Are there other things just as bad as cheating (or worse) that are equally destructive even if you never cheat?

[Danielle93]

I know of a dude that cheated on his wife and feels no remorse for it. They got shared custody and he stops by to visit their 10 year-old daughter. The girl is unaware of the cheating and they only told her the divorce was due to irreconcilable differences. The both agreed the child is too young to be involved in this and try to be civil for her sake. He keeps his dating life separately from their daughter.

Supposedly a cheater is the worst partner ever and there is no excuse. The man actually dislikes her and there is a lot more that led to cheating and isn't because of lack of sex, a whole lot more than that. The wife became a different person ever since they got married. She wasn't like that when she was his girlfriend. She became somewhat possessive over the years, jealous freak, less intimate, throwing tantrums and even throwing herself on the floor like a child for attention, giving him the cold shoulder on trivial things, disrespecting his own parents on a reunion once and one time she even slapped him during an argument, along with threatening to report him for sexual assault if he dares hit back. He tried communication and counseling but it failed. No amount of talking it out and expressing everything worked out. He got tired, started resenting her and the affair began. He had no remorse at all and actually thinks what he did is nothing in compare to everything (all accumulated) she put him through.

Updates

+1 y

Till this day, he feels nor remorse for the affair and is still in the relationship with the other woman. The other woman knew the situation.

[DishLady]

No offense intended to anyone, but it sounds like the guy was basically dragged into the relationship and then opted out by cheating.


Good for them in keeping their daughter oblivious to the cheating. Tbh, kids don’t need to know the miserable humanity of their parents’ marital woes… perhaps an abbreviated morality tale when they’re older and starting to date seriously. But at age 10? No.


Are there things just as bad as cheating/worse? Yeah. Violence, psychological abuse, constantly berating the partner/spouse (either privately or in front of the kid (s)) all take an equal toll on one’s mental and physical health. You have to be really f-ing strong and resilient to overcome any/all those things.

[Danielle93]

Yeah upon realizing how horrible that woman was, I don't feel sorry for her at all. The part that's scary is that had he slapped her back, she would've proceeded to falsely accused him of a sexual crime. While cheating can be selfish, false accusation is evil, goes beyond just being in the wrong.

[msc545]

False accusations are also very effective and create horrendous legal problems for men, and virtually none for women even when their lies are exposed. This is why many men simply avoid women now.

[DishLady]

@msc545 that’s not true. False accusation can impact the man or the woman. My ex was a major con artist, I just won’t get into it on G@G. Very damaging sort of guy. Some part of my life I’ll never get back. Keep your misogynistic argument to yourself.

[msc545]

I don't have to keep anything to myself. If you don't like what I say, don't fucking read it, but don't ever try to tell me what I can or cannot do.

[Anonymous]

There’s no excuse that will justify cheating. Yeah the wife was being a pain in the bum but he could’ve left her. He’s a grown man, if he got tired of dealing with his wife then he has the freedom to initiate a divorce or at least a separation. Yes what the wife did was horrible but so is cheating. Some cheaters try to make things out as more horrible than they actually are so that they don’t feel guilty about cheating. The other woman bought the story so she’ll also feel less guilty about being the mistress. Everyone sucks here.

[Danielle93]

it's a mess isn't it? And there is only one innocent party to all the mess, the 10 year-old girl.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s very true. I don’t feel sorry for anyone involved except for the little girl 🥲

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love is indeed a battlefield, and not just when cheating enters the mix! It sounds like the scenario you've described is layered with all sorts of emotional grenades—lack of respect, possessiveness, emotional and physical abuse. These issues can indeed rival, if not overshadow, the act of cheating in terms of how destructive they can be to a relationship's foundation.

Communication is the lifeblood of any partnership, and when it breaks down to the point of no return, the relationship starts to suffocate. The actions you’ve described, especially the emotional and physical abuse, are red flags the size of Texas! They don't just harm the relationship but deeply wound the individuals within it. And while cheating is a betrayal of trust, staying in a toxic situation without seeking change or a resolution could also betray one's self-respect and well-being.

The idea here isn’t to weigh one wrongdoing against another but to recognize that relationships thrive on trust, respect, and mutual growth. When these elements are missing, the relationship is in jeopardy, regardless of whether cheating has occurred. Let's just say, lovebombing your way out of deep-seated issues is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline—exciting but ultimately disastrous! 😅 Keep those emotions in check and if you're caught in a hurricane of negativity, maybe it's time to seek safe harbor, solo.

