I accidentally told my best friend I love her. Help?

Question

We were at our graduation thing at Uni, she hugged me for a really long time and I accidentally said “I love you.” It just sort slipped out? There was an awkward moment of confusion and then we just sorta slipped away to talk to other people

I do love her, but I don’t want to date her because I don’t think I’m capable of holding a proper relationship and I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I just don’t know what I should say to her?

Massageman · Accepted Answer

juts tell her you love her as a friend. That would be philiac, storgic, or agape love rather than eros (erotic/sexual) love.

Here are some excerpts from a paper I wrote a long time ago in response to a similar question to explain the differences. (I do research for my regular clients as a perk).

" Xenia: Xenic [ zen' ick ] hospitality was an extremely important practice in Ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship between a host and his guest, people who could previously have been total strangers. Xenic love was shown by the host by respecting his guest, and by the guest who would not be a burden to the host. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was expected to repay only with gratitude, except in the case of traveling bards, wherein entertainment and news from other towns was the usual “thank you”. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology, in particular, Homer's Iliad and Odyssey.

Philia: This love has comradeship and friendship for another individual, but it expects a response. It is a love of relationship, comradeship, sharing, communication and friendship. While eros makes lovers, phileo creates a bond that is all-trusting, and not sexual in nature. They share each other’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans and dreams. They confide in each other secrets, fears and needs that they would not share with another. Note the use of this Greek root in the words philanthropy (generosity) and hydrophilia (water-loving).

Storge: [ store' gay ]This is the love often described as a comfortable old shoe relationship comprised of natural affection and a sense of belonging to each other. Storgic love represents a safe haven for people as it is a place of acceptance, mutual respect and shelter, one example of which is familial love- that of parents and offspring to each other. Many people dwell in storgic love for years and misunderstand it as being mundane or boring. But in effect it is a very safe place, but can simply lack excitement we might seek. It can also serve as the moat around your relationship, protecting it from outside forces. Storgic love can co-exist with other types of love and can be likened to a foundation made up of trust and safety.

Agape: [ ah gah' pay ] Refers to a "pure," ideal type of love, not sexual attraction suggested by eros. To love agapically is to love completely, but expect nothing in return. Agape love is different from erotic love in that it is not sexual nor romantic in nature. Its nature is that of self sacrifice. Agape love was shown by Jesus, as He gave Himself totally to save man from sin. Agape love is also different from the other kinds of love in that you can choose it. It is a giving of yourself for the betterment of the relationship. Agape love can help you to “protect” yourself emotionally during difficult times as you love someone but expect nothing in return. You can love someone completely and still have boundaries and maintain your self respect.

Eros: This type of love is associated with sex and romance. It is that erotic feeling we get when a sexual relationship moves forward. Your world and mind circles about your loved one and they are always on your mind. You strive for time together romantically. Eros love is totally emotional, sexual and cannot usually be summoned at will. Sadly, while most of us have experience erotic love in our lives, it is not sustainable. But while erotic love is not sustainable, it can cycle in and out of a relationship over its course. "

Realistic07 · Accepted Answer

Stop being so damn awkward about it. Also understand these things happen, but the longer you wait to say anything about it the longer and more awkward it gets.

Look, there are aspects of being human that are super difficult to deal with unrequited love being one of them. You have an issue with thinking that you’re good enough, and I want you to understand we’re all good enough for love. We’re not all very receptive to it, but we are all good enough to have it in our lives.

In addition, you might be right it might just not be the time for you to be in a relationship because you need some growing up to do. That said regardless, if that’s the case or not, you have made a move. Whether you meant to or not, you did so you have to own up to what that means.

At the very least, you have to have a conversation with her about feelings, and about understanding. Just remember, don’t make it all about you. She has a voice in this too. Be ready to listen to that voice, and if she doesn’t feel the way you do be ready to tell her it’s OK; because guess what even if she doesn’t like you like that it’s OK that’s life sometimes.

We can choose to grow from it good or bad, and we can choose to do more for ourselves, but we can only do that by being attentive and making a choice about who we want to be.
I’m going to tell you one thing I certainly don’t want to be the person asking myself what if in 10 years about something that happened in the past just; because I didn’t make a move or follow up on a move I made. I’m just not that much of a wuss, and you don’t have to be either.

So make a move there, champ it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do something in the realm of actually talking to her and really having that conversation.
Awkward or not do you know what I’m saying is true even if you want to deny it.

Well, that’s my opinion. I do wish you luck. It’s a bit of a tricky situation, but it’s easy enough to get yourself out of it if you have the courage enough to take a step forward and actually face it. I’m sure you’ll figure it out and even if you don’t life as long and fraught with many lessons. Good luck and this lesson bring you joy even if it’s a bit difficult.

4ngelic · Accepted Answer

try to play it off as you saying that cause she's your best friend and you were caught in the emotion. hopefully she'll buy it.

anyways maybe you should just own it though. you might actually be capable of holding a proper relationship with her and who says you'd break up. maybe you'll end up marrying her since your already like 22. and if you did break up you could maybe stay friends (a lot of people stay friends with their exes if they break up on good terms). maybe it's worth the risk

provokeesmokee · Accepted Answer

Just say "I'm sorry I got a bit weird. To clarify, I mean that I love you as a friend, platonically. I don't want to date you, but I do feel strongly for you and you're important to me".

But you shouldn't say this if you one day want to date her. Cause it'll end up in you just being friends.

However if genuinely you don't wanna date her and you do just wanna be friends, that's a good line.

