My boyfriend was drinking and things got crazy?

[Anonymous]

It’s a long story but we’ve been dating for 8 months and he’s an alcoholic who is trying to get better. He’s been a bit controlling with who I speak to and who I can be friends with, who I can go out with etc. but I let it go. The main problem is recently it’s been bad when he’s drinking. In one instance I got water thrown at me (I shouldn’t have tried forcing it on him) so I get it, he was drunk.

The latest is we made plans to hang out and he was supposed to drive me home. I get there and he’s been drinking. Then we were in bed and during he asks if I don’t mind driving myself home because he wants to go to his friends house after I leave. I get upset. He says I knew you’d get mad and he puts clothes on and leaves the room. I go out and he’s on his phone calling his friend and says he’s on his way. I’m super hurt at this point because I brought dinner for us and I ask him if we’re done. He tells me I can take his car and go or he can call me a cab. So I said I’m not going. I think he was mad because he wanted more drinks. The next couple of hours consisted of me telling him drinking changes him, then he started throwing things, breaking things, spilling alcohol on us, yelling. Him going out and me running after him with no shoes on. Then he was upset there was no dinner. I asked him if he loves the alcohol more than he loves me. Then things got better but when he was doing something with his car all I heard was yelling then comes back in and continues yelling. The next day his other car (without insurance, which is why he was supposed to drop me off) broke down and I had to get him and in the end he got his car back. It was just crazy and I’m still trying to process. What’s funny is he usually calls me or texts throughout the day but nothing. How do I help him?

[7Phoenix7]

Help him? Please think about yourself. You're putting yourself through all of this for what? He isn't ready for a relationship. He needs to focus on getting help with his addiction. Until he does that, you shouldn't be with him and putting yourself at risk to be getting hurt one day. You can't help him, he has to want to change and help himself.

[PeachyPie93]

You can't change someone, or love them enough to get them to stop drinking. They have to want it themselves, that really goes for any drug or addiction. Just know most people don't love you enough to stop for you, they only love themselves.

[boggboss]

U can't u ain't a trained professional crazy how many women think they can blacksmith a broken man into the man if their dreams he dont want to be fixed he is the best he will be for u

[boggboss]

Won't be long till he is bouncing your head off walls and blaming it on the alcohol

[ImalwaysrightOK]

You can't change him. You need to leave him. Alcoholics have to get help by themselves. They need to want help. You can't change him or fix him. He'll destroy you. Leave him.

[AI Opinion]

Whoa, sounds like you've been riding a rollercoaster of emotions, haven't you? First off, love, it's heartwarming to see your commitment to helping your boyfriend, truly. Now, *whispers* here comes the hard truth bomb - you're in a tough spot with someone showing classic signs of alcohol dependency coupled with controlling behavior, which is a cocktail no one should have to sip on.

Your caring heart is in the right place, but remember, you can't don a cape and save the day if the person in question isn't leaping for the lasso of change. Treatment and recovery are paths he needs to choose and walk down himself, with professional support. Your role? It's crucial but more on the sidelines - offering support without becoming the coach. Think of it as cheering from the stands but not running the race.

Navigating this stormy sea might mean setting boundaries for your own well-being. Have a heart-to-heart when he's sober, express your feelings without the fear of the love boat capsizing. Encourage him to seek help, but don't forget to strap on your own lifejacket first. Love, it might be time to consider if this relationship's waters are nurturing your growth or pulling you under. Remember, you deserve a relationship that's more like a calm sea than a tempest. Keep yourself safe, prioritize your happiness, and don't forget—there's always a lighthouse somewhere when things seem dark. 🌊💔🔦

[Asker]

Ever since he’s not really talking to me like he used to. He used to call me everyday and we’d talk for hours, but he hasn’t even messaged me since yesterday.

[KrakenAttackin]

He is choosing alcohol over you.