Pregnant and boyfriend has started being really mean to me. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

So I'm pregnant and about to have my baby. Me and my boyfriend have a good relationship overall and I love him. Here lately, I've been feeling really sad though. He kind of seems to attack me a lot or withhold intimacy. We rarely have sex anymore and the rare times we have lately, I've been the one to initiate. He doesn't hold my hand much in public. It feels weird.

He's also been getting angry at me for some really off the wall stuff. Recently, he got really angry and yelled loudly at me just because I didn't like something he wanted to do. First, he planned it behind my back. Second, I had other reasons I didn't like it and explained those reasons. When I did, he got mad. He told me he did it behind my back because I'd get mad if he just brought it up to me. He told me that it was a buildup. He'd let it go and let it go, then explode once he got to his limit and that's when he would raise his voice at me. He said only then would I want to talk things out and be civil.

That is NOT true at all. I want to talk, not yell. I wasn't even yelling. I just shared my feelings on the issue and it set him off. He didn't apologize to me for the outburst. When I questioned that, he just said I should have apologized first. I didn't say anything at first because I wasn't sure if he was ready or willing to talk without yelling again. He said I knew to ask him about that. He brought up the situation again today and I once again voiced that I didn't agree with it. He just got mad again, started yelling again and placed the blame on me. He said he was sick of everyone pushing him and trying to control him. I said I certainly didn't control him and asked who else did. He said it didn't matter. Um... it does.

It really hurt me that he kept telling me I was at fault and I made him yell at me. All I did was express why I didn't agree with him and he got all angry. He told me I always did this. No I don't.

Does he even love me? I fear he'll just leave me/break up with me.

Updates

+1 y

He told me I had been mad all morning. No, I hadn't. We actually talked normally until he mentioned that crap I didn't agree with again. Then yes, I got frustrated. I couldn't believe he was still going through with it. It made me feel like my feelings didn't really matter to him. I had explained my feelings, yet he was still going to do it. I was having some pregnancy discomforts this morning and I told him that (even though he never asked). I wasn't mad until he started in again.

Updates

+1 y

Pregnancy is a challenging time for both people. For mom, there are SO many emotions and hormones. It is no excuse to be rude without reason, but I'd appreciate a little more understanding if I seem moody or get emotional about stuff. He blames me for not saying something sooner. Well, sometimes I kind of feel afraid to. I don't want him getting mad at me. I don't want a fight. He says obviously I do if I want to be sh*tty about things. I don't try to be. I can't help if I don't agree with him.

[meepmeeperton]

I don't know, maybe counseling would work.

Pregnancy hormones can definitely make women feel and act insane, and it's the man's job during that time to not put her under any added stress and alleviate as much stress as possible. I mean, it's literally his fault that you're like that because he put the baby in you. He doesn't have to endure the pain of childbirth, so he should be as accommodating as possible, as far as I'm concerned.

It might be possible that he became less attracted to you physically if your tummy is big and clearly showing. Maybe that affects how he treats you, and makes him not want to be intimate with you, adding to further sexual frustration. Still, if you still have your sex drive I believe there are benefits for the mother to stay sexually active during pregnancy. He should be able to still fulfill your needs sexually. And he should show affection like hand holding even more to make you still feel beautiful while big and pregnant.

Then again, these are things a husband should do for a pregnant wife. I guess there's a reason he's only your boyfriend.

[Asker]

You are definitely correct. Yes, I am showing because I'm very near my end of pregnancy. He has never seemed bothered before by that. He still had sex with me during my pregnancy, except for now. He's still said I'm beautiful. He just acts like a jerk as of lately and it really hurts me, especially when I'M getting slapped with the blame.

