How sure do you feel about your relationship?

[DizzyDesii]

I definitely feel more sure than before but still not as sure as I have with the men of my past. I always felt pretty sure within month 1, 2, or 3 and certainly long before the sex. But like I don't know how i feel rn. I’m happy but I don't know if I’m in love. I always felt in love with the others long before now. We’re just 2 weeks shy of 6 months and I’m just shocked i don’t feel in love. I mean I love the way he looks at me with his everchanging colorful puppy dog eyes and the way he holds me and rubs my hand. And I don’t even mean that in a sexual way. But I think we express our love differently (maybe different love languages) and thats why it doesn’t feel as “there” for me as it did with others. I’m used to people with similar love languages and being on the same page at the same time. This guy is running behind and yea I love him and he loves me, its just… different. I don’t see us like breaking up or anything but I don't know why I don’t feel there yet. I guess I just feel weird having had sex when i loved but wasn't in love. Maybe i am in love but can’t bring myself to admit it because of how he acts sometimes. The passion and intensity is there but I don't know whats still missing. Like i asked him if he feels a bit more attached after everything and he says he does but I don't know why I don’t. I don’t feel attached for once. Maybe i need more time #FeelFreeToList

Updates

+1 y

I’m not regretting what we did. I’m happy. But like when i was waiting in the airport, i caught myself checking out some dudes and almost Forgot i was taken when they approached me. Its like a last minute reminder cause people kept passing by that looked like him and then i suddenly remembered i was taken. Like I don't know why i dont feel attached yet. 2 of my exes had me so sprung emotionally that my eyes never wandered. My boyfriend is hotter than them so I don't know why i forget he exists

[Ms_Facesitter]

I feel very sure of my relationship. The dating part however was a nightmare for me. Because most guys I dated lost patience with me and I thought he'd be the same. One year is upon us and we only had maybe one fight. And that one was resolved within the day.

I hope that if he sees this post, he'll reply the same thing :)

But yes love languages. If it's similar it's easier. Mine is physical touch, spending time together, gestures. His language is words of affection, spending time and touch. The touch one was tougher because he's been through things. At first just putting a hand on his shoulder would startle him a little. He's had a past where anything physical is difficult for him. Just thinking about it makes me sad, because he's a good person. The reason I put touch as one of his love languages is because he lets me, and he does reach out for it. But I am the only one who he lets in. If he's angered or sad I'm the first to know, but there are moments where he's feeling down and he says he doesn't know why because things are going right. Or he's confused or it's got to do with a demon he's fighting right now and doesn't know how to face it yet. But I'm still sure of the relationship, he knows I'm there for him, he doesn't have to face those demons alone.

I'm working on the words of affection, because I don't know how to say it right, I like romantic gestures, but talking like Romeo and Juliette is not for me. But I know that letting him know how much he means to me and that I support him is enough to turn him into an unstoppable force and he WILL tackle the goal he set out for himself. It's not like he's insecure, he believes in himself, but he never heard it from people close to him so it's important that I remind him that he is doing a good job, that he's enough.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea we have one or two disagreements a month but fix them the same day. And i am the first to know everythig about him. I can see how much he cares but sometimes i wonder if its more than friendship. We werent friends first but sometimes i wonder if he loves me more than in a friendly manner. My guy is unfortunately unsure of himself so i can't be surprised that i dont know what to think of him too

[RoseySarah]

Really understand the difference in love languages! That is really hard!

So much work making sure you do the other love language when trying to show love not your own!

Honestly you might not be sure but be careful seen so many of these I'm not sure relationships go wrong with her saying I knew it but did not want to admit it!

But loved the lust part.

It's never more time! Time causes distance between couples. Growing together is when your already together loving and building.

Not I hope I fall in love one day. That is more forced marriages and it never works.

[DizzyDesii]

His love language is quality time then acts of service. Mine is words of affirmation and then quality time. Im used to words of aff/quality guys

[RoseySarah]

So he will try to show it more then say it.

Same well mine is more touch affirmation and quality time.

My man's is quality time touch and words with a little acts of service lower like mine is.

Being together is work! Do you two work well together on hard things. Like chores all day!

[DizzyDesii]

Yea he even said he shows it more than says it and I don't know why actions aren't enough for me. The way he looks at me, his eyes are so telling but i need to hear it more. Im used to guys saying it just as much

[RoseySarah]

What actions does he do before he would not listen to you?
Trips are not an action...

