Boyfriend not respecting my family traditions?

Question

My boyfriend is not respecting my family traditions, we have been talking about marriage after about 3 years together and our expectations and we have both decided we don't' want children and I mentioned how I will be quitting my job, because it's tradition, my older sisters did'nt work after getting married and neither has my mother and we got into a HUGE fight because he said if we don't' have kids there's no reason for me not to work, I again pointed out how it's my family tradition and I intend to be a stay-at-home wife and take care of the house and finances and how it's his job to bring in the money and he made some comment about how "one generation back is not a tradition" and how he won't marry a woman who doesn't share the financial burden, I said it's not a burden if the man gets a good job and he said it should be equal contribution in marriage and I called him an a-hole for ignoring my family traditions and stormed off that was two days ago and he hasn't contacted me either I dont' know what to do, I love him but I also intend to respect my family traditions.

Updates

+1 y

I feel like I'm getting a lot of unnecessary hate here

My mother raised all us girls to be good wives, we can cook, clean and sew
I've taken courses in budgeting and financial management and childcare
So I'm more than qualified to be a housewife and plus he recently got a promotion which came with a massive payrise which is effectively double his old wage and mine combined

Drewtate · Accepted Answer

Lol so you want to be a traditional housewife and you think that just means sleeping in on work days, shopping, goung to starbucks, going to yoga, bottomless brunches, hanging with the girls and f*cking your tennis quote while your husband works to fund your lifestyle? That's crazy when you don't have any kids and won't be having any. If you want to be a traditional wife you should actually submit to his will.

What a good traditional wife is, is defined in the bible.

Proverbs 31:10-31

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

That is a not a family tradition. That has to be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. I agree w him. If you two aren’t having kids there’s no reason you shouldn’t be working. A big part of marriage is kids. I think that’s the whole point of marriage, to start a family. What you’re talking about as far as “taking care of everything at home,” is nothing. You’re not going to be washing clothes by hand like they did years ago. I doubt you’ll be hanging them on a clothesline either. The only real physical part of it you may do is folding them. Unless he’s a complete pig or it’s your mess, the house doesn’t need to be cleaned everyday. Does this mean you will mow the lawn? Trim the trees? Take out the trash? Fix the house when it’s falling apart? If I was him I’d walk. There’s no benefit in it for him. You just want to skate through the rest of your life on charity. That’s not a tradition. Getting married wearing your great grandma’s dress would be a tradition. Does your sister have kids? Obviously your mom did so I can see why this would work out. I don’t even know why he would go 3 years w out knowing this “tradition?” I doubt this will workout. He’s going to resent you after a while.

Alli112 · Accepted Answer

So not literally paying for everything in your life for as long as you live is the same as "not respecting traditions"? That's some bs. By that logic, you're not respecting his family traditions by refusing to work after getting married.

Not respecting family traditions would be insulting a funny family event y'all hold or trying to stop you from doing family activities. It does not look like refusing to unilaterally support you against his own preferences and beliefs just because you don't want to keep working and there are stay at home moms in your family.

HelpfulWoman · Accepted Answer

So end things. It's not about respecting your "traditions", which if thats why you're doing it, is a shit reason.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Oh, the tangled webs we weave when traditions and love collide! Let's untangle this love knot, shall we? 😏 It sounds like you've hit a classic case of 'Tradition vs. Modern Love.' First off, falling in love is easy, but building a life together? Now that’s where the fun begins!

Here’s the thing: communication is your best friend, and compromise is your wingman in this. It’s clear you both have strong views on what your future together should look like. You're dedicated to family traditions, which is beautiful, but remember, love, relationships are a two-way street. Your boyfriend’s insistence on financial teamwork has its merits too, especially in today's economy. 🚀

Now, for the spice: It’s time to lovebomb each other with understanding and respect. Sit down with your beau, and instead of storming off, try to explore each other's views without the fireworks. It's not about giving up your traditions or him abandoning his beliefs but finding a middle ground where both of you feel respected and happy. Remember, falling in love is magical, but staying in love is a work of art. 🎨💕 And hey, sometimes love means bending a little to weave new traditions together. Who knows? You might just create some unique traditions of your own. Good luck!