I tell my platonic friends I love them, too.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating the tricky waters of friendship and love, aren't we? The phrase "I love you" slipping out may seem like a script from a rom-com, but here we are, in the throes of real life. First of all, take a deep breath. This situation is fixable with a dash of honesty and a sprinkle of charm.

My recommendation? Find a cozy moment to chat with her—you know, that sweet spot when you're both relaxed and open. Share your feelings gently. Explain that your "I love you" was a genuine expression of your deep affection for her as a friend. It's important to clarify your feelings to avoid any confusion. This moment of vulnerability can actually strengthen your bond, showing her that you value and trust her enough to be open about your feelings.

Remember, honesty is the aphrodisiac of friendship. It might feel a bit scary to lay your cards on the table, but it's the surest way to keep your relationship healthy and thriving. And who knows? This could be a beautiful stepping stone to an even deeper friendship. Good luck, and let the power of love (in all its forms) guide you! 😄💕

Summeroflove · Answer

I think you should just be honest with her. What did she say back? I think you should talk to her and tell her that it slipped out and you do love her. But also talk about how you feel about where your at with relationships.

Trust me friends to lovers can be the best relationship you ever had. As long as you both talk and communicate. Maybe you both can go on a date just to see how it goes.

You already know her. Know her interests. Probably talked about s lot of things befor e

DishLady · Answer

The same happened to me and my uni love… and we both know it would have been bad to go out with one another, tbh, so nothing ever came of it.  Just sit tight and let it pass. You’ll be fine.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Before you say anything to her, you need to be very honest with yourself about your true feelings.

coachTanthony · Answer

When it comes to a friend you have to spin it by always saying... wubs ya.

mstbooblover · Answer

Strictly spoken, love can take many different forms, and thus is not necessaryly sexual. We love friends, parents, children, etc. If there seem to be a misunderstanding while you said to your friend that you love her, the misunderstanding comes from both sides.

Maybe you should just tell her casually you don't want to loose her as friend, and if you trust each other as real friends, the conversation will take the right direction. By the way, real friends can tell things in confidence to each other. Best wishes to both ;0)

Alli112 · Answer

Then just said that you meant it as a friend and that you really appreciate her presence in your life. Clarify and then move on. It's not unreasonable to love your friends (I've said it to several of my friends, male and female alike) and I doubt she'll be bothered once the ambiguity is gone.

coxoabean · Answer

Just tell her your true feelings. Let her know that you do love her, but you don't feel you are capable of holding a relationship, but would still love to be her friend. Let her know how you feel. She may very well have not thought it was awkward but been surprised that you had said that. Maybe she feels the same way. Communication is always key! I hope things go well and y'all can continue being friends

Dongie · Answer

Crossed the wires. First thing, put your friendship first. I tell a best friend I love you a lot then the wires got crossed. But it's OK. A little side talk and a show that you are the same friend as always. Some girls are the easiest to be friends with as long as the fat head keeps his mouth shut.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

So? I say it to my best friend all the time! She knows that I don't mean that I'm IN love with her! Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you're IN love with them! Those are two different things!

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Pretend nothing happened… if she asks, then say… why not you are cool and I’m lucky to have a friend like you… or it would be great to have a girlfriend like you.

Nirmroth · Answer

If you aren't interested in dating her then just tell her it was as a good friend. Afterall I love my best bro aswell just not in a romantic way.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Friends can say they love each other, too. It's basically what happened. It was a big day and you were proud of both of you.

Caroline91 · Answer

I wouldn’t even say anything as a follow up unless she says something. It doesn’t have to be a big deal unless you make it one.

Emmytexrex · Answer

Don't bring up the issue again just let it slide except she brings it up then tell her it was a mistake but I can smell it I am a guy and you are also a guy we both know you like her let's not decide ourselves here

TracyF · Answer

Next time you talk tell her how you've been thinking about how much she means to you, and that she's been like a sister to you and that you lover her and appreciate her.

edmwarrior · Answer

Sounds like you do want to date her since the only reason you aren’t is because of internal issues. It’s okay to be rejected bro. You can still stay friends after that if you’re tough enough.

GeminiDiamond · Answer

I tell my guy friends all the time with my husband there. I even hug them and kiss their cheek. Where are you from?

spartan55 · Answer

Yeah you blew it bud. Nothing will ever be the same.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Explain how you feel and that was a moment of exuberance. Make sure you communicate You don't want to risk the friendship!!

LiamJHayden · Answer

Always make your intentions clear. I love my female friends, but they also know it is like the siblings I never had, not lovers.

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

How did she respond? I know I don't think I love a girl unless sometime it's a thought if you want her as more than just a great friend it's not easy to take it back to buddy situation.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Tell her the truth. You need to be brave. No one can predict outcome but honest is always the best policy

MrGSpotHer · Answer

Ok assemble all the infinity stones and I'm sure you know what to do next, shall be epic..

Twalli · Answer

Tell her that you do love her, but like a sister, not as a love interest.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

If you can't have a relationship, what makes you think you can hold a friendship

OddBeMe · Answer

I guess the balls in her court. Does she discuss it or does she ignore it and continue…

rosemilk · Answer

say you meant as a friend only

WhitneySnow · Answer

Tell her you meant you love her as a friend

jamesgoldman · Answer

Just say it was platonic

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Keep talking to her and see what happens.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

What does it matter.

In_Trance · Answer

That's some accident

I accidentally told my best friend I love her. Help?

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