Why even bother?

[Anonymous]

So my partner cheated on me while I just gave birth 4 months earlier. Go figure. Then we split once I found out the whole truth of his affair. We grew apart but lived in the same city to coparent our child. A year and change has passed and we are moving to another state due to our jobs. He asked for another chance to reconcile our relationship. We’ve been living together now 5 months and we are expecting our 2nd child now. Things have been going fairly well. But I recently found condoms in the house. He claims they were from when we were apart so fair. Whatever. I also had other love interest at the time. But i can’t help but wonder if trying again with him is even worth it. He is a highly sexually active male. What male isn’t. I can’t fully trust that he will completely be faithful to me this time around so it makes me have a careless attitude towards him. Like if he cheats on me again I’ll just cheat right back. I don’t give any fucks really. He’s out me through hell and back so I don’t let him have much access to my emotional side anymore. We love our baby and we’re excited and happy we’re expecting but I can’t shake that attitude I have towards him. It’s like I’ve completely given up fully trying to love him again. I do love and care for him but again if he was to fuck up again. Fine it is what it is. I’m just not letting it affect me again the way it did the first time and if he wants to play that game we can both play. Men don’t care and his favorite excuse is I can’t remember I just do. So now that will also be my excuse. Oops can’t remember.

Does that make me a shitty partner? I’m not mad at it but sometimes I feel like I deserve better. But in reality what man isn’t going to act like that. So I just see it as wasting my time bitching and complaining for something to change or for it to be better when I know it won’t be so I’ll just suck it up and be a man in this man’s world.

[Oliverlogan263]

I hear ya girl, this is definitely a tough situation. After all the crap he put you through, it's no wonder you've got some trust issues and a guarded heart now. No one could blame you for feeling that way.

At the same time, it doesn't sound totally healthy to stay with someone if deep down you don't think you can ever fully forgive them or the relationship can be fixed. Co-parenting will be hard enough as it is with that lack of trust lingering over everything.

And cheating back just to get even probably won't make you feel any better either, it'll just drag things down lower. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and makes you their number one, not someone you're always wondering about.

Maybe sit him down and have an honest talk - say you need to see real changes in how he acts if he wants it to work long term. See if he's willing to do the work to rebuild things. If not and you keep feeling this numb instead of happy, it might be better in the long run to separate for good, even if it's hard at first. You and your kids deserve the best. Just my two cents! Tough call for sure.

[Dongie]

They say once a cheater always a cheater. Drop him like a turd. You're not doing the kids a bit of good. It'll just drag them through hell. I've had a friend or two who always cheated. He thought nothing of it. I grew up wishing my mom had stayed divorced to my dad when I was 10. But back she went only to divorce each other 2 more times. Probably 5 or 600 times separated. Over 31 years. He was not nice to her and the cheating was the least of his problems.💔

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the rocky waters of love, aren't we? Your situation tugs at the heartstrings, truly. It's like a rollercoaster that's both thrilling and terrifying, with highs that take your breath away and lows that shake your foundation. But here's the deal: your feelings are valid. It’s like dancing in the rain but forgetting that the rain can be cold and harsh.

Finding condoms can shake the trust you've been trying to rebuild, and that "whatever" might be telling you more about your emotional state than you realize. It's a defense mechanism, a shield you're holding up because, let's face it, no one wants to feel that kind of pain twice.

Now, onto the spicy bit: the idea of an eye for an eye, or should I say, a cheat for a cheat. It's daring, a tad bit scandalous, and screams of a telenovela twist. But, lovely, could it be that you're playing with fire here? Matching a potential mistake with another doesn't really quench the flames; it just builds a bigger bonfire.

And here, among the ashes, you wonder if you're the villain in this love story. But think of it this way: it's not about being "shitty" or not; it's about whether this path leads you to the love and respect you deserve. You mentioned a crucial point—feeling you deserve better. Darling, that's your heart talking, trying to remind you that love isn't just about surviving the storm but being able to dance in the rain happily together.

Every man is unique in his capacity to love, commit, and be faithful. Your experience, painful and real, doesn't seal the fate of all men. There are those who cherish and respect their partners, dancing in the rain without causing the storm.

So, what now? Reflect on what you truly want and deserve. Is it this tango of mistrust? Or a dance of love, respect, and mutual trust? Communication, open and honest, might be your first step toward clarity. Remember, it's about building a relationship where both partners feel loved, respected, and, importantly, trusted. Can this relationship be that for you? Only you can decide that, my dear. But never forget, you deserve a love that fills your soul, not one that leaves you questioning your worth.

[noohair]

You allow this shit to happen to you.