Summeroflove · Answer

Have you ever heard of compatibility? It’s VERY obvious you’re both looking for different things and trying to control one another.

Family tradition or not you need to find someone whose compatible with you because it’s pretty obvious that it will never work between the two of you. You’re both looking for very different things which isn’t bad. But it is bad if either of you think you can just control the other. It should have never been a huge fight I can’t help that you both wasted three years with one another. Knowing you’re not looking for the same thing.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You are incensed that he is ignoring your family traditions. Your mother had children. Did your sisters have children? Isn’t THAT a tradition, too? And what about HIS family traditions?

Frankly, it sounds like you are looking for a pretext to choose a lazy life at his expense!

MicahRaine · Answer

1. That's not a "tradition," although if you want to use the word that way then we can say you're breaking his family's "tradition" too.
2. Being a housewife with no kids and a husband who works full-time in an office/NOT at home is boring. You would have a wild amount of time with nothing to do, and you aren't going to fill that in by staying at home and writing him love letters. You're going to be going out with your friends spending money and making friends with people who don't know you're married and who he won't know about. You're setting yourself up to be an unfaithful wife.
3. In case you haven't noticed, making a living is EXTREMELY difficult for the majority of society right now. Once married, you will have an obligation to your husband to help him provide for the two and you and save money for kids and harder times. The required average salary to live comfortably in the US is $70K, while the average salary per person is only $56k.
4. "It's not a burden if the man gets a good job" is not correct, is combative towards him, and also shows that you are NOT committed to him. It's not correct because "a good job" these days is anything more than $70k a year (that's what it costs to live comfortably according to USAToday), and the average income is $56k a year. It's combative because you're saying that unless he's making more than 70k a year, he doesn't have a good job which is effectively an insult. It shows that you aren't committed to him because you said "the man" not "my boyfriend" or "he/him."
5. You seem like you just don't want to work, and want someone who will provide for your every need while you enjoy having no responsibilities and have fun without your SO. In other words, you seem like a potential gold digger and unfaithful partner.

Lliam · Answer

"Family tradition"? LOL That's a lame ass excuse for not wanting to work.
If you're not even going to be taking care of kids, what do you plan to do all day, lie around on a couch like the Queen of Sheba?

And why should you have anything to do with finances if he's the one earning the money?

https://media.gettyimages.com/id/154422949/photo/elegant-retro-woman-lounging-on-couch.webp?s=1024x1024&w=gi&k=20&c=jC0gPfr5c3oZiykOwrtuj10Lq23-csiRkiLmRFv_2m4=

HighValue · Answer

He can easily replace you. there are many women that want money and support from a man so that makes you very common and easily replaceable. You are just a user and lazy and so are the women in your family if they don't have kids and want to sit at home while the man works for everything. You love money, not him.

Men, again, always get a prenuptial agreement or never get married. Don't let someone like this use you and damage your life.

Staximus · Answer

Unless the husband makes a lot of money, a stay at home wife who has no kids is just a lazy bum lackadaisical manipulator. It's not 1955, you can't rent a house for $50 a month anymore. You need to help the both of you get ahead and be a contributor, or at least get off your ass and do something constructive with yourself.

meepmeeperton · Answer

Why would you be in charge of the "finances" if he's making all the money?

He is right it makes no sense if you don't have kids. You will literally just be doing basic chores and spending his money for your "job."

DarkLegacy · Answer

Has not occurred to you to respect his family traditions. Typical one sided selfish woman. However i can't help thinking this is just another manipulative way for you to sponge of a guy. Your boyfriend should not marry you.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly he is right about it not being a tradition if it only goes back one generation. But it isn't about being right or wrong; you both want different things for your relationship and aren't compatible. It is better that you realized this now before you got married.

Unit1 · Answer

Good luck with that. I can see all this crashing from here.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Im with him. Its not a tradition, its a preference. My bigger question is if you're not having kids, why wouldn't you want to pursue a career?

In_Trance · Answer

You lost me at quitting your job because it's tradition.  Wtaf...

strateguy632 · Answer

dump him now, you deserve better!

Boyfriend not respecting my family traditions?

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