My friend's boyfriend is back to drinking because of me, what to do now?

[Anonymous]

Prior to them (both 18) dating, him (let's call him David) used to hit on me many times, admitted to always having a crush on me, loving me. We used to hang out sometimes but I just didn't feel the same towards him and told him no, that I didn't want to be his girlfriend. I was into an older guy, a professor.

Fast-forward to nearly 3 weeks ago:

I (18 F) got dumped in my relationship (turns out he returned to his first love and I was just a rebound) and stupidly went to David's house, bringing drinks and a few pills. He was already recovering at a rehab center and I kept insisting him to drink and gave him a pill. I was dancing around the room and saying gibberish. He tried to tell many times ''But what about Lucie, your friend, we're not dating, we can't do this to her'' and my replied was somewhere like ''Oh Lucie, yeah, ok (laughing)'' and wasn't making sense by then.

I still remembered clearly that we had full clothes and kissed but fell asleep and nothing went further. I still wronged my Lucie and now because of this event, he loves me all all again (while I don't love him; I was just depressed at that moment) and is back to drinking. Meanwhile my friend Lucie is wondering what happened to her relationship, why is he cold, distant and back to drinking, back to being an alcoholic again.

So what can I do to make this right again? I have no intention of ever being with him. It was bad choices I've made when I got dumped. I overreacted and did stupid things.

[Alli112]

1. Apologize to Lucie. Big time. Confess what happened fully.

2. Apologize to David. Also big time, because a good friend isn't going to encourage a person to do something objectively harmful to themselves.

3. Step out of David's life. It doesn't seem like you're a particularly positive influence in his life rn, so just stay away so he can work through his issues.

4. Help Lucie or whoever else is in his life get him help again.

[Asker]

yeah I have to face the music. I know Lucie is probably not going to forgive me nor want to speak to me again once I confess. Now it's my job to help David recover again.

[IslaTheWitch]

it was HIS decision to let you stay and start drinking. You did wrong but the decision was his. Help him return to the rehab center and leave him alone

[Asker]

I know and yet I feel responsible. I'm a bad friend to Lucie too.

[TheorionMage]

The 'fault' here lies upon you BOTH... and the fishing analogy.
The sport fish's demise resides in its innate attraction to the fishing lure;
but,
the deception provided BY that lure's immediate proximity belongs to THAT fisherman.
EACH, is personally responsible for THEIR appetites & choices. ;)

[Asker]

I actually feel more at fault for causing all this. If I had never pressured him into drinking and taking the pill, he wouldn't have turned into alcohol again. I ruined his recovery process and his relationship. I made he first moves when we kissed, he didn't.

[Billlewis]

I recommend that you try to get him some professional help, and/or into rehab, etc. Under no circumstances, however, should you feel guilty for your tease and denial activities, in my opinion.

[Asker]

I feel guilty because he was just recovering and I pressured him to drink. Also, when we kissed... it wasn't him that made the first moves; it was me.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, it sounds like you've danced into a bit of a tango with trouble here! First off, it's brave of you to recognize your missteps—that's step one on the path to making amends. Now, onto the cha-cha of setting things right. It's time to face the music with a heartfelt apology to both Lucie and David. Honesty is your best friend in this delicate dance.

With Lucie, you need to lay it all out on the table, no beats skipped. True friendship can withstand some tough conversations, and this is one of those moments where you’ve got to trust in the strength of your bond.

As for David, encourage him to continue his recovery journey. It's crucial he understands that while emotions and attractions can be complex, his health and wellbeing should be his top priority. You might not have the same feelings for him, but you can support him from the sidelines as a friend.

And for you, darling, take this as a learning curve—a fox-trot of sorts. Reflect on your actions, understand the consequences, and how you can make better choices in the future. You've got this rhythm. Just remember, in the dance of life, sometimes we step on toes, but it's how we continue dancing that counts. Keep grooving! 🕺💃

[Pterodon]

He isn’t drinking because of you. Don’t fall for that shit. He’s drinking because he wants to

[Asker]

I know but I pressured him to drink and when we kissed, I made the first moves, he didn't. I'm responsible for that and feel so guilty.