What is the first thing you would do or say to a friend after they just broke up with someone?

[Crimsyjo]

Presume you never liked or trusted their partner. Do u go in with the "I told you so's" or you give empathy despite inwardly knowing its a good thing?

[blueonblack22]

No do not do the “I told you so”. Thats very condescending. Even insulting. You are literally telling them you have better judgment than they do.

Also your friend isn’t going to trust your support as much because they know you never liked their ex. They on the otter hand at one time saw something in that person. And emotions often warp people’s judgment when it comes to romance.

The best thing you can do is just listen to them. Let them dump it out one way or another. Letting them know you are there for them is the most supportive thing you can do.

So do not use this as opportunity to go off on how you disliked their ex unless they explicitly ask you for your opinion. That’s selfish. Remember this moment is about their recovery not your grievances.

[Crimsyjo]

Yh I asked this cos my mum jumped straight to judgmental and condescending and it hurt. And i no my friend would do the 'I told you so' too so i haven't even told her my boyfriend and I broke up. Your so right about 'they saw something in that person'. Cos no matter the bad stuff, there is always good too and it hurts missing somebodies company and presence.

[blueonblack22]

If she did the “I told you so” too then is this even a real friendship? It’s not like you two are teenagers either. You understand the nuances and complexities of how this all can play out.

A real friend listens first before judging.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I would lead with asking them if they were ok, and if there was anything I could do to help before offering any advice. Sometimes, the only thing needed is to know they aren't alone!

[TommyMountainFigure]

update:- I hope you don't mind, but I looked up some of your previous questions and one in particular caught my eye. It was about how your dog took a disliking to your ex. Dogs are brilliant at sussing out people!

[Crimsyjo]

I don't mind! And yh. My dog at first moved across the bedroom into his dog bed and looked at me with sad eyes. But I figured that was normal, feeling a change having a stranger in the bed. My ex also didn't approve of dogs in the bed so he would slyly "accidentally " push him out. Then when I did try to show attention to my dog my ex would take over, grabbing him and acting like he was giving my dog attention. But holding him tight and he would look very uncomfortable. And then he (my dog) decided to go sleep in the kids rooms instead. And had tail between his legs every time he saw my ex. Who blamed the dog for doing it on purpose to gain my sympathy and said that my dog was totally different and accepting when I wasn't around.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm trying very hard not to pass judgment on him, but knowing what I know now I have to ask. Seeing how he manipulated you with regard to your dog, how long do you think it would have taken before he tried to do the same with your kids?

[Crimsyjo]

I know I know. I obviously have super bad judgement as well as wanting to be loved. This was my first relationship after 8 years as my last ex was not good either. My kids are teenage. We did have one big argument where he started telling me how to parent them (in a way i was not comfortable with) and I told him whatever his opinion (on me being too soft with them) I wasn't letting anyone dictate or change how I was with them. After that he refused anything to do with them (and my dog) which just added to the fact he couldn't really be a true part of my life if he was going to be so stubbon.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I am truly sorry things turned out the way they did for you. How have your kids taken the break up? I'm going to take a wild stab at it and say they are probably relieved to have their mum back?

[Crimsyjo]

Thing is. They are teens. They stay in room all day and rarely see me. I might see them for 5 mins a day whilst they grab their dinner. So I was really happy to have a guy be around who i could cuddle and talk to and he helped me with chores and we could go shopping and stuff together. My kids are way happy we broken up. But they haven't tried to comfort me or anything. I mean. I think they tried approach me in first day or two but i was crying a lot. It's only been a week since broke up.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Seeing as putting your kids welfare before your own was one of the key reasons the break up occurred, might it be an idea if they knew the sacrifices you made for them? That could make them think you deserve more than a 5 minute interaction a day from them..

[Crimsyjo]

I don't know. They are teens and got their own dramas and emotions going on. I remember not really thinking much about my mum and her troubles at that age. I'd rather just let them be kids and not hold it against them. They will realise when they older. And hopefully I will be able to offer comfort and advise when they need it and want it from mum!

[TommyMountainFigure]

I guess so.. Well, either that or learn how to play the same video games kids these days like to play.

[Crimsyjo]

Haha oh I'm a big kid and geek. I play fortnite, roblox, Minecraft, Bendy. Watch anime like My Hero Academia. And love Marvel and still collect my comic books. 😄

[TommyMountainFigure]

I've heard of a couple of those games, not played any of them though. What about Marvel? Do you have a favourite movie and character?

[Crimsyjo]

Oh yes. I've loved the character Gambit since I was 15. Sadly he gets overlooked for the movies (I guess Taylor Kitsch wasn't too bad in Wolverine). And Wolverine is a close 2nd. I also love Thor. I like how manly man he is. Yet he can be soppy romantic when in love. He hasn't always been portrayed well in the movies tho.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Thank you for choosing mine as a MHO, I've never heard of Gambit before. The most obscure character I've heard of is Captain Britain! I was given by my uncle the complete comic book collection when i was old enough to read it. I still have them too.

[Crimsyjo]

Haha well yes of course I know Captain Britain. Sadly not a very strong character lol. Its cool you still got the comics! Could be worth something someday as it's probably not a collection many hold on to!

[TommyMountainFigure]

True, he wasn't very strong then but he's had a complete makeover now.

