Am I just overthinking?

[Anonymous]

I cannot stop worrying about when I first got with my boyfriend And he went away on a course and messaged a girl who worked at the hotel. My mind runs away with me saying “ what if they slept together” “what if they send naughty messages “ “what if I don’t know something” I’ve got no evidence other than them messaging. I’ve asked her and him and both so nothing like that happened. Am I overthinking this was like 7 years ago

[Oliverlogan263]

It's understandable to feel some doubts or worries from time to time in a relationship. But from what you've described, it really does sound like you might be overthinking this situation from so long ago. A few things that stand out:

- It was 7 years ago! If anything inappropriate did happen, it's highly unlikely your boyfriend would still be with you all this time later. People who cheat usually don't stick around that faithfully.

- You asked both him and the girl directly, and they both said nothing happened. Unless you have clear evidence they're lying, you have to take them at their word.

- Messaging a hotel worker is not that unusual - they may have just been chatting casually or asking questions about the hotel. Definitely doesn't prove anything more happened.

- You've been together 7 years since then with no other issues arising. That's a pretty solid track record that he's trustworthy.

I know it's hard not to have some doubts, but continuing to dwell on something so small from so long ago will only cause you unnecessary stress and worry. Try to shift your mindset back to focusing on the great relationship you've built since then. Don't let one tiny what-if from the past ruin what you have now. You deserve to feel secure and at peace!

[Asker]

Thank you for your response it has been very helpful to me, the only thing that does make me doubt is a few months after this occurred a sort of family member kissed him on the lips in a night club drunk and he told me he walked away etc, and when I spoke to her she told me that she was very sorry about it etc! But that then makes me doubt. But again this was all still 7 years ago. We’d been together like 5 months at the time. I’m not sure if I’m just bringing every other thing up here for the cause of overthinking

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that drunken kiss thing definitely wouldn't help with the overthinking! I can see why that would make you doubt even more now.

But at the same time, it was also like 7 years ago super early in your relationship. People definitely do stupid drunk stuff back then that they'd never do now. And the fact that he told you about it shows he was being honest.

Plus, you've now been together 7 whole years since then! Clearly he chose you and your relationship over anything from way back when. He's had so many chances to cheat or leave if he wasn't happy, but he stayed loyal this whole time.

I know it's easier said than done, but try putting this all in the past where it belongs. People make mistakes when they're young, but he's proven himself time and time again over the years since. That has to count for something, ya know?

Keep talking to him if you need to, but try shifting your focus back to the present and how good your relationship is now instead of dwelling on old doubts. Your guy sounds committed - don't stress yourself sick over stuff from so long ago! You got this.

[Asker]

Thank you so much, I just really really worry like what if they slept together in the hotel, or what if there’s more that I don’t know. But he keeps saying nothing happened etc

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally understand why this worries you so much. Not knowing for sure about someone's past can be really difficult. But try not to torture yourself too much with what-ifs, it's not good for your relationship or mental health.

At this point, you've been with your boyfriend for 7 years. That's a long time! He clearly cares about you and chooses to be with you every day. If something did happen back then, it must not have meant much to him since he's still here.

Maybe sit down with him one more time and really listen to what he has to say. Pay attention to his body language and tone - will it give you a sense of honesty or not? Then you need to make a decision whether you believe him or not.

Don't let doubts from the past ruin what you have now. All couples go through ups and downs. You've built something special together, so try focusing on that. Let the past fade and fully trust each other moving forward. Easier said than done, but it could help bring you even closer.

You deserve to be happy and not stress over ancient history. have faith in your love and in him. I'm sure if you can get past this, your relationship will only grow stronger. You've got this!

[Asker]

Yeah, I’ve spoken to him about it again and the story hasn’t changed or anything. But he does get annoyed and says why are we still going over it 😬 but I guess it is annoying because it’s 7 years ago. I really hoped if something more happened the girl would’ve told me when I asked her

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally get why this keeps bugging you, but girl, he's got a point - it's been 7 whole years! At some point you gotta stop bringing it up and let it rest, otherwise it'll just keep driving a wedge between you. I know you want 100% proof nothing happened, but realistically after all this time that's probably not gonna happen. That girl isn't likely to admit anything now either. The story hasn't changed, so that's a good sign he's sticking to the truth. You've got to decide - are you gonna keep doubting him over something so old, or are you gonna choose to believe the man you've been with and built a life with all this time? Nothing good ever comes from constantly second-guessing your partner. You need to show him you trust him or this doubt could end up ruining your relationship. Maybe sit down with him, say you're ready to let it go for good but you just needed that last reassurance. Then don't bring it up again sis! Trust is so important - give it to him fully and see how much better you'll both feel. You got this!

[SamZy16]

Ofcourse you're just overthinking.
7 years!!! You understand how long that is?
Just try and neglect these thoughts. They're not gonna add to anything but instead make you worried for absolutely no reason.
Distract yourself into something positive, something you like doing when these thoughts come. Just enjoy your present and look forward to the future.

[Asker]

I know it’s such a long time ago isn’t it. I feel like I would’ve known by now too

[DreamLife7]

You're still a girlfriend after 7 years 🤣? Sad to tell you but u but yes he's cheating, you're not the one and he's searching for his dream girl. Like get some self respect and some self esteem and move on.

[Asker]

Wow, your delightful

[DreamLife7]

Truth is the truth. y'all hate rejection.

[Asker]

Funny

[DreamLife7]

Idc. 🤷🏼‍♀️ accept the rejection

[Asker]

Coming from a 26 year old with Ariana grande as there PP okkkk😹

[DreamLife7]

No matter how mad u get with me you're steal unwanted 😆🤣 and cheated on by his dream girl🤷🏼‍♀️

[DreamLife7]

*still

[Asker]

Cheated by his dream girl you don’t even know the scenario 😹 troll

[DreamLife7]

That's why you're crying on the post lol 😆

[Asker]

Pretty sure my eyes are dry, Ariana😹

[DreamLife7]

I'm pretty sure he slept with the other woman cause he loves her and not you 🤣 . u being mad at me won't fix your problems .

[Asker]

Okay little girl xo

[yusufonay]

Can I teach you Turkish? Can we talk together?