[MikeTheBartender]

Amy cheated on Brad... He never got over it.

[Finchie40]

Do you blame him? It sounds like his ex was a basket case that brought constant misery into his life , I don’t consider what he did to her cheating , because he pretty much ended it with her immediately , it would only be cheating if he went back to her and acted like everything was ok and still having sex with his wife and treating her like nothing is going on behind her back , but the fact that he filed for divorce and got away from her crazy ass isn’t cheating , he was wise to get away from her, the fact that he told the truth to the other girl about his situation before starting a relationship with her doesn’t make him a bad guy , he realized he found someone that treated him way better than his psycho wife did , so I don’t blame him at all for what he chose to do. This sort of thing happens more than we like to think happens , so to me it’s wise to get away from that sort of situation , a relationship is supposed. to be happiness , not constant misery ,

[Danielle93]

This is one of the few cases I really don't feel sorry for the one that got cheated on. He did cheated but by the way his now ex wife was giving him a miserable life, any human would've gotten exhausted to the point of even hating that person.

[Finchie40]

Yea I don’t really consider it cheating if a partner is being treated like constant shit from someone they gave their heart to. Yes the right thing to do is to divorce or break up with the person first , before pursuing someone else , but that isn t always the case , especially if the other person is pursuing them. Me personally wouldn’t cheat on a girl that was treating me with love and respect and that was choosing me like I choose her , but if she starts treating me like garbage all of a sudden , and bringing constant misery into my life , being completely selfish and making my life a living hell , my ass is going to put one foot out the door and prepare myself to leave that relationship , I would express my feelings of concern to her and if nothing changes for the better , my other foot is going to be out the door , if another girl is pursuing me and treating me way better than my partner is , I will more than likely open my arms to that other girl. Divorce can sometimes take a long time so I am not going to stop my life for some psycho bitch that was bringing constant misery into my life , she means nothing to me anymore , once I am through I am through. Life is too short to waste your time on someone that brings constant misery into your life. I experienced a lot of ups and downs with girls ‘ through the years to the point I no longer tolerate disrespect in a relationship, I was perfectly fine with my life before she entered it , so if her mission is to treat me like garbage and treat me like a convenience? She will become my convenience as well why I no longer jump onto relationships with girls’ most girls ‘ sadly don’t truly know what they really want , they think they do , but when push comes to shove they don’t , Why I prefer FWB’s with a girl first , I have walls protecting my heart from being shit on again and again. FWB’s kind of eliminates that from happening if her and I are on the same page with things, if her and I continue to

[Finchie40]

Choose each other , than I will more than likely take the relationship to the next level of commitment and for the long haul , but I will not stay with a girl that only thinks about what’s best for herself , if my feelings don’t matter to her , her feelings won’t matter to me , it needs to go both ways for me to stay in a relationship with a girl , I don’t cheat , but I will tell her if shit doesn’t change my ass is on my way out the door. If there is another girl waiting for me after I leave her ass , than yes I am more than likely going to accept that other girl that wants to bring happiness into my life. Why communication and honesty is important in relationships, if you can’t be honest? You shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone

[Danielle93]

Yeah the divorce process took time and he was actually happy when it got finalized. I don't understand why some people bring drama and misery into their relationship/marriage. It's easy to keep the person happy and loving you, by not acting like an abusive, psycho freak.

[Finchie40]

Sadly because a lot of people in this world are selfish people that only care about themselves, and if things don’t go their way , they act like it’s the end of the world and start treating their partners’ like complete shit , my ex wife sadly did this to me , when she got addicted to Facebook , her whole personality and attitude changed on me and she started treating me like shit and comparing me to other guys’ and started prioritizing her friends over me all of a sudden when she never did that before , I no longer knew who she was , all I saw was a very selfish person , that all of a sudden only cared about herself. No relationship will last if both partners’ can not remove selfishness for each other , basically what you don’t want your partner doing to you , needs to be the same boundaries for you as well, and sadly most people don’t grasp this concept , because all they care about is themselves. My ex became very selfish and started treating me like garbage , and started treating me like the relationship between us was one sided , meaning she was only nice to me when she got her way , but when it come to me , I no longer mattered , i eventually found out she was having an emotional affair with a co worker and that’s when I threw in the towel and told her to go fuck herself and ended it with her. I immediately separated from her and focused on myself , i eventually started dating again and met some girls ‘ that were just as selfish as she was , thinking to myself what it the hell happened to this world? I was out of the dating world for so long that I felt lost going back into it , I dated some girls ‘ that were lying about the fact that they were married or already on a relationship with someone , of course I didn’t find out the truth until after we had sex a bunch of times , but that’s sadly how this world is today

[OlderAndWiser]

It sounds like she is mentally ill and he would have been quite justified in divorcing her if the refused to acknowledge her problem and refused to get into treatment, HOWEVER, he could have divorced her and THEN started dating and he would have my sympathies. But using your partner's failures to justify your own cheating is immature.

