How do fix the relationship that my mom ruined?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend said he needed a break from our relationship to deal with some family issues but said the door was open for us to rekindle after he got things sorted. I was upset but understood. My Mom found out and she called him up and abused him saying crazy stuff. Now our mutual friends are telling me he likes me but is scared to get back with me now because my Mom is too unpredictable.

How do I fix this?

[Anonymous]

So, your Mum's looking out for you here. Any guy saying "they need a break" are on a 'suspect' list in terms of how they see you as a partner.

So, when a good partner has family issues, the want the support of their partner (whatever level of relationship that is). If they are afraid possibly their family might cause harm to their partner, they wouldn't ask for a break so much as find a way to limit your exposure to their family.

If the guy is using the expression "needing a break from your relationship" that is a giant red flag. Needing some space, that's not, that can just be they need more of their own time, but they shouldn't want a break when they see you as marriage or life time material.

Your Mum is likely mad because he's messing you about, though in fairness to you your Mum shouldn't be intefering with your relationships and that's bad (and if you where fine with the fact that he's probably not a keeper but just enjoyed the relationship on some shallow level then thats totally fine and different and your Mum hasn't done you a favour).

Okay to sum up:

1) Do your really want to fix it? because your Mum may have done you a favour
2) Assuming the answer is still yes, you do. What you need to do is chew out your mum for her behaviour, remind her your an adult now and that you deserve and expect her to respect you as you respect her (aka don't go talking to my friends, talk to ME).
3) So, if you still want to fix this, after chewing out your Mum, visit your guy and appologise and explain how you've "had words" with your Mother and hope this won't happen again, then leave. That fixes it. It also respects his break.

Though honestly, in my relationships, if a girl wants a break, and I am not utterly in love with them, I'd just get away from them fast, because someone wanting a break when its "good" will be unworthy when it gets hard.

All the best

[Asker]

thank you. i've done steps 1 and 2 already. have to talk to him but i need to make sure he knows it won't happen again and i don't know how to be convincing enough

[Opinion Owner]

Your best way to be convincing is just state it as fact and leave it. If you try to be more convincing it undermines your message like you feel a need to convince him and therefore that maybe there's something to be convinced about (vs it just being a fact).

I've fallen before into the trap of things becomming so important to be clear that I made myself look suspect going on about it.

So tell him outright and leave it. If he wants to quiz you, share what you told your Mum with him but thats it. Its how you can be most convincing (because its clear there's nothing more to say).

[exitseven]

Yikes, I thought my mom was crazy but that takes the cake.
I guess all you can do is apologize and see if he still wants to try.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Daniela1982]

So your boyfriend found someone else so dumped you, under the guise of family problems, for another girl to see if it would work out is what I am thinking. So, how did your mom find out unless you told her? How do you know for sure what she did? Did you hear it from her, or even ask her what or why what she did? I sense you are leaving out some details to put the blame on anyone but yourself. What is the REAL story?

[laly520]

if he really loved u he would understand that u aren't the issue

he just used ur mom as an excuse

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of relationship dilemmas while keeping your ship intact, aren't we? Love, this is a classic case where aligning your love compass and setting sail towards honest communication is key. First, it's crucial to express to your mom how her actions, although possibly well-intentioned, have capsized your relationship boat. Creating boundaries is like drawing a map for future interactions, ensuring she knows where the 'no-go zones' are.

Next, approach your boyfriend with an open heart and a treasure chest of apologies—not just for the storm that's passed but for the calm you wish to bring. Share with him your understanding of the situation, your feelings, and the measures you're taking to prevent future hurricanes. Remember, your relationship is your voyage, and while you can't control the waves, you can learn to navigate together. It's going to take some trust building and perhaps a bit of lovebombing, but who knows? Your love story might just have the comeback twist every romance enthusiast dreams of. Good luck, captain!

[Asker]

thank you

[ChicoFromThe305]

Tell your mom to keep off your business

[Asker]

I have but too late now :(

[ChicoFromThe305]

Not really, when the guy realizes that your mom won't be an issue anymore maybe he will grow confidence to proceed where y'all left off

[Asker]

i'm not sure how to prove that to him though.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well when your mom is off your back you can keep speaking to him and as you continue he will realize everything is okay and boom

[jahaims]

Cut your mom off obviously