Always remember. . . you gotta take a chance if you wanna find romance!

I met Helen in December, 2020, and we are getting married on April 27 this spring.

[IslaTheWitch]

You are seeking a partner; you give this vibe of being desperate. It doesn't mean you are desperate; you just feel flowing time, and you envy other women in relationships.

It's normal, you know. To feel that way. Some men and women find their spouses later. Some never.

One of my friends is single. He had a few brief relationships, but in the end, his expectations were too high. He doesn't offer enough (in my opinion) to catch the fish he wants.

Another offers a lot but is single by choice...

The godmother of my older daughter found her spouse when she literally gave up any hope and made peace with her single life in her late 40s.

What I try to say is... don't overthink it. Enjoy what you have, broaden your horizons, and enjoy simple jokes and banters here and there. But don't expect. Don't look for someone.

Give yourself a break from the expectations you set for yourself. Enjoy simple everyday things. The smell of coffee in the morning. The taste of homemade food you did with care for yourself. Because you care for yourself. The touch of grass or sand under barefoot. The labored breath when exercising or simply enjoying sports... embrace your life as it is, with all the small things which make you smile daily.

The rest will come naturally.

And you know, except for one distant female friend from high school. I have only male friends. And it works just fine for me.

[sheikalana]

I don’t know if it’s luck or not. But for a long time I wasn’t lucky in the dating world. I had a lot of men pursuing me but they were all trash. I dated some of them and things always ended up going in the wrong direction even when I did not expect. Then I hit my 30s and met my now husband and we’re locked in for life.
Dating is out of control nowadays, people have different mindsets and a lot of people are not ready to be in committed relationships. They’d rather have multiple options on standby for when the one they’re currently dating doesn’t meet their expectations anymore. People are no longer willing to solve the issues in their relationship and instead just give up and move on to the next one. I’m very happy I’m no longer single I don’t know if I would survive this dating world. I know a lot of women in their late 30s and early 40s wanting to have a family but can’t find a decent partner and some of them no longer have the hope anymore. If I was a single woman in her late 30s I would also be devastated.

[D_Bone_Steak]

You might have the looks and get a guy to want to fuck... but take a long hard look at what you're offering long-term. I mean none of us are even with you and you're already nagging us about how we're not good enough. Do you think a man wants to work hard all day and come home to that? Do you? You're an anon so I don't know or can't judge a picture, so even assuming you're the hawtest of the hawt of chicks... just from what you're saying and how you're saying it... you sound like a headache and I'd rather leave you with your cats.

Like for reals... it falls on a Friday night and I might want to drink more than a 6-pack and pass out... you literally sound like you'd ruin that night for me... by nagging and demanding attention... expectations when there doesn't need to be any at the moment.

But good luck with all of that... it's not working... it's not going to work... but my honest opinion is I wouldn't be able to change your mind on that. ... and that is your fucking problem. You can pull them for a fuck maybe still... but reality check... who really wants to stay?

Nobody? Well... that should speak for something. You probably won't let it be heard though.

[Asker]

Yes exactly, you do not know me, what I've been through and what I am like. You're only pulling at straws here really. For all I know, my exes were the ones with the problems and not me you know. Nowhere did I indicate that I was demanding attention 24/7 or I ask too much of any of the dude's I've dated, not more than the next woman (who is reasonable in what she is looking for by the way!). So I really don't understand where you are coming from and same with the people who rag on me here about saying how * I * might be the problem! Just I think unfortunately, I've met trash that I probably shouldn't have taken out of the garbage!

Also, it's not like it's been easy to have a family these days if you've seen the skyrocketing prices of items and "inflation" going on.. houses and cars cost 3 to 4 times (if not more) what they were compared to back then so the newlywed or the newly-coupled are going to have to think long and hard about how to afford all that stuff save for Welfare or an accidental pregnancy that occured one hot night!

[D_Bone_Steak]

One of the most common things pointed out is a woman blaming all the ex's as trash with no accountability for their choices in those men... it's a red flag. I hate that you're taking this personally, but yeah... I'm making guesses, but they're educated guesses. I'd say you have a bad picker (as in you pick bad men which is your fault) as the main underlying problem.