[Danielle93]

Agreed. In the end, he's the one that filed for divorce. But yeah he could've done that from the start.

[JTinSC1981]

I probably shouldn't answer this because I think a woman cheating is hot. If I were married my wife could cheat all she wanted and I would encourage it so long as she didn't care more about her sex on the side than me.

But even if I expected fidelity, there are FAR worse things than cheating. I would much rather my girl fuck some guys on the side and be nice to me than be totally faithful but a bitch to me.

[Danielle93]

I usually don't agree with cheating but in this case, I don't feel pity for that woman. While cheating is generally seen as selfish, threatened to falsely accuse a husband of sexual assault has got to be evil.

[JTinSC1981]

100% agree

[Billlewis]

Here he is -- my long lost twin brother...

[JTinSC1981]

@Billlewis lol I knew I couldn't be the only one

[Billlewis]

Yes, Sir. I'd like to invite you to start following me,, so wevcan see each other's posts, etc. thanks very much.

[worldscolide]

@Danielle93 I will never tell you cheating us justified, because it's not. Based on your description, if i were in his shoes, I'd have divorced her before I did anything, because what happened with her is nearly is unforgivable as cheating is. A manarries someone for who she is, if who she is changes fundamentally after getting a ring on her finger, it leads one to believe that she was deceiving him. Again, cheating is unacceptable, and there is no justification.. On that same token, what she did is just as unacceptable.

[worldscolide]

A man marries someone*** fucking autocorrect.

[Danielle93]

Indeed. It seems like the woman was on her best behavior as a girlfriend and fiancee but started changing after the marriage. Something I forgot to add, the woman didn't want to cohabitate as a girlfriend. Somehow she got him to agree that we would only move in once engaged and with a close wedding date set. Prior to meet him, she would always inform men that she doesn't do the ''living together'' thing with ever and only will move in as a fiancee. This would cause many men to lose interest in her until she found one agreeing with her.
He would've probably seen her real side and ditch her fast if he had seen her real side as a live-in girlfriend.

[Danielle93]

. Somehow she got him to agree that **they would only move in once engaged

[worldscolide]

That's probably right, she is likely a psycho and she knows it and that's why she refused to move in.

[Crazyced]

Abuse, especially repeated, prolonged, and physical as it was here, is undoubtedly worst then cheating.

[Danielle93]

Yeah. He sure wasn't been cherished nor love when the wife did all that. It seems like she wasn't honoring her marital vows by doing all that. Physical abuse isn't honoring your marital vows.

[Theodoricus]

So, most people are fearing getting married because of this now. Because the honest people don't want to be cheated by their partners. You love and you take care of him more than everyone, but you're cheated by him. I can feel this pain although I never cheat a woman.

[Danielle93]

That man felt unloved, not taken care of, disrespected so bad and even abused. By the time he cheated, he likely already checked out and already resented (even hated) the woman he married by then.

[Theodoricus]

But he could have divorced instead of cheating on her though. He just ruined his family because of his dumbness.

[Danielle93]

Everything else she did can also ruin a family. Abuse, threatening to falsely accuse a husband of sexual assault and violence can ruin a family too.

[BetaBucks]

Constant mental/verbal abuse would probably be equal. Falsely accusing your partner of serious crimes would be worse. Child deprivation would be worse too, but that's usually after the relationship is completely done with.

[Danielle93]

yeah and I honestly have no pity nor sympathy for that woman
The dude had no idea who he married. She was on her good behavior when she was his girlfriend and fiancee. Then after the marriage, she changed drastically into someone he never knew.

[BetaBucks]

Yeah it can happen to the best of us. It's really sad though.

[msc545]

Woman sounds like she has BPD. A lot of women are clever enough to disguise BPD symptoms prior to marriage. I can see where having to put up with this kind of behavior led to cheating and then divorce. Women with BPD can be incredibly abusive both physically and mentally, and men have no legal right to self-defense against women's physical assaults, at least in the US. The woman in this case is lucky the husband did not beat the hell out of her when she assaulted him.