Not poking at him but what actions beyond the normal and easy does he do?

[DizzyDesii]

He does a lot. I don't know how to describe it because im oddly not payinf attention to the action. He could do everything in the book and it wouldn't count to me like words would. I have backwards thinking

[RoseySarah]

No it's not backwards so get that your used to looking for other things.

Probably why you have this maybe feeling your not getting the affection and why would you he is not doing your love language

Just his and trying

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, sounds like you've got a lot going on in your head right now. Relationships can definitely be complicated, especially figuring out feelings. A few things that stood out to me:

- Comparing to past relationships is normal but doesn't always help. Every person/connection is different. Try focusing on what works uniquely with this guy.

- 6 months is still pretty new. Give it more time to grow and don't put so much pressure on labels like "love." Enjoy each other day by day.

- Communication is key. Talk to him openly about what you're feeling (and not feeling) so you're on the same page. See how he feels too - may help provide clarity.

- Attraction to others happens, but your actions show where your heart really lies. Trust that over temporary feelings.

- Love languages take patience to understand. Keep learning each other's and compromising to meet halfway.

It sounds like there's a foundation to build on here if you're both willing to put in the effort. Relationships aren't always feelings-driven - they also take dedication and work. Have an honest talk with him when you're ready. Hope this provides some perspective - let me know if any other thoughts!

[DizzyDesii]

6 months is longterm to me and we should be at a further progression. I dont wanna keep just going with the flow. He already knows how im feeling and he claims everything is good but his answers change with his mood swings so I don't know what to believe.

[Oliverlogan263]

6 months is a good chunk of time to know how you're feeling by now. It's normal to want things to be progressing more at this stage.

His mood swings and changing answers would definitely make it hard to believe what's really up too. That's annoying as hell to deal with.

It sounds like you've tried communicating already but maybe you need to have an even more serious convo when you're both in a good place. Like straight up tell him you need to be on the same page about where things are at and where you see this going long term.

If he can't give you a clear, consistent answer about his feelings and whether he's willing to put the work in, then you gotta ask yourself if you wanna keep wasting time waiting for him to get his stuff together.

You gotta do what's best for you and not just go with the flow if it's not making you happy. Don't be afraid to put your foot down if he keeps giving you the runaround. You deserve someone who's sure about you, you know?

[DizzyDesii]

He definitely puts in effort. Its just not the same level. Can i message you something

[Oliverlogan263]

I feel you, it's annoying when the effort isn't matched equally. And yeah for sure, feel free to message me about it. I'll try to give you my honest opinion without judging. Sometimes it helps getting another perspective. Just hit me up and I'll do my best to offer some helpful guy advice if I can. No problem luv!

[RavVid]

I feel attached very quickly but it seems guys are quicker at this than girls are, so possibly you do need more time. And differences in love language might be it.

The in love feelings are somewhat ephemeral and transitory. After having been disappointed in the past our trust is lower. Maybe self preservation instincts slow down feeling attached. Not that I know anything. Just thinking out loud.

[DizzyDesii]

I've always felt more attached faster but for once i dont. I thought girls always attached first

[RavVid]

Hmmh. Not sure. For me there was a time when I felt able to attach but didn't the girl didn't unambiguously reciprocate so neither of us did. Not sure there is a lot of science in this.

Just see how it goes I suppose. Actions and emotions do go hand in hand

[jennifer_bloom]

I have one priority interest even though I’m not in a long term relationship right now. I believe there are less than 2 people on earth that could compete with him if they approach me, which is why I’m tempted to tell people I’m taken to scare them off. Why waste time?

[DizzyDesii]

I see

[AviatorTom]

A relationship is never a sure thing. That's why we have to work at our relationships.

[DizzyDesii]

Makes sense

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I felt very sure in it, when I was in one.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats good

[Joshydavid25]

It seems to me, that you've got too many reservations about him that you're trying to repress.. Plus, I think it's also that you're getting older to the point where you can't ignore the things that put you off about him..

Me? I ain't got no relationship to worry about.. LOL..

