Fiancé has told friends and family that I’m a jealous person and I’m embarrassed?

Question

Sometimes, when my fiance is studying with a hot girl at work or following a new attractive girl on insta I get a little jealous.

He told me he seeked his family and friends advice about this. I’m just embarrassed because I am a private person and I just wanted him to be abit discreet about our relationship issues. Am I overreacting? Should I not care if he tells others?

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

If you want a man who is a leader then he's not it. He's not ready to create his own family with you. He would be calling his friends/family every day for advice and your relationship would be subject to the random whim of whoever he happens to talk to.

If he was really totally into you he would not be doing stuff he knows makes you jealous -- and it's not unreasonable for you to be jealous if he is hanging out with hot chicks. OR if he absolutely had to (for work) he wouldn't tell you about it.

See my mytake A Note On Giving Trust

Those who claim it's wrong to ever be jealous just never really strongly into another person if you ask me. Being jealous is one thing. How you express it is another.

For example (when I was younger) if a woman kept doing stuff that might make me jealous I would just dump her rather than try and beg her for attention or try and be controlling. I never wanted to be controlling. On the other hand, you can't get married without giving up some of the freedoms a single person has. It's just not going to work if you try and act single while married. What is the point even. And even before getting to the married stage you're already going to be practically married and expected to do a lot of the same stuff as in marriage. it's not like you go from zero responsibilities to 100% the second you say, "i do".

At least that's my POV... as someone who has never cheated even once in his life.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

The fact that he is spending time with other girls’ and liking other girls’ pictures on Instagram , is a Red Flag, so it’s ok that you are feeling a little insecure about this , because what he is doing is clearly disrespectful, How would he feel if you were doing this type of shit to him? So by him telling his friends and family that you are a jealous person? Is disrespectful as well , and should be your answer to kick this selfish POS to the curb. So again you are t being insecure , you are being disrespected by him. A relationship only works if both people are on the same page with things , basically what isn’t ok for you to do , shouldn’t be ok for him to do , and vice versa , if you are not his top priority , than he will not be yours , he clearly proved you aren’t his top priority by him crying to his friends and family and saying you are jealous , My advice
To you is kick his ass to the curb where he belongs , he will just make your life a living hell if you choose to stay with his selfish ass

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Jealousy is something you have to either work on or abandon. There's no point to being jealous, it only makes you seem crazy. For example, I was chatting with a guy who insisted he's not the jealous type, and yet at any mention of a guy -- even though it was a benign situation with no implication that I was interested in any other guy -- this fellow would get all cranky. It makes things difficult to navigate... and for no good reason. Get a handle on your jealous attitude.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Accepted Answer

You are not overreacting. He should be the one protecting you here. Those personal issues shall be fixed privately, but instead he's acting like a mean girl.

He's shaming you for it, so you don't get jealous next time and learn to accept his unacceptable behaviours in the future.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the choppy waters of jealousy can feel like a solo journey, especially when you're doing it with a spotlight on you—courtesy of your fiancé! First off, breathe easy, love; feeling a tad jealous in situations like this isn't uncommon or unreasonable. It's the sharing of your private feelings with the audience that's the kicker. No, you're not overreacting. Your feelings are valid, and wanting to keep relationship discussions between the two of you is perfectly reasonable. That doesn't make you jealous; it makes you human.

The next step? It's all about communication, the bread and butter of any relationship. Share how you feel about him sharing your private matters. Explain the importance of keeping these delicate discussions between you two. Remember, it's not about keeping secrets; it's about respecting boundaries and nurturing trust. And who knows, maybe teaching your partner about the beauty of discretion will bring an unexpected twist of intimacy to your relationship. Keep it cool, and turn this into an opportunity to grow closer. 😉

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. You need to be concerned about your jealousy. It will destroy a relationship. DESTROY a relationship!

2. You should also have a long talk with him about keeping relationship matters private. That is something else that ruins relationships.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I'm going to try and put myself in your shoes before giving you advice. OK.. here we go:- I would tell him this:-

"I know I can be jealous but I trust you or I wouldn't choose to commit the rest of my life to be with you, and so I am trying to work through that!"

"In return I want, no, I EXPECT my future husband to put me first. That is, not going behind my back and discussing our private lives with other people, so if you cannot commit to me, like I am to you, it's best you tell me now"

I realise you might want to alter some of that if you lack the confidence in both yourself, and the dynamic of your relationship. BUT, you have to put your foot down here or honestly? I think you'll be forever fighting the views of his family. and that is NO way to start married life!

Ultimately this is something you and he need to work through together. It won't go away by itself.

MisterWack · Answer

Well it is okay to be a little bit jealous, just know nothing is going on and it is just something that is a feeling deep inside. Maybe talk to your fiancé in private talking about how he would feel if you were to 1. Spend time with a handsome guy 2. Follow handsome men on instagram and 3. Tell friends/family that he was jealous and how to navigate instead of working things out with you, his one true love.
Express that his actions displease you and made you feel sadness from this and tell him you want to work this out with him.

Anonymous · Answer

Well let’s see here. First off you at least admitted you do get “a little jealous.” But what exactly is a little. Second is there a reason why he’s following these women on IG? Does it have to do w some sort of business or something or are these just random women he finds cute? Third, I get where you’re coming from w him asking his family about you. But I also get where he’s coming from as well. I had a girl at one time when I was about your age who acted the same way. Slapped me once in front of my brothers. But because I liked her so much I could t see through all that. I’d look past that. At the same time I knew something was not right w her. I didn’t know who to turn to. So I talked to my family because I wanted to keep it w in the space of people I cared for. But eventually I realized she was “crazy.” I moved on, as much as I didn’t want to. Eventually that jealousy is going to push him away.

MadinaHasABensheer · Answer

You aren’t overreacting, I’m sure you feel humiliated. I’d say not to pay too much attention to what he does, I know love can be blinding but keep your heart locked if he’s still following other ‘attractive’ women on Insta. Following attractive women means he desires them.

onedarkcloud · Answer

What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Start looking at guys on Facebook if you are still in school study with guys and ask what him and family have to say. Might be better to find a new boyfriend if he is like this before marriage he might ask his family if an affair is ok too. Luck!

IslaTheWitch · Answer

you should tell him about your boundaries.. if you don't tell him, don't expect him to align...

meepmeeperton · Answer

I think it’s wrong to spend one on one time too much with female coworkers and to follow attractive women when you’re in a relationship. I think you have a right to be more than a little jealous in the first place.

slatyb · Answer

"I get a little jealous" That's a feeling. How do you behave?  How do you even know who he is following on Instagram?

JacobJordan · Answer

Jealousy is spelled with lousy for a reason. It is a terrible trait for a relationship.

noohair · Answer

He is going to share your entire personal life with everyone. Get used to that or get out. He has no perspective on what should be private.

jahaims · Answer

Jealousy is an immature emotion. You should be embarrassed

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Own it. Nothing wrong with protecting what’s yours.

MrDaveAPSI · Answer

If you can't handle other women liking your man, you're likely not ready for marriage

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