What makes men become abusive in relationships after marriage/few years?

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if people can be honest here and say why it's so often the case that before marriage a guy would never hit his girlfriend/wife but more often than not after marriage they hit their wives, abuse them physically and mentally, cheat, leave the family alone. Be honest, this question is not a way to offend anyone. I want genuine opinions and thoughts brought up here.

[alisaroba]

In the context of Islam, abusive behavior within a marriage is fundamentally contrary to the teachings of the religion. Islam emphasizes respect, kindness, and compassion within marital relationships. However, factors that can contribute to abusive behavior in relationships after marriage or over time are not specific to any religion and can be found across different cultural and social contexts. Such factors might include:

1. **Lack of Understanding:** Sometimes, a lack of understanding about the principles of respect, equality, and kindness within Islam can contribute to abusive behavior. Ignorance about the Prophet Muhammad's example of treating his wives with gentleness and love can lead to misinterpretation. (source:

2. **Cultural Influences:** Cultural norms and practices can sometimes be misaligned with Islamic teachings, leading to attitudes and behaviors that promote domination or control.

3. **Unresolved Emotional Issues:** Personal emotional struggles, unresolved conflicts, and past traumas can affect a person's behavior and attitudes towards their spouse.

4. **Communication Breakdown:** Ineffective communication skills can lead to misunderstandings and frustration, escalating into abusive behavior.

5. **Power Struggles:** Unhealthy power dynamics within the relationship can lead to one partner attempting to exert control over the other.

6. **External Stressors:** External stressors such as financial problems, work-related stress, or family issues can sometimes lead to negative behaviors being directed towards a spouse.

7. **Lack of Spiritual Growth:** A lack of personal spiritual growth and connection with Islamic values can result in a person straying from the path of kindness and compassion.

It's crucial to reiterate that Islam explicitly condemns abusive behavior within marriages. The Prophet Muhammad's teachings emphasize treating one's spouse with respect, kindness, and gentleness. Quranic verses and Hadiths (sayings of the Prophet) highlight the importance of equity, love, and partnership within marital relationships. Muslims are encouraged to resolve conflicts through communication, patience, and understanding, while seeking guidance from religious scholars or counselors if necessary.

In summary, abusive behavior in relationships after marriage or over time can stem from a complex interplay of individual, cultural, psychological, and social factors. Islam, as a religion, promotes principles that oppose abusive behavior and encourages spouses to nurture an environment of love, compassion, and mutual respect within their marriages.

[Nikki1989]

I think they were just shitty men to begin with. Men can be good at hiding their true selves.

[TonyMetal___86]

I'm always 100% honest, that's why i will tell you the truth, i cannot speak about other men but i can speak for myself...
Before marriage a girl makes a man feels that he's a king but after marriage some women decides to change and starts ignoring their men or do not make her role as a wife and instead she starts having a side life maybe on the net or with friends... etc

Brawls starts to kick in and the couple starts to fight and do not want to offer concessions which makes their love faint and start to take distance from each other, the relationship starts to crumble and some woman wants to shout and even lay a hand pn her man, in case her man is a real man, he can't tolerate her behavior and doesn't knows how to control his anger so he beats her and when he does she starts crying and shouting that she got beaten, i have no sympathy for such women and i also do not like this attitude for men because i was once like that but learned that there are more lethal ways than beating a woman which will teach her how to behave and be sorry...

To cheat, when i'm married or a in a serious relationship, i'll never cheat on my woman no matter what happens, i'll never lie to her and for sure wouldn't be dangerous on her, when i said beating, i meant by it a pull or slap or spank, that's it...

The only thing that i admit that was wrong is physical abuse, even though she deserved it!

I was in my 20's, now in my age i'm still the same except that i don't use physical abuse anymore, i have better things to do!

To dump her, NEVER! To dump my kids, NEVER! As long as she's in my house, i'll take care of her, feed her and protect her but sh*t happens, the only thing thay i learned is how to handle my anger because that's the only thing bad that i've done...

Cheating have no excuse!

[inhua]

they were either abusive before but were hiding it or the woman is doing something to bring out the worst in him either by not appreciating him, emasculating him, shaming him, openly flirting with other men, posting thirst traps online, lying to him, cheating on him, abusing him first etc.

men do not naturally default to abusing women. it is not hardwired into them to do so. men are hardwired to protect women unless that masculinity in him becomes under attack either from his wife or by outside forces influencing his wife

[TheSpaceGnome]

They don't become that way, they start out that way, unless they suffer brain damage, infection, or intoxication that changes their personality.

[Anonymous]

For the same reasons women become abusive after marriage. Anger and mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

i got cheated on and mentally and emotionally abused by her after being with her for over 5 years