Am I being irrational or am I justified in being upset?

[Anonymous]

I'm pmsing this week so I don't know if I'm just being overly emotional. Anyways it's my birthday today and my boyfriend doesn't seem to care. He came home and went to the bedroom to watch TV and eat dinner. I ate dinner alone at the kitchen table with the kids. He pointed to an Amazon package and said that's my present. I joined him in the bed and he got up and said that he has a photography gig to go to and left. I had asked him a couple days ago if I should make cupcakes since I didn't think he would. He said he'd take care of it but obviously that's not happening. I feel like he doesn't care. Am I overreacting?

[Rosexøxø]

So he didn’t forget. Fact.

He didn’t make a big effort. Fact.

He did the bare minimum. FACT.
Ordering online is the laziest. I’m someone who doesn’t LIKE to drive so I order online WHENEVER I can.

He didn’t hand it to you, he said- ITS OVER THERE.

He didn’t make anything or any meal for you. He didn’t say anything else or what you mean to him or how much he appreciates you and/or all that you do.

THIS GUY NEEDS A PUNCH TO THE FACE.

I apologize and in ALL HONESTY, you handled it very well. You kept composure and reflected on it, and then even asked for another opinion.

WAY TO GO YOU! Happy birthday and happy day to a new level of maturity unlocked! 🔓 🏆 🎂 🍰 🧁

I SAY YOU DO THIS WHOLE WEEK UPPP

make it your birthday week and DO YOU BOO. For his birthday? Order some card online; have it mailed to him, and let him take it. Maybe put as much as he would have paid for yours or less inside and don’t say anything! If he makes more than you DONT put any money in and don’t say anything. You bought the card and that’s something amirite?

Something… and NOTHING- like he did.

What a jerk. I’m so sorry you had a bastard do such a thing like this to you on the MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF THE YEAR.

you're special, resilient, strong, head strong, intelligent, and patient. So much patience for this- this- absolute nonsense!

I hope you make it up to yourself and make next years even better. With or without this joke.

I don’t know how you’ll move forward, but to answer your question, you are NOT overreacting. Totally in the right to feel some type of way.

Right this wrong sis! You owe it to yourself. Wishing you the best and a safe; happy; healthy birthday. 🥳 🎉

[worldscolide]

wow advocating domestic violence because he didn't make a huge effort on her birthday, Very telling. Sad.

[Rosexøxø]

@worldscolide I said he deserved. I didn’t say GO PUNCH HIM IN HIS FACE.

Big difference. I think right about now I’d be willing to advocate for reading and taking nothing out of context.

Besides, what is a woman’s slap when men volunteer to fight other guys all the time and get punched?

Guys partake in things like boxing and wrestling. Guys don’t mind getting hit apparently otherwise violence and any example of it would be abolished and cease to exist in today’s civilized society.

I think you deserve a punch to the face too :] little bugger.

[Asker]

Thank you!!

[didichi]

Ok good thing he got you a gift, but was the gift something you wanted or was it just a plain gift that you don’t care to use? Has he done this before on your other birthdays? If not, maybe something is bothering him and you should talk to him alone about it. Honestly I would be upset too, the fact he didn’t eat with you and just left to do something on your birthday is shitty to me. Birthdays are suppose to be special and your SO should make it special. That’s why you’re in a relationship, to make each other happy. He did the bare minimum, but it wasn’t enough I don’t care, if this man is not putting the work to make you happy then leave him. That was such a jerky mood on what he did.

[loveslongnails]

I don't think he got her a gift, but rather, he bought her an item out of a perceived obligation. That's very different from a gift.

[Flatmanlewis]

There is so much I have to say about this guy. Simplify it to say two things: He’s passive aggressive about something - what, no way for us to know. Second: he’s a petty man. It’s built into our male DNA to be providers and protectors. In this case he failed miserably at both and did the bare minimum so that he could claim he got you a gift and therefore acknowledged your birthday but that’s not the point of birthdays at all.


Birthdays are a day for somebody to feel special. To feel acknowledged for who they are. To feel like people cared about you enough to go out of their way to think of, and do something for, you. Would he have done this same half ass birthday for his kids? His mother? His father? Siblings?


I think you are ENTIRELY justified to be upset and it’s time for you to take full stock of the relationship you are in and if he is valuing it properly. I cannot lay all the blame at his feet and, while very childish, there may very well be something you’ve done to him that he’s holding onto and it’s not being addressed in a healthy way. Time to talk about the state of things.

[Anonymous]

I'm anonymous because you are. Just something I do. Anyway, as I see it, there's some hard stuff you need to think about.
1) This isn't about your birthday, per se; it's about him just not caring about you in general.
2) Behaving like this on your birthday is either a subconscious, or deliberate way, to amplify the message " I can't be bothered with your emotional attachment to your birthday".
3) I'd bet this sort of thing is not a one-off, correct?

