Why would a man with no real ambitions or goals be drawn to women who are ambitious with big goals?

[Anonymous]

[blueonblack22]

Well I’ve had plenty of dead beat women who were drawn to me over the years because they were looking for “a savior”.

It’s annoying but it’s not like I don’t have a choice to date them or not. I also don’t have a “my shit doesn’t stink” attitude when dealing with them.

So it sounds to me that you have a bit of an arrogance issue going on here. You are more then welcome to reject any man for any reason (fair or not). Your old enough to know that.

But don’t have a “how dare you even think you have a chance with me” attitude when men approach you. That’s condescending bullshit. It takes courage for men to approach and you need to respect that. And you full agency to turn them down.

Also you have no right to judge any man as long as he is financially independent, obeys the law and is generally decent to people. I don’t care if he’s a garbage man.

Again that doesn’t mean you have to date him (of course not). But you have no right to be condescending.

[Asker]

You’re definitely projecting here. My educated gutless says that’s more of a reflection of your own experience as I’m not disinterested in him.

[Asker]

*guess

[blueonblack22]

Maybe I made some quick assumptions. But I have a real problem with women who judge independent law abiding men. Especially hard working blue collar men who may not be making $150k+ a year but do respectable work, obey the law and don’t general go around being rude to people.

I’m an educated white collar guy by the way. I own my own house, make good money and I did 100% on my own. I do NOT hold women to higher standards then I hold myself to. As long as she work a respectable job (and not some OF bs) and makes enough money to be independent I will respect her. Doesn’t mean I will get in a relationship but I will respectful.

[Asker]

I don’t think most people hold others to higher standards than themselves to be honest, at least not in that sense. That’s a very childish and outdated mindset. It goes both ways, men should be able to do basic life skill tasks too instead of expecting women to cover all of that for them, again a very childish and outdated mindset. These things go both ways.

[blueonblack22]

Most women I’ve met expect more out of men then vice versa when it comes to who provides and protects. A man’s job, status and wealth is VERY important. It’s sink or swim for most of us.

There was on giant exception years ago but she brutally axed me (actually don’t blame her for leaving but she put a big exclamation point on it). But that’s because I was going through a transition phase in my life. 3 years later I doubled my salary, bought real estate and traveled the world. But women also do judge men where they are currently AT. Not by their potential.

[Effably]

Admiring things you are not?
Opposites attract?

It makes plenty of logical sense that a person who would be happy supporting their partner develops a preference for a partner who would benefit more from a high level of support. I suppose historically this is a bit of a gender role reversal.

But I get it. While I have achieved enough for where I am at to never have to feel bad, I am not that driven. Talented enough, yes. Forcing myself to achieve things, absolutely. Driven, no. And I do find women with that extra level of drive - which I lack - extra attractive. Good complementary attributes?

[Asker]

Yeah could be. But do you not think it can create issues? Like one may be more focussed on spending more time together whereas the other may want to take more opportunities that are presented and these two things may clash?

[Effably]

It certainly might. In my own case I can simply use her drive as a motivation to match. I'll rise to the challenge.

In his, who knows. There is the now old saying that behind every great man there is a great woman.
The meaning being that in order for one to achieve greatness, they need a measure of support. I don't see why his version could not be that. He might be very happy being that support. And he might be like me where her goals is the kick in the butt that makes him strive to excel.

Or of course it could be different life goals. But I think it is more likely to be a symbiosis than conflict.

[Asker]

Yeah possibly

[Hardshell1234]

Because she inspires him. He likes a woman to take charge and maybe take care of him? As a woman I like a man who is driven and has goals. It’s sexy to be ambitious but still realistic and if he achieves his goals, even better. A hard working man is an attractive one. ( and no people, I didn’t say rich!)

[alice55]

Not surprised it happen often. Opposite attract and maybe he's just too stupid or too poor or had bad upbringing that made him not being able to be successful?

[ManOnFire]

People like things they can't have or what are different from them. Men do exist like your question says, but I personally think it applies to women much more. Women way more often than men will have sex or relationships with men who lack goals and ambition. In the hopes that they can change him, or because they're intimidated by men who do have goals and ambitions and these women know they can't control them.