[DizzyDesii]

But i dont need a relationship to have a baby

[Joshydavid25]

Of course just get some guy to impregnate you or through fertilization.. But having a healthy relationship between two parents builds a healthy child.. Plus, as you get older kids start to listen less to that their parents, and having a father around definitely keeps them in check if they go off the handle.. LOL

[DizzyDesii]

Another thing that worries me, there was a moment on the trip i was kinda scared and he wasn't there for me and i called mountain dew. I promise im not still in love with him but he's always been protective of me and i wish my guy was more protective. Is that weird? Like we both dating people but we still there for eachother (as of last year). I don't know what we’re doing

[Joshydavid25]

Better be careful.. If you cultivate it, you'll be going back to Mountain Dew.. LOL.. Of course there's things you didn't like about him, but it seems like you had the best connection with him.. Even though you love your guy now.. But be careful because you know he still wants you.. That's a crazy game right there..

[DizzyDesii]

He and i def had the best
Connection and the most in common. But i can't deal with him wanting a pet, always wanting me to watch anime, and gaming all day. Its a turnoff.

[Joshydavid25]

😂😂😂.. Well, you know sometimes getting into things your significant other likes builds a great bonding experience.. I'm sure you tried to get him into what you liked..

[DizzyDesii]

Yea you can tell we both do it for one another rather than genuine interest.

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah but you might need to chill on reaching out though.. Because you might think you're over him, and can talk to him just fine now.. But you never know what might come over you in the future..

[DizzyDesii]

He too lazy to exercise and keep himself up. I dont want him like that anymore

[Joshydavid25]

Lmao.. Damn, gained some weight huh? True, well he wants you back, so I guess that's still a reason to be careful..

[DizzyDesii]

He gained weight after our first year and refused to exercise with me. It made me
Lose attraction to him more and more and thats how i came to like Quan

[Joshydavid25]

Of course.. You came on too hard for Quan.. Basically simping for him, and he was loving every minute.. 😂.. I don't know why some dudes are so opposed to exercising.. It's kinda fun..

[DizzyDesii]

I was simping? 😭 i thought it was the other way around

[Joshydavid25]

Y'all were both simping for each other.. 😂.. I remember you gushing over Quan like you were single..

[DizzyDesii]

Shit i forgot i was taken. And rn still tryna remember

[Joshydavid25]

After the "Baecation" Geez Desii.. LOL..

[RHK36]

Relationships should always be works in progress. Off the rip tho, I can tell how well it'll probably work. Most guys can get a general sense of how it'll play out in terms of what the relationship is and most of that'll be from what the girl gives us. Sometimes women play too coy and come across as disinterested so we get disinterested. If a guy/girl tells you 6 months in that they doesn't know what they want relationship wise then they're lying.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i’ve never said that to him.

[Unit1]

There's always a possibility, that I'm outclassed by men, who drive a Ferrari and are kickboxing world champion or something and take their girls to Greece, Dubai, Paris or Bali regularly. AKA the top 10% of men.

On the other hand men like Andrew Tate are outclassed by guys with personality and their faithfulness.

[lilyanony1]

I'm happy and that's all that matters atm...
I know that it's temporary because happiness is fleeting but I'm making the most of it while I can and I hope that going forward our relationship stands the test of time

[DizzyDesii]

Why do you think its temporary

[lilyanony1]

Because life isn't happy all the time. I'm realistic and I have had some really dark times I just hope thats not the case with him. What brought down doesn't affect me now so I assume things will be better but life can present anything

[ShadezMcgee]

As of now, pretty certain I found the right woman. Just from experiences we have shared, things we did that I didn't do with an ex, goals are similar, love languages are different, sex is great. So yeah, feeling confident about it right now.

[DizzyDesii]

Im happy for you

[laly520]

pretty sure about it
so far this is the relationship im most sure about

[DizzyDesii]

Amazing

[Anpu23]

I have been with my wife off and on for over 35 years. We have a great relationship, a good understanding of each other and how we think. I feel great.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats amazing

[Phoenix98]

Hmm 🤔 usually I know fairly quickly wether or not I want to be with someone long term and am sure about the relationship usually within a month or so.

[DizzyDesii]

I know i want to be with someone longterm before i agree to be official with them. I just dont know why i dont feel in love yet

[Phoenix98]

You don’t have to be in love to be in a relationship that usually comes later.