Lots of couples don't put excessive importance on bday's, anniversaries or holidays, but if one partner knows it means "something" to other, they do not disregard it, and you, or treat it the way he did.

I don't know your overall situation, but the fact that you asked if you're being irrational when you're obviously not, screams of more subtle and consistent emotional abuse taking place. You were ready to consider feeling guilty or unreasonable for being disregarded, and that's a bad sign. So think about this and consider if it's really where you belong, and I hope you ended up having a great birthday!

[worldscolide]

Two things i would say.. did you actually communicate your issues with this? or did you just resort going online to ask about it?

In any case his lack of care is not good. Seems he does not care. Which is unfortunate.. This also depends on how long you have been together.. I have been married for a decade to my wife. I love her with all of my heart, but we do less and less on our respective birthdays because they are just a day to us. I do make sure to get her a gift, i do make sure to make a special meal for her. But often times i dont get to do it on the day because i work. Because i am the SOLE bread winner in our family its very hard to take time off. And its the same for her, she often times doesn't do anything for my birthday because it often falls on a work day, but that weekend we do things.

This boils down to communication i think. you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel.

[Wiredone]

Pmsing has nothing to do with it and you're not being irrational. I'm really sorry he treated you like that. He could have at least got you some flowers to make you feel somewhat special.

I hope you return the favor when his birthday rolls around.

I know it doesn't mean much but Happy Birthday 😊

[Vick2828]

Ok, so don't listen to none of these people in the comments but me. One, it's a good thing that he remembered your birthday. Two, no one owes you anything; you are not deserving of a happy birthday. The fact he got you a gift shows he thought about you. Now, this is what really matters. Did you tell him how it would mean a lot to you if he was excited and put in some effort cause it would make you feel good? Cause if not, then it's not his fault but yours. Now, if he makes excuses when you tell him that, then you will see how he is and do the same to him on his birthday. Tell people what you like and stick to it.

[Rosexøxø]

Yes but dr Phil… no one has ever had to explain to a partner or board of partners that they LIKED celebrating a birthday.

Any other holiday MAYBE.

You must be one of the few that didn’t celebrate them or doesn’t like them. Communicate what she wants yeah. No one owes her anything yeah- then why is he with her?

Partners owe their significant other effort and care. Unless it’s some purely sexual, financial, or other functioning relationship.

Yeah he thought about her. As I said in my comment: he didn’t forget.

But he didn’t show he loved her either.

Sometimes I give thought for different diseases out there or people whose views I strongly disagree with, doesn’t mean much more than that.

I simply just gave them some thought. Not thoughts filled with fondness or high praise. Nothing like that. Even in my sleep I give thought to things randomly passing and intangible things. Doesn’t mean I value those things or keep them to myself as logic.

He “thought” of her and that was all he did. Period. It stopped there.

He didn’t hug her. Didn’t kiss her on the way out. Didn’t communicate how he felt about her. Or what else he thought. He just said he had something else to do and left.

He thought. And he left.

Why wouldn’t he as a partner communicate and communicate non verbal love as well? Only she is expected to communicate what she wants? Since when do people have to communicate they want to be loved?

I have no idea if you have dated at all. Communication is great. But these basic concepts about love, communication, and a birthday is very basic and should be well covered by a caring, loving, and effort-making partner.

But maybe you disagree with that. Your comment seems to hint at this. So biased… “only listen TO ME. Do better YOURSELF (essentially), to make him more aware and caring for you. Because right now he’s unaware on how to love you. (ESSENTIALLY)….”

[Vick2828]

Yeah, nobody owes you anything, and you are talking to someone who loves celebrating birthdays. It is your job to tell someone what you like. This is a problem with women who continuously want people to be mind readers. No one cares unless you make them care. That's reality.

[Rosexøxø]

Okay if that’s the case she should t be with him. There’s a big difference and ought to be between partners and society. Clearly you’re showing everybody here the kind of partner and person you are by these values.

I think it’s really cheap..

To put your partner in the same boat as the rest of the world.

Really messed up.

For you they have to communicate to you that they want you to care for them.

Eesh. Maybe this is really just some subconscious thing where you don’t want to love a woman until you know she loves you first and her communicating verbally that she indeed WANTS you to, means you’re safe to do that. You either got rejected, cheated, or didn’t have a lot of positive interactions or any strong/long ones with females in a non-platonic relationship.

I have nothing further to say. Not gonna change your views. Not gonna sit here and tell you how to treat your future partners, that’s between you and them. Not gonna tell you what to tell this poor woman about love and communication- whatever you’re trying to sell under that. And make excuses for a bastard with bitchy behavior, for real, and my comment here is just to be like those social media

“Ratios”

I simply disagree and she can see that. You can disagree with my comment.

Hopefully she’ll see and weigh what she thinks is right by a few of the comments here.