You exclaim you are reasonable in what you're looking for... I'm guessing this might be a clue as to red flag number 2... Let me explain why I think that. There is a ton of women online with completely unreal expectations demanding that even though they've spent their life banging Chad and Tyrone and just having fun all the way until they hit the wall (when a woman hits a point around age 30 to 49), and then she demands something serious...

You might not be any of these things I describe and you're not like the others... but please... understand why and where I get these almost automatic assumptions.

... and then you go off on a tirade about inflation and random results of unprotected sex... a woman talking, is a woman about to tell on themselves... dare I say red flag #3?

You're asking why a man isn't with you and I'm just explaining it to you. I'm explaining why I wouldn't be with you and you're proving my point, so I can't be too far off from reality... am I right or am I right? ... that's where I'm coming from since you don't understand... but I think you understand and just don't want to hear it.

[Asker]

The reason I made comments about the cost of living is because no it's not random dummy, it's just reality.

"... and then you go off on a tirade about inflation and random results of unprotected sex... a woman talking, is a woman about to tell on themselves... dare I say red flag #3?" Okay how am I telling on myself? Lol. You're really one to talk. Most of the guys here I wouldn't date either honestly. They all sound like LOSERS who make a living and are quite pleased hurting women's feelings. I think they secretly HATE women lol. Honestly, THAT'S the type of conclusion I am getting from the ones that hurt me (or at least try to on here). They don't even, they're not even good at really helping with anything regarding giving good advice lol. They're just arrogant about it!

And no I did NOT bang no Tyrone or Chad lol.

[D_Bone_Steak]

You do know what I mean by the Tyrone and Chad meme, right?

I mentioned telling on yourself (which is another meme about women AKA "let them talk long enough and they will tell on themselves")... because the pregnancy from one hot night seemed oddly specific... like, is that what happened to you before? Just having random hot nights is specifically where the Tyrone or Chad meme comes into play. I'll explain further if you don't understand...

I'm trying to help, but I'm not here to pay you lip service either. I don't care if I'm too blunt or whatever. I simply don't give a shit about anyone's feelings. I'm trying to figure out what the facts are and answer your question in a very realistic way... I have no care if you like the answer or not.

I'm not being malicious either, I didn't call you a slur... you called me a dummy though. Resorting to name-calling tells me you're not quite understanding what I'm saying... or else you're not being serious enough about figuring out your problem. ... like, would you even admit you have a problem though? ... or do you think it's just all men?

[D_Bone_Steak]

I was just stopping by to see if you replied to this yet. You have me curious as to your mindset on your own situation.

[sawno]

Its luck if you want to meet someone that truly fits you, but its also putting yourself out there. I'm very curious what you spend doing in your 20s because that was your primary time to find a lasting relationship since thats the moment you have a large dating pool. At 40 everyone is either taken or looks for someone younger for fertility reasons so the dating pool is exclusive to people who came out of a failed relationship and those who didn't manage to get in one. That dating pool isn't the end of the world, my neice met the love of her life at 40 but do expect some level of baggage such as him bringing children in to the relationship.

[Asker]

I was in college trying to get a college degree and working for my survival and being terrified of losing my virginity (because I heard it hurt to) and or lose it to someone I didn't even like or worse yet, get knocked up by the wrong guy and end up a single mother like that woman that my neighbor married!

[sawno]

Yup, exactly as I expected. The school system doesn't work for women, it lasts way to long in their dating prime and if they focus to much on school this happens because it takes up to much time. Every time I point it out to younger girls I get called a sexist.

So if you were not actively looking and super conservative in who you picked that means you rejected a lot of potential men that would have been great for you. Either by not being at the places they were, or by turning things down out of fear.

The virginity thing isn't as big of an issue for a guy like me as long as you are still willing to do non PIV sex so I get my needs met in the relationship. I know others are more demanding on that.

So what likely happened is that the people who got lucky were the people less serious about studying or were the types who really stand out in a crowd so it was easy for them to get boyfriends. Your style of a heavy study focus and being more conservative sexually limited your options substantially, and then it becomes a matter of being lucky to meet the right guy at the right time regardless.

