Is it cheating if I accepted another man's (he's disabled) proposal out of compassion?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend (30 M) and I (28 F) have been together for 6 years. I want to keep my relationship but at the same time help out my disabled, childhood friend out (28 M) of compassion. He had an accident several years ago and is paraplegic as a result. He is bound to a wheelchair. He knows I don't love him but has proposed last month. The thing is I have accepted it out compassion. We have agreed everything (even the ceremony) will just be by name. He hasn't had any luck in relationships ever since his accident and wants to appear like a normal son to his parents and others. He said I can still keep my relationship.

We haven't done anything romantic nor physical so no cheating. I'm not going to live with him. I'll just help him with some of his medical needs sometimes when I visit him. My boyfriend already knows about all this and feels as if he got cheated on or something. He wants me to cancel the deal already. Well to be honest, I liked the ring and I've accepted it so I'm thinking for moving forward with the deal.

Is accepting my disabled friend's proposal out of compassion cheating? Like mentioned, there is nothing going on between us (nothing physical nor romantic) and this is just a bargain.

Updates

1 y

My friend always had feeling for me but it's ok with treating this as a bargain and doesn't mind that I don't love him. At the same time, I have to admit I'm trying to get a reaction from my boyfriend too.

[meepmeeperton]

I mean, it's just a weird thing to do. It makes it seem like you're overly invested in the emotions of another man. And actually going and doing a ceremony and having a ring for it seems like a ridiculous display of affection towards another man. So yeah I'd say it's a kind of "cheating" even if you're not sucking his paraplegic cock.

[Asker]

Come to think of it, at the same time it's also to get a reaction from my boyfriend. He got upset when I started complimenting on how beautiful the ring was (he called it ugly) and how it's the most creative gift I've ever gotten from him. Honestly, the ring isn't that expensive (price never matter to me anyway) but it's pretty. My boyfriend ended up excusing himself to head to work and loudly said ''It's the most ugliest ring I've ever seen, he doesn't know shit''.

[meepmeeperton]

Uh, okay? That’s even worse if you’re just trying to rile your boyfriend up for your own amusement.

[Vesuvius87]

Could it be that the OP (in a somewhat twisted way) is trying to get her boyfriend to propose himself and will likely settle for her friend and have his kids if he doesn't. 6 years and still at girlfriend, no kids and OP is approaching 30. I heard that after the 3rd year mark, they've already decides she's not the one and if he proposes it's finally to not lose her, after an ultimatum or because he can't bear see another man marrying her but not because he really wanted it, wanted her.

[Vesuvius87]

The fact that her boyfriend hasn't left (many men would be super pissed off) after she accepted another man's proposal and he made a specific "the ugliest ring I've ever seen" as if he has some knowledge of rings gets me a gut feeling that he can even feel so emasculated that he might do an "oh yeah well here's my ring" proposal. If he does, that's a forced marriage either way, not because he wants to but he doesn't want the other man winning.

[Asker]

@Vesuvius87
Omg, partially yes. That's part of my feelings. Sometimes I feel my boyfriend and whom I love doesn't love me enough as my friend does. Even though he knows I don't love him back, still agreed with having it as a bargain. The way he did his proposal was sweet.

[meepmeeperton]

sounds like both of you broads have a few screws loose

[Vesuvius87]

Why me included? I'm only stating the obvious. Most women want marriage and kids after the 3rd year mark. I'm already a fiancee after 16 months. It doesn't takes many years for a man to want a future with his girlfriend he loves. The OP is unhappy with her situation. Have you not seen her other updated responses.

[Phoenix98]

I understand your reasoning for doing it but at the same time you are cheating your still marrying another man even if it is fake.

[Asker]

at the same time that was the very first time I've ever been proposed to. I felt valued to be honest (as if nothing else beats that) and the fact that he knows I don't love him back (unrequited love) but still wants to proceed with the bargain, that's interesting. If though it's fake, the way he proposed was sweet. He told me himself that if he wasn't disabled and we were dating, he would've proposed on the 1st year of the relationship and already had kids with me. I'm still childless and this makes me feel sad sometimes.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, you've stepped into a tangled web of emotions and commitments that even the most daring of love adventurers would find daunting. Let's untangle this love knot, shall we? Accepting a proposal, even out of the purest compassion, isn't just about putting a ring on and saying, "I do" to non-romantic terms. It's about intertwining lives, expectations, and yes, emotions, in ways that can have unexpected consequences. Marriage, even a platonic one, is about partnership and commitment, and doing this can send mixed signals not just to your boyfriend, but to everyone involved, including yourself.

Now, while your heart is as big as California for wanting to help your friend, it's crucial to remember that compassion doesn't require a marriage certificate. There are other ways to support him without creating love triangles or squares or any geometric shape of relationship complexity. 🤔

Is it cheating? Well, if we're talking about the technical definition of cheating being physical or romantic betrayal, then no. But if we consider the emotional and ethical implications of making such a significant, albeit platonic, commitment to someone else while in a relationship, it might be a gray area that feels a lot like betrayal to your partner.