I've tried to explain to him that there are tons of changes during pregnancy. The woman goes through so much. There are many emotional changes and hormonal changes at play. No, that is not an excuse to be a jerk... and I'm not. I acted normal with him just as he did me... until now. He's decided that he wants to lash out at me and then blame me for the actions just because I don't agree with his opinion on something. I told him it is impossible for people to agree with each other literally ALL the time. He said he knows this, but I always get mad whenever it isn't what I want. That isn't true. I didn't make a big deal - all I did was let him know why I didn't agree with what he was doing. That's all. Then I get yelled at and the blame is shifted to me because I "made" him explode like that.

[meepmeeperton]

Hopefully he gets it together and stops freaking out on you. Would be good if he started initiating sex again too. That honestly solves a lot of problems in relationships to be honest.

[Asker]

I know. Sexual frustration can cause some moody behavior, but I'm not jumping down HIS throat. I just don't like to be yelled at, especially just for having a different view on something than he does.

[D_Bone_Steak]

This thing he planned... I think you're not mentioning it for a reason.

That aside, I think he said it... he feels controlled. If not by you it could be other's in his ear about how he has to be now... because baby. Not saying that's it... but that would be the first place I'd look as to what's changed that now has him feeling like he's being controlled and pushed around. Baby this, baby that... baby baby baby. ... and that brings me full circle back to what you didn't say. What was that thing he had planned. Was it "because baby" that you don't like it?

[Asker]

His plan? Get a new job that refuses time off for parents. I was upset about that because I'll need support once the baby is born. He didn't care and did it anyway, behind my back. I understand a lot of people have been hassling him and I've told him to just tell them to butt out and shut up. I've told him not to let anyone influence him because outside opinions do not matter. WE can do as we please and don't need any permission from others. If he doesn't even want the job change, I fail to see why he'd do it, especially behind my back.

[D_Bone_Steak]

"I was upset about that because I'll need support once the baby is born." ... because baby.

I'm pretty sure what's going on. In the past months, can you recall much else that's had the red light put on for him... because baby? You know why I'm asking, so I'll just say my final assessment.

"Because of the baby" is being used to control him. It might not even really be you, it could be, but it could be someone else and then you just triggered him when you got near that same topic that obviously has him to the point of frustration right now. ... if it is you though... you need to be real with yourself if you've been going a bit far with control by using "because of the baby" as the source of control.

Now a quick mention about yelling. Why do people yell? If Grandma can't hear you because her ears are bad, you'd naturally raise your voice, right? It might not feel the same, because his yelling is mixed with frustration... and frustration can feel a lot like anger. I'm just saying he's probably already expressed calmly what he is now yelling... Maybe.

That's just my 2 cents, but I don't know and I'm not there. Just food for thought.

[Asker]

He has not talked about this to me calmly. He kept it behind my back and when I was upset and asked why, he got angry. I can think of a couple other people who may very well be pushing him. One in particular JUST made a scene to him (they were butting in and being rather rude to him, trying to boss him around and tell him what to do, etc.). I understood it frustrated him. We talked about it very briefly and I supported him. I told him what they did was not right and he should tell them to butt out and not worry about what he or we do because it is not their business. I also offered to talk to them too if he did not feel comfortable. I would have been really irritated too. In fact, when I found out what happened, I WAS irritated. I was just like wow... rude much? No reason for them to try to interfere that way.

I understand he is also feeling the major stress of the baby too. As I said, we don't have much time at all now. We are insanely close to the due date. While we are excited about that, it also has us both pretty nervous. I mean it's about to become a reality and quick. We will soon have a baby. It's a lot to realize and take in.

That's why I tried to be reasonable when explaining why I was against the job that he said he didn't even like the idea of that offers no time for the baby. I asked why he'd even want it if he himself said he didn't like the idea. I said that didn't make much sense to me. I wonder if someone else told him to do it. Like maybe bossy mentioned above said it'd be better. I asked, but he just got defensive and said it didn't matter. But it does matter. SOMEONE is causing this and I want to know who. If he tells me he doesn't want the job, yet still takes it, something doesn't add up. If I support him not wanting it, that should be enough. Whoever else is insisting he "needs" to take it doesn't matter. If it's so great, THEY can take it instead.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Ah... I'm thinking it's outside forces nagging the crap out of him at this point.