[Danielle93]

I have a feeling she likely wanted a reaction from him so she can then claim abuse (or worse, abuse and rape) and alienate him from their daughter. If he beat her, he would've likely not only lose his reputation but not see his daughter anymore. The affected party in these mess cases are always the children, the little girl is the innocent party.

[msc545]

I don't think you're wrong about this. This is a common tactic. Women figure that they'll take a beating in exchange for all the child support money they're going to get. They don't really care about the kids or about the kids need for a father.

[Kelley1]

If there were no STD when men cheat, it wouldn't much matter because for men, it is just sex. It is forty times worse if women cheat since only a women can lead her SO to believe her baby by another man is his baby.

[Danielle93]

the man in the story actually stayed with the other woman after he, himself filed for divorce. He hated/resnted the wife by the time he started cheating.

[Kelley1]

Cheating is ten times worse if he divorces his wife for another woman. That does happen, I know because it happened to my very pretty and nice cousin. She was married to a doctor and he divorced her to marry some nurse. I believe that is the exception and not the norm. Moreover, I believe most men don't cheat because they can't unless the woman is near the bottom of the barrel and far less desirable than his wife. I believe most top 5% men cheat because they have dozens of opportunities with very attractive girls.

I recall a movie star was asked if women are easy and he replied "Yes." I believe women are easy for top 1% guys but almost impossible for average guys.

[Danielle93]

The difference is his wife wasn't a nice person and not even her sister took her side. I know cheating is bad but everything that woman did, wouldn't that count as also not loving your cherishing your marital vows.
If someone abuses you, that's not someone that cherishes nor loves you. If they would be capable of falsely accusing you of a sexual crime, that has got to be worse than cheating.
Let's assume his wife would've falsely reported him for sexual assault or rape, even if she never cheated wouldn't that be just as bad, even worse than being a selfish cheater?

[Kelley1]

In the USA, women have tendentious power if they choose to use it. If a wife falsely reports a husband for abuse, rape, or sexual assault, he automatically go to jail. He might be convicted and, even if he isn't, he is out tens of thousands of dollars for legal fees, his reputation is in tatters, and his wife is not punished. However, rarely will a woman or wife falsely accuse a man.

[Jbear27]

It sounds like you’re pretty invested. Are you the other woman? Anyhow I’ve been there. Never cheated though. But did get divorced and am now happily dating. My ex however did cheat. Sucks but it is what it is.

[Danielle93]

No, I'm not the other woman. I just happen to be a social person with several contacts, aware of my surroundings and what certain people undergo.

[LazerBean]

If all that was true, then he could have divorced her first instead of becoming and adulterer. When someone cheats and response to how their spouse is acting, it just makes me think that the two of them probably deserve each other.

[Danielle93]

I think he felt trapped at some point. Even the woman's own sister didn't take her side. She also heard her disrespecting her husband on a couple occasions. Yeah he should've still divorced her.
Though I can't really feel sorry for the wife either. This is the only case I don't feel sympathy towards the one that got cheated on.

[RedInnocent69]

Sounds like they needed to not be together and the relationship was over before the cheating. Different than cause and effect.

[Danielle93]

Yeah it was indeed over by the time he started cheating. It wasn't just cheating for the sex. The man already checked out.

[RedInnocent69]

Sad, but understandable in a way.

[LiamJHayden]

Stealing. Spending the kids' college funds of shoes, etc. Discussing the other person's perveived shortcomings with friends.

[Danielle93]

yeah, come to think of those examples are already breaking the marital vows since they're not loving nor cherishing their spouse.
Everything that woman did isn't love nor devotion

[MacDaddyRico]

Being married to a narcissist is far worse than being married to a cheater.

[jahaims]

Cheating is a betrayal and breaks trust. Plenty of actions can break trust

[Danielle93]

If that man would've slapped her back and the woman proceeded to her promise of having him charged for a false sexual crime, for sure that would be also a betrayal.
If a woman falsely accuses her husband of sexual assault or rape, that would be a betrayal too, probably even worse than cheating. Cheating is selfish and wrong but a false criminal accusation seems beyond just bad... it's evil.

[Okra9-]

Not being emotionally available for your partner is equally destructive as cheating

[Charliefretz329]

Emotional abandonment

[NathanDavis]

neglecting

[paledreams]

Eating sushi 🍣 🤮🤢

[paledreams]

Eating habits in a relationship are make or break ❤️ 💔