Do abusive spouses ever change?

[Anonymous]

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I find life better overall to believe there's always some chance, however small, for people to at least overcome their tendency to repeat their worst misbehaviors and vices.

That said, I generally don't think it's always wise to be giving them second chances at least right away when it comes to the most egregious behavior. I prefer to say farewell and stay far away from them and hope they change in the future, maybe giving them a second chance if there are children involved after they seek a lot of therapy, e. g., and truly seem rehabilitated.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

A big reason I need to believe people have a chance to change for the better is for selfish reasons. While I have never done anything as bad as domestic abuse, I have my own little vices like impatience, laziness, a tendency to procrastinate, being too sensitive sometimes when people are being belligerent to me, things of this nature. If I can't believe people can at least overcome their worst habits, then I can't believe I can, and I need to believe I can to stay motivated.

I also think we have to believe this to some degree for a civil society. If we believe every person who has ever committed a crime can never change for the better, then we might as well lock them all up for good and throw away the key.

Being very forgiving can dramatically improve our lives, although I want to make a strong distinction between forgiving someone and taking them back. We can forgive someone and still refuse to ever see them again since it might be too risky to our well-being. To forgive is simply to release the negative thoughts and emotions we have towards them. To fail to forgive is like drinking small doses of poison every day with the expectation that the other person will suffer.

The key as I see it to forgiveness improving our lives rather than making it worse is to know where to draw lines and set the boundaries. The more forgiving we become, the more we need to know where those practical boundaries should be or else we can invite a whole lot of trouble into our lives.

[TheSpaceGnome]

People in general do not change, not in the context of doing it for other people, and not at their core.

"change" is usually actually just revealing their character overtime as they learn more and can more and more be themselves.

However often abuse has nothing to do with any of that, and is just a person snapping because they can't handle starting over but hate the person they are with.

In either case, leave.

[ohsheeT]

no get out now stop allowing it to happen to you. if he's going to change you're the one that's going to start to change by walking away and staying away.

let him prove it to you.
if his mouth is moving he's lying no matter what.

if a man is going to change he's going to do it on his own he's not going to do it for a week a month two months he's going to do it for a year and then maybe he'll come back into your life and say hey I changed but any guy that says he's going to do something to help himself get better any does it for a week and think everything is cool it's not walk away before you get hurt.

[pethouse]

Change in abusive spouses is a complex and multifaceted issue. It's important to recognize that abusive behavior is a serious concern that should never be tolerated or underestimated. Whether abusive spouses can truly change depends on various factors, including the individual's willingness to acknowledge and address their behavior, the underlying causes of the abuse, and their commitment to seeking professional help and healing.


With dedication, support, and professional intervention, some individuals who exhibit abusive behavior may be able to make positive changes, take responsibility for their actions, and work to break the patterns of abuse. However, change often requires a long-term, concerted effort, and there are never any guarantees in these situations.


It's essential for anyone experiencing abuse to prioritize their safety and well-being and seek support from trusted individuals, as well as resources such as counseling, support groups, and domestic violence organizations. These sources of support can help provide perspective as well as concrete assistance for those dealing with abusive partners.


Ultimately, while change is possible, a nuanced and comprehensive approach is required, putting personal safety and well-being first. It's always best to seek guidance from professionals and support networks when navigating the complexities of abusive relationships. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, don't hesitate to seek help and support.

[pethouse]

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse from a partner, it's important to prioritize safety and well-being. Addressing intimate partner abuse requires a comprehensive plan and action steps to ensure safety. Here are some important measures to consider:

1. Seek Help: Contact a trusted friend, family member, or a domestic violence hotline to discuss what you are experiencing and develop a safety plan.

2. Establish Boundaries: Clearly communicate to your partner that abusive behavior is not acceptable. Reiterate that your safety and well-being are important.

3. Seek Professional Help: Counseling and therapy for both individuals and the couple can be beneficial. An abuser may need specialized intervention to address underlying issues driving the abuse.

4. Secure Your Safety: If you feel unsafe, consider utilizing resources such as domestic violence shelters, protective orders, or reaching out to a domestic violence organization.

5. Educate Yourself: Understanding the dynamics of abuse and learning about available resources can help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

6. Enlist Support: Form a support network of friends, family, and professionals. Their support can provide essential emotional assistance and practical help.

7. Prioritize Self-Care: Focus on your own well-being. Seek out help from mental health professionals or support groups, and practice self-care to cope with the emotional toll of the abuse.

8. Develop an Exit Plan: If needed, prepare a concrete plan to leave the abuser. This can include securing financial independence, legal options, and a

[Fireguy17]

They can, however, they have to recognize that they have the problem, and they have to want to stop.
It takes time, therapy, and there may be back slides from time to time.
Do not fall for the false promises, I can control it, or those that say you are the issue.
You aren't, they are.

[Account]

It can only get worse.
If this is happening to you please leave.
Find people who are able to help you and leave the situation.
I understand that it isn't easy, but please.
Don't sacrifice yourself over empty promises.

[PonyCar]

No. When someone shows you or tells you who they are, believe them the first time. Abusive people never stop being capable of abuse.

[cootjuhh]

exactly

[dudeinohio]

Yes. They get worse. The abuse escalates. They never get better.

[7Phoenix7]

This

[AaronKrieger]

They definitely can while single, but it'd take a lot of self-reflection and hardwork to change their abusive habits.

[Unycorn]

No, if nothing happens. If they don't have a reason to change... Human likes what is well known, even if it is uncomfortable

[slatyb]

Some will, some won't. But no one should wait around to find out.

[Elena_Stewart]

Don't think so, unless something bigger than them force them to change

[JacobJordan]

If they did we wouldn't be having this conversation

[Keith469]

Rarely, but not unknown 8f the really want to change. Don't count on it, though: it's the rare exception, rather than the rule.

[Stella98_]

I don’t think so. Leave Immediately cause you’d be gone or prison after fighting back after taking it for years.

[Anonymous]

Why would it matter? If you need to debate whether they'll stop or not then you're PART of the problem.

[BrokenHearted22]

Check out Lundy Bancroft. He is the expert on the subject. He basically says, rarely, but sometimes can change a bit

[FreyaRed]

I wouldn't count with that.

[jshm2]

They can't. It's why they are abusive.

[laly520]

they usually dont change

[KittygosMeoWW]

I don’t think so

[Charliefretz329]

Not in my experiences

[Fuentes]

Nope, leave and u change

[JesseP1nk]

Short answer: "No!"

[VanillaBomb]

Usually not in my experience

[LazerBean]

Don't count on it.

[HelpfulWoman]

nope

[jaskin777]

No 👎

[Zestyassmf1997]

No, not really.

[Crankor]

Nope

[Minahh]

No they don't

[Roudyrebel8]

Usually not

[cootjuhh]

nope