[Asker]

@sawno I see your point, but 1, how would I know (well I was less educated about the game playing that men did/would do and it was the 2000's) if he wanted just that stuff or a relationship? ! Because I now know that men can LIE lol.. I had to learn it again in my late 30's lol.. but anyway.. 2, I was MUCH shyer back then (something I thought men would appreciate? ? ! I wasn't the cake-on-the-heavy-make-up, wake-up next to some guys bed, and passed out drunk and be taking the Plan B pill the next morning!) Though I did do that a few times in my late 20's actually, but that quickly lost it's steam because I wanted to be taken seriously and loved even OUTSIDE the bedroom lol. 3, it's too late to turn back time, I can only focus on things now, not in the past. =)

[Asker]

Whoops, I didn't mean to do that last emoji.

[sawno]

Yeah, and I am not ragging on you of course just trying to explain my interpretation of what happened.

But the way you know is by being with the guy long enough. The bad ones do everything and will say everything to get in your pants. The good ones is where it gets tricky and ill use myself as an example.

I personally have reservations on what sexual acts I do in which stage. I don't seek full on penetration if she isn't ready for it and I don't want that myself outside of a relationship. But at the same time I consider a relationship as serious as a marriage and am reluctant to ask a girl to be my girlfriend until I know we are a match. And I do think a relationship needs to have sexual acts in it considering she has my sexual exclusivity and loyalty. I don't want to agree to sexual exclusivity and then just be sex deprived in return.

So within men that promise anything for sex and a good guy who does need sex in a relationship you will have to navigate your way to find out which of the two you have. And my trick for that is the general honesty, does he dare to screw his chances by being honest? My ex used a test by purposefully asking something she knew I would not like about her to see my reaction. I told her my honest opinion but that it wasn't a dealbreaker. She knew that if I was a player i'd have given her a fake compliment or claimed it was a plus to get on her good side and its apparently an effective tactic.

So look for honesty before you have sex.

[Asker]

@sawno You're very articulate like I said. Also, like I was saying, I didn't want to be a single mother who got knocked up/left pregnant by the wrong guy. Yeah, I could claim child support but I didn''t want that drama. ... Why people in their 40's are already parents? ? ! What's the rush? ? !

I mean people who made sure to have a baby in their late teens to 20's and up... why are they rushing? ? ! Why are they IMPATIENT? ? ! Hehe..

And lastly, what person in their late teen, 20's make 60k plus a year? ! I know not many! 🙂

[Tiptoetamm]

Personally I think the fear of rejection holds them back from even trying to they see they people that won't let fear hold them back that's why they find someone. Yes we get turned down and it sucks but I get up brush it off and keep it pushen. Don't be afraid of someone saying no because you never know that person may blow your mind and say yes. You'll never know if you don't ask. And a lot of women don't make the first move men can be very sensitive in the way that women turn them down and they are cold about it when they do. I'm doing that men are less likely to make the first move. Ladies. Make the first move I prime it will benefit you and your confidence will blow them away. If you feel shy fake that shit. It will surprise you. At least try it.

[Tiptoetamm]

I promise it will benefit you. Typing way to fast

[Asker]

Nah, men are not very sensitive. I've been turned down by men in very cruel ways and they've had no qualms or a guilty conscience about it, so I think it really depends, not on tge gender but maybe personal experience?

[Tiptoetamm]

I don't deny there's asshole men of course just like asshole women. But the nice ones are less likely to make a move because of bitter asshole women. You take offense to that look in the mirror honey. That's a you problem

[Asker]

"You take offense to that look in the mirror honey. That's a you problem" What do you mean? I didn't take offense to anything. I was typing on my cell phone before and I couldn't type well. Now that I am on my desktop, things are easier. I didn't take offense to what you said, there was nothing to take offense. I just said I didn't agree, there's a difference. But I hope you understand me better now that I've explained things further.

And I hope you were not calling me an asshole lol. Nowhere did I deserve that.

[Tiptoetamm]

I'm saying if you think men are not sensitive and have not had their feelings hurt by women your wrong. I hear it all the time. We are taking about men not women that's all not calling you an asshole but if you think men are not sensitive that's wow

[Kaamraj]

There is no "the one" there is the one who fits most of the requirements and with whome compromises are worth it because the outcomes are better than living alone. The notion that there is a soul mate or someone perfect is a modern fairytale limited to the western world.