Understanding and consideration are sexy, so talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and intentions. Perhaps there's a way to support your friend that doesn't involve wedding vows. And remember, love doesn't need legality to thrive, nor does compassion require a ring. Keep that heart of yours open, but maybe keep the rings limited to the one relationship you're truly invested in. 😉

[BetaBucks]

Yeah, it's cheating to marry another man.. Shocking, I know

[Asker]

Even though it'll just be by name, it's just a bargain (not real) and there is no romantic interest between us nor physical contact?

[BetaBucks]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

It is pretty weird. Your heart MIGHT be in the right place (I don't know you). And the fact that he's a childhood friend might extend the relationship. But I think you're going to tire of this relationship eventually.

[Asker]

I hate to admit this but I've also accepted it to get a reaction from my boyfriend too, see if that makes him jealous and I think it is. My childhood friend always had feelings for me but is treating this like a bargain and is ok with this unrequited love, knows I don't love him but that's ok to him.
This is the only time I've ever gotten a proposal in my life. So I didn't think twice and accepted it and well yeah I'm trying to help him too.
Today I was endlessly complimenting on how beautiful the ring is (it's true, it's beautiful... it's not expensive but it's still pretty; I can't deny the obvious) and said along the lines of ''omg, this is the most creative thing he ever gave me, it's so beautiful'' with enthusiasm on my voice just to get a reaction. My boyfriend got irritated and said that it's an ugly ring. Then before he left for work, he said ''It's the ugliest ring I've ever seen, he doesn't know shit''.

[Lynx122]

He's not ok with it so you should stop.

[Asker]

Though I liked the ring. It's beautiful and even though it's a bargain, it's like my friend put some thought into it. I guess the fact that it's the first time I've ever been proposed (even if it's not out of love), got into my head.
I wish there was a way to make my boyfriend understand this is just a bargain, I'll just be married to him by name but we can still have our relationship.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I'll keep it short... it's cheating.

[Asker]

yet I don't know what to do. I've already been offered that opportunity and it's hard for me to just say no to that and go back to my relationship, left at nothing.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Never do anything with someone else other than your significant other that should only be done with your siginifcant other. That is what you have to do.

[Asker]

I guess part of it is sadness that my friend put some thought into that proposal, it was sweet and even he told me that if we had dated and he weren't in a wheelchair, he would've proposed in just a year into the relationship because according to him, it doesn't take long. So that sucks. Honestly, I was trying to get a reaction from my boyfriend too. I'm starting to feel that my friend loves me more than my boyfriend does. My friend knows I don't love him back but the fact that he was willing to treat it as a bargain was interesting.

[Yannae]

Yes it is. Does your boyfriend know about this?

[Asker]

Yes he does. This has been discussed and he's not happy about it. One of my cousins informed me my boyfriend is very pissed off and feels humiliated, that he wanted to surprise me himself but now my friend beat him at it.

[Asker]

The thing is there is no love between my friend and I. There is no physical nor romantic interest.

[Yannae]

discussed... after the fact from the sounds of it :(
I'm sorry to confirm but this is indeed cheating. You say yes to someone you're not even interested in is bad enough, the fact you're in a relationship makes it worse. The fact he Knows that you are in a relationship isn't really painting a good picture for him either. It's very disrespectful towards your boyfriend to do this, it's like you don't respect the fact that you're in a relationship.

[Asker]

Now that I'm thinking, part of it might be also to see my boyfriend's reaction. I would be lying if the ring isn't beautiful. It was pretty. I've been complimenting on the ring and told my boyfriend that it's the most creative gift my friend gave me. I guess being proposed (even out of a bargain) for the first time ever got to my head a bit.

[Yannae]

You keep mentioning that ring in the comments. Is material love that important to you?
As for the reaction, if I was him, no offense, but I would end the relationship. I am playful with my partner but playing mind games like you saying yes "to see his reaction" is messed up. That's sending mixed signals that no one should be okay with. I'd already be thinking of dating again and you keeping that ring would just seal that deal. Any doubt that it could be different would be gone.

[Asker]

I know that I've been mentioning about the ring. It's mainly the fact that it was the first time I've ever been proposed to and it was like a major compliment to me; someone valuing it so much to make me his wife. What more can any man give a woman than that? I don't really care about the price of the ring, the way he propose was beautiful. He put aside his unrequited love towards me, knew I don't love him and agreed with the bargain. Off course it would be way better getting proposed by the one we love. Sometimes I feel like boyfriend doesn't love me enough as my friend.

[Lucasjewel]

marriage a child's play, sister?

[Asker]

I guess at the same time, I accepted it to see my boyfriend's reaction. I have to admit the ring is beautiful. It's not expensive but it's pretty. I've been complimenting on the ring (towards my boyfriend) and how it's such a creative gift my friend gave me.