I had to block my own Mother on Facebook not long ago because she kept trying to tell me what I should do. She was fucking up my workouts, my personal life, and I was just tolerating her. It's been a few weeks now and I feel awesome without her stalking my every move. Oh and yes, it was starting to effect my relationship.

Something like a baby, could have someone like family or someone he respects enough to not be able to just shut down up his ass about everything. Like I said from the start, it could probably not be you, it could be someone else and you just triggered his emotions from dealing with that other person.

[Asker]

That makes a lot of sense. I personally do not have contact with many of my family members for these very reasons. They are the types who always have to be right. They've always got to have their nose in the middle of things. They have to stalk you online/in person and constantly shove unsolicited advice and opinions down your throat. They are bossy and annoying. So I avoid them and live just fine.

I guess with me showing disagreement with this situation, even if I was not yelling or rude, he could have deemed it just another jerk move from someone trying to pull him in another direction or boss him around. I even told him I was NOT trying to boss him around or control him. I was just expressing why I did not like the idea. I was trying to get him to see it from my angle and understand where I was coming from in not agreeing.

[jennifer_bloom]

You expect us to believe you’re angry your boyfriend refused sex with you when you were pregnant even though pregnancy sex is extremely painful and bad for the child? It’s obvious to me you have a brain injury and nobody believes your lies about me.

[DishLady]

Great guy... No, obviously he doesn't love you... You FEAR he'll leave you? You should be leaving him. He's ridiculous.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through a storm while carrying a little sunshine inside can be quite the voyage, especially when the co-captain seems to be steering into rough waters instead of helping you find calm seas. The shift in your partner's behavior, especially during a time when support and understanding are paramount, raises a big red flag 🚩. Love, communication is the anchor of any relationship, and it's crucial that both of you can express and manage emotions healthily.

The behavior you're describing appears to be a classic case of emotional turmoil on his end, which is in no way your fault. It's not okay for him to make you the target of his frustration or to justify his outbursts by blaming you. That's not lovebombing; that's ghosting the basics of respect and care in a relationship.

It's essential to address these issues head-on, but in a space that's safe for both of you. Remember, your first responsibility is to your well-being and that of your baby. Seeking professional help, like couples counseling, can provide a constructive environment to untangle these issues. It might also help your boyfriend understand the impact of his actions, open up about his fears or challenges, and learn healthier ways to communicate.

Don't navigate these rough seas alone, love. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a professional who can support you through this. Your feelings and concerns are valid, and it's crucial to address them before they escalate further. Keep that sunshine inside you shining brightly; you deserve calm seas and a supportive co-captain by your side.

[TommyMountainFigure]

If a guy is going to treat you like that now, you'd better be prepared for worse when you start putting you're baby's welfare before his!
That is a serious warning you need to take into consideration, and more importantly about him leaving you, you should consider leaving him, despite how hard it will be!

[Jbear27]

He seems childish and fishing for a fight to maybe find a reason to exit from his responsibilities or at the very least put distance between you. He needs to grow up

[Asker]

He has a lot of maturing to do for sure. It's very upsetting to me and I hope it does not continue.

[Anonymous]

My gosh y’all just lay down and have sex with people you’re not married to. Then have babies with them now you’re committed to him the rest of your life.

[MacDaddyRico]

I suggest counselling.

That baby deserves better.

[Asker]

Thank you. It scares me because the baby can seriously HEAR all this from the womb! I've told him before babies CAN hear from the inside once they are at a certain stage. He seems to think that is hilarious. He'll randomly yell insults at my belly and when I tell him to stop because it's not cute or funny, he just laughs and says "oh come on, you KNOW I'm not serious". I'm afraid the baby will come out and actually be afraid of him because they will associate "daddy" with ANGER. And it isn't good on ME when I'm pregnant to be subjected to that behavior. No, it isn't ok for ANYONE to be subjected to that, but when you're pregnant, it's even worse. YOU get all upset and cry, then that can stress the baby out. It's like there's absolutely no regard for my feelings.