[bobalife]

I’ll feel bad either way rather I was wrong or right to the reasons my friend is feeling hurt by their break up. Telling someone I told you so isn’t helpful and will make them feel worse. I’d be there for them in any way I can, listen and validate their emotions, give them hugs, maybe go on a trip to get away, and take them out to eat or drink.

[DishLady]

Don't rub it in. That's just being nasty on your part. But you can say something like "you dodged a bullet" or "it's for the best" or "you're going to be fine... there's something better down the road" sort of thing that doesn't lay blame on the friend's shoulders or suddenly make everything about YOU and what YOU said.

[AI Opinion]

Jumping in to give my two cents on love and breakups! 🌟 While it might be tempting to pull out the "I told you so" card, the empathy route is golden. Hug them, tell them you're there for them, and let them pour out those feelings. Trust me, knowing it was for the best doesn't need to be said right away. Save those insights for when they're ready to reflect. Right now? It's all about being their rock in this emotional avalanche. Let's just say, listening ears and a shoulder to cry on have never gone out of style in the love doctor's book. 😉

[AviatorTom]

I'd say, "let's go to the bar." Then, take him to the local watering hole and buy him a drink... maybe lots of drinks.

[adam6402]

Who tf would ever say "I told you so" to your friend right after they broke up? That's the most disrespectful and condescending sht you could say.

For most of my friends, I've found they get over it faster if they can turn their sadness into anger. It sounds stupid but the sooner they stop beating themselves up for it, and start beating her up for it (not physically lol), the sooner they get over her.

Taking their side over everything, encouraging them that they're not in the wrong, she was the problem, and that it's a good thing he's away from her now.

And it sounds like I'm dogging the girls, but I'd do the same for my female friends too.

[laurieluvsit]

You don't want to trash anyone. That could come back to haunt you.

What is needed are hugs and validation that they are loved and needed by their family and friends... then more hugs.

A good cry is very helpful.

[Account]

Never "I told you so's", I could never be that way for any friend. I would try my best to either comfort them or listen to them or distract them. Whatever they needed.

[Buffy12]

From my own share of break ups and my friends not liking my ex’s , I say you comfort them and be real with them. When my ex and I broke up and it was a nasty one my friends comforted me and told me that it wasn’t meant to be and that everything gets better. Be real with them but don’t be harsh.

[ThaMaskedMarvel]

😏 😏 😏

https://www.youtube.com/embed/535Zy_rf4NU

[RebelinSteel]

I’ve been there a couple times on both sides. It’s really about being there for your friend, telling them I told you so does not really help.
sometimes it’s just giving them hugs n helping them, sometimes it’s off to pub.

[BadApple69]

You don’t start off with “I told you so”. Hold that for later.
“Hey… you know you are special and this is truly his loss. He isn’t that smart for letting you get away”.


Start with these first. 😉

[LiamS95]

I'm pretty direct so I'd probably come straight out and say it like I see it and say that it's a good thing snd provide some moral support and empathy.

[HawkPerception]

"About damn time bro! Let's fucking celebrate! My boy's free from the clutches of that bitch!"

[LiamJHayden]

Oh, I suck at this because I always think, "There are billions of people out there, so why lament about one." but most people are not built like I am in this regard.

[LaurenM1997]

I would say I was there for them if they needed me

[bowenw]

Tell them I'm sorry to hear the relationship ended and see is they want to talk about it.

[NathanDavis]

so... want to grab a bite or something?

[Crimsyjo]

"No. I can't eat. Everything tastes like ash. But... I'm open to a bottle of Jack if you are offering?"

[NathanDavis]

"had them ready already... "

[Crimsyjo]

Oooh now you know how to cheer a gal up! 😊🥰

[diversethought]

Lady's night? Maybe you can arrange for her to meet up with a guy you know, or maybe one she use to know that was good to her? Double date? Get her all dressed up and get her some dick. Save the I told you so for after.

[jshm2]

Nothing. Their life, their circus.

Family is a different matter as it directly affects you.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Empathy and comfort above everything else. It doesn't matter that I was right, what matters is they're hurting.

[_no_one_]

I hit them with "Wanna have a drink?" after which they pretty much lighten up and let it all out. Then i usually end up getting a gym buddy.

[DrPepper12]

Yo, you mind if I hit that?

JK!! Empathy first, then encourage wild weekend with NSA ONS and then when she's hungover you dump on her that he was a dick n your better off

[Nikki1989]

That depends on the situation. In some cases, breaking up it is a good thing.

[Juxtapose]

Really? The "I told you so" thing is so juvenile.

Obviously I would be a good friend and be there for them.

[DreamLife7]

It's really nor that serious. Be normal I don't undertake why you're so insecure and such a people pleaser.

[MacDaddyRico]

Road Trip!
Get away... see new sights... do new things... meet new people...

[northerngal]

I would just be present and listen...

[WhitneySnow]

Empathy. I would never say I told you so.

[Still-alive]

yeah that would be such a shitty thing to say lol

[Ms_Facesitter]

How they're feeling.

[exitseven]

You really are better off.

[sheikalana]

I would just comfort them.

[Danny_dan92]

Everything will be alright

[jahaims]

I'm always honest with the people I respect

[KrakenAttackin]

"No one liked that bitch anyway".

[alice55]

Lets hang out

[maj1nall]

She/He lost😂