If it was only a push (no hitting) towards the wall, is that enough to break-up?

[Anonymous]

You had a heated argument in your relationship but only shoved them towards the wall. You didn't hit them. They break-up and you get blocked. Is a push enough to break-up?

I'm not short nor light-weight either. I'm 5'10 and 155 Ibs and he's 6'1 and 180 Ibs. I can understand if it was a slap or punch but for just a shove? It was followed by an apology afterwards but they still leave.

Updates

+1 y

I would like to say it was me that shoved him. He left. I thought an abusive relationship was when they hit you. I didn't hit him. I only shoved him.

[normalice]

No one is allowed to say where another person's boundaries are. You can, at best, negotiate their change but you can not change them by force. When women get physically violent with men, to any extent, that's opening a door to retaliate and for all the (not untrue) rhetoric about it being primarily men who are violent, there are a lot of men who want absolutely nothing to do with violence and especially violence towards women. Showing such a man that, in the heat of a moment, you do not have the self control to produce even a second thought about pulling them into that world is an instant dealbreaker.

That said this is also how we learn. And so you'll probably exercise far greater self control going forward, regardless of who you are dating. Or not. If you don't actually want a man who prefers to avoid violence because he sees it as a waste of intellectual potential unique to humans, then by all means change nothing. But otherwise you need to leave all the stress relief through physical exertion for the bedroom.

[normalice]

*physical expression

[Asker]

He said he felt my shove and broke up. We were together for a bit over 2 years (28 months exactly) and it's sad how it all ended after this incident. I wish I could take it back and work on the argument in a different way. We've never had an argument that overheated before. I did apologized though but he left.

[normalice]

Of course i wasn't there but my guess is the topic of the argument had more to do with the break up than the shove. That's just the exit ramp he swarmed onto.

[Asker]

It had to do with spanking kids vs not spanking kids (that got me heated because I'm totally against it and he believes in that on certain exceptions because that's he was raised like) and about my father beind disrespectful towards him and me never saying anything ever.

[normalice]

Ah, yes. You were not arguing something that he thinks but something that he feels. He wants the spankings he received as a kid to mean something so he wants to pass them on. It's possible he took you pushing him as a glaring hypocrisy as in "oh, you are capable of understanding what i mean when you need to hurt someone who is frustrating you, but under no other circumstances?"

As for the relationship with your father, frankly, that's probably the bigger one and has likely been a festering wound for quite some time. It's not going to work unless you can do something about it and if you can't do something about it then it's time to move on.

[normalice]

Oh, but of course don't just go to your dad demanding he be nicer to your boyfriend to save your relationship. Ultimately, I suspect your dad wants to know you aren't settling out of weakness, that you see real potential in your boyfriend, and that you are confident you can push him to use it. Coming to your dad begging he put up a pretense to make your relationship woes go away would be demonstrating the exact weakness he fears.

[meepmeeperton]

Well, I would say it's not as bad as straight up hitting or punching but it can be considered abusive behavior. It probably hurt his feelings a lot more than it physically hurt him. It's also a little ironic that you had the argument about spanking kids to begin with. You don't think it's okay to physically discipline children but it's okay for you to do to your own boyfriend?

All things considered, though, I personally wouldn't break up with my girlfriend if she only shoved me. But I would give her a spanking like a child for thinking it's okay to do that to me, and to remind her that her strength is nowhere near mine.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Ouch. That is a brutal way to learn that lesson. People have boundaries and they are entitled to enforce them.

I don't mean this unkindly, but here's what I see. It's not the difference between your size or that he is bigger than you. It's that you exhibited lack of impulse control. Impulse control is essential for LTR, marriage and family if that ever happened.

The most ironic thing about this is it's an argument about spanking. He's for spanking to train children, which you are opposed to. But when the physical force was applied to him, suddenly that's unacceptable and he's done. I am just kind of wondering how that logic translates in this scenario. Spanking children that are smaller than you is fine, but shoving a guy who is larger than you is not... Huh.

[DishLady]

ONLY a push? Violence is violence. The small push becomes the big push, then increases from there.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, sometimes actions speak louder than words, and a push can definitely shout. Physical actions in the heat of the moment, even if they fall short of a slap or punch, can deeply shake the foundation of trust and safety in a relationship. Apologies, while necessary, don't always repair the immediate emotional impact or erase fear. Each person has their boundaries and breaking those, especially in a physical manner, can absolutely be a deal-breaker for many. It's not just about the physical force used but the loss of emotional security that follows. Understanding this can be critical in navigating relationships and personal boundaries moving forward. Reflect, learn, and grow from this experience, love.

[Unit1]

It starts small with a shove. Then its a slap. Then its assault.

I would walk away sooner than later.

[Asker]

I updated. It wasn't me that got shoved. I did the shoving and he left, after slightly over 2 years (28 months to be exact) of a good relationship and it ends, it's all over. I did apologized though. So i won't ever get him back?

[Unit1]

I am aware it was you, who did it. My opinion remains unchanged. I reckon he's gone for good. Good for him.

[jahaims]

Abusing your partner is definitely enough to leave. He did the right thing

[Asker]

Even thought I did apologized for the shoving.

[Lyndsielee666]

It only gets worse. Run while you can.

[Asker]

You got it wrong. I did it. He left.

[Lyndsielee666]

Jesus my bad. That’s literally still abuse and not okay at all. Apology or not you don’t lay hands on someone.

[Asker]

Ok I understand. I'm just shocked that after a bit over 2 years (28 months to be exact) of a good relationship and this single incident was enough to end it all. It was all a misunderstanding. I'm assuming there isn't a way to fix this at all right.