[Anonymous]

The first answer is, "because they're hot." But another reasonable answer is, "why wouldn't they be?" Do you think that somehow women who are ambitious with big goals magically become attractive ONLY to super ambitious guys which they find attractive? That's not even a LITTLE BIT how attraction works.

[Asker]

It’s the ambition he said he finds attractive. Generally people choose people on the same level to avoid conflicts if they’ve had any previous experience of it. But obviously everyone’s different.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with ambition and it's entirely possible he finds it attractive. But it's also CERTAINLY possible that he finds her HOT and that's what's attracting him and he's SAYING he's attracted to her ambition because generally, girls who are both hot AND ambitious feel like they're underappreciated for their ambition and might therefore enjoy being told that they're attractive for that rather than their hotness.

[Asker]

Fair point

[Opinion Owner]

I know whereof I speak. I've gone out with a couple of women who REALLY typify that sort of thing.

[Flatmanlewis]

We’re attracted to pretty women. Not their goals. They may be nice bonuses for the woman but her ambition alone does not create an attraction for who she is to us.

[Asker]

What about it makes it a bonus?

[Flatmanlewis]

Well, I suppose it’s simple guy math. Option A: You have a pretty woman.
Option B: You haha a pretty woman who also makes as much as you do.

[Asker]

Or makes more than him

[boggboss]

They are drawn to the women not her ambition or goals

[Asker]

He specifically said he loves people like that though…

[boggboss]

Then its person specific maybe he wants to change maybe he is a lier 🤷🏽‍♂️

[Asker]

Maybe yeah

[TheSpaceGnome]

Dunno, I'm very ambitious, so I'll probably never know.

[Asker]

What ambitions are you working towards/have achieved?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats a secret for now :)

[MrOracle]

He either hopes you can help him change (unlikely) or he's hoping for a free ride (not common, but in this case more likely).

[jahaims]

You don't stop having feelings just because you aren't motivated

[Asker]

But if you’re drawn to those type of people specifically there’s a reason related to that…

[BoopBoopBeep]

Chances are @BarryLiverstone below already nailed it, unless he's just so low rent that he's going to be homeless without you in his life, we're not really motivated by your ambitions if at the end of the day you look like a shaved donkey

[nawtee_me]

So they don’t have to and live off of them…. It is called gold diggers

[Asker]

But he’s not pushing that far himself…

[bobalife]

Sugar mama? 😅😂 unless he wants someone who can keep him grounded and inspired to do better

[CaptainOverthink]

Ambition is usually linked with confidence.
Maybe he likes a confident woman.

[Vick2828]

When will women learn that guys don't care about their careers and goals? We want a wife at the end of the day. Men can care less about your achievements.

[Anonymous]

Wants her to loose her ambitiousness and build him up - if you build them, they will leave

[Anonymous]

He's a leech wanting a comfortable/easy life

[Asker]

Could be

[laly520]

tryna find what they lack in others

[Nifrayu]

Because I want to be a home maker.

[OtterMan68]

wants to be a lazy bum and be taken care of

[Account]

@whistlingwh0res This is your area of expertise.

[war_daddy]

so she can pay for everything

[Anonymous]

He's looking for a sugar mama 🤣😂

[Slim57]

Opposites attract

[Asker]

Only to a degree. Similarity often works better in the long term.

[Anonymous]

She was probably baiting him.

[Asker]

Can you explain…

[Opinion Owner]

Well it's common sense to choose a partner you have things in common with. But guys have less options in this as women usually make the first move by signal her wanting to be approached. The problems is the majority of today's women signal their interest to be approached even if she has zero interest in the guy. Sometimes she does it because she's bored. Sometimes she does it because she just wants the stimuli of it. Some do it... just because. Like it's practice to her. To a guy that doesn't know any better or doesn't realize how many women do this, jump. Not realizing it's all a game to her and there is nothing in common between them.

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s not

[Asker]

Can you expand…

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s not drawn to her goals

[Asker]

Expand means why do you think that…

[BarryLiverstone]

Because she’s a stranger. Goals matter more after attraction and trust

[Asker]

I see

[BarryLiverstone]

Makes sense?