[Asker]

After my ex left me, I was even willing to be his second wife or side chick. That's how much I loved him! 😞

[Asker]

Also, though, there * should * be only a *one * especially if you plan on marrying only one person and being monogamous with them.

But I get you.

[DextroShade]

The reason you are alone and your Filipina neighbor isn't is because she knows what men want more than you do. She is likely feminine and submissive.

When you were in your prime you had many opportunities to get a husband but you squandered them in various ways: you likely chased the hot guys but couldn't keep them due to a lack of feminity and submission while the guys who would have accepted you as you are were rejected or put in the friend-zone. You could still find a man but you will have to settle hard: he won't be hot or wealthy and you will have to submit. Keep in mind he would also be settling g for you. If you can't handle that then buy a dog and die alone.

[Asker]

"The reason you are alone and your Filipina neighbor isn't is because she knows what men want more than you do. She is likely feminine and submissive."

No she isn't. I know her more than you do. Also, not all men want someone submissive. She's short, has darker skin than me and she can be a bitch if she wanted to be. I've spoken to her in the past multiple times, there really isn't anything too special about her. She even has a teenage son from a previous relationship. I really just think she got lucky. My neighbor is a sweet man. He doesn't have any baggage from previous relationships and he was raised right. He used to be a problem child and gotten in all sorts of trouble but as he grew, he became more calm and responsible, lucky for her.

Also, no, I did NOT squander anything. I didn't even know I HAD anything to squander. No guy was giving me the right attention anyway. I lost my virginity rather late at the age of 28 so that just shows you how much I "HID" from society because I was TERRIFIED of getting hurt by a guy saying he didn't want me anymore and I am seeing two lines on a pregnancy stick! I was poor back then and was driving a beat up civic. I was also in college trying to earn my Associates degree and keep above water so to speak financially! I wouldn't know the first thing about filing for child support in the 2000's and I think the Welfare Office was stricter back then as well in terms of getting Food Stamps for a College Student! I also wasn't a BAR PERSON/BAR HOPPER and DIDN'T sleep around much to maybe your surprise! So thanks for all those assumptions!

[DextroShade]

You wasted the majority of your 20's on celibacy because you were afraid of men, that is more evidence that there is something seriously wrong with you. You females are not nearly as smart as you think you are and tell on yourselves all the time. Enjoy your cats, boxed wine, and lonely death!

[Asker]

"You wasted the majority of your 20's on celibacy because you were afraid of men, that is more evidence that there is something seriously wrong with you. "

Um, maybe I was just shy? Hello, I had LEGITIMATE reasons for being scared to be left pregnant you asshole! What's YOUR problem! You heartless jerk!

[DextroShade]

First, contraception is a thing and so are abortion and adoption so miss me with that lame pregnancy excuse.

Second, unless you are hideous you had men ask you out and you rejected them. That goes beyond just shyness and indicates you are misandrist or have severe trust issues.

[Asker]

1. No I was just SCARED of men! They're usually the stronger sex! Especially the older ones that had more life experience than I did!
2. I wasn't about to commit a sin! Abortion is not something I wanted to do! I was raised in a RELIGIOUS background and I heard that type of thing is TRAUMATIC! And BIRTH CONTROL isn't 100% effective! I heard losing the virginity HURT! Dude!..
3. Like I could AFFORD a child in my 20's! I wasn't born with a silver or golden spoon in my mouth! How would I know how to FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT! I couldn't even qualify for Welfare at that time! They were too STRICT in the 2000's! I was a working student!

[Asker]

4. Why are you such an asshole? You sound bitter towards women. Maybe you are the one that needs to get a good look in the mirro and develop something called EMPATHY and compasion!
5. Not only was I hearing about bad men that leave women and break hearts, I didn't want to become a victim of that. I wouldn't know how to even HANDLE that type of thing, especially in my 20's!
6. Again, what's with the attitude? ? ! If your sister or mother or best friend were needing this kind of help, would you ACT the way you are acitng now? ! Just because I am a stranger to you should be no excuse! You come here to supposedly give good advice or to help, not to insult! It is TOO LATE for me to turn back time anyway, and I bet if I HAD done things differently, I don't know if I would have been better off! If I had been very lose with unprotected sex with any old Tom, Dick, or Harry, I would've probably either killed myself already for getting pregnant with the wrong men or being a woman with multiple baby daddies on welfare! Something I really didn't want to be labeled as!