I hope personally she won’t take your advice. Maybe apply it with society and other people in her life, but not a partner. That’s really really messed up, and just plain unfortunate.

[Vick2828]

No, I agree with you. What I'm saying is not everyone thinks the same. Some people are bad at making an effort. You have to tell them what you like.

[Rosexøxø]

And sorry I have to come out this way on this matter, but I feel defensive for her, and I definitely share or resonate with that pain. You basically advised a hurting woman to make an excuse for her partner’s behavior and to DO MORE. And you neglected the two important variables. She conveyed she’s a bit hurt by her initial confusion. She explained to us she’s on her period (usually physically painful and straining hormone/wise), and she didn’t have anyone or at least the person she would hope/expect to care on her birthday do so because it was her birthday when she posted.

I don’t know, but myself and some other guy actually went out of our way to wish her. You’re just advising her favoring the guy in this scenario, and didn’t even give any sort of apology, remorse, encouragement, or best wish for her day. Not even to a best wish for her to get better.

Why should she listen to someone enforcing the wrong things. Even if you don’t think it’s wrong and she agrees, why wouldn’t you at least consider her situation and convey some compassion to her or wishing her well? Or she has to communicate she’d like that from a stranger too?

No basic common courtesy, politeness, or anything. It’s like- shocking. I’d be confused just as much as her. Questioning reality a little bit. Thankfully not everyone shares these views.

Thankfully some will go out of their way to still wish others

Happy. Birthday.

I wonder if the man had even said that.

Shaking my head. 🤦‍♀️

I need to step aside from this, and no I won’t be replying here on out. Regardless of what is shared

Have a good day. 👍

[Vick2828]

You didn't read my whole thing cause you can clearly see what I said on the bottom of my first response.

[DizzyDesii]

You’re not overreacting. I had a good bday with mine and then he did me so dirty that weekend that it ruined the whole week for me. So no you should react just as you are

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, something is definitely wrong, He is either mad at you, doesn't love you, or is otherwise unhappy with you.

[laly520]

no u aren't overreacting

he clearly dont care much about it n that sucks

[Anonymous]

You aren't overacting, he is punishing you. There is a demonic energy with his behavior and also something related to how his parents treat him, or treated him.

[dustybiker2]

Sounds like he has something on his mind but for whatever reason doesn't want to talk about it. Suggest a quiet convo without judgement. Listen and let him speak.

[tierrlamé]

First off. Happy Birthday!

You are not overreacting. He did the bare minimum. But he didn't forget. Have you told him before that you want to celebrate your birthday?

[handsomelad70]

You should be upset, girl. Your "beau" has ignored your FREAKIN' BIRTHDAY !!!

[slatyb]

No, you aren't. Doesn't sound like much of a marriage. How long are you willing to go on like this?

[slatyb]

Oh, I missed that you aren't married. Same question though.

[Sabretooth]

You're not a priority. Don't fall for his bullshit.

[Rosexøxø]

She wasn’t a priority. Yes. Strong words. Valid words.

[Sabretooth]

@Rosexøxø not one for bullshit.

[Sabretooth]

don't let him gaslight you or sweet talk you.

[Anonymous]

Is this new? Has he always celebrated your birthday?

[Rosexøxø]

Very good question I like this. Will help establish balance and look for any patterns of any sort. If she’s asking and wonder if she’s overreacting though I’m going to assume has had done so in the past and this time around he just barely lifted a finger. Kinda all he did for the laptop 💻 and for opening the door on his way out. Not much else. :\\

[Opinion Owner]

I agree! I did wonder if he used to do this in the past, but I feel like it wasn’t a thing. Plus OP has so many comments and ignoring everyone so I guess the day (and situation) passed and she’s moved on.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes she was clearly just venting and didn’t want answers

[Opinion Owner]

Agreed Barry!

[Twalli]

I took the entire day off work for my girlfriend's birthday

[Celticwolf78]

I don't think that he loves you sounds to me that he's falling out of love and probably found someone else time to kick him out

[Rosexøxø]

I didn’t want to say this, but I felt the same way. She needs to have a serious and transparent conversation with him. That’s what I think before she goes on pulling any cards or sticking to any potential/possible freeloaders.

[Celticwolf78]

Agree

[Anonymous]

He wants a divorce but doesn't have the balls to come out and tell you

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry he wants to break up with you but doesn't have the balls to come out and tell you

[Rosexøxø]

I feel like this could hold some truth. How upsetting. He just wasted her time. 🤦‍♀️ at least she’ll have a cheap-ish gift going out of it. If either of them gets through it if that’s how he’s feeling about it all and her and hasn’t had any guys to be transparent about it.

[Staximus]

He sounds like an asswipe

[HelpfulWoman]

no, that's very shitty

[Anonymous]

You need a better boyfriend.