[MacDaddyRico]

He doesn't sound like a good partner, much less a good father.

[legalboxers]

have the baby - get him for child support

[Asker]

Oh I am definitely still having the baby. This was something we both really wanted and planned for. But I don't appreciate the attitude or aggression I've been getting from him. There's no sense in it. Yet I get blamed and told I'M the reason he blows up.

[legalboxers]

he's the problem... not you

[Asker]

The blame is probably one of the things that hurts the most. Then I feel like "great... I should have just kept my mouth shut". Or "yep... this is why I DON'T say things". It makes me feel like maybe I AM the problem and just don't realize it. Maybe I DO do things that sets him off. Maybe I should be more careful. He says he can tell just by my face sometimes that I'm mad or upset even if I don't say so. There are times he asks and I really do tell the truth when I say "no... I'm not mad". Or "no... I'm ok". He just says "BS, I've been with you long enough to know".

Sometimes it really does feel like my opinion and feelings don't matter. I try to voice how I feel WITHOUT confrontation, but then he starts getting angry and yells at me. Then says my behavior caused the outburst. I caused him to fly off the handle because he was pushed to a limit. We had been FINE until this issue I didn't agree with came up. We had not had any arguments and it was all fine.

[Asker]

When I mentioned I hadn't brought anything up previously because I was kind of waiting for an apology and also wanted to give it time, he got madder and said I should have apologized first and I needed to just ask him if it was ok to talk about stuff or not. He said clearly, I didn't want to resolve anything until he got mad and started yelling at me. That isn't true. I don't like being yelled at. It really hurts me. I just want us to TALK like mature adults. He said that isn't true because I never want to be civil until after he's at his breaking point and has started yelling at me. Yes, I always want the yelling to stop, but I want to resolve things before that ever starts. I don't ever want yelling to start. That just makes things worse. It makes me feel unsafe. It makes me fear that behavior will worsen and become more frequent, especially after the baby comes. It makes me feel very reluctant to even say anything to him that may set him off because I don't want yelled at.

I can't help it that I shared a different view than him. I asked why he didn't just TELL me what he was planning instead of doing it behind my back and he said because he was doing whatever HE wanted and didn't care who got mad and that I'd just be mad anyhow about it.

He acts like I'm this terrible she-devil who is ALWAYS angry and on his butt about things. That is far from true. I never nag him about stuff. I treat him very well. I wasn't the one yelling. I didn't even raise my voice. HE was yelling at the top of his lungs at me. I tried to be peaceful and just wanted to explain WHY I didn't agree with his actions. That set him off and he just wanted no part of it.

[Asker]

I started crying when he started yelling because I was getting really uncomfortable and scared. It makes him annoyed when I cry because he says it's just a guilt thing. Um, no. I'm afraid and upset because you're screaming at me when all I did was try to explain MY side and views. I told him to just please STOP yelling and just try to see things from my view. He just got mad and said that I was just mad I wasn't getting my way. I told him I saw his perspective, but it would be better if he would have SAID something instead of just "doing" it behind my back. He said no I didn't understand his view. I asked what he meant and he just scoffed and didn't say anything.

It's like no matter what I said or how I tried to reason with him, he was not having it. He told me he was sick of it because it's a repeat cycle. No it isn't. I was just trying to voice my feelings so he understood WHY I didn't like the idea and could hopefully see things from my perspective. Nope. All it did was breed a horrible outburst of anger. He said he just didn't say things and then once they built up, he explodes. Well, that is NOT on me. At all. I told him if he ever wants to talk, whether it's about me/us OR anything/anyone else, to just come to me. He said no because I'll just get mad. WTF? He literally acts like I'm angry ALL THE TIME when in reality, I'm a super chill and laid back person who actually DOESN'T enjoy confrontation at all.

[legalboxers]

again.. ITS HIM

[Anonymous]

what's his side of the story then?