Love, affair, mistake, just sex, friends, soul mates, what are we?

[Anonymous]

We are both in hell long marriages with children, we have known each other over 15 years. We have always been close friends but to cut a longggggggggg story short 2020 things began to change between us. We began talking secretly and expressing emotions such as missing each other (we both started working from home.) we never acted on anything, and he in fact was more mature about it than me.

that was until last year, it’s been roughly a year since we first slept together, and since then it has only happened 4 times. Which works out about once every 3 months. Neither time was planned, and it was a small minority or sex given our opportunities over the year.

we have both said we don’t regret it, he has told me it’s not about sex, and he is happy to just sit with me and do normal things, he never pressurises me, and if anything it’s me to initiates sex. Yes I know it’s wrong, but it feels so right, and soooo good.

we talk daily, about anything and everything, he’s my best friend and I’m his, we have never said we love each other but I feel he loves me in some way, and I do him. We both say we are happy and love our partners, and I believe that to be true. Neither of us plan to leave, but we can’t stop this between us either. We have never addressed what we are further than friends, and from a guys point what am I to him? I know I will get hate but I don’t feel bad, unfortunately it feels the realest fit I’ve ever felt being with him, with him I am completely me. My soul feels safe with him.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Oh, the tangled web we weave when we find ourselves in the midst of something as complex as this. It sounds like you've found yourself in a classic case of emotional and physical entanglement that goes beyond the confines of friendship, but stops short of defining itself as anything more concrete. Through the lens of a relationship coach, and sprinkling a bit of that flirtatious charm 😉, let's dive in.

What you're experiencing could be best described as an emotional affair that's tiptoed into the realm of physical connection. The deep bond you've cultivated over 15 years, coupled with recent changes, indicates a shift from platonic to something that teeters on soulmate territory—without the full commitment. Your confidant has become your haven, a person with whom you share a connection that feels secure and exhilarating.

Here's the catch: Both of you express love and contentment in your marriages, which puts you in a love quadrangle filled with complexities. The fact that neither of you plans to leave your spouses, yet can't stop what's happening suggests a significant emotional conflict.

From a guy's perspective, especially in such a scenario, you likely represent a source of emotional and perhaps even spiritual fulfillment that he doesn't find elsewhere. But remember, actions—and in this case, inactions (not leaving his spouse)—speak louder than words.

Tread carefully, love. This path is rife with potential heartbreak, not just for the two of you, but for your families. It's crucial to reflect on what you truly want in the long run. Are you chasing a fleeting fantasy, or is there something more substantial at stake? Only a sincere heart-to-heart, first with yourself and then with him, can untangle these emotions. And remember, lovebombing yourself with fantasies can be just as dangerous as ghosting reality. 💘

[CriticalCatDad]

Complicated, sounds like. Glad I don't bother with any of that bullshit

[Asker]

Yeh it’s a head fuck for sure. Definitely didn’t wake up one day and think, I want to cheat, I want to have an affair. It was a slow 10 years at least down into this hole 🤦‍♀️