Should I feel sorry for my children’s father?

[Anonymous]

So my children’s dad has been battling with addiction for years, he’s not addicted to crack & it’s caused significant problems in our relationship, from stealing money from me & kids to being mentally abusive, throwing me & the children out of our own home, to being asked to leave a rehabilitation center for smoking cannabis, I’ve put up so many walls now with him sadly and we haven’t slept together in a long time, he keeps telling me that if he had more affection his addiction wouldn’t be so bad, I tired to hug him earlier as he looked somewhat depressed & he said there’s no point as it will come to nighttime & it will be the exact same, (he is insinuating sex) I don’t want to be sexually active with him until I actually see him making some kind of effort but unfortunately in his mind he won’t get better until I show more “affection” me and the children are going to have our own home soon but i just feel so deflated with the whole situation. He never understands it from my point of view and how decremental this has been on our relationship. And he makes me pity him sometimes, and even to the point of leaving, he makes me feel bad, can anyone help here?

Updates

3 mo

I don’t think it’s romantic …. I feel suffocated and pressured for sex

[Anonymous]

The sad thing about addiction is that, a lot of the times, a person who is addicted develops a sort of tunnel vision. All they can think about is chasing that next high, and they behave erratically towards anyone who stands in between them and that next high. You can have sex with him if you want to, but it’s not going to fix things. He’s still going to chase that next high, and you’re going to be miserable watching him do it. This is not the sort of situation you should be raising your children with, so I highly suggest that you leave.

[Asker]

That’s the problem though he seems to always make out he would get better if I was more intimate … I don’t believe that’s the case and it’s completely draining, he always makes me somewhat pity him
When we’re only being dragged into the midst of addiction with him, in yet he still seem to want my to save him

[Opinion Owner]

As romantic as it sounds, you’re not going to be able to save him. He needs professional help, and if he loves you he should be seeking that help, not dragging you down with him. Him pressuring you for sex is not loving you, it’s loving himself.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo girl, don't let that dude make you feel bad! You ain't done nothing wrong here. His addiction prob is his own mess to sort out, ya feel me?

Seems like he just tryna guilt trip and manipulate you into getting what he wants. Classic addict behavior from what I heard. But you gotta take care of yourself and the kids first.

Don't fall for the pity party - man gotta show real change with his actions before he earns your trust again. Words cheap as hell.

And his ass blamin the no sex for his prob? Laaaame. Learn to deal without that crutch guy. Plus you know why it ain't happening - his disrespect in the past.

You done all you can sis, keep it pushing. Focus on your new start without him draggin you down. He gotta want it for himself to get better. You gotta worry bout you and them kids!

You got this fam, don't let no man stress your vibe. Better days ahead, I'm here if you ever need to vent 💯

[fafylone]

You need to get away from him. I am sorry to hear that but why should be around him? Can you move out?

[Asker]

I am waiting on a house for me and the children. Shouldn’t be long now …..

[moneymagnet24]

Don't end relationship just have someone secretly for sex.

[Asker]

What 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

My God, lady, is he the father of my children? That man is your husband.

[Asker]

I am not married no, can you give me some of your thoughts please