What do you think, am I wrong LONG POST?

[Anonymous]

I been in a long distance relationship with someone online who lives in the same state as me, except he lives about 6 hours away from me. He has always seemed like he was close to his family, talking about them, mentioning them, but when it came to me it was like I didn't exist. He didn't mention me to them, and would hide our phone calls away from them, but I'd be able to hear their whole conversation. He would MUTE my voice. They didn't seem too bad just religious like crazy. He says he didn't want them in our business because they wouldn't respect our boundaries, be in our business, at first he said his parents were judgmental and I wouldn't like them, now he's saying his parents are religious and would force me to pray, and stuff and he knows I don't like that. Thing is he is 37 and I feel he should be able to have his own life and set firm boundaries in order to protect his relationship but instead of doing that, they get their way and I'm just an outsider? that's what it feels like. So.. like I know him and his sister are close and he shares a lot with her, They are in a band together. I seen they were performing in Dec, I posted a comment on there asking if he was there, and mentioned to her I was his girlfriend and knew he was the drummer in the band. She left my comment sitting there, not saying anything and i wrote that 6 weeks ago, I had a couple of my supporters go and "like my comment" and she still didn't respond. So last night I got mad, and said a few things to her, and went overboard but I'm at a point I don't care if I piss anyone off. The guy is a manipulator and gaslighter and always treated me bad in the relationship and I feel he's telling his sister I'm just a stalker and to ignore me and she is obeying him. I had enough and had to make myself, I'm not trying to be a secret anymore, and yeah i called her the B word and told her if she doesn't want it public to talk to me privately. Still she said nothing.

[Anonymous]

I say this incredibly kindly, but please leave his family and sister alone. It’s been his job since the beginning to incorporate you into his family, not theirs, and year after year he actively chooses not to. Now you’re fed up and trying to wedge your way into the forefront, but why? Why do you have to fight to be acknowledged or known? To me, the relationship stopped being worth it a long time ago and you’re now settling. Not only because of the time you invested but not wanting to walk away empty handed. Well babe, nothing will give you those years with him back, and it’s not your cue to waste another 5. Take accountability for being gullible, accepting his excuses and allowing your time to be wasted. Then let him go because there is no silver lining. If his religion is so deep that his family can’t know then he will never marry you and will continue this secrecy. You’d likely continue to be a time pass until he meets someone who’s acceptable, and I’m sure that stings but it’s true. You can do a lot better, and honestly you should have enough self respect to want as much too.

[bycrazy]

It sounds like you're going through a challenging and frustrating situation in your relationship, and it's understandable that you're feeling upset and hurt. However, it's important to approach these kinds of situations with as much clarity and calmness as possible. Here are a few thoughts:

Communication: Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship. If you feel like you're not being acknowledged or respected, it's important to express your feelings calmly and assertively. However, it's also important to be prepared for different reactions, and people may not always respond the way you hope.

Setting Boundaries: Setting boundaries is essential in any relationship, especially when dealing with family dynamics. While your partner may have concerns about how his family will react, it's essential for both of you to establish clear boundaries that work for both parties.

Self-Reflection: Take some time for self-reflection. Evaluate the overall health and happiness in your relationship. If there are consistent issues with communication, respect, and treatment, it may be worth considering whether this relationship is meeting your needs and making you happy.

Respect: In expressing your feelings, it's crucial to maintain respect even if you feel hurt or frustrated. Using derogatory language or making accusations might escalate tensions rather than resolve them.

Seeking Support: If you find it challenging to communicate directly with your partner or his sister, consider seeking support from friends, family, or even a therapist. A neutral third party can provide insights and guidance.

Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and appreciated. If your current relationship is causing you distress, it might be worth considering whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh that is so frustrating, girl! I totally get why you're pissed. A few thoughts:

- At 37 he should absolutely have his own mind and set boundaries with his family. Hiding you away is shady.

- If he's talking crap about you to his sis, that's super messed up and not someone you can trust.

- You deserve a real relationship where you're not a secret! That would make anyone feel crappy.

- I don't totally blame you for snapping at the sister - 6 weeks of ignoring you is rude. She's taking his side without question.

You've put up with a lot from this dude already. Some things aren't adding up and it seems like he just wants to keep you a secret when it's convenient for him. At this point, I'd say forget playing games - tell him it's been real but you know your self-worth and won't be anyone's side piece. Block them all and move on! You'll find someone better who's proud to have you and introduces you to their whole world. This crappy situation isn't worth your time - you've got your whole life ahead of you girl!

[Asker]

thank you i totally agree with everything you said. I totally probably came off as crazy but he makes me crazy no doubt. lol

[Oliverlogan263]

Haha don't even sweat it, I totally get why you snapped at his sister like that! Dealing with sneaky dudes like that is enough to drive ANYONE crazy. It's not on you at all, that guy is poison and knows exactly what buttons to push.

I bet his whole family just believes whatever lies he's told them about you too. Sorry you had to find out the hard way but at least now you know what a scumbag he really is!

Like seriously, good for you for standing up for yourself finally. No more being a secret! Now the sister knows not to mess with you either. I'd cut them all off at this point if I were you. His loss!

From now on don't waste another second worrying about what that jerk or his family think. You deserve a REAL man who's proud to call you his girl and treats you with respect. Keep your head high, you'll find way better!

[kylee2437]

You are wrong for exploding on people that more or less know the actual truth about your relationship with this guy, and you should’ve put all that anger on the one and only person that is obviously lying because he doesn’t want people knowing the actual truth.

[Asker]

i been exploding on him for years to stop keeping me a secret and he came up with every excuse, so when i exploded on the comment section he goes and tells me today "i can't tell anyone ur my girlfriend now because of what you did" and i said you werent going to tell anyone regardless and he was like "thats not true" but you know dang well it is the truth, its been 5 years and im still a secret but when I do something or mention something im a bad person to him. and yeah i know im wrong, im just annoyed i been telling him i want a normal relationship but he gaslights me to believe him and im in the same loop again

[kylee2437]

Girl, let the 5 years go and go find someone that doesn’t make excuses. Thats the only way you truly will find it. Trust me on that

[Asker]

thank you, yeah i invested in so much time and given myself so much to him. for nothing.. its def crappy. i trust you on that. thank u