[DextroShade]

You are incredibly insecure and because of this and your internalized misandry you will die alone.

[Asker]

Dude fuck you lol. I wish you would just be kinder and change your ways. I am NOT a misandrist, you don't know me, so how dare you say that lol. Go ahead and insult a STRANGER if it helps you to feel better about your screwed up life. The reason I GOT some insecurities is because of other people anyway. I'm guessing you are a very perfect person! Well GOD lol, I didn't know you could be so ugly both on the inside and out!

[DextroShade]

You are only so upset because you know what I say is true. If you want to feel better about yourself then you need to get over yourself and find a decent average man (5'9", $50,000 per year) who is older than you and SUBMIT to him then it won't matter what guys on the internet say about you.

[Jkgordon]

You have to have standards. Also get familiar with astrology. That is the key to being compatible. Religious fanatics will disagree. But these same 3D idiots are in unhealthy relationships. Try it you’ll see~

[Asker]

My very recent ex was a Leo while I was Aries..

[Jkgordon]

Aries females are very domineering strong masculine energy. Leo men like older dainty women

[Friendlybro79]

Sorry you're going through this. I think if you're 40, and you're having these questions, I'd go seek some therapy and work it out there if you're not already. I mean this with respect and no sarcasm. Sometimes we all need a little expert perspective and guidance to figure out why things aren't ideal.

[Asker]

I tried talking to a therapist before. It didn't really help me that much. My parents helped me more because they knew me more actually. But also maybe it was just the wrong match? I don't know, but thank you for your advice. I'm not completely closed to the idea.

[Friendlybro79]

Therapy definitely takes time and yes you could have had someone that didn't fit you well. The thing is you need to want help, be willing to self reflect a little, be very honest with them, and willing to receive advice and take it. This will require change to some degree. Good luck

[Anonymous]

I don't know you so I don't know whether this describes you personally, but many women today don't understand what men want from a woman, or they do but feel like they shouldn't have to be those things. That is the biggest reason why so many women today can't get a good man and keep him happy.

[Asker]

It should be interdependent, a relationship. You pay attention to what your woman wants because you love her/care about her and her happiness/well-being, and she will, if she likes you/loves you/cares about you as well, should do the same.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for stating the obvious, but it's not relevant to my initial response.

[slatyb]

Have you considered counseling? Whatever you are doing isn't working. Have you tried online dating? I got divorced in my 30's and was fairly successful dating online. Still there were a lot of first dates that went nowhere.

[MissBoogus]

I’m not sure it’s always been so easy to get into a relationship , I’m aware I have 100s of options at any time. I think guys I can understand a little more because women can be picky and stuff

[Asker]

Please refer to my comment I made to @otterman68. 🙂

[JacobJordan]

I question your use of the word fight. It implies struggling men struggle enough as it is. Also a fairly major red flag for me is you are trash talking your neighbors physical looks. Your neighbor is happily married because culturally Filipino women are raised feminine and taught how to be wives and mothers. Femininity matters to guys but especially to men that WANT children. Your neighbor may not be a supermodel but I would wager her personality and mannerisms are amazing.

[Asker]

Oh shut up. You don't know her and what she looks like. I happen to be a Filipina myself so you're incorrect about your atrocious assumptions of me and the type of person I am! I MADE SURE I acted feminine and loving with my ex, but his stupid ass still left me...

Thanks for the insult anyway, you don't know what you're talking about lol.

[Nikki1989]

Luck does play a part in it. You have to be in the right place at the right time.

[Gramkabir]

It's all about timing and finding the right guy. If the guy doesn't give any effort that means he's not the right one for you...

Keep trying and keep your hope up.

