Girls, Opinion on what you ladies believe is right or wrong in this situation im in read additional details for more info Hint: (Triangulation)?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, My partner of 7.5 years and I have had a very toxic and abusive relationship. She has BPD & I dont have any personality disorders. We've both done things to hurt the other but to be quite honest, I believe wholeheartedly that the damage she has done to me is very very very much more and severe than what I've done to her..

And the thing im asking about will probably explain why since mid 2017 I've been loyal to this girl, can't say that for the first part of the relationship (2015-2017), but i learned my lesson and became a loyal man. In 2019 my partner unfortunately.. sadly got her 3rd abortion and it really traumatized her, she's gone through a lot of trauma herself but doesn't quite grasp what it means to be mature enough to not let her trauma make her act out in ways that are irrational and very abusive.

Since 2019 she's cheated on me multiple times with about 5 different guys, having sex with everyone of them. she's told me that everyone of them were disappointing in bed, plus according to her, werent as well endowed as I am. but after i found out about the 3rd guy she cheated on me with I broke up with her and right afterwards she started hanging out with her old friend jacob... who allegedly took advantage of her when she was on xanax..

since August 2021 she's had this guy in her life that she isn't attracted to but she felt obligated to entertain him. She says she loves me and that she wants to get better, that she'll do anything she can to prove that she loves me, only me. but she lives with jacob, they have separate rooms and I see her everyday.

he doesn't want me in the house. Im currently homeless and if it was you in this situation would you help me by sneaking me into the house for a shower while he was at work so i could clean myself? Because she doesn't, i can't shower anywhere and im suffering. I just want to wash so i can job hunt & i feel like a real ride or die would never choose the affair partner over the OG partner

[SueShe]

You are just being used as a substitute when things go wrong between this lady and one of her numerous lovers/partners or whatever you want to call the relation they are in.

You should wake up and the first thing to do would be to sever this toxic kind of relation. You don't even realize that she keeps you warm just in case her lifestyle does not work. She knows that you will be there to pick up the broken pieces when her relation fails.

How long will you wait till you realize you are nothing but a toy in her hands? Do you really want to continue this kind of failed relation? It is time to wake up and forget about her.

In your case, you can always try to go to a shelter and ask if you can take a shower from time to time. Do not go to her place because you will be in a beggar's position and you may cause additional problems that you should avoid.

[Asker]

The sad thing is.. i already know im just here for her benefit. My issue is that I used to be a very well liked, well known, highly popular and respected man in many different groups of people all throughout the major city and cities around where im from (WA, United States) and through gaslighting, triangulation, All types of abuse you can think of besides sexual abuse, running smear campaigns against me telling everyone im close to that I was doing to her what she was actually doing to me, made me go from fit, attractive, confident, to unhealthy, unattractive changes to my body, & basically murdered any of the self esteem i used to have. On top of keeping me in a psychological loop trap that renders my ability to critically think in the moment useless and she has made me completely financially, & psychologically dependent on her.
Its weird though because she only has sex with me, i know this because we have sex everyday and apparently im the only one she's ever had an orgasm with.. do you think sex might be the only reason she wants me around? Because im treated like less than human by her and everyone who knows her including people I used to call my best friends.

[SueShe]

If sex is the only reason she keeps you around then it is up to you to tell her that you are not just her boytoy and that you have your dignity and self-respect.

I am aware that this step is very difficult to make but this is your first step towards freedom and towards building up your confidence again. You are being misused and you are the only one to do something against that. Do not let others step all over you. Good luck.

[Asker]

I appreciate your honest words & show of concern. Thank you. It honestly helped me a lot to think about my position in my reality.

[SueShe]

You owe it to yourself to do whatever it takes to regain your dignity and confidence. Best of luck to you. You can do it but you need to make sacrifices.

[LazerBean]

That whole situation is so unexplainably I messed up and stupid. The right thing to do is break up with a cheater. Anything you put up with past that is your own fault. Yes she is wrong, but you didn't have to put up with any of it. It's stupid to complain about things you do absolutely nothing to stop.

[Asker]

I agree with you. I haven't been able to muster up the mental strength or confidence to end things because she pretty much abused me into submission after dealing with endless amounts of trauma from her and many other external factors, on top of the fact that she put me in a position to be dependent on her by running smear campaigns against me and turning all of my closest dearest friends and her friends all against me, telling them that I was doing to her what she was actually doing to me. As a man in society its very difficult to have a voice or to be listened to , especially when the female is small & very attractive. Most of the people I try to reach out to, to prove my side of the story just stonewall me and dont even give me the time of day to explain my side. I get refused any opportunity to clear my name even though I know im innocent in most of the cases.
Im not complaining. I was just asking if her choosing to respect this affair partner over the human decency to allow me to wash myself because im homeless at the moment and just want to clean up and look/smell/feel presentable & professional was something that was normal or something that obviously proves that she doesn't actually love me anymore.

[threefournine]

that sounds weird, what is he giving her that you aren't? why is she prioritizing this new guy over her boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

You need to remove yourself from this toxic situation as soon as you can.