[DizzyDesii]

No in saying i usually need to be in love before the sex and often feel more in love after the sex. I hold “in love” to a greater power than just loving someone. I still love him but I don't know why im not in love/attached

[Phoenix98]

Ok I get what you mean now.

[Ad_Quid_Orator]

I started seeing someone and it's going better than I hoped.

Last night we went on a moonlit walk in the park and she wants to be held until my arms get sore; I'm a tight (but still gentle) hugger.

[DizzyDesii]

Awww

[Ad_Quid_Orator]

And she's also from a country where they drive on the right side of the road she tried crossing the road after looking the wrong way when a car was coming...

... so I yanked her off the road.

[DizzyDesii]

Omgee

[Sparkie460]

I knew from the minute I saw her that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Love at first sight does exist. We've been together for 35 years and I still love her, more now than before

[DizzyDesii]

I def wouldn't mind spending my life with him but i guess the differences worry me because its more differences than similiarities

[Sparkie460]

Don't you know that opposites attract

[DizzyDesii]

people say that but it doesn't work for me. Maybe temporarily

[exitseven]

I have been married for a long time. I mf I wasn't secure I would be going out of my mind

[DizzyDesii]

Yeah

[kellytheman]

Well right now I am kinda enjoying single life but I have a friends with benefits that loves having sex with me and we are having a lot of fun together.

[Twalli]

I still look and appreciate attractive women. I never forget I have a girlfriend though. I will propose to her this year.

[DizzyDesii]

I thought you already proposed

[Twalli]

Not officially

[kingmaker21]

No girl you're not into him don't force yourself to think that you love him...

You just want good sex. Lol.

[DizzyDesii]

I promise you im into him. I just dont feel as emotionally connected as i did initially. But im sure it’ll come back

[DizzyDesii]

And the sex was good. Not as good as people in the past but it was still hella good. I dont just want sex but i do want a deeper emotional
Connection

[kingmaker21]

Girl believe me you're not into him...
You're just forcing yourself to into him...

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao i am so into him but im saying its weird that its not a crazy amount after the sex. Like i thought it would shoot to the roof after the sex

[IloveWinters]

It is tough but I have realised that relationship needs sacrifices and it's tough honestly. But yes I feel my relationship is worth the effort

[Hotmodelwloser]

It shouldn’t be at ur age wow

[DizzyDesii]

@Hotmodelwloser hell mine was tough at 14 lmao. Just depends on the people involved

[love_conquers_lust]

All mine are plutonic at an official capacity right now.

[Novemberr_]

It's verbally indetermine and you have to observe and perceive it from your spouse's behaviors.

[Rosie1999]

I don't think anyone is sure about there relationship these days

[DizzyDesii]

Damn

[Rosie1999]

Yeah😁

[JHAYES317]

Probably why there’s a lot of cheating going on

[Anonymous]

Of the two girls I dated, they were the complete opposite of each other when it came to having a sexual side

[justabuddy]

Not in a relationship and my ex cheated on me. Umm... Yeah best answer I can give you.

[NathanDavis]

I've never felt unsure

[NathanDavis]

but only got into them... til' I was sure sure about them, so...

[MysticDevice]

I'll let you know when I get into one

[DizzyDesii]

I get it

[Zestyassmf1997]

Man, you really enjoyed your vacation.

[DizzyDesii]

😂🤣

[Zestyassmf1997]

This is like paragraph four about it.

[DizzyDesii]

Im sorry lol

[DizzyDesii]

Curious. So we know eachother and this is just your new account?

[Zestyassmf1997]

Nope.

[DizzyDesii]

I meant to say “do” but okay. You just seem annoyed and i wondered if its cause we had a history

[worldscolide]

Been with my wife for 11 years. I'm very sure.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats amazing

[jahaims]

As sure as humanly possible

[DizzyDesii]

Thats amazing

[Charliefretz329]

I’m completely confident that mine is over…

[DizzyDesii]

Sorry to hear that

[Charliefretz329]

Bad but good ya know?

[appleadayisgood]

maybe he is not the right one for you.

[DizzyDesii]

I feel he could be. But i notice we share more negative traits in common than positive

[appleadayisgood]

@DizzyDesii may i asked what the negative traits are?

[DizzyDesii]

Just a lot of things i dont like about myself for example my stubborness, he shares that

[Elena_Stewart]

Not sure at all😁

[PeterLegg91]

I'm not in one lol