[Asker]

Problem is this last dude I dated, gave off surefire signs that he also liked me in the beginning. He even kept it up for almost six months... Then boom.. changed his mind on me and caught me off guard to say the least! I felt like he was just test driving me like a car. Testing me to see if I was 100% perfect or had no huge issues.. and as soon as he found out I wasn't his dream woman with 100% matches there goes his committment too! 😞

[Danny_dan92]

You shouldn’t need to have a S/O just to be happy. Just saying

[Asker]

Okay, but what if I've always wanted to be a wife and mother?

[Danny_dan92]

I always wanted to be a husband/father. But it hasn’t happened, probably won’t but that’s ok. I don’t think I ABSOLUTELY need it. My life goes on whether it happened or not

[Asker]

Strong of you to give up on one of your biggest dreams in life..

I hope you'll be okay. .. Hell I hope I will..

[Danny_dan92]

That should not be the reason you are alive. I don't know if that makes sense

[Anonymous]

Guys want women when they're young, pretty and haven't been with other guys. Women don't seem to understand why.

[Asker]

Like I said, my neighbor might have been "young" (she was 29 or 30 when she met her husband, my neighbor that I grew up with). She has baggage from a previous partner like I said. She looks older than me (or just my same age). I am being honest.

[Asker]

And yes, I don't understand why because * I * don't look THAT old! I could pass for someone much younger..! I'm thinking I could just freakin' lie about my age then.. I know I could totally pass for it..

[Asker]

By the way, I've seen a lot of couples that are only less than four years apart. Some are even two years apart if not less. I've seen couples that were only a year apart, they met in high school or not long after that. My own parents were only 7 months apart when they married when they were 23 (mom) and 24 (dad) back in 1976. Heck, I had a crush on someone only 7 months older than me a long time ago. My own recent ex was only 9 months older too.

[Crankor]

I think it's just more people in that age range have a different mindset of dating that goes against the modern dating trends

[KrakenAttackin]

You met your husband years ago but you curbed him.

[Asker]

Lol no I didn't.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... Yeah you did. You didn't notice him when you were riding the carousel.

[Asker]

Dude what's your problem? ! It's natural to have sexual urges and also are you a Red Piller? ! It's not nice to assume things about me. How would you like it if people assumed untrue things about you? !

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... people assume things about me all the time. If you didn't find a man in your 20's that's on you. I'm sure there were plenty of men who wound have been thrilled to be with you, but you were too picky.

[OtterMan68]

could me many things: you won't settle for less than you deserve, for example.

[Asker]

Actually, I got with someone who was divorced with a child he didn't have custody of, close to 9 years older than me, and had anger and drug issues and was homeless. And this was an on and off "relationship" if you can even call it that.. so I don't think it was a matter of not settling really. But maybe attatchment? One things for sure, I don't want to be with anyone I am not attracted to physically. It's just gotta be there.

[Anonymous]

Some luck, some skill, some actions. Like for about a decade I wasn't looking for anyone to date. Unsurprisingly I didn't date for that period of time.

[Anonymous]

That door has pretty much closed for you. Have you actually had a long term relationship?

[Asker]

Dude you're nasty. How would you like it if YOU were told this. I could lie about my age thankfully as I do not truly look my age. I can very well pass for someone younger.

Also, how would you like it if your sister, cousin, best friend of the opposite sex was going through this? ! How would you tell her in a NICER way? ? !

And yes, my longest was with a person I was on and off with from 2015 -2017. He PROPOSED to me but ultimately I didn't accept it as he was just not right, we were NOT good matches. He was DIVORECD with a child he didn't have custody of (so much baggage) and he had drug and alcohol, not to mention anger issues (on both sides really)... and some physical and emotional abuse even... yeah and I STAYED with him because of the sex because he was attractive, and I was hooked. Yes, that was dumb! I was 32 and he was 40 at the time and I should have learned my lesson NOT to be with someone almost 9 years older than me, with that much bagage and irresponsibility!

[Asker]

By the way, I just HAD to delete some of those responses you gave, they were just ridiculous. My own AUNT met someone when she was 46 and they got married a year later and had TWIN boy and girl at the age of 49 in 2012 so I think with that said, hopefully there's still hope for me!

And yes she carried those babes in her womb at her advanced age. They did IVF! 🙂

[Opinion Owner]

lol again I didn’t say it’s not completely closed but you took it that way cause you let your emotions blind you. Good luck.