Do you believe it's good to have some jealousy in a relationship?

[HawkPerception]

Yes

No

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I went with "no". I mean I don't know how other people work. Jealousy is just one of those emotions I've never had. Yet it seems counter-productive to me.

The way I suspect jealousy works and maybe why I never had it is that I think you have to think of human beings in some type of "better" vs. "worse" way. I never looked at things that way even as a little boy.

Instead it's like one of my friends was a really strong wrestler, for example. He defeated all of us easily being a very big boy. Yet I could run much faster than him. Every one of us had different strengths and weaknesses so I saw nothing to be jealous about. We admired and respected each other instead.

Just about everyone has at least a few strengths of this sort that beat someone else. I've never met anyone who was worse at everything or better at everything than me. I realized that very early on in life and I suspect that's why I've never felt let alone understood jealousy.

It also seems though like there's a lack of trust there. Even if I think of certain human beings as being outright superior to me in every way, which I don't, then I still don't see why I should be jealous and threatened by them if I deeply trust my wife (which I do).

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Also if my wife (or any of my previous girlfriends) hypothetically selected another man over me for whatever purpose, then she's not the woman I came to love since the woman I came to love was the one I could trust. So I'm not a Zen Buddhist monk and I might ball my eyes out with grief over it but the rational side of me still says that wasn't meant to be in that case. I didn't "lose" these women in those cases, they selected someone else. So again I probably wouldn't be able to help but be upset about this in the short term but in the long term, I'd realize I dodged a bullet.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Might also be cultural. I suspect many Japanese don't feel jealousy since we have deep Buddhist roots in our culture and also common sayings like "shouganai" (can't be helped). Buddhism emphasizes a dichotomy of control mindset to focus on the things we can control and make peace with the things we can't.

For example, there is no point worrying about getting sick or dying since we can't directly control it; what we can do is enjoy our health in the moment. In a similar way, we can't maximally enjoy our lovers if we're often worried about losing them. So we strive not worry this way over the things beyond our control. We don't all do it perfectly but our culture deeply reinforces this way of thinking.

[HawkPerception]

Jesus. Lucky you. You must be enlightened or something. I've felt jealousy a fair amount of times in my life.

My opinion is that you should aim to have no jealousy in a relationship. If you love your partner, why would you want to make them feel jealous? It's immature to try and get them to feel jealous. If there was a girl that was being manipulative like that to me, I'd leave.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I had a lot of other emotional issues growing up. My thinking patterns might have forbidden jealousy but I had a serious temper back then, even getting so angry that I'd punch walls. 😅

Mostly I was a bit obsessed with fairness and would get upset so easily if I thought I was being treated even the slightest bit unfairly. So I was far from enlightened. Some of my thinking patterns may have prevented certain types of negative emotions but I had some others that were very negative and I had to consciously correct that (studying Stoicism helped me a lot).

Also definitely worth avoiding girls who deliberately try to make us feel jealous! I've never been with one of those types, thankfully, but I may have been susceptible to jealousy if I had one who constantly flirted with other guys in front of me, e. g. I'm not sure as I've never been tested that way.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Some, I think it can be healthy and show you don't take your partner for granted. This doesn't mean making scenes, but something as simple as enquiring when they go out - it also shows your concern for them.

The occasional jealousy is a very human emotion and in my opinion it is wrong to deny it. Hell, if expressed the right way it can also flatter your partner - it shows you don't take them for granted and that you know they are such a great catch that other people find them desiderable.

[Mia230]

I agree

[Tina19]

Jealousy is the reflection of insecurity plus lack of trust on your partner there is no Jealousy in healthy relationship because they know my person won't abandon me they have that security and trust in their relationship

[DizzyDesii]

Not necessarily jealousy but i like territorial dudes.

[Bricealan]

The girl that I recently dropped, believed that it was alright for her to openly flirt, like a mindless high school girl... right in front of me... and that was "just okay" with her. But if I were to talk to and maybe pet a friendly woman's dog, at the beach, she would immediately be furious, and react like the girl you pictured in your post.

There are always those that go completely over the top, with that kind of thing and it destroys a relationship

[HawkPerception]

Sounds like an extremely immature girl. She was probably also physically attractive and egotistical, right?

[Bricealan]

@HawkPerception She was one of those girls that could be very attractive (when she wanted to be) or just plain sloppy most of the time... she WAS a bit disillusioned as to her own view of her attractiveness and youth.

[CVNT5]

if you do something and later find out that it made them jelly, then thats cute and make sure you love them back for that.

but if you are constantly trying to make them jealous by getting on their nerves, don't do that. they might think you are not interested in them and might do something worse to you.

[nawtee_me]

Jealousy stems from a lack of trust and that is never good for a relationship. I'll bet the 55% that thinks otherwise have trust issues of their own if you ask them.

[HawkPerception]

100% agree

[JacobJordan]

Jealousy is spelled with lousy for a reason.

[serious]

No absolutely not. Jealousy is never good, no matter the amount it is always dangerous and is like a double edged sword

[spartan55]

Nope. None. Jealousy is never a positive emotion.

[aceleon]

it is an absolute.

[NathanDavis]

NOPE

[jahaims]

Nope