Why do people from abusive relationships tend to find themselves in other abusive relationships later?

[josie]

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Or do you know someone in such relationships?

[lemonette]

From what I've read and heard, there are a few reasons why someone might find themselves in this pattern.

First off, there's this thing about familiarity. It sounds strange, but sometimes people gravitate towards what they know, even if it's not good for them. If someone's grown up around abusive relationships or been in one for a long time, they might unconsciously see this kind of behavior as 'normal'. It's like their relationship radar is tuned to pick up on what they've experienced before.

Then, there's the self-esteem angle. Abusive relationships can really do a number on someone's self-worth. When someone feels low about themselves, they might not believe they deserve better. This can lead them to accept poor treatment because they don't see their true value.

There's also a bit about the abuser's behavior. Abusers can be really manipulative, making it hard for someone to see the situation clearly. They might use love, guilt, or even threats to keep a person hooked. It's like a trap that's hard to escape from.

And let's not forget the whole support system aspect. People who lack strong, supportive networks might find it tougher to leave an abusive situation. They might feel isolated or believe that they have nowhere else to go. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can make a huge difference.

But hey, it's not all doom and gloom. Breaking the cycle is tough, but it's totally possible. It often starts with recognizing the patterns, maybe with the help of a therapist or support group. And building a supportive network – that's really huge...

[ScienceThumper]

Every relationship is unique.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/dG5cZFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetishFetish

[ScienceThumper]

In advance, @Thanks_for_the_MHO!

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yes they do. I've heard theories like men seek women out that act like their Mothers or women seek men out that act like their fathers... not sure I buy into all of that though. I do think people tend to seek out and shape their relationships with others subconsciously and it is in such a pattern that it becomes recognizable to any outsider looking in.

I would like to expand this to also include non-romantic relationships. If a chick finds themselves at odds with people they're employed with, with their same-sex friends, with their family... and she just so happens to always be the poor poor victim... and yes, even her romantic relationships that lasted longer than a fling seems to have the same drama...

... there is just a certain point where you have to ask if everyone around her is really all that fucked up... or is it just her?

I mean I have a ton of ex's, but things ended on pretty amicable terms (except that one chick that was trying to cut herself in my condo). I mean usually for me, it's just hey, we're not going anywhere and we both just sort of sign off. No drama... still facebook friends... we just don't talk anymore... it was played out. The only chick I bothered to message was because the chick I was with actually used one of those fake number things and was pretending to be my ex-side chick... I just messaged her and asked "are you texting me?" and she was like "Nope" and that was it. At that point I figured out what was really going on and I just played along with the ex that was really my current girl, and pretended we never even thought about having sex. That dumb chick probably still thinks I never banged that other chick... I banged her in all her holes and she was my personal cum dumpster for about 8 months though. I digress.

I think they make the relationships into what they subconsciously want and when it fails, the relationship usually just ends because the potential partner doesn't want to be involved in that kind of shit.

[jennifer_bloom]

I would say it’s due to the push and pull lever dynamic of attraction. When you have a hole in the ground, a person with too much sand will release tension by pouring their sand into your hole. But when you have a tree, you will attract birds and not sand. So if a woman has not closerdthe holes in her soul from a previous man, an angry crab will pour his sand into her hole. But if a woman builds up her self confidence like a tree, the crab is too low to reach her, but the birds will consider her the perfect height for them to dwell in. A woman that allows an abuser to create holes in her expectations, has holes new guys will try to fill. And a woman too high in confidence for the helpless crab, will attract the high flying birds and not the crab.

[hahahmm]

Because people are often subconsciously drawn to whatever is familiar from their childhood. That said, some people are also just 'dumb' or highly resistant to improving themselves by effort. It's easier to play victim and blame everybody for your own lack of effort.

[sage2021]

Because it's familiar to them. That's probably the environment they grew up in, and that's all they know. When she gets attracted to that certain guy that has all the makings for being an abuser - she feels comfortable because she knows what her role she's comfortable in. I'm not saying she likes being abused, but she's attracted to that 'type' of guy. Probably like a bad boy type.

[DubiousIntentions]

Maybe they go with something they are already used to? I guess the same reason others stay in these abusive relationships. They must think they can't hope to find better. They also could be alcoholics or drug abusers. They just bring it on themselves.

[Nik1hil]

"We pursue our definition of Love!, Some people when grow up in abusive household or been long enough in abusive relationship. Start accepting "Abuse" as defination of Love. So when they don't find abuse in a relationship, they feel lack of Love. So they will pursue abusive relationship because the (LOVE + abusive) relationship feels more real to them, than just (Love) Relationship!."

[laly520]

because they keep looking for the same old patterns
they find comfort in old ways they r used to
just like listening to sad songs when sad just to feel bit better
or listening to sad songs when not sad only before craving that old feeling

[mobiusforniner]

Because that was the example set by their parents. Somehow or another, they grew up in an environment where abuse was normalized. So they unconsciously seek it. It’s a comfortable chaos.

[Anonymous]

Because the person in question whether they want to admit it are drawn to those types of toxic relationships. I know the response to this is that's ridiculous. Why a person choose abuse? It's because it's subconscious. This video explains it in better detail.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hvysy11716g

[Smashingdoozy]

Abusive people tend to be manipulative, manipulative people are good at hiding their flaws. People who have experienced abuse in relationships are traumatized and sometimes even easier to fool.

[RavenDarkheart]

I have a cousin that a psychologist said she wouldn’t know how to handle a normal healthy relationship. She subconsciously drawn to abusive ones.

[Staximus]

They usually grew up being abused or watched one of their parents be abused. That makes them subconsciously and/or consciously gravitate towards that kind of relationship, because that was normal life for them as a child. It's fucked up.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because they are addicted to drama. As Andrew Tate said "If I have to fuck a bitch to give you your drama, I will fuck a bitch". This is incredibly toxic, but modern women ar addicted to Chads and Chads are toxic.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

These type of people haven't healed from trauma typically it comes from their childhood and they subconsciously think abusive relationships is the norm so that's what they typically end up in.

[exitseven]

I had an uncle who was a cop that used to say that the sadists always find the masochists.

[Amara_09]

Your uncle is right.

[Amara_09]

Not every sadist is abusive though especially the ones who know exactly what they are doing.

We love masochists and know exactly how to spot one

[Anonymous]

Because its familliar to them. Sadly they don't know any better and got used to it and think being abuse is normal which happens everywhere.

[Anonymous]

People who that tend to think abusive relationships are all they are worthy of. They have very low self esteem.

[Charliefretz329]

Been in several. It’s a glitch for sure, you become comfortable with personalities you know.

[Francesca1994_]

Probably raised in an abusive home. Tend to go back what your use to.

[anonanswer]

Can't help you here. Never even known anyone in an abusive relationship.

[fantasticass]

Because they are attracted to the drama.

[Hellraiser1984]

Because deep down they enjoy it.